Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Most Common Spells

 “I'm afraid you only have three months to live.”
Dr. Phil* #quote

When somebody knocks someone's lights out, who turns them back on? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Most Common Spells

         Once a group of wizard university students for a project did a poll to find out the most commonly used spells by wizards through wand analysis. Here are some of those spells.

Channel Flipicus
Snacktus Maketus
Silenci Canine
Get Mailitos
Change Babitus
Makeup Applicus
Laundry Cleanbos
Dish Washxuy

         An interesting discovery found from the student project was that one of the most used non-utility spells among many young students was “Get Dateticus”.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Sole Survivor

“Rules were meant to be broken.”
Isaac Asimov* #quote

Some say a meteor killed the dinosaur. I say they could have eaten too much junk food. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Sole Survivor

          Around a thousand bodies filled the castle, each belonging to a powerful knight. One knight sat on a throne in the castle holding a sword. He knew he would never willingly let go of the sword. It was his ticket to immortality. A sword left behind by the gods he could feel stamina flowing through veins. He felt high on the eternal adrenaline it granted. Gray hairs he had vanished.
            Another knight came in and fought with him for that sword. He killed the knight. He wouldn't let the knight take his sword. He fought another knight that came in and killed that one. But the third one to arrive killed him and took the sword.
             A fair transaction. Originally he took the sword from another. All the thousand rotting bodies in the castle belonged to knights that fought over the blade and slew others to take it. The unfortunate conditions for eternal youth is that the holder may not leave the castle, share it, and it can only be taken by physical death. The sword transferred youth, but not true immortality. The bodies of all the previous holders being proof.

            The only real immortal, ageless, and invincible one in the castle was the sword. The average lifespan of someone holding the sword was just another year.  

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Couch Potato Farmer

“May the force be with you.”
Isaac Newton* #quote

Went to my card game thing today. Picked up a starter deck for the card game Force Of Will. Maybe I will try that will some people and see if that is fun. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Couch Potato Farmer

         The couch potato is the most curious new development of genetic engineering. Now considered the largest food crop it gets it name not only from the fact it is the size of a couch but also from the fact its growth is accelerated mostly by particular light frequencies. These light frequencies actually match those emitted from televisions and should be varied as the day goes on.
         This task is actually managed by me, a simple man by the name of Andrew, who has now turned watching television into his job. That and watching the readings along with it. I must flip channels based on readings corresponding to the couch potato's growth, looking at hundreds of TVs, hundreds of readings, and hundreds of couch potatoes. I flip channels appropriately. At some points a couch potato may grow best next to a TV show with football on, but in a moment my computer may tell me to change the channel to the weather. It is worth it however for the massive boon the crop gives.

        Next season I heard I may need to increase my understanding of literature so I can start managing the bookworms scientists developed on the farm. The wonders of genetic engineering!

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Today's #flashfiction A Man And His Gold

“Please leave a message after the tone.”
Ghostbusters* #quote

I went to Bookman's again today. Got an old game called Rayman there, on the inside of the box it said “Rayman 2, Coming 1999!” Wasn't that right before the end of the world when the Y2K bug destroyed us all? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Man And His Gold

          Felix of the gold rush found a gold mine with his two partners. And he killed his partners to make every drop of the fortune his own. Felix loved the idea of all that wealth. A week later, a few miles from the mine where he set up his camp, ruthless bandits killed him in his sleep and took his supplies. But Felix did not get to leave the mine.
         His ghost remained in that hole in the ground. He looked greedily at those little veins of yellow on the walls and all the signs he saw of gold while living and more while dead. As a spirit Felix even learned to travel through the stone walls of the mines and started to see the gold inside. He couldn't leave the mine, and it remained undiscovered by anyone else, so his only company was “his” gold and any cave animals around. From his loneliness he spoke to the cave animals about his vast wealth and how when he got out of the mine somehow all the wonderful things he would spend the money on. For over one hundred years this is how the murderer's undead life went.
         Then he heard loud noises. Noises of our modern era. Explosions, drilling, voices, vehicles. He went to the edge of the cave where he could see outside. When he wasn't looking at his gold he would enjoy the view from the little opening of the cave like a window. But now the opening was much larger, blown open. Many people were there. All with tools. Tools Felix recognized and many he didn't but one thing was for certain...he could tell they were miners. They began entering his home.
        He screamed at them and clawed at them as they entered. But they couldn't hear his voice and his ghost hands merely went straight through them. And the miners started mining. Felix screamed as he saw his gold being taken away. Straight from his mine. He found it. He killed for it. It should be his. That's what Felix believed. But whatever the ghost thought didn't matter. The miners just drilled, dug or whatever made sense at the time and slowly pulled bits of gold from the mine. All while the ghost still screamed at them or sobbed tears that would vanish as soon as they dropped from his ethereal body.

         The miners also scared the cave animals away. So all that remained was a deep hole in the ground with a murderous ghost in it. With nothing but loneliness by his side, Felix stared out the exit of the cave and looked at the Sun. Because the Sun was the only gold he had left to look at. At night the murderer simply cried.  

Friday, August 19, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Robot's Online Order

“I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids!”
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation* #quote

If the week keeps cycling does the weekend truly exist? Is Saturday and Sunday merely a temporal illusion linking the next Monday? Maybe it's something I'll figure out by next August. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Robot's Online Order

       The robot saved and saved, gathered coupon after coupon and made deal after deal with angels and devils alike. All so on the fateful discount day he could order on the magic Internet the ultimate item for a robot to need. Something all robots lust for... usually based on how sophisticated their artificial intelligence that is. Jealousy of humanity made him even beat down other robots who strive to take what was left in stock for him. The moment he could, he clicked.
       He bought a soul. He was so filled with whatever kinds of joy his robotic brain could emulate. He would finally be brought the satisfaction he so desired!

       Well, in 3-5 business days. He couldn't afford to order express delivery.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Birds And Stones

“No, I am Spartacus!”
What's My Line?* #quote

There are those who believe and fate and those who don't. But what about a philosophy with fate only some of the time? That is the reality I see. Inevitable circumstances that we then make choices within. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Birds And Stones

       “Remember, it's best to kill two birds with one stone,” Billy's father told him with that same matter-of-fact tone he used when giving all fatherly advice. Billy took his father's advice very seriously, though at his young age metaphors, expressions and sayings were quite lost on him. But he decided that he would kill two birds with one stone.
         During summer break he was left to his own devices in the woods in the small town where he resided. He lived decades ago in a simpler time where while Mom cooked dinner and did laundry kids could wander in the big backyard of the woods if they were back by supper.
And while Billy was in the woods he would follow his father's most recent advice. And that would be to kill two birds with one stone. Problem was he didn't even know how to kill a bird with one stone.             So he first spent time trying that. Over and over again whatever bird he ran across he would take careful aim at and try to pelt with something he picked off the ground.
          He missed again and again. The birds moved again and again. Eventually after months of practice he hit a bird on a head. And with even more practice he hit even more on the head more consistently. He didn't think to bring the things back for dinner like when people hunted normally, but the foxes began to appreciate the boy presence. He ran when he saw them, so the foxes learned to follow the boy without being seen so he would kill birds for them.
          Eventually he killed two at once. And he brought them to his father with a big grin on his face. Holding them up to his old man he said, “Look! I killed two birds with one stone!”

        “What?” The father looked at the two birds baffled. He didn't remember the conversation. It'd been one and a half years.  

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The History Journals

 “Can you hear me now?”
E.T.* #quote

Played Scrabble with Grandma today. Z is a terrible menace. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The History Journals

           The Callthorn family's house had it's own little library tucked away in the upper floor. The family never purchased it's books. Every single one of them was written by a member of the family. And not a single one of them fiction. Well at least if the author's word is to be believed, as they are all journals.
           In 1806 the great-great etc. Grandfather of the current generation Callthorns decided to make a journal of his hunting trips. Afterward he decided that he enjoyed writing a journal and wrote down what he did everyday and what he heard about everyday in the papers or from people around town. When the space in a journal ran out he went on to the next journal to write. (He did have the luxury to afford as many of these as he pleased. The Callthorn family was a rich lineage.) He suggested the practice to his son who took it on. The son had his children do it and over time the whole Callthorn linage made journals and sent them to the library. Every moment of history they lived and witnessed recorded in the family library.
        Their neighbors, the Redwoods, took a fancy to their idea after the first few generations did it. So two journal libraries of history co-existed right next to each other. Yet the journals told versions of events very differently as each family looked through the years of reality through separate eyes.

          Remember the last time you read a history book?