Friday, May 31, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ASucidalComedy

“Ignorance of the law is no excuse.”
Ernesto Miranda* #quote

     It looks like CJ will be coming over tomorrow...which means things will happen! Yayyyyy! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Suicidal Comedy

    People wondered why the cheery comedian committed suicide.
    Why did he stick that knife in his heart?
    He had such a successful career.
    Why did he stick that knife in his heart?
    He had a wonderful wife.
     Why did he stick that knife in his heart?
     He was wealthy.
     Why did he stick that knife in his heart?
     He was fit and healthy.
      Why did he stick that knife in his heart?
      Friends or family couldn't think of a single tragedy in his life.
      Why did he stick that knife in his heart?
      A few weeks after his suicide his wife found his suicide note, it had fallen from its intended place on a table and got swept under a cabinet by the police. It answered the question they all wondered. The note read:
      “I ran out of jokes. Couldn't think of a single thing before my next performance and my career would be in the tank. I got very depressed. But then I thought of at least one joke and that made me happy. This! I made sure my life had a point because I stabbed myself! Get it? Because a knife is sharp? Life? Point? Knife? I always say I'd do anything for a joke and my career will end on a high note.”

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #AVersionOfHappilyEverAfter

“I dunno.”
Nostradamus* #quote

Today I did what you did or did I?

A Version Of Happily Ever After

(Insert Whatever Tale You Want Here)

Then They Lived Happily Ever After:
They have just the right amount of kids.
They win the lottery.
They ride jet skis.
Meet all their favorite celebrities in wild parties.
Get famous by curing diseases and solving world problems.
Contribute significantly to every art form and literary genre.
Write, produce and performe best selling albums.
Spend relaxing days of vacation at just the right times.
And play the best video games.
Plus so many more happy things!
Forever living happily ever after.
(Remember, this is what happens whenever the book puts “they lived happily ever after!)

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheCensoredTale

“Honey don't leave! I can change!”
Optimus Prime* #quote

Today I learned how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. It was a disappointingly low number. Yet still high enough to be of concern to environmental preservation should woodchucks start chucking wood. Anyway onto the flash fiction.

The Censored Tale

       The following tale is of a brave adventurer. However to protect his identity and others from the media names and details will be omitted upon his personal request. Enjoy the story.

      “Great wizard **** we meet at last!” The hero **** said to the villain who he struggled against for **** years. The wizard terrorized the hero's land of **** by doing **** and ****. The villain even **** the hero's hometown of **** during the month of ****. It saddened the hero so much he #### during **** for **** days. His girlfriend **** had to console him.
       “Haha, ****. You think you can defeat me and stop my plan to #### the king's city. And also to marry to his daughter ****. My plan is already **** days in! You can possibly stop me in time. Unless you defeat me in a duel! Then your precious land will be saved!” The villain laughed.
      “You are such a fool for a wizard ****. I can defeat you in a duel easily. With the great sword of **** I obtained from the mountain of **** through a quest where I *********** and ********** followed by ********. Shortly afterward I ******** then ********* to finally obtain this weapon. And you know it can defeat you.” The hero drew the sword.
     The villain laughed. “But will you strike me down....when I have your pet puppy **** hostage?”
      “Noooo!!!! Not ****.”
       “Yes ahahahhaha!!!”
      “Wait, no, that can't be my puppy he ****** and ****** during the great war of ****** where he ****** and saved the king of ****** by ****** then transforming into ******** to obtain eternal life. That must be a doppleganger!”
The hero then struck down the villain and the land was saved.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheLeftoverPrince

“You've got mail!”
Hermes* #quote

           Today I ordered some trading cards so I can totally nerd out with CJ during some upcoming tournaments with him. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Leftover Prince

           It's been a disgusting passing down of the crown. The king had five sons and now the youngest, a mere child, holds it because a sickness struck the aristocracy killing all his brothers and his father. Now the remaining nobles fight to manipulate the child into ruling in their favor. They figure that doing that is easier and less risky politics than war or assassination. After all if the child dies then I, the royal advisory, rise to power. And they figure I would be much more difficult to deal with. I wonder how many of them have considered a double assassination and then trying to see if they can pick up the pieces after a civil war when no clear inheritor of the crown pops up.
          The old king would sit on his throne thinking and staring into space. Mostly waiting for news and something to react to. The boy just plants his brown eyes into a book while he sat in the thrown. It's easy to see his sloppy black hair with the crown at a tilt. He swung the limbs of his lanky body as he sat in a slouch.
         “My Lord, there's a matter you must attend to.” It felt a bit insulting to talk to him in the same way I talked to his father. To kneel and see my robes spread across the floor and dirty themselves and my blonde bangs to fall in front of my eyes. He didn't react. I hated when he did this. “My Lord. My Lord! Zack!”
He looked up startled when I called him by his first name. “Yes?” He still had yet to adapt to being called  “My Lord” instead of his first name. Being the youngest of five sons his chance of being the king was so slim he wasn't raised at all to be a king. He was raised on the sidelines of the siblings and often left to his own devices in the libraries of the castle. Those books and the librarian raised the boy more than his own family.  Despite her being a commoner I overheard the librarian calling the child by his first name, like she was treating him like an average child, but since he was unnoteworthy child at the time back then I ignored it.
        “My Lord. A visiting king wants to have an audience with you.” I felt afraid at this moment. The child was inexperienced. We could go to war from his impoliteness. And the king was just outside the room.
        “Bring him in.” The child put down his book and sat up. I never saw him do that on the throne before. I went outside and brought in the king. The king was dressed much more extravagantly than the child. His kingdom was rich. Powerful. Our kingdom was large but his was arguably equal. I felt certain that this king wanted to show off to the child and impress him. Figured he could manipulate the boy into something easy with some dazzle. I hoped that wouldn't happen. The fancy king bowed and smiled.
        “King Zachary, I wish to enter a treaty with you, it will be beneficial to both our kingdoms. I hope you sign it immediately.” The king produced a fancy scroll, feather and ink from his robes. “Please do hurry. Upon my arrival your court decided to throw a banquet to celebrate my visiting.”
I wanted to speak up but I was afraid of angering either king. I feared that the child would just sign the paper but then to my surprise he just started reading it in silence. The visiting king looked surprised as well.
        “No thank you. Now let's go to banquet.” He gave back the ink, feather and scroll to the visiting king and left his throne. “So where's the banquet?”
        “What? Why?” The king asked.
         “I don't like what you're asking for.”
         The visiting king grew angry. “What do mean?”
         “The lands you want to buy from us in this 'treaty' are bunch of very valuable trade routes for us. They have been for centuries. I read about it in a history book in the library. If you'd like something else ask and I'll consider it.”
          The visiting king calmed himself to a more political demeanor. “Yes, let's go to the banquet.”
          Later at the banquet I pulled the child aside to speak to him about his decision.
          “That was a very wise decision about the treaty My Lord.” I didn't tell him but the child's wisdom surprised me.
           “Thanks. Now could you show my father's private library? Well it's my library now that he's dead. I want to read up on all the confidential stuff on the kingdom, especially all our intelligence stuff. I've pretty much read everything in the normal library twice over. I love books but y'know I've run out. Maybe it'd be nice if I knew everything about our armies.”
           I laughed. The child didn't understand why. I guess I found it amusing that my despair had been smashed I had a new bit of hope for the new king.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #WorkingOutWork

“Let me hold that for you.”
Atlas* #quote

Today I'm posting this early in the morning so I haven't done anything yet besides write this.

Working Out Work

          “Belle, I'm reading about the strangest thing on Internet.” I scrolled through the webpage on my table while one of my robot servants brought me a drink. I leaned back in my recliner and took a sip. “Apparently a century ago people used to get these things called jobs.”
         “What's a job? I never heard of it,” replied my wife. “When do you get them?”
         “When you're an adult I guess, or a bit younger at 16. Well depending on where you lived in the world.”
         “What!? Harold! We're both in our thirties!” She dropped her video game controller in fright. She'd been playing for the past six hours. One of our robot servants ran over and pushed pause for her. “What if we get jobs? Is it contagious?”
          “No Belle, it's not a disease. And they don't exist anymore anyway.”
         “Oh, good. I thought we were in trouble honey.”
         “Yeah, we would have been if we had jobs. We would have to work...and work sounds unpleasant. In jobs people may have to work for hours on end, up to eight a day even or more!” The whole article confused me.
         “What's work?”
          I shook my head. “It's something very disturbing. It looks like it's doing something, a task, but in a job against your will. Like your video game but usually unpleasant.”
         “Why would anyone do this?”
         “For money apparently.”
         “Like in my games?”
         “Yes but back then there was special money that existed outside games that people used to get real things.”
         “Buying real things? Never heard of such a thing. The robots get us everything.”
         “Well back then there weren't any robots to get us everything. I'm reading that this was before the self-sufficient robots servant network was created.”
         “Harold. Hearing about this is all very disturbing.”
         “ is.”

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheCityFullAndEmpty

“We did a bang-up job.”
The Three Stooges* #quote

Today I didn't do what I did yesterday but did do what I did today. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The City Full And Empty

         I stepped over body after body in the city. They died just recently enough that the stench of rot only just begun to settle in. I went through building after building seeing more and more bodies. Men, women and children. The air held a heavy silence. The bugs I saw flying around the bodies didn't make the noise human activity would. The shallow blue of the corpses didn't go with the bright blue of the sky. I went through the entire city viewing all the dead. Even going into the sewers where I found some more people. Not even sewer works. But people in oridairy clothes. And I also noticed like the other bodies they looked like they were running as they died, collapsed while screaming. After the sewers I left the city and spoke on the radio in my gas mask:
        “Sir, I checked the entire city. There are no survivors. You can strike the next area.”

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheManAndHisMaze

“I'm just following orders.”
Super Mario* #quote

        Today father and I went on and adventure to the bookstore and out to lunch and then to the perilous land of the grocery store. We had much fun! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Man And His Maze

       I think I'm the most unique person out there, besides my name John Smith. I'm unique because I don't exist in time like any of you other people. I can move between different parts of my life. Right now I'm at my seventh birthday party. How I could like such a noisy occasion is beyond me. Maybe I should go to my twenty-fifth. I act much more reserved then.
       But I don't remember where it is in my own time-maze. That's what I call it. I have to move around from time to time. Each point of my life jumping to another one sometimes years in the future or days or weeks. Or I can take turns by imagining I'm moving my body without moving it. Like jumping off a train. It's so interesting to be a time traverler of your own life. I'm so very unique no?
      Take a few turns around the maze. I think I noticed a new path around my bachelor party. That's odd. Such a strange path. I'm in an emergency room. My body's beat up pretty bad. My wife is sobbing.
The doctor, looks at me, then her. Then says...I'm going to slip into a coma? Huh and now I'm back to a different path in my life all the way back to grade school. In the maze of my spreading space-time maze I don't think I ever found a spot past that point. But coma? That doesn't make sense. I know when I'm awake.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TechnologicalAge

“Marco! Polo! Marco! Polo!”
The Blair Witch Project* #quote

        Today I spoke with Dad about a mailbox he's airbrushing for us. He does lots of airbrushing projects in his freetime. One other example would be a mural of video game characters in the guest bedroom/game room(formerely my brother's room before he moved out). He's got hardcore l33t skillz. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Technological Age

         “Grampa, I found something funny in your closet!”
         “What is it?”
         “It's a box.”
         “Yes. There are boxes in my closet.”
         “But it's a really tiny box.”
         “There are tiny boxes in my closet.”
         “But this one started glowing.”
          “Glowing wha-. Oh, my the thing still has juice in it? Well I don't believe it.”
          “What has juice? I don't see any juice in this box. I can't open up this glowing box.”
          “Oh! That's my cellphone from when I was your age. I thought I lost it for good and it's a miracle it still has power.”
          “What's a cellphone?”
           “A cellphone is what people used to talk to each other before we invented mind-phones. They're kind of similar. That's why the name is alike. And since you didn't know what a cellphone is I feel really, really old.”

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #DifferentKindsOfCollectibles

“Right over left, left over right makes a knot both tidy and tight.”
Alexander the Great* #quote

         Now then let's say you get pizza delivered to you. The pizza delivery boy gives you a pizza box without any pizza in it that inside a larger pizza box that has pizza inside of it, giving you both boxes. However even though he gave you a large box the smaller box is technically the pizza box that you purchased. So the question is, did the pizza delivery boy give you your pizza? Or just an empty box that happened to be carried inside of a box that had your pizza inside of it as well.
        Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Different Kinds Of Collectibles

Some people collect toys. They can be cool and cute and neat in many ways.
There are so many kinds.
Some people collect antiques. They have such a history, and can be so interesting.
There are so many kinds.
Some people collect cars. They're impressive, can be fancy, humble and so much more.
There are so many kinds.
Some people collect cards. Some for baseball, some you can play games. Either way just fun!
There are so many kinds.
People collect so many things. So many, many kinds of things. Maybe too many to list.
What do aliens collect? People. They're incredible, complex and intricate.
There are so many kinds.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #HumptyDumptyScrambled

“Make love, not war.”
Genghis Khan* #quote

        Today I schemed with CJ to possibly to another card game tournament with him. Maybe I'll win or something. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Humpty Dumpty Scrambled

      I, a word wizard traveled to your world and came across this little thing:

Humpty-Dumpty Sat On A Wall
Humpty-Dumpty Had A Great Fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Could not put Humpty-Dumpty together again!

I thought it was cute but I decided to use my word magic to see what other tale lied in the soul of these lyrics. With a flick of my wand they scrambled around and showed their other side:
All the Humpty-Dumpty kings sat on a wall.
Again, Humpty-Dumpty horses and men could not.
Put together all the Humpty-Dumpty kings had a great fall.

         I liked the version my wand created. I noticed however that in the versions where kings fell no one attempted to put them together. Funny how that works out.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheRockGraveyard

“Credit or Debit?”
Boatman Of The River Styx* #quote

Today I had cookies. And you can't have any mwahahahahahahaha...
Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Rock Graveyard

        Brightrock stood above the grave of his father Redstone. Both of them were golems, creatures made of rock and magic. Redstone was Brightrock's father by being one of the two parent golems in the spell that brought him to life. The father was the golem that stood in the North of the summoning circle and the mother was the one in the South. The golems didn't have genders so it was mostly a naming convention. But whether or not they were named father or mother golems cared for their parents like humans.
        “Mom's still on the war council with the humans Dad,” He told his father through the grave. Brightrock held his rocky hand to his rocky body. Golems spoke by vibrating their bodies. When yelling the large creatures looked blurry as the pile of gravel they were made of shook. Golem's prided themselves on their side, and in the night, their silhouettes would often be mistaken for large statues of humans. “They gave you honors for fighting Dad. You really got a lot of those elves. We may even win y'know?” He bowed down to his father's grave. His Dad's grave was a small square of land where his rocks of his body were buried with a large, perfect sphere of concrete. A perfect sphere of rock was quite religiously important to the golems. A small tablet with his father's name and date of death laid in front of the sphere. Thousands of the same type of grave surrounded Brightrock.
       The wind grew harsh and cold. Brightrock's magical perception let him enjoy it. Golems fear heat out of the instinct to avoid turning to lava so the cold is stability to them. He hoped his father's grave would stay stable. His father got the name Redstone for the rubies sown through his otherwise gray body. He would be one of the few golems worth grave robbing. Though his father is one of the many causalities of war among the many graves so it would be unlikely that he would be found. One elven knight's magic sword tore through his body and destroyed the invisible magical life stream flowing through. And the flesh races once thought of them as invincible.
      “Dad. We're going to be the elves and be safe again. They aren't going to kill us. None of us are going to die anymore. It'll be like the old stories where the golems wouldn't die and stay up in the mountains invincible and undisturbed. Well, it sounds like we'll work with the humans. Mom knows how to deal with them. They're joining our side. All for working for them for awhile. I'm glad everything will be alright. Rest in peace.”

Monday, May 20, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TalkingWithTheDigitallyDead

“I need more cowbell.”
Old Macdonald* #quote

Today I victoriously won with much success! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Talking With the Digitally Dead

         The room was creepy. But yet I could feel a sort of calmness. I suppose that's what happens when the decorator chooses to make every piece of furniture the type of white in bleached bone. I felt confused when I sat in a chair with this color and set my computer on a table with that color since both were clearly felt like they were made of wood but didn't feel painted.
        “You have come for my tech support?” A man said to me. He sat opposite to me across the table. He wore a black cloak. Just like a reaper. His hand poked out from his robe like a knife.
         “Yes,” I told him.
         “Payment,” he replied.
         I handed him one thousand dollars in cash.
        “Good. This will suffice. Which also means that your computer beyond repair and completely dead...all files beyond natural means.”
        “Yes.” I needed his help. I had been so foolish. Storing such important information on my computer and nowhere else. Then again I didn't want the code for my personal safe floating in any more places than the computer I always carried with me. But I still can't believe I forgot the number when I use it so often. My own safe! “I need my safe password.”
       “I will get it for you.” The man then pulled up a small wooden board from the table. It had printed on it two numbers, a zero and a one. He then took out a pointer and set it on the board between the two numbers with his hand on it. “O' spirit of this man's dead computer. Grace this mortal world again and return to us his safe password.” His hand then started shaking and moving between the numbers and the middle of the board rapidly. I lost track soon enough, I couldn't remember how many times he had gone back to zero twice or three times in a row before going to one or vice versa. The pattern of zeros and ones was too complex and crazy.
       Eventually the man stopped. “The spirit of your dead computer has spoken. Your safe password is 12-34-56.”
       “Oh yeah! How could I forget? That's what I use for everything!”

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ExtraSpatialSongLogic

“I'm more down-to-earth.”
Neil Armstrong* #quote

      Today I'm hanging out with CJ. Nothing to report besides we have yet to blow up anything of significance. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Extra-Spatial Song Logic

       I am Reginald Dolly. Brilliant composer, musician, and singer. Along with wizard. I even used my magic to extend my lifespan to master musical crafts. I have traveled many worlds, including yours, and learned millions of songs in thousands of languages. I believe I knew everything mortal man could learn of song so I used my magic to hear the gods sing.
      “Greetings Reginald,” one of the gods said to me being a glowing cube covered with eyes. All the gods were beings I hadn't seen before. I'm glad I saw a few somewhat human in form to make more comfortable. The realm of gods I teleported into was a theater in some pocket dimension between one of their many home universes. “You are one of the few humans worthy to listen to us sing. We invited Merlin but he didn't show. Jerk.”
       Several of the gods took the stage including the cube and one that looked like a beautiful woman mixed with a robot and a cloud next spoke to me, “Tonight we'll be singing a human song for as a treat for our special guest, I hope the other gods will enjoy. The song is called Mary had a Little Lamb.” The gods then opened their mouths that could, I don't know what the others sang with.

         And everywhere that Mary went,whose fleece was white as snow.
the lamb was sure to go.Mary had a little lamb,It made the children laugh and play,
It followed her to school one daywhich was against the see a lamb at school.
And waited patiently about,but still it lingered near,And so the teacher turned it out,
till Mary did appear."Why does the lamb love Mary so?"the eager children cry.
the teacher did reply. "Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know."

       Once the gods finished I yelled, “What was that?” I shivered through the whole song but tried not to show it.
The god sitting next to me chuckled, his mustache made of lasers and his body made of metallic ooze. “You never hear a spiraling spatial bending song boy?”
      “NO!” I tried to avoid clasping my hands over my ears. I felt rude enough. I hoped they didn't smite me.
       “Oh humans.” The god smiled with the metallic ooze bending to make the shape of a mouth. “It's quite simple. We just stretch space-time a wee-bit to twist the song into a spiral of wormholed sound and change emphasis on the lyrics to make it roll around in your mind in a much better fashion. If you would have focused you would have gotten it. You're a human genius of song! I say we sing it until he gets it!”

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheLoneRoach

“Something stinks.”
Pig-Pen*, Peanuts #quote

Well CJ should be coming over today. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Lone Roach

       Even cockroaches have birth defects. It's not one that makes me look ugly. I look rather fine or even handsome. I've got nice broad antennae and my wings are quite flat and vibrant. My eyes bulge in that way that's popular with the ladies now and my leg's have a strong curl. And who couldn't love my black-brown exoskeleton. But not many can appreciate my features because of my birth defect. I'm really quite useless because of it. And besides the occasional chance no roaches follow me because of it.
        It's very sad they won't stay around with me. I've found a wonderful food source. An apartment building strung with mouse holes. The mice a long dead. I even see some old rat poison in the holes. But the passageways the mice made are still there. The humans may have sealed them on the surface but the network and volume in the walls is for us. But because of my birth defect nobody will follow me. I live in this utopia alone.
        It really is a utopia. I can go to many food sources in many human apartments and eat whatever I want. I even get a view of a human TV too from one of my mouse holes. I think I learned English just from being alone and watching the humans from all my mouse holes as I nibbled on food I stole from whatever pantry I stole. I like basketball by the way. The Wongs watch it a lot. If I get lucky they'll turn away from their coffee and I steal a sip.
       My birth defect? I don't release any of the pheromones or smells cockroaches normally do. None of the other cockroaches can track me. I also can't smell other cockroach pheromones even though I can smell other smells fine. So I can't communicate with other cockroaches and they won't swarm around me or follow me or be with me. I've tried to integrate before with some random swarm I found but it's like I wasn't even there and I couldn't figure out where they were going.
So I chose to live alone. It isn't so bad. I'll just sit and watch TV with the humans. I wonder if basketball is on...

Friday, May 17, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheWriterDiety

“Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”
Phoenix, X-Men* #quote

       Well CJ should be coming over tomorrow. Maybe we'll travel through time for tons of adventure! I'm tempted to try that whole thing where you go stop yourself from traveling back in time to create a paradox but I promised myself I wouldn't try to make another universe explode this week.

The Writer Deity

        “These stories, they're very disturbing Tom. And pointless. Conflict with no resolution? People make stories about monsters chasing people but this has no point. This is terror with no emotion behind it.” My friend said to me. We both had a lot in common. Same lanky figure, short black hair. Nearly twins besides our eyes, mine blue and his brown. Also a big difference between us was the way we thought.
        “I've written many stories about love and kindness,” I told him. “Did you read those?”
He walked up to me. He held a printed copy of one of my stories, I didn't know which. “And it all feels like a hollow puppet show. But not like you don't know how to write. You know how to write. Like the emotions are paper. Like you don't know what love is. Like you're a robot writing it. One story wouldn't have convinced me. But reading so much....”
       “You think you're some kind of psychologist? You've known me for years! You're calling me crazy?”
       “Yeah, or something. And this is the first time you ever showed your writing to anyone. Let me look at it. And it's just like you're hollow.”
        I laughed. “Look there's an easy explanation for this. You don't need to get all weirded out man. All my characters are just playthings. That's why it feels so fake.”
He looked at me confused. “What does that even mean?”
      “You know, here, in real life, I'm a feeble guy without much to do and not in control. Other writers write to bring spectacular adventures to life or whatever but I'm just writing to get control over something. These little puppet people I've made of words. I'm playing God man. Makes me feel good. Thought you'd be able to understand that and maybe enjoy the story I made along with it. If they feel hollow it's because they were just things for me to control as a God of a little world. The romances were playthings, and the horrors were meant to playing God as well. It's very simple. A harmless way for me to get power.”
    “I think I should go now Tom,” my friend said to me as he dropped my manuscript on the ground and left the room. I laughed. He looked worried and I couldn't quite understand why. I explained everything to him.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ThePsychicGoblin

“There is a disturbance in the force.”
Einstein* #quote

      Today I traveled to an alternate universe where you could go inside of video games and experience them yourself! I could only be there a short while and during that time I couldn't think of any games where that weren't horrible death traps off the top of my head. Even Pokemon, if real, could lead you to a terrible, terrible fate. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Psychic Goblin

       Oh, elves and humans say we goblins are full of it. Liars and cheats and all that. That we brag about talents we don't have and weave elaborate tales with no bearing in reality. Well guess what, the humans and elves are the ones full of it! Would this wonderful green face lie to you? I have a wonderful talent that is doubted by many. I'm psychic. Let me prove it.
        Pick a number between one and a hundred.
        Multiply that number by two.
        Add ten.
        Multiply it that number by two.
        Add four.
        And presto! I just made you do math. I have the power of mind control! See I'm psychic. Some people keep saying they thought I was trying to show I could read their mind. But that's just silly. Goblin's can't read minds.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheIncredibleAdventuresOfHuuMan

“Everyone is different.”
Dolly the Sheep* #quote

      Well CJ may be coming over this weekend. If the government is monitoring this blog...I DIDN'T DO IT I SWEAR!!! IT WAS THE GUY WITH THE CHEESE HAT!!!

The Incredible Adventures Of Huu-Man

        On an alien planet oh so far away there existed a comic book that sold spectacularly well. Roughly translated it is titled “The Incredible Adventures Of Huu-Man”. The story is written by an astronomer/comic book artist who based his work off our own little planet, observing it with a probe he sent through a wormhole to our world. Here's the plot as follows(Translated from the blurb on the back of issue #232 now in their alien bookstores).
        “The Huu-Man is a fantasy comic book like you've never read before! The Huu-Man struggles each day to provide for his family. He lives in a diverse world of many of his kind, both good and evil, clashes with their morals and even his own. Their technology many levels lower than ours...but they aren't simple animals! Huu-man is clever and tough and will think and fight his way though many problems. Problems caused by his world and society. Comic book artist and writer Grftiafi Fragghi has invented a complete world full of life and wonder different from anything on our world for the characters to struggle and learn through.”
       The alien writer never told anyone that he based his work on us because he didn't want to be exposed. He got much praise for his work and won many awards and made a great deal of money. Though by him not telling anyone about his discovery is why we're not part of the Intergalactic Intelligent Species Alliance and a deprived of massive amounts of useful, shared technologies that could be helping us and curing diseases right now.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #AreYouReadyToBecomeRock

“Fun for the whole family!”
John Kramer, Saw* #quote

        Today I juggled jugglers that juggled jugglers who juggled jugglers juggling magicians that thought they saw jugglers juggling jugglers that juggled jugglers that saw me juggle. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Are You Ready to Become Rock?

       A wizard would like to have a word with you. An angry wizard. His name is Steve. Yeah you cut him off in traffic. He doesn't look like one of those fancy pointy hated guys. He looks like that angry bald old man you have to deal with at work just because he walked through the door. Which is just the kind of man this wizard is. Spiteful at life from age, his hunched over back, shaking hands and painful wrinkles. Really what you did didn't matter much. He's taking out the rage for so many other things out on you. Getting cut off by you on the road was the last straw on the old wizard's back. And so he curses you. A petrification curse. All to turn you to stone.
        It doesn't feel like anything to become stone. You'd expect tingling at your ear or pain in a joint from a transformation. Maybe something like a punch to the gut. Or maybe some ethereal hand ripping your body apart into something new. But it just happens. A change. One moment to the next. You haven't noticed it because do you notice your cells dying and multiplying? But you will start to notice the fact that you won't get another tomorrow and you won't see loved ones. At least not really. He decided to make an illusion of loved ones for you. Curse you with doubt so that when you see a friend or family member you wonder if you're stone or alive. Who's to say you're not stone? Who's to say the wizard didn't exist? Who's to say these aren't just words on a page and this story and you are just a person trapped in curse?

Monday, May 13, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ScheduledMartian

“All the world's a stage.”
John Wilkes Booth* #quote

Rawwrraawwrarararwwwarrrrwaaarrrwwwawrrrraawwrrrrr!!!!! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Scheduled Martian

       I answered my apartment door to see a large martian. The thing was fat and green. Usual four legs and two arms it certainly walked like a human but you'd never miss the fact it also had an octopus like head. The alien had three eyes: one red, one yellow and one blue. I saw it wore martian fitted jeans, four leggings and all, along with a “I love New York” t-shirt. Stupid Tourists.
       “You lost?” I asked.
        “Green eyes...brown hair...white skin...are you David Greenstreet? You look like the picture.” And great. Somehow it knows me.
         “And you are?”
         “Alexander Thornhigh,” The alien responded. “You posted an ad for a roommate? We arranged a meeting right now.”
         I rolled my eyes and groaned. “I was expecting a human at my door. Y'know considering your name and complete lack of a martian accent.”
         “You got a problem with martians?”
         “You're money as green as you're skin? Last person offering to be my roommate looked like the closest thing to child of a hobo and a trashcan and didn't have a cent.”
          He glared at me. “I come from a wealthy family and chose this location for proximity to the college I am going to. I will be picked up by a limousine. In dire emergencies I can cover for both our rents.”
          I smiled and opened up my arms. “Then I have no problems whatsoever with martians! Let me show you around roomie!”

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #VirtuallyNothingness

“You broke my heart.”
Robert Jarvik* #quote

     Today I read webcomics on the Internet along with my usual writing stuff along with giving my mother delectable chocolates for mothers day. She loved the chocolates and I liked a few of the comics I read. Good thing about the Internet is it gives a platform for anybody to try showing their work to the world.    Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Virtually Nothingness

          Y'know I used to play games using the virtual reality tools they have plugged into my brain now. Some where I would fight towering dragons while juggling fire in my hands. The programs would use machine to have your brain see things you couldn't possibly see in real life. I'd be thinking, “Dave, you're a wizard now.” I could see a wand in my hand and I would be wearing robes. They would create vast fields in front of me and I could smell the sweet aroma of their flowers in the air. So many different adventures or vacations or other wonderful things in the virtual reality.
       But now the virtual reality made me experience nothing. As much of nothing that the programmers could. I couldn't call it space. Space has depth. This was even less than that. Normal virtual reality scenarios requires input to what it will tell your body to see and experience my brain is being told total nothingness. Not even blackness or whiteness. Not any intensity of noise. No sensory information reaches me. I can't even struggle, the machine tells my brain I have no limbs in this virtual land.
    I'm now really not anything but the thoughts in my head and no outside experience. True, perfect loneliness. I'm starting to bend and twist my memories and imagination to try and make a reality for myself only really making myself insane.
       Should I be pitied? This is the modern prison cell selected for murderers like me.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #GettingThePerfectIdea

“I see the light.”
Thomas Edison* #quote

       Grandmother came over for dinner tonight. Seizures were down today so that's a plus as well so overall happy day. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

        Getting the Perfect Idea

        In a dream I meet a box with a top hat. Two wooden arms made of small sticks jutting out of the bottom half wave about to express emotion as it opens and shuts a crack to emulate a mouth and talk. “You know I'm not sure you're ready for this quite yet,” it tells me. The room we're is a crystal box with windows floating in the air with only ocean below.
       “Ready for what?”
       “Why the perfect idea for a novel. Right inside me is the inspiration to give you hat perfect idea,” the box tells me.
       I glare at the box, I think it just insulted me, and I replied, “I'm pretty sure I'm ready for the perfect idea.”
       “You think you're ready to write the perfect novel from this perfect idea?”
        “Of course I am.”
        “Oh, you certain you have the talent to weave the words to make every part of its potential onto the page?”
        “Well I-”
        “Are you ready to accept all the criticisms that people give the perfect idea. Are you ready to support the book through thick and thin while you peddle it?”
        “I think I can handle.”
         The box slapped its strange stick arms on its side to make a loud smack. “Well if you think you are ready to support and bring to life the greatest novel idea ever then open me and take this inspiration. Otherwise I'll go find another author.”
         I thought for a moment and then replied, “I think I won't open you, not yet. Can you give me ten years then come back?”
         The chest chuckled. “Maybe you'll be ready in ten. If I haven't found someone better.”

Friday, May 10, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #DaichisWish

“I haven't got a clue.”
Riddler* #quote

       Today my family is having dinner with the parents of brother's girlfriend. They have flown in for the girlfriend's graduation. They have already met brother quite awhile ago but they have yet to me and the parents. Shenanigans and hijinks should ensue if I should trust Hollywood's accounts of these kinds of situations. I think the role I'm supposed to fulfill is the wacky guy so I should probably grab a rubber chicken or two.

Daichi's Wish

      In Japan lived a kind yet greedy young man. He wanted things but never would take them from anyone. He would also be as polite as could be. He worked a humble job with low income yet wanted an incredibly fancy car. He always wanted a sports car from youth. But no matter how greedy he was he would never do anything rotten or evil to take it. But he wanted that car so he thought of one way he could get what he desired without being crooked or nasty.
       In Japan it's said that if you fold one thousand origami cranes in a year you'll get a wish. And that's how young man Daichi planned to get his sport's car. He learned origami and on January first of a very special year he worked on cranes like a machine. He still worked his humble, low income job and some of his friends gave a little chuckle when they learned what he was folding cranes for.
      Eventually Daichi finished the cranes and at the years end his wish was granted. But the people at the local zoo were confused why somebody would leave a sports car with its keys in it in the middle of one of the animal cages. Daichi thought his wish was never granted as he never quite specified that he wanted his sports car to be delivered to his house when it was granted to him so it was just plopped down somewhere.
     But eventually Daichi did his sports car. Not the one he wished for. Or by wishing for another one. He stopped believing in wishing. He did eventually move up a little in the job world, save up and get the sports car he desired.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ChiefLeaderDaniel

“What did you get me?”
Santa Claus* #quote

Today I did this that and the other thing. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Chief Leader Daniel

       Aliens are everywhere. I'm some sort of space marine or something. All these weapons are ridiculous. How does this gun even throw flaming chainsaws? Why are there crates of our ammo on the enemy spaceships? This doesn't feel like dreaming, but it doesn't feel real either. I know I'm space marine but why do all these things feel wrong to me? I remember growing up. I'm Chief Leader Daniel. Agh, I've been fighting so long.
       I walk along in my black, metal battle suit among the corpses of aliens I slaughter. They never stop coming. I lose a few close comrades but if they're sentient then they suffer much more than I do here. I'd think with their massive hordes we'd be unable to stop them from conquering Earth but we always find an upper edge. The battle field seems riddled with cover at perfect chest height for us to duct behind. Is God watching us? So many different objects and types of rubble falling in place for us like that. And at the strangest moments in the middle of battlefields I'll find ammo and weapons in crates for me. Are they stealing our weapons and dropping it.
      I fight the war for Earth for a long time. No matter how odd everything seems. I don't know why everything seems odd. It's how everything has been for as long as I've been fighting it should seem normal. It would be like saying the sky being blue is strange.
      But eventually I ran across something truly strange. During one of my solo missions I killed one of the alien overlords. And right after I killed him in his throne room a black fog appeared and out from this fog stepped out a man in a gray cloak. I couldn't see the man's face and he folded his arms in the cloak so I couldn't see him either. Really I could only see cloak.
     “Who are you?” I said to the man while pointing my flaming chainsaw gun at him.
     “So this was where you were all this time.” The cloaked man chuckled. “This game brought you much comfort in your youth so it would make sense you would haunt here soul resisted the afterlife.”
     “I don't understand. I won't say it again. Identify yourself!”
      Quicker than lighting the man pulled out a strange light gray guy revealing that his hand was nothing but bone. I shot my weapon but the fire chainsaw went straight through him like he wasn't there. He then shot a bullet from the gun and it went through my armor with ease and I fell over.
      “How could a simple bullet go through my armor so easily...almost like magic.”
       He waved around his gun. “You already died once in the real world Daniel. I came here myself to make sure you moved and didn't stray in here. Cyberspace isn't going to be your purgatory. Time to die again Daniel.”
       Things faded to black as the shot the man fired killed me. I hoped the other soldiers could complete my mission.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheVillagersAndTheAdventurers

“It's the little things that matter.”
Papa Smurf* #quote

       Today I ate Taco Bell for lunch and then Jack in The Box at dinner. Also I met an alien, but that's not very interesting. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Villagers And The Adventurers

      “We're packing up. We're leaving. We're going. Now!” Mr. Valon yelled at his family. He never yelled at his family except from across the fields to tell them dinner was ready or they had company.
Mrs. Valon yelled back at him, “You've already put almost everything we own in the wagon without asking me! We're you planning on forcing us to leave without asking?”
      “I'm not forcing us to leave! We have to go! Don't talk to me like it's my fault!”
      “Daddy? Why are you taking everything out from the house?” Teresa, the youngest child in the family, asked with a confused tone.
       Sheldon, the middle child remarked, “It's because he doesn't have any faith in the great adventurers. They've done so much, why don't you have faith in them?”
      “Faith? Don't you see the storm outside the window? That lighting? It's not natural! You all know its magic. Caused by that wizard. That dark wizard. And do you trust those adventurers are going to kill that wizard. Make the problem go away? What have they done to prove themselves.”
       Reggie, the oldest child then said, “They helped this village by killing the dragon in the mountains that kept stealing our sheep. They even brought yours home to you. Don't you remember when they visited our house?”
        Mr. Valon wondered if that's why his family wouldn't think straight. If they were impressed by those adventurers. The knight, bard, wizard, ninja, and werewolf. They appeared at their house and showed off their power by kindly giving the sheep they took back from the dragon. The powerful dragon. But is a dragon reason to believe they could defeat a dark wizard? No.
       “Reggie, get the item out of that old red chest over there. I haven't shown it to you before. It was something I had before I met your mother. It'll show you my authority on adventurers.”
The eldest son pulled out the item, an old enchanted sword. It glowed brightly without rust despite its age. The magic contained in its runes kept away that rust and gave it the glow expected from water bathed in sun.
       “You've had this? For this long?”
        “With my own adventuring party I've killed twenty dragons and gone on far grander adventurers than those idiots that are going against that dark wizard. The reason that chest was buried under everything else I've been moving out of the house and the reason I never told you was so you'd never do something as stupid and dangerous as what I've done.”
        “Incredible,” said Sheldon overwhelmed as all his life he thought his father a turtle of a man. Without the enchanted sword he wouldn't believe a word he said.
        “Stop with your fascination! I fought a dark wizard like those idiots with my adventuring party. Yeah, I guess we saved people. But I'm the last man standing. And I'm pretty sure we got lucky. And I'm not risking my family to luck. I don't care how many of you are attached to this house. We are packing up and we are leaving.”
         So they packed and left on their wagon. But before they could leave town the dark storm of magic subsided. The children grinned. They were happy since that meant the heroes must have been victorious. Mr. Valon turned the wagon around and they returned home but a man half covered in armor and half covered in wounds looked at them.
         “H-help me.” The knight that leaded the adventurers held his hand out to them. They brought him into their house and Mr. Valon used some of his old adventurer knowledge on patching up injuries to help bring the adventurer to health.
       “You kill the dark wizard right?” He asked the knight.
       “Yes. You people can rest safe.”
      “Yeah. We figured with the magic storm gone we rushed home.” Mr. Valon said, “But let me guess. You're the only one left.”
        Mr. Valon looked at the adventurer while his family stood behind him. “Here's my advice. The pain of their loss will never go away. You're only option is to find happiness.”

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheOldWestCowboyBeingACowboy

“It's not rocket science.”
Merlin* #quote

Today it's your turn to blog the blog! Imagine I said something witty here! You gotta come up with something good to make yourself laugh! I know you can do it. I believe in you. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Old West Cowboy Being A Cowboy

      All three thousand. The boys counted them over and over. Head by head. Eddie you idiot. You're just the cook for the crew and you say “I thought I saw some wander off!” and now we got a whole disaster on hand. If I wasn't so worried I'd be screaming your ears off for making me worry. We need sell as many of these cattle as possible or we'll be stuck in debt...again. And I'm not going to have a bullet between my eyes because some of them wandered off. I also don't want a bullet between my eyes because we wasted time looking for some that never wandered off in the first place.
     “Eddie, get over here!” I yelled. Our young cook ran over.
     “Yes Sir?”
     “Do you know why I wear my big ol' hat, ever during the night?”
      “Fashion Sir?”
      “Because everything we have could be taken from us at any moment! Do you know how much debt we're in? And how much more we'll be in if we don't take these cattle where they need to be to be in time. And you've been wasting time by daydreaming ghost cattle! We're behind schedule!”
      “Surely we can make up for it Sir?”
      “If we're lucky! You know I spent plenty of time negotiating with the Indians for quicker travel. I'm glad not all of them want to kill you. But remember that time one said hello to me with an arrow? I risk that because I'd rather not deal with the people we're indebted to!”
I heard one of my cowboys shout from the distance, “We found some cattle Sir!”
      “Some got away! But we counted!”
      “These are new ones Sir! Abandoned by someone! It's unbranded.”
I rode over in my horse. Who in their right mind abandons cattle? I saw a good hundred cattle when I got to my fellow cowboy. Also what appeared to simple open field. But with a good look I saw what I needed to see why they we're branded. I saw ashes. A burnt down home and barn must have been here.
     “Round these cattle into a herd. Then we leave immediately, tell Eddie to get rid of the fire and stop dinner. We go now.”
The cowboy looked at me. “Why so suddenly?”
      “The cattle are free and there's trouble around here.” I didn't know if it was bandits who didn't bother with the cattle, a feud between towns or what. I was taking me and boys out of there and maybe these additional cattle will help pull us out of debt completely. After we sell the cattle I'll try to put up a small tombstone for whoever lived there.