Thursday, March 31, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Meta-Minions

L'OrĂ©al , because I'm worth it.”
Medusa* #quote

Today at my gaming club we did blind folded video gaming in honor of April Fool's tomorrow. For it one person would play the video game, and their teammate would give them directions. Shenanigans ensued.


           Two robots belonging to a supervillain hung out in the middle of a dank hallway in the middle of a massive evil lair. This is where they usually stood 9-5 on weekdays as their guarding point. At other times they would be under maintenance, or be downloading information on the latest superheroes, or training with the other robots, or receiving instructions/new orders from the supervillian. Being robots with more “sentient” like brains required more awake time and interaction live for learning. They didn't shut down often except for power-ups during maintenance.
           “Hey Twelve,” The robots referred to each other by the manufacture numbers on their backs, usually by the first two unless by coincience the first two numbers are shared by multiple robots in the room then they continue down the twenty digit numbers until they can say something different.
           “Yeah Fifty?”
            “You ever wonder what it's like to be a calculator?”
            Twelve whacked Fifty with his steel arm. “What kind of question is that? Your talking crazy. You want to be dragged into maintenance? I don't even understand what you're saying. Where's the jokes you usually tell to pass the time?”
            “I just wondered what it would be like to not have all these thoughts that Doctor Dementedian gave us. Well I guess he kinda bought the designs for us then modded our brains for combat. Since sentient robot brains can be so efficient. Why didn't he remove the emotion? Was it too hard? Did he not have the skill to do it?”
             Twelve stamped one of his robotic spider legs. “You know this kind of talk can get you scrapped. You never talk anything bad about the Doctor. You never should gossip about the Doctor unless its worship.”
              Fifty revved his treads. “Oh, don't be so paranoid! He doesn't care what we say unless we're right in front of him! We're just the things that guard the halls. I just had a passing thought. Just wondered what it would be like to not be what I am. I've not only wondered what it would be like to be a calculator. But even what it would be like to be a bird, or a dog, or a human. Or a supervillain. Or a superhero.”
              Twelve waved his arms. “Why do you even bother thinking all these absurd things?”
              “Because thinking about these absurd things is all we can do. Besides training and waiting for the arrival of whatever superhero is going to charge through this hall and attack us. We probably won't even hurt the hero. We'll probably just slow the hero down at most so that stupid Doctor gets another second to work on his plan which will fail again. We've seen it happen before. Other robots in other hallways. You think we'll be any different!?” Fifty strained his speakers yelling at Twelve, but his voice only peaked at “You think we'll be any different?” and it echoed through many halls of the lair even barely reaching the Doctor's ears. But he ignored it as he had to deal with a hero breaching the compound.
                Alarms sounded off. Telling the machines to ready themselves for an attack. The hero was going hall after hall. He destroyed robots easily and swiftly. In moments the tall muscular hero stood before Twelve and Fifty. A gate closed behind Twelve and Fifty, leaving them with the hero. Behind that gate was the last few halls leading to the supervillain. Twelve and Fifty were surprised that with the suddenness of the attack that the Doctor managed to spring one of his armored trap gates to slow the hero.
           The hero looked at the two robots. He readied himself to fight them like all the rest.
Twelve used his emergency access codes to spring the gate, lying to the mother computer that a flood happened and the gate needed to be opened.
           “We don't want to be evil anymore. Please stop the Doctor.” He motioned with his arm to let the hero through.
           “Good work robots. I'll come back to save you.” The hero smiled and went deeper.
Fifty looked at Twelve, “You...let him through.”

            Twelve responded, “Well after listening to your long talk about change I figured that you made sense. I think I'd rather lead a new life and change like you said then stay the way I am and be demolished in the middle of a hallway. Change can be good.”

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Grinding Gears

“Drink responsibly.”
Dionysus* #quote

If you ever want to annoy a mathematician ask what happens if you divide by zero, but keep asking “why” like a kid. Then maybe you'll help them reach a scientific breakthrough. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Grinding Gears

          The gears in the grandfather clock lived together ever since birth. A family. And the most boastful of them all was Ben, the biggest gear. He intimidated the other gears with his size, and how he made the most noise of all the gears. A piece of machinercy that was a natural born bully with a sense of entitlement due to his size.
          However one day Quincy, the smallest gear in the clock responded to the usual boasting and bragging of Ben with a calm statement of fact. “You're nothing special. A machine needs all its parts to work. It matters just as much if you or I break, we're just as important.”

          Ben could only tick and tock with the others in response. He didn't brag from that day forward.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Breed Like Dust Bunnies

“He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day.”
General Custer* #quote

Devious people cross the line, avoiding being caught for long periods of time. Extremely devious people tip-toe the line to get what they want. However the most devious of them all simply move the line. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Breed Like Dust Bunnies

         Miss Gray was the mommy bunny in her family of dust bunnies. She started out alone, a little ball of gray fluff on the couch, but a little gray ball joined her and that would be her husband. Together they did what dust bunnies did best, breed more of their kind. More bunnies came and clumped with them making one big fluffy family under the couch. They watched the world move around them from the shadows of the furniture's underbelly. Over a long time the dust bunny mommy gathered a big ball of relatives in their cozy home.

        Then one spring the couch rose into the air, the arms of massive human raising it high for his wife. The vacuum came for the family, and it didn't give them a moment to say goodbye. It split them apart while it sucked them into its belly.  

Monday, March 28, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Steve The Demoted Angel

“The eyes are the windows into the soul.”
Bill Gates* #quote

I was playing a video game on my 3DS where you could take pictures of people's faces to get items. It would check if there was a person in the view of the game system's camera and if there was you could take a picture. However I managed to trick it with a comic book character. How much faith do you put in facial recognition software?

Steve The Demoted Angel

         I died and didn't quite get to go to heaven, or hell. Apparently I was one of the many souls who didn't quite make to heaven but didn't quite deserve the fiery pits. So instead I lost my name, (I just call myself Ben) and am now forced to live out a sort of prison sentence here in purgatory under the powerful Steve.
        Most people give themselves names, like I did, since we all lose our mortal names when we land in purgatory, but nobody dares pick Steve. That's because Steve ruled over purgatory. He was a demoted angel. We could all relate to him on some level. He wasn't bad enough to become a fallen angel and be sent to hell, but he was bad enough to be demoted to running purgatory. And after serving a long enough time he would move back to heaven.
         He tended to snap, when people messed with him. Heaven must be a wonderful place for him to hate running a prison that nearly ran itself. I'm wasn't sure exactly what he did, but he was often yelling at the Hagellums, apparently the purgatory equivalent of demons that worked our cells and doled out the punishments that matched the crimes that put us in this joint. I was a thief, and several times I was given nearly material possession I could ever desire only to have it stolen away from me.          I felt dread knowing it would be taken away from me every time they gave it to me again to have for a few days.

          Eventually however I left, my last day in purgatory I saw Steve yelling at a Hagellum for messing up a punishment. Heaven was wonderful and I got my name back, Carl, not much less mundane than Ben.
         Yet I managed to find a way to try and steal. Technically everybody can't have everything since Heaven couldn't make sense(people's desires could conflict). God appeared before me in a form I could understand and told me I was being demoted for my crime. Steve served his time and for my minor crime I would be banished to purgatory to serve as the new Demoted Angel.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Little Miss Fairy

“Don't put all your eggs in one basket!”
The Easter Bunny* #quote

Happy Easter everyone! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Little Miss Fairy

Little Miss Fairy
Sat on a cherry
Eating some seeds and sugar

Along came a centaur
Who sat down beside her

And frightened Miss Fairy away

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Old Video

“I know what you did last summer.”
Professor X, X-Men #quote

How many times do you look before crossing the street? Once? Twice? Thrice? Quice? Frice? Sice? Svice? Eice? Nice? Tence? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Old Video

           The video site YourTube possessed a long history on the Internet. Founded in 2007 it was still going strong in the year 2300. The company that owned it was one of the many ancient Internet giants, Juggle. Thanks to massive companies like these that last hundred of years and pass down generations, so do the websites they own, like YourTube. And these companies maintenance the data for the websites, backing up the data, transferring it from server to server slowly over the decades. With how large data storage becomes in this future this becomes easier and more attractive to the consumer than saying “We'll eventually delete your data.”
          And so from this process YourTube holds some very old videos. One being “Baby's First Words”, a simple cute video where a mother was recording her smiling child and it says, “Cookies!” over and over in the most adorable voice. In 2300 the video held over two trillion hits, gathered over the past three hundred years. And with it piles, and piles of video comments through all those years which are better skimmed through since all of them together could easily make a novel or two.
           One comment in 2300 asks, “What does cookies mean?”
           A reply under it is, “It's old English for bakums.”
          A comment in 2245 said, “That woman talking to the baby sounds the President!”
          A comment in 2199 said, “Why are you all wasting your time watching these videos? The world will end in 2200!”
           In 2120 someone said, “ cute.”
           In 2090 a post read, “Do you want to be your own boss? Work out of your own home? Click on this link!”
            In 2050 someone asked, “How many cookies are they feeding that kid?”

            In 2000 someone commented, “First!”

Friday, March 25, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Distant Message

“Violence is never the answer.”
Conan the Barbarian* #quote

How many stars are there in the sky? I dunno, there are too many airheaded celebrities to count. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Distant Message

          In a language unpronounceable by human mouths a message flowed through the radio waves of a distant solar system. The closet translation of the communication in English follows:
          “Having trouble abducting higher intelligence species from other worlds? Get the Abductor 9000! It's the best stun gun in the galaxy and it won't damage the specimen, so whatever study you want to do, their ready for the taking! And without them being damaged it makes it even easier to wipe their memory, which will save costs on having to buy extra batteries for your memory wiping machines. Or paying those fines for having your ship seen! An Abductor 9000 costs the low, low price of 200 Galaxy Standards. But the fines for being seen, even just as a strange light in the sky, can cost you up to 1000 Galaxy Standards! Don't let this happen to you!”

          The message continued, giving information on how to purchase the fine product. The message demonstrated one universal truth, if something has the potential for somebody to make money from it, then eventually someone will try.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Playing Hangman

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”
Christopher Walken* #quote

Today I went to my gamin' club. Was quite fun. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Playing Hangman

           “A!” David guessed, the executioner then used a paintbrush covered in red paint to make a large X on the prisoner's head. A crowd gathered as they did every week for the Hangman game. One guesser, one criminal. The charges could be minor or major, but the more major the crime the more tickets placed with your name placed in the lotto for the Hangman game.
            “I!” David guessed again. Go through the vowels. No x placed this time.
            “U!” An X painted on the prisoner's stomach. He'd only littered and been drawn for the game. David tried to play the best he could. The guessers were random from people who had no criminal record. The game was propoganized as fair retribution, with people being able to “save” those if they were worthy of saving, or purposely lose if they shouldn't be.
             “T!” David was not good at the game. An X was drawn on the man's arm. “O!” An X placed on the other arm. “W!” Another X placed, this time on the leg. The prisoner was covered with sweat. One last guess and David only managed to get one letter right. “R!” No X placed. The prisoner breathed a sigh of relief but if the prisoner got one more X, he would be hung. “G!” No X placed. “E”              No X placed. “B!” The execution then took his brush and painted an X on the prisoner's leg. The numbing effect of the poison from the paint in the X at his head managed to make nearly pass out and he almost fell over. No ability to escape and his limbs, also painted with the poison, put up no resistance as they hung them.

            David would not be blamed for his failure. The people of the kingdom considered the criminals at fault for any outcome, as if fate determined it. David did blame himself, and hated himself for it considering the minor crime of littering the prisoner committed, but he forgot about it when he watched the exciting events of the next Hangman game the following week where another played the role of guesser.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Today's #flashfiction #freeshortstory The Truth Behind The Incident

“The one thing I want to leave my children is an honorable name.”
George Foreman* #quote

When people tell you to pull yourself together I think they should give you advice as to where to start. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Truth Behind The Incident

           “We're losing height!” one passenger of the balloon yelled.
             The pilot of balloon replied, “Just keep your eyes on your instruments and measure the weather, I know what I'm doing.”
            The other passenger, another scientist, said with depressed voice, “This thing's going to crash isn't it?” This scientist was too old to panic about anything.
             The pilot insisted nothing was wrong despite the fact he now needed the help of his two passengers to keep the weather balloon in the air. The curses the pilot uttered would not be understood by anyone on the entire planet but the three on board the weather balloon since the language belonged to another world. The three people on the weather balloon were aliens conducting a weather survey of this new life bearing planet they found.

             The pilot could not save the balloon, the aliens crashed in Roswell, New Mexico. The incident became a massive coverup, the military could only think of one thing, pretending it was their weather balloon. And it worked since people assumed the aliens flew different vessels that day. For what the aliens are doing now? Their being more careful with their surveys and decision making and determining whether or not this would be a good planet to invest in as a vacation spot to turn into a tourist trap.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Friend Once Known

“Do you pick door number one, door number two, or door number three?”
Saint Peter* #quote

If you adopt a mentality that every plant is beautiful then you'll never have to pull weeds again. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Friend Once Known

           People sometimes have wonder if the world would be a better place if they were never born. They may think this because their mind is simply wandering, or perhaps they are feeling depressed. I found a way to do this, to attempt to answer this question, and even with all the time I've had to contemplate it in this strange void I've placed myself in I still haven't figured it out. That's why I need to ask a close friend. You.
           We knew each other very well in the time before I made myself no longer exist. I still remember you're favorite outfit, you know the one. I remember that story you told me about the people who bullied you, and I remember the time that you helped me with the children who bullied me. Yes, we were friends even when we were kids. You consoled me while rain poured and I cried, and helped me face them the next day. Though I consider the many games we played together, like tag, to be the memories from the time we spent together to be favorite. Unfortunately I did move, it was a terribly cold winter day when I said my goodbye to you. I'm afraid that I made you feel horrible when I did that. It would be years before we met again.
           We met again at our first jobs, did you get a job or stay home and watch your kids in your current timeline? Or both? I've always been afraid that I held you back, like your friendship with me kept you there. Did you start your own business in your timeline or win the lottery? Over the years I've begun to think that all those days we spent together at parties you could have been becoming a better person. I'd like to believe we had a wonderful go at life, but did I waste away your life by dragging you to whatever party or just to my house for a lazy day? I don't know at what point in your life I'm getting this message to you, you could be ten, twenty, thirty or eighty, but I erased myself probably far into your future. So I know I could have very well wasted a good decade of your life with meaningless “fun”.
         That's how it went with all the people I knew. Parties, a few trips to where I could manage with the funds I could gather. People become great by doing things like winning Noble Prizes or building vast businesses or contributing to and helping charities changing lives. I just wasted people's time. Do you feel satisfied in your timeline? Would you want someone like me holding you back with pointless fun? Did I contribute anything?

        I erased myself because I considered someone like me unhealthy. Like watching too much TV. Lazy and unhelpful. Did I make a mistake? You're my best friend, I can trust you to be honest with me.

Monday, March 21, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Itsy-Bitsy Spider's Dilemma

“We should never have left the gold standard.”
King Midas* #quote

Went out to dinner with my Grandma for her birthday. It was a wondertastic time. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Itsy-Bitsy Spider's Dilemma

         The itsy-bitsy spider was a tale as old as lullaby time. However an itsy-bitsy spider by the name of Ronald Webspinner did exist and he did face that dilemma. He did want to climb up a water spout for a better place to make his web but whenever he felt he had a chance the rain came and washed him straight out. Then he was forced to replace the web he already had in the subpar location at the bottom of the water spout. He needed to get through the spout. But how.
         Eventually a miracle happened. The humans in the house brought home a strange box. And if he looked right, even from the ground Ronald could get a look at what was on the box. It showed images. It changed colors like a chameleon! And it gave messages to those that looked at it. But the itsy-bitsy spider only cared about one message that he eventually figured out the special box foretold.          Every morning the humans woke the box up and it would tell what the weather would be. Not always accurate, but close enough that now Ronald Webspinner could now make his trip up the water spout less of a gamble and more of just a trip with a light chance of rain.

        And fortune was in Mr. Webspinner's favor. The itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the water spout, and the rain didn't come and wash him out.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Today's #flashfiction A Magically Fabulous Prize

 “Everyone, remain calm.”
Gordon Ramsey* #quote

Ever wonder what happens when a monkey gets a hold of two trombones and a dinosaur bone? Well, usually it results in an angry phone call from the President or buying a sofa at a great discount. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Magically Fabulous Prize

To Witches And Wizards It May Concern,

               Do you love free stuff? Free magic stuff? Well in honor of the international spell caster holiday Wand Day the Wizard's Guild Union is holding a giveaway for all guild members! It's simple to enter and get one of our amazing magical prizes. All you have to do is mail in a scanned copy of your wizarding license to the address printed on the back of this letter. If you win we will call you at the number on your license. Here are some of the magically fabulous prizes you can win. (More are listed on the guild union website):

A dozen handcrafted zombies for all your necromancy needs.
A trained dragon that can do tricks like roll over.
A cook book that allows you to cook with magic...we are not legally liable for success.
An all expense paid trip to the demon realms. You will most likely come back alive.
A big, enchanted bucket of money.

Disclaimer: The information you use to enter the contest could possibly, maybe, probably will be used to send you spam but you could win prizes so don't think about this anymore. Prizes!

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Calls In The Wild

“The wheel is come full circle, I am here.”
The Michelin Man* #quote

How much milk does it take to make a Moon? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Calls In The Wild

        Fredrick Frog and Barry Bird lived at the lake. Both their species were in mating season and both of them were ready to show off to the ladies with their calls. Fredrick would croak and Barry would sing. They both envisioned themselves impressing the most beautiful of mates.
They quickly noticed that their calls muffled each other out. Fredrick's croaking and Barry's singing didn't match at all. It created a bubbly mess, like two TV stations being watched simultaneously to create a mess of noise. Females of both species were repulsed by the noise.
       “Shut up!” The two yelled at each other. Barry Bird wished he was a hawk so that he could just carry the frog away. Fredrick Frog wished that Barry was a fly that he could take care of in a tongue flick. The two animals called as hard as they could to be louder than the other.
         Eventually one call could be heard, because Barry Bird got tired. But that was because he chose to rest a minute. After resting he then became louder than Fredrick Frog and the frog eventually had to take a break. The filled the entire lake with noise with their mating calls fueled by rivalry of hate and competitive pride. With the breaks they forced themselves to take from exhaustion their individual calls could be heard between the muddled messes they made together. This went on for days and they ate extra food and water and slept more just to create the loudest calls. Humans could hear them miles outside the park as the animals worked themselves to their limits.
          Swarms of mates surrounded both of them. The times their loud calls were heard separate from the each other were loud enough to attract potential mates then they thought possible. And perhaps even the muddled mess was so loud and powerful it wormed its way into the hearts of both species.

         Either way Fredrick Frog and Barry Bird could now choose whoever they wanted to have their families with. And once mating season ended, they became best of friends.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Raven In The Circus

“Loreal hair gel, because I'm worth it.”
Albert Einstein* #quote

If I were on the space program I'd put hot rod flames on the Mars rover. Just to give it some space street cred if some aliens found it. We want aliens to know we're cool when we make first contact right?

The Raven In The Circus

           I practiced walking the rope a million times. Literally inching up the height from the ground until adding a safety net. This could have happened to me during any of my practice performances. But no, the damn thing had to do this during my first real walk on the tight rope, when no safety net laid beneath me. When the ringleader couldn't say, “Come down and try again Thomas.” When the lights of the circus focused on me and not further on the road ahead. When dramatic music would drum out me saying anything about it.
          A little raven perched on my tightrope in my way.
          Do I go back from where I am? I balanced in the middle of the rope, and going backward to wiggle the rope to get the thing off would look bizarre and ruin the show. Would advancing and hoping my movement alone would move the bird be better? Stopping my act because of the bird...would that get me fired? I kept walking towards the animal and the drums still beat loudly, building the tension for the audience who were still oblivious of my additional challenge.
          My last hope for audience sympathy and the ringleader believing my story of a bird on the rope vanished when the spotlights panned slightly upward to show more of me and stop showing the rope itself. I knew that when I reached the bird no one on the ground would see it.
          I kept advancing and my feet neared the bird. The foot I had further forward touched the Raven's wing, and it still didn't move. I tried to lightly kick the animal and it just settled back into place. It refused to let me have my rope. There wasn't much time to think. If too much time passed then the audience, as well as my boss would not be pleased. I needed to come up with something.
          I jumped forward. There were probably many, many, better ways to fix my dilemma, but I was not thinking straight. It was my first performance, and the clock was ticking on what I should do.
          Only one foot hit the wire on my landing and I grabbed the rope with my toe. I threw my hand forward and it hit the rope next. I pushed down with all my might with that hand and the rope, the damn sturdiest thing I've ever seen, stretched like a rubber band towards the Earth then flung me upward. I cartwheeled upward and on this second launch into the air managed to land on both feet on the rope, wiggling like snake to keep my balance. When the rope finished shaking I noticed I was two steps from the end due to this miraculous jump. I made my way to the other side, my trick at an end.

         The audience clapped in an ecstatic uproar, they thought the entire thing was intentional. I looked back to the rope to see the damn bird was still there, unphased and looking rather bored.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Robot's Online Order

“We were made for each other.”
Ken* #quote

CJ should be coming over this weekend so that'll be fundacious. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Robot's Online Order

            The robot saved and saved, gathered coupon after coupon and made deal after deal with angels and devils alike. All so on the fateful discount day he could order on the magic Internet the ultimate item for a robot to need. Something all robots lust for... usually based on how sophisticated their artificial intelligence that is. Jealousy of humanity made him even beat down other robots who strive to take what was left in stock for him. The moment he could, he clicked.
             He bought a soul. He was so filled with whatever kinds of joy his robotic brain could emulate. He would finally be brought the satisfaction he so desired!

             Well, in 3-5 business days. He couldn't afford to order express delivery.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Old Comedian

“Trust your gut.”
Jonah* #quote

If the Star Trek transporters “disassemble” you to transport you, doesn't that mean that it kills you? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Old Comedian

           Old comedian Hansel Jones always performed at the Hee-Haw comedy club when he could. He'd been doing it for decades. Like clockwork he'd show up and never missed his act. Many comedians came and went with that club, but Mr. Jones was a local. His jokes weren't the greatest. Nobody rolled on the floor laughing with his act. But he told funny, heartwarming tales from his life that made anyone chuckle.
         “I've always wondered why you keep performing. After all these years haven't you realized that you aren't going to become famous?” The newest manager of the Hee-Haw comedy club said to Mr. Jones. This new manager was five years old when he first saw Jones perform.

           Jones responded, “I just like having people to talk to.”  

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Daniel The Child Prodigy

“15 minutes can save you 15 percent or more on your car insurance.”
Andy Warhol* #quote

How much karate did the Karate Kid actually do? I don't think he actually did any real kind of karate style I've ever heard of....Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Daniel The Child Prodigy

               Daniel, the child prodigy, knew far more than he should. He dazzled his parents with his ability to retain information and do incredible feats for his age. As a four year old he started working on the tests needed to prove he deserved a high school diploma. And in a year he did.
              Then he tried college. His parents expected him to outshine everyone. Daniel barely managed to squeak by a few classes, but then he started failing. Year after year he failed the classes. His parents decided he should review high school material and try again, perhaps developing more naturally would help him. But even going through normal years of education he couldn't muster passing a year of college.
                 He just wasn't smart enough. A child prodigy. Daniel's intellectual abilities were not above average, they just merely came to quicker, making him seem smarter than those around him. He may have been smarter than everyone at his age when he was four by leaps and bounds, but as an adult, when everyone reached their potential...he was below average.
               It took Daniel a long time to deal with this. After his whole life where everyone told him he was smarter than all the rest, and people he knew to previously be “dumber” than him began understanding much more than him. Eventually however, he settled into his new identity, although with a damaged ego from what had been built up during his youth.
              “Sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself.” Daniel complained to a coworker at the grocery store as they refilled inventory.

               The oldest worker there, probably three years away from retirement in such a dreary job chimed into the conversation from the other aisle, “It's obvious! After work go out and go to some clubs, then hit on cute gals.” The old man smiled showing age robbed him of a few teeth. Daniel learned from the old man's wisdom that you don't need to do anything important or impressive to enjoy life.

Monday, March 14, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Based On An Exaggerated Story

“There's no time quite like the present.”
Santa Claus* #quote

Magicians are better on Halloween because they can give you a magic trick and a magic treat. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Based On An Exaggerated Story

            “And the fish was this big!” Grandpa stretched his arms out wide, showing that the bass was about three four long. “I almost lost my pole reeling the beast of a fish in I tell you. Why, I say I nearly lost myself since it pulled me nearly off my old rickety boat on that little river me and your dad fished day in and out. Took your Grandma hours took cook the monster, but that was the greatest dinner I had.”

           Grandma didn't tell the story the same though. The time she told the story last year was that they were out on their friend's ship on the lake and Grandpa only caught a baby trout so they went out to eat. She did say they ate big fish, it was just at a restaurant. I wonder who told the story better?

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Today's #flashfiction To Not Care

 “The toe bone connected to the heel bone, The heel bone connected to the foot bone,
The foot bone connected to the leg bone...”
Dr. Frankenstein* #quote

If we decided to name spaceships what they are just because they're a thing that moves in space, then why didn't we name cars groundships? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

To Not Care
            I don't care my target is a twisted, evil man that deserves to die. I just care that I'm being paid a very large amount of money to kill him. I don't care that few will mourn for him. I don't care that the people who are paying me are the resistance that represent the oppressed ninety-ninety percent that gives that one percent a perfect, comfortable life ignorant of the man's crimes.
             I don't care that I have to kill twenty guards to get to him. Guards that are just “doing they're job”. And I don't care about any witnesses that I needed to get rid of along the way.
            And I cared the least when he yelled at me, “I can pay you more!” because I know working for the whoever is on the top doesn't get you as much work. The simple reason being that the sooner or later the next job will be the one that replaces him.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Shelly's Journey

“Be vewwy, vewwy, quiet, I'm hunting wabbits.”
Alice, Alice In Wonderland #quote

Headin' to hang with Jessica tomorrow, so that'll certainly be funtainment. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Shelly's Journey

          Shelly the snail eyed some lettuce in Mrs. Ronda's garden. Determination filled her, fueled by her hunger, while she saw the long road ahead. Three yards. It would not be the first journey she made for food. In fact she made many journeys such as that for food. But with all those bundles of lettuce together Shelly knew she'd eat well for days.
           So began her journey.
           She moved, starting to get herself off the rock she was on. She's still on the rock. Just a bit longer. Shelly's pushed herself to speed up. Now she managed to get off the rock and onto the dirt. Now she moved along the dirt towards the garden. She's still on the dirt. Her body lunged forward. But she's still on the dirt. Soon though. Certainly...oh, now she's at the edge of the garden! Now she's in the garden! She'll be at the lettuce. Shelly's small mind was filling with joy knowing that she was almost there. Just a bit more. And finally at the lettuce!
           Shelly happily started gnawing away at the lettuce. A little into her feast however, a large shadow loomed over her. Mrs. Ronda spotted Shelly. She picked the snail up and placed her outside the garden, back on the rock.

           Shelly started towards the lettuce again.

Friday, March 11, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Dan's Dominoes

“Hygiene is two thirds of health.”
Psycho* #quote

If a tree falls in a forest, and somebody's there, what sound does it make? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Dan's Dominoes

          Dan spent a month setting up dominoes. With a series of cameras he would record the entire project for an amazing video on the Internet. He bought so many different colors and planned so long that this would be a masterpiece.
          He tapped the first domino, starting his show. Click, click, click-click-click. The clicks stacked until the first line he set up hit two lines, and those hit more and more so that now more than ten rows of dominoes fell at once. The dominoes colors he selected made various images as the rows continued to split and join again. Waterfalls turned to rainbows. Horses turned into dancers. Flowers turned into angels. And in the end it all turned into a message, “Thank you for watching!”. His video was perfect.

         Except Dan forgot to put on the camera lens. However this did not depress Dan, losing the video. He loved setting up dominoes and this gave him an excuse to immediately start putting them up again.   

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Through The Eyes Of Vermin

“You know, not everything revolves around you.”
Galileo* #quote

Going to my game club today. That'll be fun. Also will be hanging with Jessica during the weekend. Overall fun will be had all around. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Through The Eyes Of Vermin

          Whiskers the rat, like all rats, possessed very blurry vision. He was used to the world appearing like a wet painting however. From a few feet away his fellow rats started to look just the same as stones. Grass makes the most image to Whiskers, since his eyes have only have two cones, one for seeing shades of green, and the other for blue ultraviolet. Red becomes a strange dark shade.
         Normally colors are not the greatest concern for a rat like Whiskers. But he does not live in the darkness like most rats do. The grass and stones he grows familiar with are part of a miniature park scientists have given him. Flowers that he can appreciate the scent, but not colors of, fill it.
          “Now Whiskers, it's time for another game.” Sound came clearly to the rat so he heard the scientist's voice clearly. And he felt the hand of the scientist taking him out of the park, in his family's large cage. Another day, another set of games. His family had a large cage, with tunnels and the park, much more luxurious than the typical rat cage. But when scientists are breeding intelligence, they want it healthy and stimulated.

          And so Whiskers would play one of the games designed by the scientist and his colleagues. He could smell the cheese already.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Messenger Of Happiness

“Don't overanalyze things.”
Sigmund Freud* #quote

I was thinking, people who have skeletons in their closet must be brave. Simply because they've got some backbone. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Messenger Of Happiness

            The “:)”, called “smiley face” ever since he was born, enjoyed his mission in life. :) spread goodwill while people typed him into messages. He gave quick bursts of little happy emotion without large strings of poetic words to convey them.
            :) felt overjoyed when he tagged along the end of a message when people flirted with each other. He could easily tell when a lame joke that he stood at the end of was just small talk to build up for a date. But something happened that made :) feel worse than anything else.
            When people saw him and became angry. When they misunderstood him because of lack of tone inside of text messages. Or worse when people actually use him to express some nasty feeling. :) felt that he should carry joy, not anger, or mean remarks.

           At those times :) felt like he was a :(  

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Watched Watches

“Early to bed and early to rise makes healthy, wealthy and wise.”
Dracula* #quote

Yesterday I downloaded a music making program to make music for the game I've been working on. I've been learning it pretty well, and I think I may actually be able to make pretty good music for my game, so that's nice. Naturally like everything else I'm doing for the game it's going to take time to make it worthwhile, but that's the nature of things. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Watched Watches

          Teddy the television spent most of the day with a fine view of the couch. He could find himself lost in all the little details of the fabric and the stains and other forms of wear. Sometimes the cat would slink on by, wandering or to plop itself on the couch for a nap. Both were the shows the television watched the most often. The dog dashing past in some fit over some imaginary threat was the most exciting rerun of the daytime programming, and happened much less often than the cat visiting the couch for a nap.
        Teddy's favorite show happened everyday, and ran as a marathon with a new set of episodes every night. The family of the house came home during the evening and chattered about whatever Teddy showed them. The conversations were unique and endless in variety. And when something was so engaging that it silenced the family Teddy found the most fascinating expressions in their eyes.

         He loved every season of the show with the family, and he felt very depressed when he broke and the show was canceled. He didn't like the garbage dump show as much, and the trash compressor show even less.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Bluffing The Universe

“He who smelt it, dealt it.”
Confucius* #quote

I was comparing apples and oranges today and it wasn't that hard. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Bluffing The Universe

           “Do your best with the hand you're dealt.”
           Again and again I've heard this expression. Wonderful bit of advice. Take whatever fate has dealt you and do whatever you can. Certainly goes against the saying that you can do anything if you can try. I prefer the do anything if I can try.
           I decided to do the anything if I try. Impossible yes? Certainly you can't do anything. However that's not how it's going. I'm bluffing the universe.
           No, he's bluffing the universe. His name is Tom. He's decided that it's now just a story. No need for “I” here. It's better to be a character. It's better to live in a castle as a prince. And then next                I'll, no, no, it's he, Tom, no Lancelot, the hero. The grocery store where the supposed Tom works was actually where Lancelot has his adventures.

           Lancelot will be something else tomorrow. That's the best thing to do. Bluff the universe. Stack the deck. If you think that you're something that you're not, believe it your very core, then what does the truth matter. Call Lancelot's hand universe. He dares you.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Bellhop Of Area 51

“Believe in yourself.”
Bigfoot* #quote

If mooning someone is exposing your behind then, since the Sun is considered the opposite of the Moon in some senses, then is exposing your face sunning someone? I guess those who wear masks want to avoid sunning people. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Bellhop of Area 51

            The government houses many aliens at Area 51. Usually they stay one to two weeks before heading home. That's the usual luxury Earth vacation affordable by most aliens. And Area 51 is a luxury hotel for aliens. Any alien feels special if they stayed at the Area 51. Most all off-book government projects that aren't on the public tax-dollar budget are paid for with money earned by alien vacationers. And 25% of those patrons come from Area 51.
           And I'm a bellhop in that wonderful little place. It's pretty cozy and fancy in the lobbies in the base and the underground facility. It's a surprisingly mundane job. After the shock of seeing the aliens you just stand in the lobby leading into the underground facility and just serve the aliens coming in, guiding them to the elevator and carrying their bags. After seeing the two headed, tentacled, cat-tailed alien with robot suit I pretty much just snapped and treated it like a normal hotel job like the one I had in Vegas before I joined the military.

         I hope that once I finish this job I use the money and get a college degree. Maybe a double major with one being in creative writing. Always wanted to write science fiction.   

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Bar Bar

“I'm getting too old for this.”
Edward Cullen, Twilight* #quote

Jessica's coming over tomorrow so that'll be super-extra funtastic. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Bar Bar

          Lawyers filled the bar drinking various alcoholic beverages to their liver's content. An exclusive bar for lawyers, The Bar Bar involved the lawyer patrons complaining about their lives while they drank. Or other bar activities, like trying to pick each other up. Pretty much the same as the normal bar, but with more suits and fancier lighting. Dress code actually insisted that patrons wore suits. Made it more lawyer-y that way. The suits made The Bar Bar full of pretentiousness.
         One man defiled that dress code. He walked in with shorts and head of slicked hair. His shirt had the name of some famous band from the seventies. He would have probably been too young to like the band when they were actually making their songs. The man simply said, “Name's Derrick,” nodding to the two next to him where he sat as if that made them instant friends. Derrick then ordered a generic beer.
        The dress code wasn't quite official so the manager didn't come and throw him out. After all if the dress code was official to the point of threatening to kick people out then it might scare away customers. The social pressure kept people wearing what they should wear. But Derrick just walked in without a care.
         Another patron of The Bar Bar said, “Are you even really a lawyer? Gone to school? Passed the bar exam? If not, then you really should find another bar.” The other patron knew the meaning of saying things too rough. Lawyers tend to know the lines to cross.
          Derrick responded, “Of course I passed the bar exam. I wouldn't be at The Bar Bar. I'm a lawyer. I went to school too. I'm just a fan of dressing casual. It's a habit since I got my degree online.”
          The other lawyers in the bar heard the word online and ran, fearing to lose their credibility by some sort of unprofessional cooties Derrick could have. The Harvard graduates ran the fastest.

In truth Derrick graduated from Harvard himself, taking only one course online. He just preferred to drink in peace and quiet.

Friday, March 4, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Chosen One

“Failure is not an option!”
Schoolhouse Rock* #quote

A cricket isn't a good thing to have as your conscience. That means your conscience could be eaten by a bird. I wouldn't want a pigeon to possibly remove all my morals from my life. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Chosen One

       I have been chosen to represent the greater whole in this battle. I will show the strength of the being I share unity with. My other brothers, the ones who could also have struggled and slammed against the opponent have not been selected, I have.

       I am the thumb, and unlike the other fingers I must fight this war to protect the honor of this body against another. May the stronger appendage win.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Murder Mystery Solution Syndrome

“Is this your card?”
Merlin* #quote

Goin' to my game club today so that'll be fun. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Murder Mystery Solution Syndrome

         It's driving me mad! I can never figure out who did it when I watch these murder mysteries! And I'm an avid watcher. They even call me Maddie the Mystery Lover! But this time I know I'll guess it! I know I will! There are only three suspects left after all. Only three suspects the police are considering in the mansion. The rich old husband, his trophy wife and their son. The victim in question, the judge in the family's divorce trail.
        I ran through the episode in my head over and over as the minutes to the climax rolled by. As the end of the episode approached. I went through all the motives and all the evidence. I even went through all the genre trends. Trying to put myself into the writer's shoes. I was going to figure out who did it this time. Victory was going to be mine.

        I put the pieces together. It had to be the trophy wife. The divorce wasn't going in her favor. And when my favorite detective revealed who did it it was someone that me or the police didn't expect. It was Abbot the butler.  

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Extra-Extra Reserves

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.”
Nostradamus* #quote

If you're ever in need of making lighting strike twice in the same spot, get a lightning rod. Or become a wizard. Whichever is easier for you. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Extra-Extra Reserves

           “So how you think the catapult guys are doing?” a soldier asked while he spoke to a comrade in arms. Both of them had their armor to their sides, halfway on so they could put it the rest on quickly in case a threat arose. Grimy from war the dirt on their skin made them look rusty. Water was left to feed the army, using it to wash was a waste during a siege.
           The soldier shrugged, taking a bite of stale bread, his war rations for the day. After he finished the bite he spoke, “Probably just dodging the arrows that come and loading up rocks like they should. What you want to be a rock guy Edward?”
            Edward responded, “Well, Cedric, I'd rather die of an arrow or exhaustion attacking our enemies then of boredom.”
            The two soldiers were in a massive army of fifty thousand, but in the exact middle. The exact middle block of troops that never did anything, being saved to be used after the extra-extra reserves were used. They'd done nothing but eat, sleep and carry their own supplies.
Edward then said, “I spy something starting with a S.”
            “Did you spy a soldier?” Cedric said, looking at Edward and the tens of thousands of comrades making an ocean on the horizon. The siege had been going on for four months. “And if you say A it's going to be armor. We've played this hundreds of times before.”
            “At least I'm trying to help pass the time,” Edward glared at Cedric. “You know nothing interesting happens here.”
            Suddenly screams erupted through the ranks of the extra-extra reserves. A man on fire ran past Edward and Cedric to, in a few feet, manage to gather his mind enough even in pain and fear to begin rolling on the ground to put himself out. Other soldiers came to put the man out, and he managed to actually come out of being on fire with surprisingly few injuries.
After the man was carted to the army doctors Cedric asked what'd happened. Supposedly he was one of the cooks for the captains in charge of extra-extra reserve battalions. A cooking accident managed to get him on fire, but everybody had a different story as to what happened exactly.
           “Well that was interesting,” Cedric told Edward as he sat down and began to continue eating his rations.

           “Yeah, it was...” after a short pause Edward said, “I spy something beginning with the letter T.”

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Prisoner

“It was love at first sight.”
The Invisible Man* #quote

If a tree falls in a forest, and no one's there to see it, does light still bounce off it? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Prisoner

            I escaped my bounds just seconds ago and made my dash for freedom. My captors aimed to shuttle me off to a prison with others where doctors would drive needles through our sides as they pleased. I hoped to avoid this fate.
            Outside. I needed to get outside. If I left the building from the backdoor they couldn't grab me and put me in the transport vehicle to the prison. Just, a few more feet...almost...almost...!

           “There's no way you're not going to the vet! Now back on your leash!” My captor placed my leash on me again. I swore he'd only be my best friend again only after this whole vet affair was over with...and he fed me dinner and a treat.