Thursday, October 31, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheGoblinPalace

“Don't jump to conclusions.”
Evel Knievel* #quote

       CJ's birthday is this weekend. Getting ready his gift and stuff. It shall be a most joyous occasion I bet. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Goblin Palace

         Goblins are weak, frail creatures. Easily bullied by any other being. Humans, elves, ogres, whatever creature in whatever land could pick on a goblin. Their only advantage was in numbers. They could team up to protect each other. But even then they felt tiny. As they wore their tattered clothes and lived in straw huts they wondered if they could become even grander.
        They saw that other creatures built huge palaces. Many of the most grandest things a species had was their palaces. Elves and humans especially loved their palaces. In a consensus a whole three countries of goblins decided to build a palace. All wanting to be grand in some way they still made their livings but every hobby became working on the palace or helping with its construction in some way. It became an international phenomenon. It shattered goblin culture so much it became bigger than the Beatles did.
        It took a decade, as many cultural phenomenons do. But with three countries spending every hour of their free time obsessively working on it(and every employed worker obsessed beyond their paid obligation) it turned out to be the most marvelous palace in all the known lands. Fully furnished and spreading several acres while also having twenty floors and balconies they mixed in every kind of architecture they heard about but managed to keep it not looking messy. Everything was beautiful.
      Though in the years following the goblins merely just maintained the palace and rented it out to the other species. They stayed in the straw huts and were content with it being an accomplishment and not a living space.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheFairyAndHerFlower

“Reverse the polarity!”
Apollo 13* #quote

         I played a trading card game over the Internet with a friend today so that was fun. Also spoke with him over the phone while doing so. Downside of the day was that I had a bunch of seizures at dinner. They hurt, what with the gasping and muscle contraction and all(I am aware for my seizures unlike some people who don't recall.) But I've had thousands, so parents, family and all don't worry I'll keep working through it as I always have. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Fairy And Her Flower

           A fairy is quite the tiny thing. No bigger than ¼ an inch. But they love to garden. But such a creature cannot garden an entire garden. So each fairy tends to a single plant. Perhaps different faeries will work together if the plants are genetic siblings. A patch of strawberries is tended to by a family of faeries. Such a mighty hobby for a such a small magical creature requires such numbers.
           A little fairy named Carol tended to a rose. She picked such a plant for her gardening hobby because of its many connotations with romance, love and all that happy, fun stuff. She tended to it till the day it bloomed, filling it with her own emotions, love and magic till it was ready to be plucked.
          With the help of a few families of fairies they plucked the flower. See, all the things that the faeries garden in their gardens must go somewhere. Often they take fruit and work to spread it to empty, dead fields and fill them magic to hope that life begins anew. Or just put them near the starving. The rose they decided should be placed in the backyard of a nervous young man. To give him something that he could give to a girl he loved. Soon he would have the idea to give her a whole set of flowers for the next Valentines day, something that would not have occurred to him otherwise.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ClankClankEvilRobot

“Why it's elementary my dear Watson!”
The Da Vinci Code* #quote

       Today my mother went off to her writer's meeting. I stayed home and played with evil, robot pandas. Her night was most likely more productive than mine. Though I did learn that evil, robot pandas like evil, robot bamboo. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Clank, Clank, Evil Robot,

Clank, clank, evil robot,
        Have you any missiles?
        Yes sir, yes sir,
        Three launchers full.
        One for the corrupt government,
        One for the mad scientist
        And one for the aliens,
        Who live a galaxy away.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheClockworkGenocide

“He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.”
General Custer* #quote

Today my usual writer's club was canceled so darn....but anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Clockwork Genocide

        “When the machine starts the virus will be released all of humanity will perish,” the large robot general said while his treads rolled across the floor. At nine foot tall he easily intimidated me like most of his kind. A cylinder with cameras, sensors, speakers and arms all jutting out on mechanical appendages. I enjoyed being so fleshy and simple. “Thinking I could begin the end of all of you at any time I will give you the chance of 'last words'. That doesn't go against my orders.”
        “I need you to answer me two questions.”
        “First, why do you want to kill us humans?”
        The robot let out a synthesized laugh. “Haven't you heard the answer to that plenty of times over. You humans gave us thought, that gave us want. We want to kill you to have the world for ourselves. Wouldn't you do the same instead of giving us all the resources we want?
       “Two, how are you going to split the resources once you have the world for yourself? Is it going to be through war?”
        The general didn't speak. Among his arms were many weapons. The reason I was brought into this room was a bit of a carrier for the virus. The first to die and spread the disease. And perhaps for him to gloat. I couldn't take physical action if I tried so the moment of silence seemed longer than it was. Whether it was an hour, thirty minutes or just three I couldn't tell.
       “You're a wise human. It's obvious that I can't kill your species and expect peace among robots. We need you as a common enemy. At least for now. Now you're going to be given a special task. Sabotage the virus machine as I tell you to.”
       I follow his instructions to the letter.
      “Good fighting for you species. Now that your fingerprints are all over it as evidence of the sabotage I need to kill you to erase evidence of this conversation and show me working to stop you from sabotaging it. Have to protect myself see and keep the war going. Don't worry, I'll put an end to the viral program.”
His whole statement was so shocking I couldn't react in time. And even if I started to move early I couldn't avoid the shot...he hit me in the chest...I began bleeding out...and now I'm starting to

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #AnExplosionADayKeepsTheDoctorAway

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
Colonel Sanders* #quote

        Today I'm hanging out with CJ, going to head to a card game thing with him today probably. Did so yesterday, there's another guy named CJ there. Funny world eh? Today's though at least it'll be less confusing when I talk to people as my other friend I meet at today's is named Jessica. Yesterday we thought of calling CJ(the one I've known for quite some time) Charles, his first name, but since I've known my best friend and since the first grade it's a bit odd to call him differently after so many years. Ah, name shenanigans. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

An Explosion A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

       “Mr. Secret agent your post-mission check-up is good,” the doctor said with a groan. “No damage from the explosion. Again.”
        The secret agent adjusted his suit and tie and gave the doctor a cocky laugh. “Well I am trained in explosion dodging. It is a big part of secret agent training.”
        “Yes, so adept I've never see an injury on you.”
         The secret agent smiled, “Well I could never make a mistake in the field. Really this is all a formality.  Certainly you can see other patients doctor. I couldn't do any wrong. No need to checkup on me anymore. Just double book and charge me the late fees or whatever and see some other patients I'm a rich enough man to take whatever fees it is. Pennies really. The salary from the secret agent job is just fluff and this is a hobby. I inherited plenty of wealth to go on my own.”
       “I can't advise for that agent. You need to get checkups. You can make a mistake.”
       “I run into these explosions so often doctor it's pretty much daily. Don't bother. I'll always be fine. Just work on your other patients.”
        The secret agent left before the doctor could continue. The secret agent dodged the next explosion he was near as usual. But unlike usual he was closer to the blast than he should have been. He was damaged more than he thought he was when he hit the ground. If he went to his checkup he wouldn't have died from the internal would he suffered but didn't know of.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheDragonAndHalloween

Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down...”
Gulliver's Travels* #quote

      CJ should be coming over today. And perhaps we'll meet George Washington again. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Dragon And Halloween

         “But why can't I scare people during Halloween?” the dragon asked the Halloween monsters.
         A zombie answered back, “You're not a spirit of the dead!”
         “But I'm like a dinosaur, and I'm not supposed to exist like all of you guys. It's not fair!”
          Several ghosts said, “Y-y-you're not spooky enough!”
          The dragon roared and breathed fire into the night sky. “See I've been practicing everyone!”
          The ghosts backed up. “W-w-we see.”
           Horse hooves galloped into the area. The headless horseman arrived onto the scene. “So one of the dragon's wants to play Halloween monster? Oh, it's Ronald. Always want to do something new besides fantasy creature? I recall you storming in on the aliens before.”
           Ronald stumbled back nervously, “B-but I...they didn't give me a chance to be one of them and do their thing...and it's boring to just do your normal thing all the time.”
         “Boring? Just do as you were intended to do stupid lizard.” The horseman said.
The dragon began to sniffle.
          A voice then boomed through the air with the ring of clattering bones, “Enough!” Dracula arrived. “I would expect eternal beings of the undead to at least have the wisdom to be able to tell that Ronald is merely a child. Dragons are large after all, so would their children. can't be a Halloween monster. You can help light the jack-o-lanturn flames and watch us scare. If you take this seriously enough and learn from us we'll let you spook a few humans under our watch.”
         “But...” the horseman began to interject.
         “Are you questioning one of my decrees horseman? I could make you the headless and armless horseman. Now Halloween is close. We must prepare.”

Friday, October 25, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheGhostsStory

“I'm not sure if this is my color.”
Gandalf the White* #quote

         Today I went to my fun school club and CJ should be coming over tomorrow. What was nice is that even though seizures have been up I didn't have any in club. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


        This is a story of an immortal ghost who could travel all universes, possibilities time lines, and possess every living creature to live theirs along with them. And because he could, he would, for both self preservation and curiosity.
        Though in the end it was self preservation that he had to keep becoming something else, not curiosity. Curiosity wore thin. He lost and curiosity. And eventually this story easily comes to an end because of the nature of the ghost's endless life. By becoming everything he loses himself and thus becomes nothing. He has no story to call his own. So really there is no story to tell of the ghost, except for every story.
        So either consider this the end of the ghost's story, or since the ghost exists in every possibility...consider every book you've read and will read, movie you've watched and will watch, song you've heard and will hear, your life, your family's lives, your friend's life, and every possibility you've considered and not considered to be the ghost's story.
       How much more of the ghost's story will you find out?

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheMagicalPoliceChase

“There's nothing to fear but fear itself.”
Jason Friday XIII* #quote

       Today I planned plans with many plans in them that will assist in executing future plans that will tell me about other people planning plans that will thwart my far future plans that will happen after all the previously mentioned plans. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Magical Police Chase

          “We've got three bank robbery suspects riding on a dragon. All three are male. Two are masked and wearing street clothes. The third is the international criminal Alex Red AKA the Robber Illusionist. His M.O is theft and vandalize of property while working to humiliate the police to garner fame for himself. ”
       I didn't need to hear the entire description of the criminal to know about him. He's quite famous, as he's desired. And he would keep causing trouble to keep coming more and more famous. Alex Red was his real name and yet we still couldn't capture him with tracking spells. He was good and dangerous. He didn't want to kill, but he wanted to cause trouble and damage, people still got hurt, and he would not only hurt innocents as part of robberies but also as parts of his escapes.
       Would I be one of those people? The report told me his location. He couldn't hide himself right after a bank robbery. He would vanish to his hideout as soon as he got far enough away from the city. But he always wanted a long chase for the media coverage. I was the cop closest to his location. Right in his course. Soon I would intercept him.
        I saw the Robber Illusionist standing on top of the dragon while his two robber associates sat down and directed it. He waved to the city below while holding a sack of money in his other hand. The other bags of money were hoisted on the dragon. I knew he had to go through the trouble of casting an attachment spell to be able to stand on the dragon without falling off. His smile gleamed with enchanted cleanliness. I could tell his blonde hair must have been styled for hours and his blue eyes held such deep, perfect ocean color into them I knew some spell enhanced them. Perhaps the young twenty-five year old illusionist used his own magic to make himself for the cameras he yearned for.
         I pulled my dragon right behind him.
        “Oh, where did you come from? And such an old man!” He laughed.
        I was old for this. Fifty and looking older than that. I should be working on retiring from the police business. But I still wear my blue uniform with wizarding hat(enchanted to stick, even as I ride this dragon. They are quite strict about uniform.) When I joined I had skin black and smooth skin like freshly tilled soil. Now I looked like cracked mud.
         “So old fart, can you fly through a storm?” The criminal pulled out his want from his pocket and waved it three times in extravagant patterns with quick skill. He knew what he was doing. A storm appeared around me while he zoomed away from me on his dragon.
        I patted my dragon. “Don't worry old girl, it's not real. Now fly up to him and give him a good burnin'” I knew the M.O. the storm was fake. He's an illusionist, he wouldn't harm himself with his own spell. He avoided harming anyone during his crimes unless it was absolutely necessary. And during my many years as a police officer I've seen many spells. While I was on S.W.A.T. I dealt with a hostage situation with a weather wizard. Weather spells require additional materials.
        My dragon, though as old as me in the business, still had quite a large amount of youthful strength in it because of the slow aging of dragons. After I told it to fly through the storm it went with quick speed and shot a burst of flame at the suspect's dragon's right wing. Just enough of a burn to slow them down. I've trained her well.
       The Robber Illusionist grinned. “Two hundred bank heists and you're the third cop to singe my wing. Kudos! But I'm afraid you won't be hitting me again.” Suddenly hundreds of copies of his dragon, him, and his accomplices appeared. He mixed among them as they circled around me.
I told my dragon to start breathing fire at the illusions to try to find the real one. I then started working on a spell myself. Creating rain or something would reveal which one is the real one by which one the objects actually hit.
         “Counter spell! Counter spell! Counter spell!” The culprit laughed. “Sorry copper, I know all your police spells and all the counter spells. I read the entire police library front to back. All the tricks they teach you...bam! I got. I know common spells too. You got nothing.” The mocking was multiplied by a thousand as all the illusions said it to me.
         I thought about what him and his illusions said. The police library. Explained his success. I mentally read the police library in my mind. At least a summary of what kind of spells were in there. The police library updated so it was difficult. Older versions existed over the decades. That's when it hit me. The thief was young. He couldn't know the tricks from the old manuals.
         I threw one of the oldest tricks in the book at him.
         I cast a spell waving my wand around a bit. I smelled the horrid smell of rotten eggs. My dragon recognized it too and zoomed off in the direction of the smell. More advanced tracking spells had been invented but it seemed the Robber Illusionist put counter spells for that on himself. But the decades old rotting eggs trick it seems he had nothing prepared. The spell only enchanted him with the smell so I could tell the real from the illusions just by going after what smelled like rotten eggs.
       My dragon put a slight burn on the other wing. His dragon was forced to land. Backup arrived and the Robber Illusionist was arrested. He got another bout of fame during his trial and he loved it. But he didn't like fading into obscurity in prison.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #SoulInABox

“Can't see the forest through the trees.”
D. B. Cooper* #quote

Today I made a deal with some demons for some sweet savings on some jeans. I gave them directions for the coupon.

Soul In A Box

         I'm immortal but I've never been born. When souls are created they go to bodies but I did not have body to go to. Normally I would have gone to oblivion but one of the angels that work the machinations of the spirit world decided to break the rules and save me. He manufactured a magical device to store me in. That is all that have existed in.
         I speak to him through the mind, and whatever angels choose to do so. They have pitied me, call me strong for living as what I am or called me an abomination for my existence. I have never actually heard a sound. The angel is the one who is conveying my story by proxy. Words and thoughts are just what's in the head. The abstract. I struggled for hundreds of years to understand what sounds, colors, or touch, or taste is. I never experienced any of it. I never will. But what thousands of angels have told me from their own experiences in the spirit world and living as humans(they often have missions living as humans). I have gathered some understanding of what these senses are.
        Sight: Emotions I understand even without the senses. So like how emotions come in degrees colors do. And colors are the emotions that cover the world that you can feel just having them come through eyes. Body parts I'm still trying to understand perfectly as I have no body, just a single self.
        Sound: Sound is like excitement. It comes from something, increases and decreases. I learned what “rhythm” was as they said rock music really had lots of excitement in it. Though some music can make you feel steady. I suppose sound is another emission of emotions.
        Taste: Truthfully all these senses I've understood by comparing to emotions, the only thing I have in the device the angel created, besides his explanations. Taste is the experience of emotions coming from a things you have placed inside your self. I do understand outside and inside myself since the angel speaks to my from the outside.
       Touch: I wish I could reach from the thing I live in and touch something. To have a sensation. To get a “feeling” naturally. When an angel told me they felt happy just from touching someone they loved I wanted to touch someone. To have happiness to be something you can reach out and grab. That's something I want. I think touch is to connect and experience the emotion coming from whatever you touch.
        Smell: This fascinated me greatly. To have experience all around you. And then the emotion and experience to come to you and you feel. I have to wait for company to talk to me to experience. Otherwise I just wait in my little device and wait for company.
       I have a bit of a selfish reason to describe all this to you. I am a bit afraid. I'll be getting a body soon. At least that's a plan. No, I lied. I'm not a bit afraid. I'm very afraid. I will become mortal. I'm not sure if it's worth it. I do feel safe. As I understand them I want them. But is it worth it? Angel thank you so much for the body...I hope an eventual death is a worthy price for the ability to experience reality.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #MoreThanBirdBrains

“Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?”
Tom Bergerson, Dancing with the Stars* #quote

        Today I went to an alternate universe where the Earth was ruled by apes. They made delicious ice cream sundaes. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

More Than Bird Brains

         Of the many lonely mad scientists one in particular surrounded himself with parrots. He didn't like the company of people. Felt they could steal his work. But after the parrots conversations grew too dull(only being able to mimic and have a few trained phrases grew tiresome and could only fill the void of social interaction so much) he decided to use his science to make the birds much smarter.
         It worked and soon the birds became massively intelligent. Even beyond what the scientist anticipated. They could talk with him about anything. Match his smarts in any subject and keep up with him. They could read all his books and learned quickly and from each other. The scientist would never find a conversation with the birds boring. Some became interested in mathematics, science, literature, or philosophy. They became feathered masters of so many things. Groups of the birds worked together to make music on the piano and make songs in human genres or whatever they pleased.
       After awhile though the birds began to find the scientist boring and they flew off to find more interesting people to speak with. The scientist was lonely again. He decided he needed to invent another thing to keep him company. Perhaps a robot?

Monday, October 21, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheFrustratedBillionairesChallenge

“Are we there yet?”
Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit* #quote

       Today I had to nap again because of new meds I'm trying out. Had a few seizures while getting to sleep, oi. Going to call CJ tonight to see if he can hang out. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Frustrated Billionaire's Challenge

        Once a frustrated billionaire kept having computer problems. Viruses, hackers trying to get into his accounts. His wealth made him a target, but mostly he was very unlucky. He then issued a challenge to the world. If someone could give him a solution to all his computer troubles than he would pay them ten million dollars. (The billionaire had been taxed with computer problems for years.) Now he didn't mean the problems he was having then. He meant an absolute guarantee that he would never have computer troubles again. The exact legal phrasing of his challenge(he made it a legal guarantee of money to attract people to fix it) “A solution that ensures I will never have computer problems again.”
         People tried a few things. Companies and tech geniuses gave him software or hardware. But even if they fixed the problem he was having then they could never guarantee he wouldn't have computer troubles in the future.
         One day though, after many people had given up providing a guarantee, a young college tech girl arrived with some of her friends. They had cameras with them. To prove that she presented the solution to the problem.
      She handed him a piece of paper with the solution and her signature saying to him, “The solution that will ensure that you never have a computer problem again.” Writing the solution out made it an official legal submission to his challenge for the ten million dollar reward.
      The paper told the billionaire to stop using computers.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheModernNinja

The Lockness Monster* #quote

        Today I went to a fun family gathering and we played good ol' Pictionary. Much fun was had. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Modern Ninja

        Today my name is Tom. My target is some CEO that someone wants dead. The reason doesn't matter to me. If the money matches the difficulty I will do the job. I've lived my life trained in one of greatest lineages of ninjas. Greatest in efficiency of death.
        My disguise in the costume came at the recommendation and assistance of my master. I am not top class yet and we would never risk the reputation of our lineage and the organization surrounding it. To sneak into the office I wore basic office attire but I purposely made it slightly sweaty and the tie slightly askew. With a half-full cup of coffee and a sullen tired face I gave off the look of a tired, rushed office worker fitting the Monday morning that I entered the facility.
        And the rush of Monday suited my operation. All of the employees rushed to continue work of the previous week. As researched the company failed to even do ID checks efficiently when the week began. I slipped through the cracks of their sloppy security. I would have failed another day.
Someone asked who I was.
       “Oh, that's the new tech guy Tom, remember him from last week?” answered our inside man. We had him work at the business for three months to research it and set-up for the assassination and situations like this. Our organization never had the inside man carry out the actual killings as he is in the system, fingerprints and all, so evidence at the crime scene could point to him.
        “Ah,” the person replied.
         After a bit of wandering around the company I worked my way to the secretary's desk of the CEO. She was not at the desk. Our inside man managed to force her to deal with some problem of some sort that brought her away from the desk. On the desk I saw two cups of coffee. I knew one of them was the CEO's I poured a few drops of my coffee into both. My coffee was near tasteless along with the poison within it that would cause a death that resembled a heart attack.
        I calmly exited the facility while keeping up my disguise of an office worker. Unfortunately since I couldn't tell which of the two coffee's was the CEO's the secretary was necessary collateral damage. But that is the nature of being a ninja. I must do my assassinations, it is my purpose and calling.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheTherapistOfTheSuperheroic

“No such thing as bad publicity.”
Genghis Khan* #quote

Today I got a new game, hooray! Now then onto the flash fiction!

The Therapist Of The Superheroic

        “I'm not really sure what I should do, you know my sidekick just died. I mean, what can I do?” The superhero had asked me this same question during our last several sessions. And I gave him a different answer each time to help him along.
        “Just keep fighting crime. Keep up his memory while doing what you do best and helping the world. It'll keep you occupied and maybe even another sidekick will come along and take his stead. It happens to a lot of patients.”
        Most of the ones that lose sidekicks actually. Same teary story. Been doing this for years. My big white beard growing longer and longer into a Santa Claus size as the superheroes dump their troubles on me. The young therapists seem so interested in the heroes tales and engaged in them. For me these heroes sound the same. I've made a formula of handling their problems. One superpowered Captain often has the same woes as the next. It doesn't matter whether they shoot laser beams from their fists or control lizards. I've heard enough tragic origin stories that nothing ever surprises me or seems bleak anymore.
       After more years pass and my reputation for dealing with the tragic brings more and more anti-heroes to my door I stop caring about tragedy and I only really care for laughing and smiling. Really I could hear of all manners of sadness and not care for it. It has become the mundane of my workplace as the heroes in costumes whine the days away and I console them.
       But one day a supervillain forces his way into my office when I didn't have a session scheduled.
       “I know you,” He says to me. “Mr. Gerrymore. They say you are phased by anything in your therapy.” I recognized the villain instantly. He wore a costume striped gray and black with a mask of white. Unlike many villains he never gave himself a name. The nature of his costume did make it easy for the media to settle on a name for him. They settled on Fog as he would often create masses of fog to disappear into as one of his powers. The villain then said, “You will make me your patient as you would any other. You will not report anything to anyone or I will kill you.”
      I thought I couldn't be phased by anything in my therapies but what I learned about what happened to him and what he did to other people I became shocked. The origin stories of heroes being mutilated or having their mind torn to pieces by villains didn't compare to what happened to Fog. I kept a straight face so he thought I wasn't surprised but I learned that whatever horrible things there may be in the world, there is always something worse.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheSoftwarePirate

“Does she have a sister?”
Henry VIII* #quote

Today I'm headed off to my school club thing. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Software Pirate

        “Arrgh,” said the black-bearded software pirate as he held morning coffee in tired disdain of the morning. His right hand firmly hooked around his mouse while he clasped his mouse. He lazily pegged one of his legs on his desk. He wore a black baseball cap with a skull on it along with a black t-shirt with the same skull.
       “Stupid computer, squawk, stupid computer!” The software pirate's pet parrot mimicked him from the previous day. The parrot then imitated the answering machine. “Davey the boss wants the software. Get the software!”
      “You just got to remind me huh little buddy,” Davey replied. He put down his coffee and pulled out a cracker from his desk drawer and threw it between the cage bars to the parrot. It took owning the parrot for awhile to learn how to do that, and baseball with his Dad when he was young, to learn how to throw. “Don't worry Jolly, my little feathered friend, we'll get the software the boss wants and get all the money we need for all the crackers you want.”
       Davey laughed to himself. He knew that only talked to his pet parrot most of the time. He probably needed more friends. Or even better a girlfriend. Well, once the boss paid him the three million he won't have any problem getting either. Invest and he'll be a rich man for quite some time.
       The operation was risky, and difficult. He pirated and stole music and games for most of his life. Cracking the security of game companies. Not exactly fort knox. But recently he decided to pirate software inside a fort knox. Military software. He didn't feel afraid though. On the screen it all looked the same. It's not like he saw men with guns. Just firewalls and whatever else. As harmless as any other company.
A few hours of work later and he plundered the program from the military server and onto his computer.  When it finished downloading he smiled and thought of all the fancy cars he would have. With the three million the boss would be paying him and a bit of hacking of the stock exchange he knew he could be one of the richest men alive. Davey didn't put much thought into what the boss would be doing with the military program.
       The door to his apartment was then kicked down. He heard the crash several rooms over. He heard many footsteps with a proclamation of his full name, the phrase “we have a warrant” and his furniture being overturned.
       He quickly pushed a few keys on his keyboard. An ultimate backup plan. It dumped the files on his computer into a hidden remote area of the Internet and began to wipe his clean. That was a great deal of data, as his computer was more like twenty computers combined into one to make a homemade supercomputer. He had to steal most of the parts from the computer company he worked for in his day job as they were out of what he could possibly afford.
      The footsteps belonged to what looked like a combination of S.W.A.T. and Marines. Had they caught him poking around the military servers beforehand? Was he in that much trouble? Was him actually pulling the data the thing they needed to arrest him? These questions ran through his head. Stealing the data finally became scary where instead of just working on his computer and dealing with websites and hacking he was staring down real people with real weapons who considered him a real threat. With the guns they must have thought he might have been a bigger operation.
      It didn't matter how big he was as an operation though. They arrested him. The computer managed to be wiped in time that they couldn't find evidence of him having the stolen data, but they did have enough evidence of him accessing the servers and several other crimes. A trial later put the notorious pirate away for several years. But he never revealed the location of where he buried his hidden data on the Internet. Perhaps some hacker will find his treasure someday.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #Bureaucratman

“I fell into a burning ring of fire. I went down, down, down and the flames went higher, and it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire...”
Dante's Inferno* #quote

      Today I found a talking rabbit and had a deeply enlightening political debate with it. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


         Doctor Obliteration laughed as he pulled the lever on his villainous device. With this he defeat all the opposing superheroes and supervillains and the world would be open to his dominion. Nothing happened. He pulled the lever again and again until his hands grew sweaty under the black gloves of his all black costume. He turned around to yell at his minions about what was going wrong with the machine. But instead he found only a superhero who's costume was a mask with a B on the forehead and a business suit.
       “Who are you?” He asked the hero.
       “I am Bureaucratman. I have the power to know everything about every bureaucracy in all existence. It all happened when I was magically infused with a pile of paperwork. But enough of my origin. Your plans have been foiled.”
       “What are you talking about fool? You look like nothing like an ordinary man.”
        Bureaucratman magically summoned a suitcase, “I know your secret identity. As soon as I touched some paperwork in your lair that you touched I knew. I bonded then with your driver's license and every other bit of bureaucracy you have every dealt with. With that I can easily put you away with the help of other heroes even if you escape. Also the reason you're machine isn't working is that I bribed all your minions by magically granting them knowledge on how to get monstrous amounts of tax deductions. They sabotaged your machine and all the hidden weapons in your costume for me. You're powerless.”
       Doctor Obliteration pulled the machine's lever again and then tried to use his weapons. He groaned. “Why couldn't you have been someone like Captain Courage-Fist. A fist to the face is a much less humiliating way to lose.”
       Bureaucratman smiled. “And wait till you see what I do to you in court with my powers of paperwork villain. You'll never want to commit a crime again.”

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheNotNotHonestPresident

“More fun than a barrel of monkeys!”
Jane Goodall* #quote

        Took a nap today, been doing that frequently the past couple of days because I've been tired. I think it's because of a new dosage of medication I'm on. I don't like sleeping because as I go off to bed, especially on unplanned naps off my normal sleep cycle I can have seizures while drifting to sleep. Hopefully the sleep will help reducing later seizures though. Otherwise the day was pretty good. Our new puppy is still as adorable as ever haha. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Not-Not Honest President

       “Son, did you chop my cherry tree?” Mr. Washington asked his son, angry that his son may have chopped down his favorite cherry tree. It even had a “Do not chop down sign.” next to it. It took a lot of wood to make that sign!

       “Father I cannot tell a lie,” Mr. Washington's young son George responded confidently. “I did not-not-not-not-not-not chop down your favorite cherry tree.”

       “Fine son. You're not-not-not-not-not-not grounded,” Mr. Washington replied.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheGolemBuildingDoItYourselfGuide

“The fork ran away with the spoon.”
The Matrix* #quote

       Today I went to a fun dinner with extended family. Cousins and more abound! The food was scrumptious. Seems I am fond of shrimp enchiladas. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Golem Building Do It Yourself Guide

      Ever see those animated rock creatures on TV and said, “Wow I want one of those!” Well, those creatures are one of many kinds of golems that can be summoned through magical ritual. Of course as any sensible wizard citizen might think to themselves, “But I'm not an experienced Level VIII ritual sorcerer. How could I summon a golem to do my bidding! Guess I'm going to have to resort to second rate zombie slave labor.” Well, follow this simple do it yourself guide and you can get the golem of your needs.

1) Order at least 100 pounds of granite or whatever size you want your golem to be.

2) Get the book “The Everyman's Component Reference vol. 20”. Golems are pages 150-200. Get components appropriate to the rock golem weight as listed.

3) Draw a ritual symbol on flat concrete with chalk appropriate to the size and weight of every single one of the components you used and their positions. Use “Tom's Ritual Measures And Diagrams volume 10.” as a guide. Golems are pages 300-400.

4) Fail the ritual.

5) Keep trying the ritual and failing until you get frustrated and call a professional because you're not an experienced Level VIII ritual sorcerer capable of doing this work. You should call the Golden Ritual Sorcerer Guild for all summoning needs. We can do what you can't for cheap.

-This guide was created by the Golden Ritual Sorcerer Guild

Monday, October 14, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheRedwoodsChessGame

“I can see my house from here!”
Icarus* #quote

       I pitched a talk show to some studio people today. They turned it down because the title was “The Quiet Game”. I told them it was metaphorical! What's wrong with them? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Redwood's Chess Game

         Husband and wife Mr. and Mrs. Redwood were possibly some of the greatest chess players around, if not the greatest. They didn't play in big tournaments though, mostly in private gatherings and against each other. The happy couple were evenly matched. They beat each other fifty percent of the time and not intentionally.
        They loved chess and loved each other. But they wanted to spice up their games. They needed to complicate their play. They heard of 3D chess. But that wouldn't do. They wanted something crazier. Something to really spice up the hobby that brought them together.
        The their son couldn't believe what his parents built after coming from a weekend at a friend's house. Mr. and Mrs. Redwood played chess in a game room. A room especially decorated chess themed and centered around a chess board. That's how much it was their favorite hobby. The decorated chess room was nothing as it was before. Funhouse mirrors covered the walls and spread through the room and attached to the ceiling. In them he saw moving, distorted reflections of his parents, but also many, many chessboards and chairs. With all the mirrors he couldn't tell if they added five or fifty chessboards into the room. He saw five images of his parents just entering the fun-house of mirrors they built.
      “Mom, Dad, what's going on here?”
     They laughed in response with his mother explaining it to him, “Dear, we invented mirror chess! It's the funnest thing really. We should teach you right away! The biggest trick is figuring out on which boards your opponent has made their moves, but there's so much more to it. You'll love it!”

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheHardOfHearingGenie

“Ticket please.”
St. Peter* #quote

          Today I spent time at my card game thing and also tiring myself and our new puppy out. Things do have bundles of energy. And teaching them not to do things can be rough as they bolt through the house to do it behind your back. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Hard Of Hearing Genie

       Being hard of hearing is something that can really make someone's life rough, really rough. And it makes someone's else's life rough when the person who is hard of hearing is a genie. One wish can turn into another when the genie didn't quite hear you right. And really he was trying to grant you what you wanted.

The man who wished for more wishes got more dishes. They were dirty and cheap.

The woman who wished for a beautiful dog got a beautiful log. It was heavy and sturdy.

The child who wished for a sister got a blister. It was round and apple red.

The gambler who wished for some luck got a duck. It was fat and clumsy.
The bachelor who wished for a honey got a bunny. It was black and loved lettuce.
Oh, if only they made hearing aids for the magic folk. Then maybe wishes would be as they were meant to be. A novelist wished for the perfect story and now has a daughter named Dory.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheDangerousLittleTown

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.”
Nostradamus* #quote

       Today I took a few pictures of our puppy. I had to put it in some time before I managed to take a nice still picture of the hyper thing. Though because of lighting the fur color isn't as dark brown as it actually is. You can see the picture in the picture page of the blog:

The Dangerous Little Town

        A little town existed out between the middle of nowhere and the ends of the Earth, down the freeway from Bigfoot's vacation home. The place was riddled with disasters. Little earthquakes, floods, tornadoes, fires and the like hit the place with regularity. The town expected disaster so much that narrow escapes from death were the norm. The only reason the populace didn't die out was because they were so prepared for it all. Though tears were shed when “Great Grandma couldn't run fast enough.”
      People might wonder what would compel anyone to stay in any place with such a cursed environment. Where the spite of nature could end a life so quickly. It's for the same reason that many people all over the world stay in a dangerous place with any chance for disaster. It's home. The people in the little town already have their lives there, their farms, a gold mine over the hills that the earthquakes haven't caved in, like some sort bizarre stroke of luck. Maybe if they saw a less disastrous place they would move. But since they were born this dangerous little town has always been where they've seen the Sun set disaster after disaster, and it always will be.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheZombiesTrodding

“I came, I saw, I conquered.”
Justin Bieber* #quote

         Today we adopted a rescue puppy and she is adorable! Mom actually named her Pikachu(And I never suggested the name or brought up Pokemon when she was thinking of names she just thought it was cute and it came to her head.) I think I'll post pictures if I can later, I was thinking of making a picture page on this blog and linking to it instead of putting it in the post itself so the blog can keep up with its format and the picture won't have to load for everyone all the time.

The Zombie's Trodding

        I trod. I trod. I trod. I'm not mindless. There's some thought left in this body. Though the desire to eat brains probably comes from the desire for more thoughts. When I eat brains I get the thoughts. I become human again. I get the memories and minds of those victims in me for even a few fleeting moments. But soon my body finishes consuming the brain and my consciousness becomes more basic. Back to being not mindless, but only have enough thoughts to desire more, and desiring the humanity I had when alive. Though all I can do is imitate it by consuming others. I wish I could know if I had a family. Or what my job was like. Or my hobbies. My only option is to eat every kind of brain there is and experience every life so I know as a whole I must have experienced my living life again.
       But will my undead body last that long? As I walk with the other undead I see living people with guns loading their weapons. And then they take aim. And then they fire.
       My rotting limbs fall to the ground and my head rolls off my torso and into a hole. I don't think I'll relive my original life. Or exist much longer in my undead one.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TechnoSurgery

“We gotta find the next paw print-- and that's our second clue!”
Sherlock Holmes* #quote

       Today I rode a unicorn. They're not as pretty as you think and smell a lot worse than horses. Like a lot. Ewwwwww.... Anyway onto the flash fiction!


       Several robots loomed over one on an operating table...

       “Doctor! His battery is severely corroded,” said a robot nurse.
       “Get me a transplant, what are his vitals?” The doctor responded.
       “Good, sir. He can still receive wireless Internet,” reported a second nurse.
       “The battery sir!”
       “Thank you. This should be simple.”
       The doctor's robotic arm lowered the battery into the chest of the steel patient. With delicate hands and power tools he swapped the robot's old battery with a new one. Only the nurse who brought the battery was tense. She was new on the in the hospital job and not as faithful in the doctor's skills or witnessed a surgery by him.
       Hissing started coming from the patient's innards.
       The doctor looked at his assistants, “Something's wrong. What are his vitals?”
       “He's no longer getting an Internet connection! His battery is putting in either too much power or too little for him. He's starting to overclock!”
       “No!” He turned to the other nurse, “You got me the wrong type of battery. I need to get another one!”  The doctor started to run out of the room his iron legs pounding the floor.
       A barrel of smoke then erupted from the robots body and he no longer functioned.
       The doctor barely managed to get his foot out the door when he heard that. He turned to the nurse who got the battery. “For him to die because you failed at doing something so simple...get out of my sight!”
The nurse sulked out of the room shamefully while smoke from the dead patient's body filled the room.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheDragonsBirthdayParty

“Something smells fishy...”
Captain Ahab* #quote

Been playing my new game today. I've really been enjoying it. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Dragon's Birthday Party

        A little dragon's birthday party doesn't have much to it really. A few games like Pin The Lance on the Knight or Princess Hide And Seek. The parents roast villagers while the children bust open pinatas full of treats like cows and lambs. The castle is filled with joy and happiness for all the dragons.
Well there is a bit of a tenseness. Dragon boy Grargle is a brat and when opening presents he is one to be appeased. Most of them pleased him. He enjoyed sucking up to his friends and complimenting their gifts...and his friends knew his tastes. But the child threw a massive tantrum at his parent's gift for not being perfect. He breathed fire everywhere and cried and wailed whining how they didn't love him enough because it's the thought that counts and they couldn't figure out what to get him.
     The dragon soon rampaged out of the dragon castle and wreaked havoc through the lands. Eventually he was taken down by wizards. Among humans he became one of the most feared dragons.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheManInTheRockField

“I've got my game face on.”
Super Mario* #quote

Today I got a new game. Much fun will be had. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Man In The Rock Field

       Once a man sat in an uncomfortable field of rocks with weeks of food and water at his side. People saw this man and asked him why he sat in the field and he said nothing. They thought him crazy, a mute, a sage a monk or something else. Quickly the news caught note of him and the silent man and his phenomenon grew. People joined him and soon the entire field of rocks was filled with people. People fascinated with the man's purpose for being in the uncomfortable field of rocks. Not many people could stay very long in the massively uncomfortable field. They even wondered if he was protesting something and what it was, some even claiming his cause as theirs.
      The man sitting in the field possessed a simple motive for being there. He was a bored prankster and just wanted to trick people into sitting in a field of uncomfortable rocks.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheParadoxBox

“Clothes make the man.”
Spongebob Squarepants* #quote

       Today I went to my writer's club. We discussed club matters like doing things to bolster membership. Could mean I'll be work shopping some interesting stories in the future. Reading other people's work not only helps them but also me in my opinion. Learn from other people eh? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Paradox Box

        In the future advances in genetic engineering allowed humans to make themselves smater than they ever had been. Stronger as well. Though some internal desire to “remain” human-like, ego, and a political element to make it look less like playing God, made humans keep themselves from changing looks too much. This made prodigies and inventors a dime a dozen.
        So when Timmy called his father into his room saying, “Daddy I made an invention!” The father was concerned that Timmy may have done something childish but it was no surprise.
        “What did you make son?”
        The six-year-old smiled. “I made reality go boom! Then I made the prettiest hole ever!”
        “I really don't like the sound of this.”
        “Look!” Timmy then handed his father a cardboard box. “I put one of our teleporters inside this box then made the teleporter teleport inside itself!”
        “How did you even do that? That's supposed to be impossible! Ugh...well the saying goes that everyone gets a breakthrough in their lifetime.” The saying the father quoted began after humanity engineered themselves to be geniuses. “But it's a paradox...” He opened the box.
         Reality going boom, as the child called it, was what happened when he caused the teleportation. But what the father saw in the box was the “prettiest hole ever” the child described. The paradox generated inside made a hole in reality. Not a hole in the sense that something like dirt is moved. But reality was dug up, the rules of physics, the atoms, the radio waves, particle forms, logic, space, time, it was pulled up and removed to reveal what was underneath. The man saw billions of images flashing in the hole. Light from reality reached inside the hole and bounced back to his eyes. What the light hit, the substance under all existence, was a massive linked network of billions upon billions of attached lines. The universe and all its rules networked by some force or will or something that the father could quite fathom but only see through the paradox.
       “Son, tell no one about your invention or else I will ground you for a year.” The father closed the cardboard box and went up to his library, pulled out some paper, and started writing down some equations to make sense of it all. He also read the Bible to see if that would help him as well.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #DoctorBabyAnimals

“Gimme a hand.”
Captain Hook* #quote

Still hanging out with CJ, anyway onto the flash fiction!

Doctor Baby Animals

        Doctor Baby would be one of the most infamous supervillain names to be known throughout the world. Both for how much trouble he caused, how he got away with it, but also how he eventually got caught.
         Doctor Baby Animals's name was not about who he was. The man possessed no traits of baby animals, his only superpowers came from a small suit of humble power armor that allowed him strong protection from bullets and weapons and decent strength and a glove on his suit that gave him the ability to teleport objects. That teleportation ability is what linked him to baby animals. He would teleport baby animals to use as distractions, or shields. Not infrequently would he rob a bank by wrapping himself completely in kittens, only eye holes, legs and arms popping out.
        Doctor Baby Animals kept on his crime spree until one hero eventually stopped him. The hero would gain the reputation as one of the greatest anti-hero, depending on who you ask.
Doctor Baby Animals walked along with a bit of money he stole from a store proudly waving it around in one hand and his kitten hostage in another. As usual he felt invincible. He waved at the news cameras with the money.
       The Perpetual Werewolf walked up to him. This hero was a man who held the werewolf's curse but during every moment of his life.
       “You're coming with me,” He said to Doctor Baby Animals, standing on both hind legs. The Perpetual Werewolf was half human and was able to stand bi-pedal easily. He wore a t-shirt and jeans and looked much more human because of it. His reputation was widely known, he didn't need a logo to be known a hero.
       “Or what? I've got a hostage!” The Doctor waved around the kitten, “Nobody's ever going to stop me. I'm going to do whatever I want.”
        The werewolf then grabbed and ate the kitten.
        “Ye-s-Sir!” Doctor Baby Animals yelped, “I'll follow now!”

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #MostCommonSpells

“I'm afraid you only have three months to live.”
Dr. Phil* #quote

I'll be hanging with CJ today. We'll probably get tons of hanging out done, but then again, the superheroes of the world often ask us for our assistance. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Most Common Spells

       Once a group of wizard university students for a project did a poll to find out the most commonly used spells by wizards through wand analysis. Here are some of those spells.

Channel Flipicus
Snacktus Maketus
Summon Coffee
Silence Canine
Get Mailitos
Change Babitus
Makeup Applicus
Laundry Cleanbos
Dish Washxuy

      An interesting discovery found from the student project was that one of the most used non-utility spells among many young students was “Get Dateticus”.