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Sunday, June 30, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheMundaneNightmare

“C'mon, I dare you.”
Jiminy Cricket* #quote



Today I went to play cards at a place with Jessica. Much fun was had. Anyway onto the flash fiction!



The Mundane Nightmare


        My subconscious decided to give me a quite the plain nightmare. But something that made my feel uneasy nonetheless. And worse yet this mundane nightmare came to me every night. The nightmare was always a replay of the day's events before I feel asleep but details were changed everywhere. Details on where things were in the room. Details on what happened. Details on people clothes and in their faces. They'd be wearing the wrong shirts they're eye colors would be wrong. Even if they were my own friends and family. Maybe a bit too tall or too short. Fat or thin. Everything in memory would be off.
       This distortion would make me feel so wrong and reality in the nightmare so uneasy and unpleasant. Often scarier than you would think. The whole world changed just enough so that it wasn't what you knew. So you knew that you were dreaming a facade. It frightened me maybe more than it should have. But the mundane nightmare struck me deep.
      Enough that I had to see a therapist. But a stuck it through. Fought the mundane nightmare. I still have it. But I just deal with everything being wrong. Everything being off. The therapist made me spend time looking at objects in a mirror, upside down, through telescopes, and so much more to distort my perception waking. He made me think of all the ways the world is distorted and made me think that everything is a little off.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheSuperheroismScam

“Not the brightest bulb in the box.”
Thomas Edison*


          Well my friend Jessica is coming over today so yeah. Maybe we'll travel to an alternate universe just like this one and do what would have done in this one. Anyway onto the flash fiction!





The Superheroism Scam


       I was once one of the most beloved of superheroes. Captain Undefeatable. I used my superpowers to protect my city Industryopoliville from the robotic minions Doctor Techno-Fright. But when a superheroine named Arcticgal came into town people soon saw a superheroism scam. The superheroism scam as they would call it. She wouldn't let me fight Doctor Techno-Fright alone. She feared for my safety. No matter how much I told her. I tried to stop her from helping me. Doctor Techno-Fright's robots tried to stop her from helping me.
       But it was discovered by her that I am Doctor Techno-Fright. The robots would attack the city, cause damage, put people in danger all so that I may have my glory and fame as a hero. The scam was revealed by her. And now I'm in prison. I'm not sure what kind of fame I have here now.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ThereOnceWasAFlashFictionWriter

“No such thing as bad publicity.”
Genghis Khan* #quote



          Well my friend Jessica's coming over tomorrow. I think much shenanigans and fun will be had. She hasn't come over in awhile because she had to deal with the horrible abomination that is bedbugs but they're all cleared out now. So yay! Anyway onto the flash fiction!


There Once Was A Flash Fiction Writer


Once long ago in a strange land filled with rednecks and nerds and everything inbetween and more there was a flash fiction writer. He wrote a blog where he posted stories daily. At least as often as he could. Mostly science fiction or fantasy, sometimes things different. Sometimes things with different formats, really odd and eccentric. And sometimes when he was in a rush and couldn't come up with anything better. He'd write something like this to make sure he got something done for his wonderful readers!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #WakeUpOrDie

“Everything is half off!”
King Solomon* #quote

Today I decided to do something then didn't do it. Then later I decided to do something and did it. Then grandma came over for dinner and much fun was had. Anyway onto the flash fiction!



Wake Up Or Die


       “Hello Zack.”
       “Who are you? What are you doing in my mansion? You're not one of my butlers! Or my genius, celebrity, supermodel wife!”
      “You have to wake up Zack.”
      “I said who are you? Get off my estate or I'll call my private security team! I'm also best friends with all the important people in the world! Do you want me to put a bad word in with the President?”
      “I'm your survival instinct Zack. You have to wake up Zack. You've been dreaming too long. They'll unplug you and you'll die.”
      “You're saying I'm dreaming?”
      “Yes.”
      “That some sort of joke?”
       “If it's a joke Jack then how are we on the ceiling? It's a strange thing that only happens in dreams that only a dreaming man would ignore so easily. And only a dreaming man would ignore the fact I have twenty arms so easily.”
         “My survival instinct huh? Come to save me from my dreams?”
          “Another part of your not dreaming subconcious heard them talking about unplugging you. So I came to your dreams to save you. Wake up so they won't kill you.”
         “But if what you're saying is the truth then I will go back to an imperfect world. More time here is better than out there.”
         “Zack. I am your survival instinct. And one thing I can ask you to make you think about living is this: How old are you?”
         “At least old enough to marry my wife. Well I guess you said she's not real. I don't remember now when I married her. Are they unplugging me because I'm to old or too young? Did I imagine myself being older? Do I have a lot to live for? Hey, you're messing with my head!”
        “Zack, wake up.”
        “Maybe you're right. And I do need to wake up. I'm giving up a lot for this.”
        Zack awoke. His doctor shocked, his family shocked. The room was bright. At least to him. Things slowly came into focus. He saw his young hands. A teenager came into his vision. That's how old he was. Not a man in a mansion with a genius, celebrity, supermodel wife. But certainly someone with much more to live for.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #WhatsAManWithAmnesiaSupposedToDo

“Your friendly neighborhood Spiderman.”
Little Miss Muffet* # quote

Today I found out a secret. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


What's A Man With Amnesia Supposed To Do?


Oh what a terrible day!
I've got amnesia the doctors say!
Oh what a terrible day!
I've got amnesia the doctors say!
What to do?
What to do?
They explain to me:
You'll know everything you've learned in school.
But not where you went to school.
So I got all the details.
All the fine details.
But not the whole picture.
Probably if I have a wife I'll remember everything about her but not that they are her.
I think it's like my mind shattered.
Shattered.
Shattered.
So what can I do?
So what can I do?
What do I need to do?
What do I absolutely need to do?
I got it!
I really got it!
I need to watch all the famous movies ever made before people tell me how they end!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheNewDiplomat

“Garbage in garbage out.”
Oscar the Grouch* #quote

       Sorry, for the lack of story yesterday. Just flat couldn't quite get one out. But on the plus side my friend Jessica is coming over this Saturday. She hasn't been able to forever because she had to deal with bed bugs. Egads. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


The New Diplomat

         “So you're the new human diplomat? But you're such a short little thing!” One of the orc nobles said with a large laugh. Five hundred years ago the orcs were thought of as a savage race but now they seeked nothing but the highest in elegance and strength. They stood as massive, green creatures, around seven feet tall, their nobles always insisted on draping themselves in layers of the finest silks. And I was now in a room full of those nobles dressed in rainbows of colorful silk. The jewelery all over their hands showed me the vast wealth of the orc lands.
        “It's in bad taste to mock a human's height,” another orc said before I could even get a word in. I hadn't even managed to introduce myself to orcs sitting in the banquet hall. Though really an introduction was just a formality. They already knew I was coming. I was a wizard, blue hat and suit to show it. I wore a medal to show my status as a state representative. Did he insult my height because I was human? Or still young? I wore blonde hair way longer than even the orcs usual standard and my eyes were so blue they looked like they belonged to freshly born child.
       The orc that first comment then responded, “I know it's just that compared to the previous human diplomat he's just so short!”
All the orcs lowered their heads.
      A woman orc dressed in pure white robes spoke up, I knew that the white robes meant she was the one who headed the military. “Rest that human's soul. I thought humans were a horrible race until I met him. He's one of the most noble beings I ever met. Every treaty he ever drafted benefited both our lands immensely. He understood us all. Not only as a whole people and culture but as individuals. Least he died peacefully of old age. The story was that he died at sunset.”
      The orc that insulted my height then yelled, “And you're his replacement! You're what we get! How can you replace him?” The entire orc crowd began to yell at me and I never even spoke to them. They told me he was like a brother to them, or a father. Several said that the diplomat saved their lives. Orcs started to get up from the table. I looked at him. I wasn't sure what to do. They were starting to form into a mob.
      This was my first diplomatic meeting. I got the job because of two factors. One, I was a wizard. That was a requirement of any diplomat so that they may defend themselves in foreign lands without bodyguards if no bodyguards are around and also show some sort of power to show the humans as a powerful race. Two I was the son of a high ranking human noble and wanted the job so I could travel and “make a difference” with us and other lands.
     I don't think I knew anything about diplomacy truthfully in hindsight. I did get this job from a political position as a noble. I did however understand wizardy. Though I simply couldn't cast a spell on the orcs. They have several wizards among their ranks to avoid persuasion spells to calm them down. Don't know what kind of silk dress or jewelry identifies them. So I need to remember the philosophies given to me by my teachers. Use the problem solving sets I understand.
     “Teacher if there's a spell I don't have a counter spell for what do I do?” I remember asking my teacher one day.
       My teacher laughed. “There is always a counter spell. It's the opposite force of what you're facing.”
So in response to the mob I went down to the dinner table, began eating the food they set out for me and said, “This is delicious, thank you.” They looked at me oddly as I ignored them. Eventually they just sat down and began eating themselves. I didn't introduce myself until they asked me my name.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #FabionTheDragonAndThePrinces

“2+2=5”
School House Rock* #quote



      Today I went to my cousin Samantha's birthday party. It was totally radical. There were robot unicorns, scholar dragons, honest politicians and all sorts of other fantasy creatures too! I think I was the only one that saw them though cuz they were in the backyard. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


Fabion, The Dragon And The Princess

       “It seems there's quite the problem we have dragon.” Great Knight Fabion said with his magic sword raised and magic armor all around him. The magic's power distorted reality and light around him so that he looked like he was painted onto the world. His blue eyes, black skin, blonde hair, all looked like a portrait and not like a real human being because of the magic. His silver colored armor fell under the same effect.
       The dragon towering into the air above the knight agreed, nodding his black scaled head. “You cannot kill me and I cannot kill you.” The dragon look painted onto the world as well as he wore magic chains all over his body.
       “But I have a princess to save.” The knight said.
       “And I have a princess to keep. But I wouldn't call what you're doing saving.” The dragon laughed, little puffs of smoke coming from his mouth like a the exhaust from a train.
The knight yelled at the dragon, “I am saving her from you, you monster!”
       “Saving? I know your intentions are the same as mine. To use her magic for the good of your kingdom. I am a knight of my kingdom just as you are. And to do that you have to keep her locked in a room with a magic circle day and night.”
       “Are you mocking me?”
       “At least your fake chivalry Fabion. I even bothered to learn your name before our duel.”
       The knight charged at the dragon. “We may have been at a draw before but I'll find a way to break through your defenses now!” Fabion hit the dragon with his sword over and over. Both of them shared the same mighty magic protection. It was like someone attempting to burn fire.
       The dragon laughed again when the knight bounced off him. “It's a funny thing Fabion. The princess told me that we treated her much better than you, her own people did. Of course since we teach her our language, bring her books, entertain her with music, bring her exotic food, bring her company, we try to make life being trapped in the room with a magic circle the best we can. It seems you just let her rot with only a few visitors.”
       “Shut up!” The knight continued to attack the dragon felt the blows though did not get injured.
        “And I don't care if I have to take a beating in enchanted armor to protect that poor princess. I will take the hits until you collapse from exhaustion and my backup can take you out. After all I adopted her as a daughter when we took her in.”
        And that's how it all played out. Fabio wouldn't accept the dragon thinking differently than he expected him too. The knight fought till both him and dragon fell weak and the dragons backup came in and took off Fabios armor. Now no human knight would be able to retrieve the princess as there was only one enchanted armor for humans and the princess would only live to benefit the dragon kingdom and help their people with her magic.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #PirateAlphabet

“Youth is wasted on the young.”
Dorian Gray* #quote

       Today I had a bit of a trip of nostalgia by reading some old web comics I hadn't read in a long time. It's nice to revisit old times, especially in the form of a story. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


Pirate Alphabet

       Hey kiddos! Plunder the pirate here! And today we're going to sing the all twenty six letters in the alphabet. Ooooohhhhhhh.....

The first letter is R and that stands for rounding up your crew.
The second letter is R and that stands for running up and down the deck of your ship.
The third letter is R and that stand for roughing up disobedient crew members.
The fourth letter is R and that stands for rampaging through port towns.
The fifth letter is R and that stands for readily pillaging any city you please.
The sixth letter is R and that stands for rations on the open seas.
The seventh letter is R and that stands for raunchy women in taverns.
The eighth letter is R and that stands for refining your swashbuckling skills.
The ninth letter is R and that stands for rethinking your plan of attack.
The tenth letter is R and that stands for rats on board the ship.
The eleventh letter is R and that stands for the rain in terrifying storms on the open seas.
The twelfth letter is R and that stands for ransacking small villages.
The thirteenth letter is R and that stands for regularly making people walk the plank.
The fourteenth letter is R and that raiding enemy ships.
The fifteenth letter is R and that stands for ruthlessness in leadership.
The sixteenth letter is R and that stands for rocks on the shoreline.
The seventeenth letter is R and that stands for revenge on all your enemies.
The eighteenth letter is R and that stands for rotting scurvy victims.
The nineteenth letter is R and that stands for ransom paid in full.
The twentieth letter is R and that stands for rum the best drink for a pirate.
The twenty-first letter is R and that stands for the rumbles of cannon fire.
The twenty-second letter is R and that stands for rafts for when there are no worthy ships.
The twenty-third letter is R and that stands for rugged pirate beards.
The twenty-fourth letter is R and that stands for royalty taken for all they're worth.
The twenty-fifth letter is R and that stands for rowing the boat through the ocean waters.
The twenty-sixth letter is R and that stands for rubies and all the pirate treasure in the world!

Friday, June 21, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #AGuideToEvilLaughter

“Keep it simple.”
Rube Goldberg* #quote



Today I'm going to dinner with my family and such. It will be a scrumptious and fun time! Anyway onto the flash fiction!



A Guide To Evil Laughter


         Hello supervillains, mad scientists, demons and all evil doers world wide. It is I Doctor Annihilation, mega-supervillain renowned for my massive vile plots and innovative, impressive evil laughs. I'm addressing you to help you with your own evil laughs. It's something many villains need but often have a large amount of trouble with. And if you fail with your evil laugh then your ability to intimidate your foe or enjoy your schemes will diminish. And no villain will want that.
        One of the most important things to remember is that an evil laugh comes from the heart as much as it does from the lungs. Never try to copy someone else's laugh. You'll fail in creating a truly earnest, powerful laugh that is true and evil. It won't have your vileness unless it comes from you. Just put your own emotions into it.
       What I do is the same tricks that singers do when they want to make their voices boom through large halls. Use your diaphragm and every part of your throat and lungs. Sing the darkness and evil in your soul into a shaking hatred or twisted insanity or whatever source of villainy that drives you.
       So all in all my fellow evil doers: Put your whole body and mind into it and you will have the evil laughs that will echo through the night and chill the air, just like mine.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheGoblinAndItsMaster

“Getting down and dirty”
Mr. Clean*


        Read my game informer more today. Mmmmm reading. Words are tasty. Speaking of reading: Anyway onto the flash fiction!


The Goblin And It's Master


        I'm a simple little goblin. Green and dressed in brown with bright yellow eyes. And like many I've been summoned from my homeland when I was born and bound into servitude by a magic caster. My master is a witch. She's a powerful caster, famous and well known. And not someone to cross. So far I served her for the past sixteen years of my life, as I said from birth.
        Today though something unusual happened. While the witch worked on powerful concoction in her cauldron something went horribly wrong and the cauldron shot forth magical fumes that engulfed her. She fell to the ground injured, her magic drained, her body weak and dying. I sat at the edge of the room.
        “Goblin!” She yelled with her usual angry, barking voice. “Get me the white healing potion off the shelf!” Her voice turned weaker when the pain started to weaken.
        I started to go for the potion on my trained instincts of being her summoned slave but then I realized something: For the first time in my life she was weaker than me. She was on the verge of death. I knew what she was working on. I knew in a few moments she would be dead.
I knew if I did nothing she would die and I would be free.
       I didn't even know what freedom was though. Did I want it? Would I prefer to keep serving her until the day I died? I knew that she otherwise used spells to decrease the rate of her aging so I would be under her control forever. If I didn't grab the healing potion I would be a slave forever. But also in a way I would murder her. Would I murder her for freedom, something I didn't quite understand? After thinking about all the years I spent with the witch I made my decision.
      I left the healing potion on the shelf.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ASociallyAwkwardMeeting

Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door.”
Harry Houdini* #quote


       Today I got a new Game Informer magazine. Read about some virtual reality goggles they were making. Sounds impressive. I had my own idea for a video game console based on virtual reality potentials. I wonder if they'll ever reach what I brainstormed as a future possibility. Anyway onto the flash fiction!





A Socially Awkward Meeting


     A man and a woman ran into each other in the woods. Almost smacking their heads together. It was midnight so this was expected. They looked into each others eyes. They noticed they both shared something in common. They both carried a shovel and dragged a heavy bag. And just from the shape they could both tell that the other's bags carried a body.
       "So, uh, come here often?” The man said to the woman.
       “Yeah, all the time!” She smiled back sweating. “I hike here like, every week, like all the time. Totally. During midnight. This is normal for me.”
       “Why, uh, me too. But uh, this is the first time I've gone this way. That's probably why I haven't run into you before.” The man nodded. “Right of course.”
       “Oh! Um, my bag is just some supplies.”
       “Mine too.”
       “Shovel clears away branches.”
       “Of course. That's why I have one.”
The woman groaned. “Ugh, who we kidding. We both know what's in each other bags.”
       “We could share a hole. It'd save time.” The man suggested with a shrug and uncomfortable grin. “I don't want to be out here long with my...cargo.”
       “Alright. Let's start digging.”
        So the man and woman dug and dug and eventually made their hole and threw the bodies in. Tired and sweaty they looked at each other breathing heavily while perched on their shovels.
       “Well I'm beat.” The man commented. “This has been one uncomfortable night in more ways than one.”
The woman then said on an impulse. “Want to go out for coffee later?”

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #IWishedToSaveTheWorld

“I forgot to send him a card for father's day!”
Luke Skywalker* #quote



       Today I read on the Internet that things will happen. Better panic. Because when somebody tell you they read that something will happen from the forever reliable source that is the Internet you must panic. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


I Wished To Save The World


      I once wished I could save the world. Well I wished it many times. I really wanted a grand adventure or something. I live in a world of dragons and wizards so that could of thing could happen. A normal girl like me could go on any adventure.
       I did get my wish granted to save the world.
       I was at the marketplace in town. The same bustling marketplace that was boring for me but exciting for any traveler. I could see the king's castle in the distance. So magnificent. But as I did every Tuesday I just sat at the fruit stand, trying to sell fruit. Being a pretty girl I could actually sell a good amount of fruit compared to my dad, the experienced salesman. While I was peddling fruit and waiting for Dad to return for his shift I saw a wizard walking along through the marketplace. He was with knights and other upper class people. I could tell he must have been in the employ of the king. The people gazed at him. Then swarmed around him. The presence of a wizard was a spectacle. He tried to ignore the people. The knights worked to push away the crowds without using violence. The crowds were smart enough to not dog pile the wizard.
However someone got close. Someone I noticed because they had that look. The look of a thief.
     Thieves try to adapt a face of “I'm minding my own business” before pickpocketing. So many people have tried to swipe fruit from the edges of the stand and money from our pockets as we sell that I've gotten accustomed to the it. I saw the thief go after the wizard and manage to pickpocket his robes. I didn't know there were pockets in there. Well I wouldn't be surprised if the wizard wore some suit under there to carry everything. Robes were largely decorative and ceremonial.
      I dashed for the thief before he could get too far away from the wizard. I tackled the theif to the ground. He was a scrawny man. Probably to slip into the crowds. He had taken some sort of potion. The wizard and knights saw me tackle the man down and the wizard walked up took out his wand and cast a spell on the thief. The thief couldn't move. I think it was some kind of paralyzing spell.
      “Young lady, I don't know if you understand what you did...that thief was a hired professional. Hired by the Nightmare Clan of wizards. That potion is a spell component in one of my most powerful spells. A spell that will stop their wicked plans. You're good deed may have saved the world. I thank you.” The wizard, who was many ranks higher than me in the class system of our land, bowed to me.
       It wasn't exactly an adventure, but I got my wish.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ThePetLeftAlone

“I'll take the guy on the left.”
Leonidas* #quote

          Today I cleaned my room a little. There's still so much stuff that it still looks terrible. Well most of it is the fact I pulled out all my books out of my closet to reorganize them into my closet differently. And I have a lot of books. I mean really. A LOT of books. But hey can you ever have too many books? Hmmm...anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Pet Left Alone


What happens when you leave your pet alone and no one is there to watch it? A few things actually.
      1. The pet has a high chance of sleeping.
      2. The pet will probably stare at the wall bored.
      3. The pet will probably move around still bored.
      4. The pet may attempt to play with other pets or available.
      5. The pet may look around for you.
      6. The pet may stare at whatever exit you took and patiently wait your arrival home as you are it's primary source of entertainment and sustenance.
      7. The pet may contact it's alien overlords to report on whatever data it has collected on you during it's spy missions as all pet species are now enhanced and controlled in some way by nanobots operated by aliens studying our species, determining if we will be allies or enemies or become pets ourselves.
      8. The pet may go to the bathroom. Hopefully in a place you want it too.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #PenguinZombies


“Gimme a hand.”
Captain Hook*


       Today I went to a comic book shop where I could possibly play the card game and some such on a regular basis, perhaps weekly. So much fun will be had without having to go to specific tournaments. Huzzah! Anyway onto the flash fiction!


Penguin Zombies


       When the zombie plague hit Earth it didn't hit humans...it hit penguins. It made their dead rise, and made them invincible. Try to kill them and their body parts would rise again, or like a starfish form into even more zombie penguins. But penguins born in the starfish fashion couldn't be call born really, they were unholy zombies and were often only partially built: heads were often collapsed and and fin and feathers would be missing.
       The zombie penguins waddled all over the world and spread all over. They pecked at the living over and over till only their torn remains scattered the ground. The mangled flesh of the victims of the zombie penguins would then transform into more zombie penguins. With each victim the penguins spread and spread. Every living being becoming a zombie penguin.
      Soon the Earth was filled with nothing but the squawking undead.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #MagicWordOfTheDay

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.”
Wile E. Coyote*


       CJ and I went the card tournament today. I got won 2 and lost 4. (However unlike last time both victories were real instead of one being a dropout of my opponent.) Good considering I am way new into playing the card game again. Also this is the 500th post on the blog! Neat huh? Anyway onto the flash fiction!




Magic Word Of The Day

       “Hey kids!” An excited dragon puppet says while standing next a witch puppet. “It's Dragono the dragon here to teach you about magic words with Deri the witch!”
       “Yes children! It's time for the magic word of the day here on Enchantment Street!” The witch puppet flapped its mouth with vibrant expression and waved its arms around a prop wand in hand.
Dragono turned to Deri, his green plastic scales popping out against the red backdrop. “What's today's magic word Deri?”
       “What a wonderful question Dragono! Why it's Yagounitu!”
The dragon puppet looked down to express nervousness. “Well that's such a long magic word. I'm not sure I can even say it.”
       The witch puppet laughed. “Oh you can learn how to say it. I'll help you! And maybe even the kids at home! I'll chant it along with the kids and you listen closely now Dragono.” The witch puppet nodded then began her chant, the writers expecting the children to chant along, “Yagounitu, yagounitu, yagounitu, yagounitu, yagounitu, yagounitu.” she repeated over and over for thirty seconds.
      “Wow! Thanks Deri and all the kids at home that chanted along. I think I can say it now. Yagounitu.” The dragon puppet laughed. “I really did it, that's wonderful. But gee what's this magic word used for?”
       “I'm glad you asked Dragono! It's a saftey spell used to ward off the undead!”
       “Oooo...the undead can be really scary. I'm glad we're learning this spell today Deri.”
       “Yup. Just say this magic word any many undead creatures will just run away!” The witch puppet flung her arms into the air.
       A zombie puppet then stumbled into view from stage right. “Brainnssss....”
     “Yagounitu!” The dragon yelled.
The zombie dashed away.
      “Good job! Dragono. But remember the magic word doesn't always work that quickly. So while you're chanting the magic word over and over to scare away the undead remember to yell for an adult.”
      “I got it Deri!”
      The witch and dragon turned directly to camera and spoke together. “That's it for Magic Word Of The Day!”

Friday, June 14, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #UltimateAttackTechnique

“If the shoe fits, wear it.”
The Sasquatch*



        Cj's coming over tonight. May hijinks ensue. Hopefully we don't accidentally get wrapped up with any inter-dimensional entertainment politics. Apparently we got Cthulhu out of a movie deal and boy was he mad. I mean we all made up over cake in the end but I'd rather not make him angry again.



Ultimate Attack Technique


        “You have learned much my student,” The Supreme Martial Arts Master said as he stroked his beard and sat on a cushion in his dojo. “You knew much even before coming here, only taking a year to learn many of my lessons. You have indeed been my most dedicated student.”
         “I have the most desire to acquire your abilities my master,” the student bowed. “You are the most powerful in all the lands.”
        “Well there is one very powerful thing I can teach you. At least as a technique. Something that will allow you to take whatever else you may need. It is the secret to my power.”
The student's attention to the master turned much more interested. “What is it?” The student became eager. He knelt to the floor to show humility but leaned forward like it would help him grab it like it were an object.  “I wish to learn your secret.”
       “It is the ultimate attack technique. It is not intended for defense. It is pure malicious magic drawn from your chi. Something that grinds into the mind. It will always kill the opponent. But also you will rip the knowledge of their mind. You would steal their techniques and power for your own,” The master looked his students in the eyes. “You already have the skill to perform this technique.” The master then pointed to various points on his body. “Hit these points with your fingers to use the chi from your body on your opponent. Then you can take their power and knowledge for your own and kill them for sure. I am teaching you this so that you can take down any opponent if you need to.”
      The student then saw an opportunity. The master will a lowered guard. Skipping years of training and taking his power to boot. The student could become the master in one swift attack. Then he could become more and more powerful with simple attacks. Even in the night. What a foolish thing for the master to do the student thought. The student always wanted power and status and now he would get it.
The student immediately attacked the master with the technique hitting all the points as the master described. Yet nothing happen.
       “And now I have read your intentions,” the master said. “You are both foolish and evil. I made that technique up it is pure fiction. And you are obviously a dangerous man who cannot be trusted even with the techniques I have given you so far. I know now you will hurt innocent people. I'm sorry but this is going to hurt.”
      The master then attacked the student and paralyzed him.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #CupidsAtWar

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.”
Nostradamus* #quote



       CJ will be coming over this weekend and we'll be headed to a card tournament dookicky. I'm hoping I won't have any seizures at it. I didn't have any at the other and I also didn't have any seizures at the dentist this week so my luck's been doing good. Anyway onto the flash fiction!





Cupids At War


        The elf let out a pained howl followed by a weak whimper after the Taser was pulled away from his body. The pointed ears of the elf were bleeding, his yellow eyes bloodshot. The torture didn't start out electrical, but whatever kind it was all together it lasted hours.
        “That's impressive,” the cupid holding the Taser said. “You really must value your principles.” The cupid smiled with his Hollywood quality smile. His patted the tied up elf with his hand, his skin a soft black and his wings a glowing white. “Dragons don't last as long as you! What's your secret?” The cupid casually ran his fingers through his apple red hair as he lined up his blue eyes with elf's yellow.
        “Like you said monster. My principles. I want to protect people. I value humans just like elves. I think they should follow the destined course.”
         “Oh, and which Cupid Order told you was destined course?”
         “The Cupids Of The Rose Order explained it all to me. They know how the gods intended it. That's why they have such loyalty from the elves.”
        “Wow. Wow are you na├»ve. The Cupids Of The Rose Order are just like any other Cupid Order, including my own. They manipulate love to get what they want. That's what we all do. And that's what I need that bit of information from you from. All I'm doing though is just making one man fall in love with a different woman.”
        “I don't know how knowing what food my boss is going to serve for dinner at the elven-human cultural festival is going to matter.”
        “Oh cause and effect is a very complicated thing you see. Well it should be obvious. Our human is a doctor of a certain kind. Getting him to save a girl from an allergic reaction to one of your foods will certainly make them fall in love. It's a perfect little drama. We'll give them a few catalysts from there.”
       “And I can certainly figure out why you want that man dating her. Keeping her from marrying politically huh? True love?”
       “Bingo!” The cupid laughed. “Wow I've been torturing you for hours and you can still think straight. My compliments elf.”
        “You're sick.”
         “Nah, I feel fine. Besides just doing my job. It's all part of war.”
The elf then yelled, “We're not at war!”
        “Oh all the Cupid Orders are always at war. We all think we are until there is only one of us standing.”
The door to the room suddenly busted down. Several cupids with guns then stormed in and held the cupid with the Taser down. They untied the elf. The cupids wore their Order uniforms. The elf could tell that they came from The Rose Order. After they freed him they assured him of his safety. He wasn't too sure as before he talked to the torturer he trusted them. But now doubt hit his mind. He remembered cupids of The Rose Order at his wedding. He loved his wife, but now he wondered if he was meant to.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheGenieInHerBottle

Look! It's moving. It's alive. It's alive... It's alive, it's moving, it's alive, it's alive, it's alive, it's alive, IT'S ALIVE!”
Bill Nye The Science Guy* #quote

       Today I went to a part filled with famous celebrities. However I don't watch celebrity TV shows that much so I didn't know who they were or their famous history, so they were like normal people to me and it was an average party. The cake was chocolate. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


The Genie In Her Bottle

        My name is Carla the genie. I'm currently in my bottle between oi, “masters” as people would say. It's a long period since people burn through their wishes like lottery money. Now the world inside my lamp is a magical island stored in a small pocket dimension in the bottle. I can alter the island to have most whatever I want on it. One of the perks of being a genie I suppose. Though I can't summon company. So what do I do on my island with my vast powers? Summon roller-coasters? Rocket ships? Robot-ponies? What do I entertain myself with? C'mon take a guess. I'll give you a second. Or two. Or three. Guessing or not there's got to be some suspense. Alright I'll tell ya.
     I summoned a computer with magic Internet access so that I can always be online. I'm surfing the web right now on all the social network sites. If I can't summon living beings into my bottle I just make em' online. Online games are fun and there are so many cute videos to browse. I swear the Internet is more magical then most anything people have wished for. Then again smooth jazz was the result of a wish...

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #DoctorAlfredVampireHunter

“How much wood could a woodchuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”
Archimedes* #quote

Today I ate pizza. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


Doctor Alfred, Vampire Hunter



        My name's Bob, a simple creature of the night. As simple as a vampire is. Honestly I'm glad I don't need to actually kill people to get my blood. It's a bit of a sad thing but I just ambush a homeless person in a haze and then I dash away. It's a rather simple formula. Pretty much every vampire I know does it. And tonight I gotta do another one. At least once a week. Twice if I'm feeling ill. Now I gotta do another one. And her we go for a quick bite...
        Wait why is this man tied up and gagged? What? The streetlights are turning on! But they're not normal! They're blacklights! It burns!
         “Don't like that UV light do you vampire. That is why you don't like the daytime. During the night it isn't intense enough. But from lights like this or the sun that's when the radiation really gets to you.” A man stood under a streetlight with a sadistic grin. His hair was blonde like mine. Our skin would have both been white but mine was now burning. Though we did different in eye color. His eyes were a cold blue while my eyes were lively green, when I wasn't in such intense pain. Now I went bloodshot.
        “Why are you doing this to me?”
        “It's simple really. I'm catching you. And like anything else all it took was bait. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Doctor Alfred.”
       “You going to dissect me or something?”
       “Hardly! I'm going to be the discoverer of vampires! I'm going to parade you around. I'm going to be rich and famous. I'm going to catch all your friends and be one of the most renowned scientists ever! Maybe get a Nobel Prize.”
My skin continued burning under the black lights...a sunburn caused by their deep colored bulbs.
       “Oh and if you don't cooperate I'll kill some of friends. I think Joe is your best right? And I do know who your mother and father and sister is. Oh, a monster like you is going to make my life perfect.”
       I then dashed at the man with what strength I could gather. I started to choke him. “If you think of me as a monster then let me tell you something. You're the first human I'm going to kill and its only to protect the ones I loved.”

Monday, June 10, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #UsedSoulExchange

“I just flew here from Vegas and boy are my arms tired!”
Superman* #quote


      Today I watched a funny video on the Internet. I bet you wished you watched it. HA! Anyway onto the flash fiction!


Used Soul Exchange


       Mr. Satan here Lord of Darkness and general unpleasantness here with a great opportunity for you! Ever feel like your soul is holding you back? Oh no! Don't go! This special offer isn't going to be one that leaves you soulless. You don't need to worry about being either an emotionless husk or doomed to the fires down here with me.
       No, this is a soul exchange. A lucky offer for you! Some souls down here in the firey pits just don't blend in well for one reason or another, plus there are lots of souls in purgatory we got to liquidate and move. Lots of people being born and dying in the mortal world we on the other side want to move our assets. So we want to melt some of those souls down combine them and stick them in your body! And all you have to do is give us the soul you have now to make room.
       Side effects are minimal. Slight personality changes. Your mortal self won't notice much at all though. Immortal self may have altered destiny sometimes to the firey pits. But that's not your worry, you'll have a new set of souls modified into a new one, maybe even better. It's a win-win-win. So please sign in blood for this once is a lifetime opportunity.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #SpellPiracy

“One down, one to go.”
Elmer Fudd* #quote


       Today my family and I went to see the new Star Trek movie. It was about a bunch of gods who ran across stars in a race like “trek” sort of like those “walking on coals” kind of thing. It turned into a sort of sci-fi fantasy sports drama and was very engaging. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


Spell Piracy

        Hello everyone my name is Harold Merlini spell copyright lawyer of the Blue Phoenix Wizard's Guild. I'm here to discuss with you a little about spell copyright on behalf of the whole wizard guild and maybe for wizard's everywhere.
       That's because there is a big problem. Spell Piracy. It's hurting more and more wizards worldwide. Including you! People have been using other people's spells for a long time without permission Internet are stealing the work even more. Now you'd think that the spread of spells to everyone would be perfect and everyone would benefit. But by taking spells professional spell crafting wizards won't have the money to create more spells. So in the end nobody wants to make spells and that's how even the pirate is hurt by pirating.
       So remember kids don't download spells off the Internet without permission! Or the boogie man will get you! (We summoned one last week!)

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #GuideToKeepingADemonPet

“Turn that dang-fangled music down!”
Grease* #quote

       Today Mom went shopping with my Aunt and gave me a game as a surprise. How mega fun awesome of her. Having a video game in hand will not influence the ability to pay attention to my book at all. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Guide To Keeping A Demon Pet

       Keeping a demon pet is very simple you see. Anybody can have one. You may think of all the terrible arch-demons that have taken down cities. But truth is you can ask any old warlock to summon to you a minor demon to keep as a pet.
      It's a wonderful pet. Four legs and tail like a dog, small as hamster, scales and fangs like a snake, spines like hedgehog, eyes like a cat and can mimic you like a parrot. It's so many pets in one! It's cheap to. It only takes paying the warlock a small fee and offering up your most precious memory with your most treasured loved one!
      To take care of it is simple. Since it is bound to you by an unholy curse pact it will follow commands easily and won't bite. But be careful! It will attack anyone else on sight unless told otherwise. Though to keep your curse pact with the creature you must give it one ounce of your blood a year. Otherwise it will sleep on its own and will “go” wherever you tell it and all you have to do is feed it one live animal a day! (The animal must be alive so the demon may absorb it's soul)
     And there you have it. That's all you need to know to take care of your demon pet. No need to have simple boring pets anymore. Oh, and remember, bring your demon pet to a warlock to get it fixed! They breed like rabbits.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheWisestEntrepreneur

“Tag your it!”
The Grim Reaper* #quote

        Looks like CJ won't be coming over this weekend. Looks like I'll just have to travel to an alternate universe with a CJ that is available to hang out.


The Wisest Entrepreneur

       I considered myself to be a clever businessman. When I worked for other companies they shook my hand and said “Good job Mr. Goodwill!” everytime I closed a deal. I though I knew business inside and out.
       And yet when I opened up my business I didn't have much success. But I did every sensible thing a business should do. It wasn't a large venture. I kept my normal job and merely opened up a small venue somewhere as an experiment. Low risk. Clever I think. But! I didn't hold back. But I got custom designed signs for advertising. Even a boothbabe! Plus I did the most important thing. I fulfilled supply and demand. I found out nobody was fulfilling the demand for a product that obviously everybody wanted.
      “Get your freshly cooked fleas!” I yelled at my booth at the flea market as my booth babe posed in her costume. People would look but none one would buy. My failed business venture baffled me. I did everything right. And why would no one buy fleas at a flea market?

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #FossilizedData

“Nobody respects my privacy.”
The Loch Ness Monster* #quote


       Today I decided I was going to try and call CJ to see if he would come over for the weekend or whatnot. Also watched that show called the Big Brain Theory. The engineering reality show which, based on half of the episodes, is the show where everyone fails and something breaks because science is hard. Anyway onto the flash fiction!



Fossilized Data

        Ah-ha! At last my search engine has paid off! Another corner of the Internet backlog excavated! Will these findings make me famous? Or will they mean nothing? I don't know I have to wait for my machine to finish decoding everything.
       The name Emily Chang and I'm a sort of archeologist. Of the Internet. Well if you could really call it that anymore. The Internet was called the Internet because it was a network of linked computers. But now they took all that data and stuffed into a gigantic bio-tech brain. Layers and layers of data. From all databases and websites. The bio-brain is such a gigantic and marvelous device it can do that. But data that wasn't deemed the most important at first and prioritized was sort of moved to the subconscious of the brain. And now we archeologists of the modern era dig out the data of the Old Internet to study the cultures of long past. Right now I'm excavating data one thousand years old. Yeah the bio-tech brain is that old a device.
    So what fossils of data have I excavated from the Old Internet? What old culture I have unearthed for study? Perhaps some old medical articles? Or some old media sharing websites? Oh! It's come through!
        Hmm....Langdon's Flash Fictions. Looks like a bunch of stories by some random guy. Doesn't seem very important. Moving on!

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheEvilOverlordsDatingProfile

“I have a fear of flying.”
Harry Potter* #quote


       Today I traveled into an alternate universe where you didn't have to use recording devices or channel surfing to find something good on TV. It was beautiful. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


The Evil Overlord's Dating Profile

       Hello ladies. It is I, Overlord Kararg, conqueror of worlds! I live in a floating fortress as a rain terror upon the lands and am self-employed as a tax and enslave the worlds I conquer.

        What do I watch? I love horror movies to learn more ways to inspire fear into the masses or superhero cartoons so I may study the common moves of those heroes that may attempt to thwart my schemes. I listen to death metal and classical music.

Six Things I Couldn't Do Without:

Dark Magic

My Cursed Armor

The Screams Of Children

The Portal To The Nightmare Dimension In My Bedroom

My Minions

My Evil Laugh


I also enjoy long walks on the beach(when I can club baby seals).

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #SoulTestTrial

“I am one with the universe.”
Homer Simpson* #quote

       Today I discussed my book with father. Pondered a bit. The books been going slow because of things I've had to think over. Awhile back I came up with something to improve the book but it had a ripple effect on my planned plot that made me have to rework many of my plans. Thus I had to slow down. But hey the book will turn out better! I wouldn't be surprised if other writers out there have had this kind of thing happen to them. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


Soul Test Trial

      Thank you taking interest in our enchantment trial sir/madam. We here at the Brimstone Wizards Guild need people like you to help us test our spells before we start bringing them to mass market and teaching them to the general wizarding public. As all advertisements said you will be compensated for your time. However you will not be compensated for intense damages to your soul or body caused by any enchantments used in the trial or at the trial facility. You will also not be compensated for any damages to your soul or body caused by any spells in or at the trial facility. You agree not to sue the Brimstone Wizards Guild or any of it's associates, owners, employees or affiliates, summoned beings(or any other magically bound creature).
     By signing below you agree to submit your soul to our enchantment trial. You also agree that you have read these conditions and understand them.

     ___________________