Sunday, January 31, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Wizard's Email

 “The toe bone connected to the heel bone, The heel bone connected to the foot bone,
The foot bone connected to the leg bone...”
Dr. Frankenstein* #quote

I once saw a cuttlefish. Now I just need to see a cuttledog and I think my life will be complete. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Wizard's Email


          I am manager of funds for the Ianerign Wizards Guild. Last week a member of our guild died in an unfortunate rabid griffon attack. He is a wealthy, senior member of the guild and left a large sum of his guild funds in an abandoned account: A total of 20,500,100 gold coins. His family wants to get the money of their deceased relative but cannot because of legalities. A foreign account is needed to transfer the funds.
         I have contacted you because you have the right kind of foreign account needed to transfer the funds to the family. As compensation for your help the family has agreed to pay you ten percent of the deceased wizards 20,500,100 gold coins. If you are interested in helping this family getting their inheritance respond with your phone number, address, any other contact emails, all bank account names and passwords, and true magic soul name. This will all ensure that we can move the money quickly and efficiently and get you your compensation quickly.
        Thank you for your cooperation the Ianerign Wizards Guild thanks you.    

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Khufu And The Aliens

“Tag, you're it!”
Bigfoot* #quote

If Nostradamus could see the future, couldn't he see that some people would believe in his predictions, ergo he could have decided to prank them by making stuff up? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Khufu And The Aliens

        Pharaoh Khufu yelled, “No way am I paying such a ridiculous price!”
        “But your pyramid will be finished in a year, no hassle.” The alien smiled, standing on two legs and shaped like the human, but having an extra eye, a larger head, hairless skin, and an extra eye.
        “All that gold and'll make my kingdom one of poorest in the world!” The Pharaoh, although a royal that taxed his subjects and viewed himself a god, did think of himself somewhat responsible. That, and if poor enough, the kingdom itself would be vulnerable to attack.
        The alien gestured its hand outside the Khufu's chambers. “You've certainly heard of how we changed the Atlantean island into a massive fortress.”
         Khufu then scoffed, “I bet that contraption you've made of their island will sink to the bottom of the sea.”
         The alien then said, “Your lack of faith in us in disturbing. Your skepticism is unfounded. A little trust can go a long way. We'll give you a full refund if the thing falls apart.”
         Khufu replied, “Nice try, it's supposed to stay up after I'm dead. Now leave, we'll just build it ourselves.”

         The alien shrugged, “Fine. But remember, we could have done it better.”

Friday, January 29, 2016

Today's #flashfiction A Ghost's Fashion

“You ever get that feeling that you're being watched?”
The Loch Ness Monster* #quote

Tomorrow Cj's coming over so that'll be fun. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Ghost's Fashion

           Monday I wore a doctor.
           Tuesday I wore a supermodel.
           Wednesday I wore a kindergartener
           Thursday I wore an officer
           Friday I wore a serial killer.
           As a ghost picking your outfit is a bit difficult. And you share you what you wear with your friends. The bodies a ghost possesses are very important choices indeed. All part of the social events you go to together so naturally you swap of course. Why on Monday I was the doctor who was the father. My friend had that body on Tuesday while I wore the supermodel who was the mother. The mother of who? Why the kindergartener I wore on Wednesday. The sister of my friend wore the mother at that point. And on Thursday I wore the officer who found the crime scene. The crime scene of the serial killer I wore on Friday. And in a few months time I'll be wearing the lawyer at trial.

          I can only influence who I wear slightly outside the dark hours of the night when we ghosts party in our outfits. Like I put adrenaline in the kindergartener that ran away. I'll try to help the lawyer win. But I'm not sure if my friends will work to make the serial throw the case and confess.              We ghosts don't care for the results of the mortal world as much as you think. We're just along for the ride now that we're dead ourselves. For now I just want to see the good ending to it all. I'm not sure about my friends wearing the other bodies though. I don't know what way they will try to push the tide for their amusement and if they will succeed.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Ghost Vacation

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”
Ferris Bueller* #quote

       Throughout history people have looked up at the sky and made shapes from the stars. Aren't our imaginations mischievous? It refuses to leave things alone and just be themselves, like refusing to let stars simply be little dots in the sky. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Ghost Vacation

           Ghost couple Vanessa and Kyle took a break from their usual haunt to go to Hawaii and spook up that place while enjoying the sunlight(a common myth that ghosts don't enjoy light, they simple cannot be seen by the living).
            They loved the warmth and winds of the beachfront as it passed through their bodies, each resembling their living ones, except extremely see through and covered with ectoplasm film that fell over them like a sheet.
           A ring came from Kyle's plasmicphone, a variation of a cellphone that existed for ethereal beings. Ectoplasm existed all around and they crafted many things from it. Kyle took one look at it and hung it up. It rang again. He hung it up again.
          “Who is that?” Vanessa asked.
          “Dunno,” Kyle responded.
          Vanessa then suggested, “Answer it. If they're calling again it's probably someone with a wrong number.”
          Kyle answered it but accidentally put it on speaker, before he could get a word in the person on the other end said, “Dear? You kept hanging up. What's wrong?”
          Vanessa then yelled, “Dear!? Who is that?”
          The person on the other end asked, “Are you with a woman? What's going on?”
Kyle then knew that no amount of lying could get him out of this one. “Vanessa, meet Holly, my wife from when I was alive.”
         “You're married!?” Vanessa yelled.
          Kyle responded, “Well, see the vows are until death do you part...”
          Holly was silent. This made Kyle even more afraid since he figured Holly might have been beyond words in fury.
          “I died when I was thirty okay!? After ten years I got tired of waiting. I didn't want you die an early death Holly and I wanted to love again. It took another seven years to find Vanessa.”
          “You're that old!?” Vanessa yelled. Ghosts retained the body they died in, so Vanessa would look eternally twenty eight, Kyle thirty, and Holly sixty.
          “I didn't remarry,” said Holly in a calm voice, hiding emotions as she often did. Her disposition did not match Vanessa at all. Both died recently however, at their respective ages, and one was vastly more experienced in life than the other.
           “You could have!” yelled Kyle. “You could have moved on!”
           “Why did you lie to me?” asked Holly, a bit of the anger she held back coming back in her voice. “You told me that you still loved me like I still loved you. You never told me about her.”
            Vanessa wanted to add something, but with the emotion she invested into Kyle she couldn't quite figure out what to say. The initial rage began to fall into confusion and bewilderment since her mind couldn't wrap around what she should do. She both loved and hated Kyle at this moment.
            Kyle held back his tears, things he didn't know he had as a ghost. “Because I still love you. It's just...when I died...and all that time passed. I figured you would move on and I'd lost you forever. When you became a ghost I was ecstatic...but I already had Vanessa. I wanted to have you both.”
            Neither woman could respond immediately, but their hearts and minds were turning looking for the proper response while they thought of themselves, Kyle, and the other woman.
          “And now I've lost you both,” Kyle dropped the ethereal phone on the ground. He faded, becoming barely visible to even Vanessa and drifted away. Before she could she say something to him he went far enough away from her that she couldn't see him.

            Vanessa then picked up the phone and said, “I'm so sorry.” She's wasn't exactly sure if she was apologizing or consoling Holly or something else entirely. She just knew it needed to be said.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Spy VS Spyware

“Ticket please.”
St. Peter* #quote

Tomorrow I'm heading to the gaming club. I'm glad that although I'm on medical leave from school I can still participate in clubs. I think it's going to be a joyous time. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Spy VS Spyware

         Secret Agent Redwing's computer had been compromised. He didn't know how, or when, but some sort of spyware managed to get on it. This could mean global war. The information on his machine dealt with everything the world governments didn't want people to know about, and many weaknesses that could be exploited in the United States government and others. A common person with an enraged soul could topple the Pentagon and the entire military's digital communication network using the information he had.
        He needed to track down the source. He checked what files had been accessed. Nothing sensitive. That was impossible. No one would breach his computer unless they wanted something. He wiped the entire thing and diagnosed the computer only with a backup hard drive. No matter how hard he looked, or the tech team that followed, no sensitive files were accessed. They felt that the activity must have been hidden somehow.
        It took them many months combing through the computer until one of the new recruits proposed to do something to Redwing's computer. He ran a more routine anti-virus check and found sophisticated spyware tucked away that didn't analyze files but instead tracked the user's Internet searches in order to send them spam they were likely to click on to whatever email it managed to determine they had.

       Nonetheless Redwing was fired for allowing the breach. But at least he got a few coupons on his email to help him with expenses.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The True Reason

“I see dead people.”
The Grim Reaper* #quote

Worked on my video game protagonist design today. Drawing people is hard, and the game's 2D so I have to draw good design since I'll be drawing all the final frames of the character’s animation. Also seizures were down so that was nice. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The True Reason

        The chicken stood on the west side of the road, getting herself ready to make the incredible dash to the other side. It needed to be quick and precise to avoid getting hit while cars passed by. The fastest way between two points is a straight line, and any moment lost could mean she could be run over by a car. She checked the vehicles on the road again and again, but just because she her eyes hadn't spotted a speeding car didn't mean that a one could suddenly come and run her over.
        She made her move, a car came, it was of a bank robber making his escape. Her front claws dug into the road and desperately pulled her forward to barely allow her to avoid the wheels. The adrenaline continued to pump as she moved while the cop car pursuing grazed her head.

       When she reached the other side of the road she arrived at the Extreme Road Crosser Convention, a gathering of animals who get their rush from the extreme sport of crossing roads and risking getting hit by a car. She was the talk of the convention because of her close call with a car moving over the speed limit, something that more often than not was the death of an extreme road crosser.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Legally Distinct

“Cheaters never prosper.”
Super Mario* #quote

Today I coded my video game character doing an idle animation(what she does when she's standing in place, since y'know people don't freeze like statues when they're not doing anything) It's not the final version but it's good for getting a feel of how many frames I should draw for things. The funny part is that it was really easy to speed up, so I make it many times faster and it was like she just drank fifteen cups of coffee. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Legally Distinct

        “Now Bike, you're not the only one with your problem. A lot of characters go through what you're going through, and I'm going to help you like I've helped them,” said editor Janice Glade to Bike Tysun, the legally distinct parody character that was going to appear in the novel that her publishing house was going to release.
        Bike told her, “I know but, just because Lance Groundwalker managed to do it doesn't mean I can.”
         The editor then said, “I know you can fulfill your role Bike.”
        “But I'm not like other characters!” The legally distinct Tysun shook his boxing gloves while clenching his teeth, every single one in place, unlike a possible hypothetical boxer that may have lost theirs. “Other protagonists, ones that aren't just legally distinct parodies, have their own identities, lives and everything. I'm not unique. I'm a clone of someone. I want my story to be only my story.”
        The editor put her hand on the muscular man's shoulder like a mother would a child and told him, “But it is your own story. Your just being born from a different place. Any author gets their ideas from somewhere. You're an evolution. Legally distinct characters are just that, legally distinct. Now go, live out your distinct story, and your distinct life.”

        A small tear formed in Bike's eye, almost microscopic. After it made it's way down his face he accepted the editor's words and himself and vanished into his story, ready to act it out for all those that would read it.  

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Today's #flashfiction To Not Care

“If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.”
Gordon Ramsey* #quote

When interviewed the woodchuck told people he would chuck about fifteen pounds of wood if he could chuck wood. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

To Not Care

         I don't care my target is a twisted, evil man that deserves to die. I just care that I'm being paid a very large amount of money to kill him. I don't care that few will mourn for him. I don't care that the people who are paying me are the resistance that represent the oppressed ninety-ninety percent that gives that one percent a perfect, comfortable life ignorant of the man's crimes.
          I don't care that I have to kill twenty guards to get to him. Guards that are just “doing they're job”. And I don't care about any witnesses that I needed to get rid of along the way.
          And I cared the least when he yelled at me, “I can pay you more!” because I know working for the guy in power doesn't get you as much work. The simple reason being that the sooner or later the next job will be the one that replaces him.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Temporal Television

“It's a dry heat.”
Lucifer* #quote

I wonder how many people think ahead and bring soap to meteor showers. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Temporal Television

         “Rewind back to the Romans!” yelled deity Harold, the easiest thing to call him since his real name is unpronounceable by human mouths. In fact everything they say is being approximated from a language beyond mere mortals.
        “You always want to watch reruns with mortals on any world,” responded his brother Chad.
Harold defended his rerun love, “Mortals are funnier when you know what's happening next. It adds a whole new layer of comedy.”
        “It makes it boring.” Harold. The two gods sat on cloud-like couch made of souls in apartment with walls made of materials that bent space and time itself. Their heads appeared like alligators with many more eyes and the neck melted into a torso and legs with otherworldly flesh that took the form of beautiful purple tapestry. Instead of normal arms coming out of the tapestry, tentacles came out, however they ended in green hands. Chad held the remote firmly.
       Chad then said, “Personally I think this present is boring on this world. I want to fast forward or flip channels to a different world.” Their massive temporal television spanned their entire view from their soul-couch.
       “Will you not let me rewind because I said Shakespeare was dumb and didn't let you rewind to watch his play?” Harold asked.
       Chad started fast forwarding the temporal television to humanities future. “Y'know what? Yeah, if I can't have my Shakespeare, then you're not having your Romans or Genghis Khan or whatever stupid drama you want to watch again and again.”

      Harold then said, “Sorry. I didn't know you like him that much. Guess I was trying to hog it. Let's watch some Shakespeare.”

Friday, January 22, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Renovated Haunt

“Come on in, the water's fine.”
Cthulhu* #quote

Tomorrow CJ might come over. Also monkeys might rise up to rule us all. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Renovated Haunt

         Renovation show Restoring Randy bought the old haunted house on Sunnyside Lane. The studio didn't know it was haunted. The producer became quite frustrated when a strange shadow began appearing on the recordings. By adding some extra lighting they managed to get rid of strange shadow.
         That shadow belonged to Tom the ghost. His nap reached a rude awakening when Randy hit a wall with a sledgehammer, one of his trademark moves. Though people employed by show did a great deal of work, Randy did do some work on his show. It didn't matter to Tom, either way the show that purchased his home was wrecking it to pieces. The show planned to make the old home anew and sell it. The ghost had no need for brand new tile, walls or plumbing, as well as any of the noise that came with it.
        Tom pulled every ghost trick in the book he could to get the people out of his house. He moved objects, he made strange noises. Noises were drowned out by the noise of the work or Randy's narrative voice. Others were explained away or ignored. Often strange occurrences were blamed on interns. They'd be gone soon enough.

         Tom eventually gave up. The cameramen and workers cleaned up, and for the last few days of filming they focused on Randy's final overview of the work they did on the home. On the very last moment before he left Randy turned to Tom and smiled. The ghost looked behind him, but there wasn't anything else he could be looking at. Randy then spoke, “Give my great-great-great-grandma some good company. I made this house especially just for her and I don't want a bad roommate ruining it.” Tom then wondered how many other old homes Randy renovated for ghosts.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Almost Lone Wolf

“Don't question me.”
Alex Trebek* #quote

Keyboards are a very useful thing a computer. Everything would probably be much harder if we had to work with lockboards. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Almost Lone Wolf

        “Hey Fang, we gonna pounce the deer yet?” My pack mate, and fellow wolf, Paws asked me.
        “No, not yet,” I told him.
        “How about now?”
        “No, the moment isn't right,” I whispered back.
        “Now?” He wagged his tail like one of those domesticated canines of the humans. How obnoxious. His gray fur matched mine, but I don't think anything else about us was the same.
        “Paws...” I snarled while still managing a whisper. I wish I was a lone wolf at this point. As I looked at the deer in the meadow in front of us, ready for the taking, I wondered why I brought my annoying cousin along.
         “How about now?”
         “No...” A few more seconds passed, and because of how annoying Paws had been I decided to dash after the deer by myself. I figured I could take it out. With my surprise attack I figured I could get my jaws around it, but it raised its feet above me, ready to trample with my hooves.
          At that point Paws then made an amazing leap at the deer and managed to get it right in the neck, after a struggle the deer was down. Paws then said to me with his usual clueless look on his face, “Fang, you forgot to tell me it was time to get the deer.”

          That's when I remembered why I kept him around. It's always good to have someone to get your back.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Adventurous Period

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
Colonel Sanders* #quote

Cj might be coming over this weekend so that'll be funtastic. Also hung out with my Grandma today, so that was funtastic as well. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Adventurous Period

         One day an adventurous period decided to journey to the front of his sentence.
         One day an adventurous period decided to journey to the. front of his sentence
         One day an adventurous period decided to jou.rney to the front of his sentence
         One day an adventurous period de.cided to journey to the front of his sentence
         A period from the back of another sentence said hello. .One day an adventurous period decided to journey to the front of his sentence

         Though the paragraphs and sentence flow were in disarray the day was happy since the adventurous period made a friend.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Benson's Frightful Night

“I'm pulling an all nighter.”
Thomas The Tank Engine* #quote

I never got this whole 3-D TV thing. TVs have always been 3-D, isn't everything in reality?Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Benson's Frightful Night

        Selfish corporate executive, and major stock holder Jacob Benson slept on his bed to be awoken by a figure with stark white skin, the strange visitor's body covered in white. Only a small, worn gray tarp kept it from being nude.
        “Who are you!?” Benson yelled, ready to reach for the gun in his nightstand.
        “I am you...” it said, “Or it's better to say, I am your spirit. I came to warn you about the pain you'll receive later in life, so maybe if you change your'll be heaven you wind up in instead of as me...a ghost filled with regret.
         Benson's body shook with fear, he remembered all the ghost stories he heard his father tell at the campfire. His older self, the bony spirit he saw before him, came with a warning. “What happens, what should I do.”
         The spirit told him, “Treat everyone you know better. Family, friends, then treat those you don't know better. And those you control as well. You hurt the employees in your company the most...and terrible things happen because of it. What it is...the rules of what I can reveal from the Other Side prevent me from saying. I can only tell you to change. Now return to sleep.”
          Benson pulled himself under the covers in fright, covering his whole self. The ghost watched carefully and when he knew that Benson returned to sleep he left through the door, then returned to his car parked a few blocks down. He drove back to his apartment and washed off the paint.

         The janitor's scheme to get better treatment at work paid off. Luckily those rumors of his boss being afraid of ghosts were true.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Of Dreams And Nightmares

“Think outside the box.”
Harry Houdini* #quote

        I've been making good progress on my game. I intend to have a working idle animation of the main character within the week. So far it's been filler pictures in a test environment. The primordial ooze of a game. I've had many function pieces so far, but now I inch closer to what will be the code that goes into the final product, instead of what I create as I learn and test. The animation code for this idle animation may be what I use for most of what is in the game. It will be quite satisfying when I manage to get it working.
       However it will still be very, very long until the game is completed. I intend to sell it, and for that I need to make all my own characters, a long process indeed. For the idle animation I did draw every frame myself. Nobody ever said making a good game would be easy. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Of Dreams And Nightmares

          The sensations that nightmares bring are some of the worst a human can experience. Dread, fear, pain, and other terrors surround the person like a flood and they cannot escape since they are in their mind. A person can wake up with the same amount of fight-or-flight adrenaline induced sweat that being held at gun point can create. Fortunately nightmares are rare.
          For monsters of all kinds the opposite is true. They find joy in the most terrible of sensations. Nightmares are common for them and they love every one of them. When the darkness of sleep fills their mind they hope it fills with the most fearful of things so that the adrenaline can rejuvenate their bodies.
          One goblin however came in crying to his mother. Eek was his name, it came from the favorite little scream goblins loved to hear from human children. The goblin mother held her son in her green arms and asked, “What's wrong dear?”
          “Mommy! I had a dream!” The child accepted his mother's embrace without hesitation.
          “A dream?”
          Eek frowned, his long, sloped nose pointing to the ground, “Yes, it was...I didn't like it was scary...but not good scary. I didn't feel spooked at all.”
          The mother then asked, “What happened in the dream?” She kept holding her child. The only pleasant feelings that monsters retained involved their bonds to their family and friends. It was an element of survival.
            “I was flying. It was sunny and warm...I kept moving through the clouds. It was beautiful. Everything was so soft, and calm, and happy. And when I woke up...” The gears in the little goblin's head were turning, looking for the words to describe it, straining his memory to the vocabulary he learned from the adults. “I felt so relaxed my muscles were limp. Like something weak. I don't like being weak. I want to have a nightmare.”
           The mother then said, “Remember dear, none of it is real. Now go back to bed and think of all things that can eat you and tear you limb from limb. That'll make sure you have the nightmare that'll make you feel nice and strong from fear.”

           The goblin boy went back off to bed with a grin on his face.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Today's #flashfiction It's Always Rainy In Philadelphia

“Pick a card, any card.”
J.P. Morgan* #quote

The way into a man's heart is through his blood vessels. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

It's Always Rainy In Philadelphia

         The old barkeep sat in his car on the road near his bar in Philadelphia. The rain poured. Heavy. The water started rising on the street. It'd been a long time since it'd rain this hard this many days in a row. The water only started to get this far into town.
         “Damn.” He then pulled out his cellphone and called a dear friend, and his business partner. “David? The flood's going to hit our bar. Hard.”
         “Why would that matter Sam? We've owned that bar for decades, this isn't the first flood we've had, we'll just rebuild it. We've got insurance.” His friend laughed. The less serious of the two, Sam went through every one of their problems with a smile on his face. He'd get tough when he needed to, but Sam managed to keep everyone at their business from losing their head.
            Sam then replied, “David, we've been working at this awhile.” The water continued to rise little by little. “We're past retirement age, and I think we've just been working on the bar because it's all we've known for so long. I want to just let the flood take it and use the insurance money to add to what retirement we have. Let the bar go. Or if we repair the bar, we just sell it. I just want to move on.”
            David's took a full minute to respond, and he did so in a voice filled with both sadness and happiness. “Yeah, we should move on.”
        Sam started to drive away from the bar, leaving it behind to be wrecked by water while he found higher ground. He wasn't sure what he'd do with the last parts of his old life, but he knew he wouldn't forget all those decades the bar he owned.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Your Story

“You can quote me on that one.”
The Raven* #quote

Personally, if I was a ventriloquist I'd get a smarty instead of a dummy. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Your Story

          You feel yourself becoming the protagonist of a story. A story where you remain in reality, reading these words, but your imagination fills with a vision of a dense fog. You keep peering into the fog, trying to find whatever may be concealed inside. It continues to fill your imagination the more you investigate. The fog spreads. It spreads and spreads. Think of nothing else.
           A partially round shadow appears in the middle of the fog. The antagonist of your story. The pained cries of a dog come out from the fog. A spider the size of a truck appears clenching what remains of the dog in its jaws.

          The spider continues to crawl forward, becoming larger and larger as it comes closer into view. However you simply forget the spider. Dismissing the fog from your imagination along with it. Dismiss the words of the tale that bound you. Unless you cannot forget the spider, and you begin feeling it slowly crawling along your back.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Lazy Dragon

“If the shoe fits, wear it.”
The Sasquatch* #quote

Cj's probably coming over tomorrow so that'll be cool. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Lazy Dragon

           Sir Gallant approached the dragon in his lair with his sword held high. The knight's armor was forged especially for fighting dragons, and his blade for fighting them. He'd slain many dragons before, and this one would go down all the same.
          “Release the princess beast!” Sir Gallant yelled.
The dragon replied in his booming, yet soft voice, “Sorry man, no princess here.” The massive green beast scratched its neck.
         “What?” Sir Gallant was quite confused. “But the king's daughter was kidnapped and the guards defeated with massive claw marks!”
          The dragon then said, “I dunno, must have been some other dragon. Or the trolls. I've never felt like kidnapping a princess. Too much work.”
        “Well, I didn't spend hours traveling to get into your lair for nothing so hand over your treasure.”
        The dragon then mumbled, which sounded like a normal human groaning with his deep voice, “I don't bother getting treasure. Too much work.”
        Sir Gallant, get quite frustrated then proclaimed, “Then I'll avenge those you killed!”
        The dragon then explained, “Man, I'm a vegetarian. It's too much work to kill things. I just eat from food in the woods. Like the oranges. I like oranges. Do you like oranges? I have some extras.”

        “I hate you.” Sir Gallant stomped his way out of the dragon's lair, his lust for duel with a monster unsatisfied.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Socializing Songs

“Sharing is caring!”
Jessie James* #quote

I hear it's unlucky to have iceberg lettuce on a cruise ship. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Socializing Songs

          When the songs didn't jingle for their user on the music player they mingled. The teenager downloaded a huge library of songs to listen to when he sat in the bus or wherever boredom needed his ears filled with melody. These chart toppers to obscure indie band releases gossiped and talked about whatever they could whenever their work didn't need to be done. A new song download or any connection to another device brought news from the outside world. Otherwise it was like a small town filled with bored neighbors passing the time talking.
          Or arguing. Heavy metal music tended to be the loudest during arguments. Most all arguments were about who was the best music and what genre of music was the best. The “proof” most often used, if any, was what the teenager was currently listening to. But since the device was sometimes borrowed and hooked into various things the heated debates had no end. Plus, nobody had any reason agree. After all, agreement was saying that you were inferior to someone else. During one argument a poor rap song dared confront some polka on a bad day and was cursed till its notes were jumbled.
         One song, often skipped over, but never deleted was a classical song that the teenager listened to. A favorite of his Dad's. Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy. The song was the only one that didn't argue. It didn't think of itself as superior or inferior. An old dusty song, it just preferred to be content in what it was, even if it wasn't listened to that often.

        And being content made it the happiest song of them all.   

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Risen Demons

“You're driving me crazy!”
Miss Daisy* #quote

CJ should be coming over this weekend so that'll be funtastic and funriffic. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Risen Demons

        Fallen angels are usually the talk of the celestial town. Renegades that sin and put their shining wings to shame with the darkness of sin. These beings make a mess and get famous for what they wreck. Then they get tossed downstairs to be forgotten to make room for the next piece of news. But they still get their fifteen minutes of fame on the Other Side.
        The ones that didn't get any fame, but just awkward conversation and hellos, are the risen demons. The opposite of fallen angels, they are demons that have done so much good they have earned the right to move upstairs to paradise. People don't quite know how to treat them. Paradise has always been a contradiction, since people would want different things, so the Big G worked hard to make it as perfect for everyone he could.
        But still people didn't quite know what to do with someone who had been so utterly evil to be down there, and somehow get topside to paradise. At least for awhile. A long while. But the Big G was clever. It was life everlasting up there after all, and eventually they learned. They always learned whatever changes he made up there. Each and every one that came past Saint Peter learned how to accept the others in the domain. It just took time.

       On Earth there are no such as risen demons, but there is also less time to adapt to people. Perhaps someday it will take humans less time to get used to those around it. Then maybe Earth will be closer to being like paradise.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Celestial Parenting

“You're the apple of my eye.”
Steve Jobs* #quote

What kind of instrument does a skeleton play? A trombone. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Celestial Parenting

         “I'm not touching you....” The Moon laughed while it taunted Earth.
         “Stop it!” The Earth yelled back.
         “Stop what? I'm not doing anything.” After the tides finished changing the Moon said, “I'm not touching you...”
         “Moooommmm!” The Earth yelled to the Sun, the adoptive parent to all that orbited it. “My moon's not leaving me alone!”
         “What's it doing dear?”
         The Earth then explained, “It's not touching me!”
         The Sun groaned with a few solar flares blasting its frustration into space. “Whatever you're doing little moon, stop it, or I'll use my gravity to pull an asteroid into your orbit and whack some sense into you.”
         “Sorry,” apologized the Moon.
         The Sun then grumbled, “I never have to deal with this crap from Jupiter's moons.”

          A few hours later the Moon then said to the Earth, “I'm not touching you...”

Monday, January 11, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Demon's Paintings

“Safety first!”
Evel Knievel* #quote

What happens when you cross zombies with four-wheel drive and polka music? I heard it was the start of a recipe for a balanced breakfast. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Demon's Paintings

             Everyday the demon painted. His work was some of the most shocking in all the Underworld. Other demons were appalled by his fascination with the strange and deviant subject matter he painted. But what he painted is what made him famous and what made the demons flock to any art shows that displayed his works. There were different artists that painted what he did, but they were only half-hearted, often incomplete attempts as the effort to go see the subject matter first-hand was difficult, an almost impossible task that would often drive demons mad.
          The demon painted humans. He would go to the human world to paint them, which would require him to take human form something maddening in of itself. Then to socially blend in and draw them in their normal states. It was something that the other demons could hardly understand. How could he resist going on any sort of rampage? It was always instinct for demons to kill. And how could the demon possibly see to paint with only two eyes instead of his usual four? He did such quality work with only two! Other demons had gone mad from the loss of some of there senses. Very few demons could understand any of it as every aspect of the human world was strange and maddening from its bright colors to the way the humans acted with their smiles and other expressions.

           But somehow the demon immersed himself and painted that world and brought the madness of the human world to the Underworld. Somehow this demon was able to tolerate the horror and paint it for all to see. Then the more rebellious youth started emulating the madness in the paintings and smiled themselves. When the demon painter began to notice this he himself smiled, as that was the purpose of his painting, to teach the Underworld of humanity's happy madness.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Detoaster

“Make love not war.”
Ares* #quote

I wonder if the aliens haven't landed because they're afraid they'll get ticketed? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Detoaster

          Doctor Gavin Stream had three doctorates by the time he was thirty. He was a genius on the level of those absurd movie ones that can whip up inventions for anything on the fly. However Doctor Gavin possessed one fatal flaw. His interest for what to invent.
         “Amanda, Amanda!” Gavin shouted to his wife from his lab in their house while wearing rubber gloves and a leather lab coat. Why he chose leather for the lab coat could probably be explained but most people preferred to leave some geniuses to their own brand of brilliant madness.
         “What is it dear?” His wife entered the lab, seeing the usual strange equipment. She wore plain clothes and knew that her husband only called her in when everything dangerous was turned off. One time she found him with burnt off eyebrows and he assured her that nothing was on fire anymore.
          The scientist held up what looked like a toaster, his black hair full of crumbs from repeated tests. “Look! I call it the Detoaster! Now no one will have to worry about making the wrong choice of what to have for breakfast. If they change their mind then they can put the toast back in and it will turn back into bread. It'll even extract jelly and butter you've put on the toast and it will come out of these holes from the side.”
          Amanda put her hand on her husbands shoulder and told him, “Honey, people aren't as indecisive about what to have for breakfast as you are. I think it's lovely and we can use it, but we won't be able to sell this one.”
          Her husband didn't always make flops. He invented things so often that they lived off a few of the inventions that were market worthy. One computer chip he felt like inventing one day because his computer was a little slow made them royalties for years.
          The Doctor then said, “Ah, I just had another idea! The Decleaner! For all those people who enjoy cleaning up things it'll make a huge mess for them by the push of a button!”

Amanda knew that invention wasn't very viable either, but she knew her husband needed to get the itch an idea gave him out of his system, at least a little even if he didn't finish it. “Just be sure to be done by dinner.”  

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Today's #flashfiction A 4D Pizza Delivery

“Don't be a big mouth.”
Pac-Man* #quote

They say go with the flow. But what happens when you go without the flow? Not against it, just without it. I guess that's doing nothing. I suppose in some situations the best option is to just to take a nap. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A 4D Pizza Delivery

       Drayiu is a very air-headed multidimensional creature who kept forgetting things he wanted on his pizza while he ordered it. To make sure he could have his pizza on time he kept bending space-time so he could keep asking over and over again and alter the spatial state of the pizza to make sure it had everything. The pizza delivery place computers couldn't tell much what was going on but every human could tell something was off. (Drayiu was an multidimensional creature who had decided to retire on Earth because of the wonderful weather and food. He had to disguise himself as a human though, tentacles would be socially awkward.) Everyone kept feeling deja vu(and every time Drayiu forgot an ingredient and had to mess with time again and reorder plus scramble everybody's memory) the deja vu got more intense. And nobody in the pizza place could rationalize why all the clocks suddenly were off a bit. (Drayiu couldn't alter time completely and each time a millisecond built up and eventually each clock in the pizza joint changed a little)
       And the thing that baffled the pizza place the most is why they had fifty different receipt copies for one guy in the computer's memory when they all swore he ordered once. But no matter the confusion on the side of the pizza place at least Drayiu got his pizza hot and kinda-sorta in thirty minutes or less.

      He then ate the pizza with Schrödinger's cat.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Today's #flashfiction A Dangerous Combination

“We did a bang-up job.”
The Three Stooges* #quote

Tomorrow CJ might be coming over, and if not I'll be heading over to my card game thing. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Dangerous Combination

            The most dangerous combination in the world is not someone with ambition and cunning, but someone who is lazy and cunning. An example of this could be found in Gregory the house cat. He was bothered constantly by his owners to get the mice in their massive mansion. The one time he presented a dead mouse corpse to his owner, although the owner was disgusted he congratulated and gave Gregory extra food. Delicious high quality human food.
            The cat wanted the food, but detested chasing the mice and rats in the huge home of the family. Though the family wasn't rich right now, they did own a large house just from it being passed down from generation to generation. The cat's cunning and greater intellect allowed him to passively understand a small bit of television while he lounged in his owner's lap. Mostly he enjoyed the pleasant jingles of commercials or any nice voices. One time however he saw a show that took place on a farm and showed a chicken coop along with a human taking a chicken from the coop.
           This gave the cunning cat an idea. It went into the cellar holding scraps of food it found to unpleasant to eat. It began feeding the rats. They began to become domesticated by the cat. So instead of chasing the vermin in the basement it began to make them its own.

            Awhile passed and the cat's labor paid off. They didn't resist when it grabbed them gently in its mouth and carried them off into the next room out of view of the others. It took care of it and presented it to its owner. The owner thought the cat was taking care of the problem, but when in actuality the rats had only increased since Gregory began his project to avoid chasing them down. Cunning and laziness, a most dangerous combination.

Author Comment: This story came to me when I thought, “Hey, I should write something about a cat!” I'll try to make the next cat story cuddly.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Mightiest Knight

“Follow your dreams.”
Sleeping Beauty* #quote

What's black and white and dizzy all over? A penguin rolling down a hill! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Mightiest Knight

         Sir Timothy rod gallantly on his horse, with confidence and spirit like no other. His speed was massive and any strike he made would certainly be devastating. No dragons, or knights, or any monster of any kind could stand a chance against Sir Timothy. An adrenaline rush powered by the speed of steed and the heart of chivalry put a smile on the warrior's face.

       “Timmy time to go home!” Unfortunately for Sir Timothy he was taken from the merry-go-round and his steed, and forced back to his family's castle, otherwise known as the “apartment”. Maybe Sir Timothy will have a longer adventure on another day.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Birds Of The Bridge

“Have a ball.”
Albert Spalding* #quote

If the opposite of a fork is a spoon then what is the opposite of a mitochondria? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Birds Of The Bridge

          Several families of birds made their nests in a cozy bridge that crossed a river near a beach. The humans didn't bother them too much since it was too difficult to get under there and get at the nests. On one sunny Thursday many young birds started leaping from the bridge to learn how to fly. Shirley The Sparrow wouldn't do it.
          “I'm not jumping!” She insisted over and over, “I'm not going to just jump off a bridge because all the other kids are doing it.”

           Her parents pushed her towards the edge, “You're jumping off this bridge this instant!” And with a final nudge Shirley was forced off the bridge. All the cool bird kids were doing it. Shirley started off into the air, wishing that perhaps it would have been better if her jump was from a tree. Either way, she soared.  

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Chuckles The Chicken

“Quoth the raven nevermore.”
Angry Birds* #quote

There's an expression that the truth hurts, but also lying can cause you pain. So maybe I should just say ambiguous statements with no real or difficult to discern meaning? Hmm...I don't think I'm cut out to be a lawyer. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Chuckles The Chicken

             Newspaper comic book artist and writer Ken made Chuckles The Chicken for years. And years. His hair was gray and he had middle aged people tell them how they grew up with Chuckles and loved him. Ken sat at his desk, frustrated, since after all these years, he couldn't come up with a gag.
           “Damn chicken, aren't you supposed to be my easy meal ticket?” Ken loved drawing and writing Chuckles for the first two decades. But eventually coming up with jokes became a robotic process for him. He became so good at it, and it became so routine that he made a comic in a few hours and went to the rest of his day. The cartoon character kept giving him an income, but in his day-to-day life it became an inconvenience, like any job.
            “I need to give them a strip. I always give them a strip.” The old artist mumbled, his fingers holding a pencil in hand. He flipped the pencil in his hand between his fingers. Something unusual for him. He always held his hand steady, ready to draw. “A joke, an idea for a strip. Anything. Please God give me something for this stupid chicken to do.”
            Over his desk hung an old poster with Chuckles the Chicken on it with the caption “Keep On Chuckling!” It was the piece of merchandise ever made for his comic so he held onto it as a memento. The thing was tattered and worn. The word old jumped into his head. He couldn't get an inspiration for a joke off the word old. He had no really old characters in the comic.
            A thought crossed his mind. He could add an old character. The idea revolted him though. If he added a new character he'd have to invent a new character design. This would take much longer than the usual amount of time he allotted to creating the comic. More thought and effort than he put into it for years. But a new character...would that solve his problem?
            He put his hand down on the paper and tried a little bit to draw a new character, but not too much. After all it'd be too much work to try too hard at making something new. But then in moments a rush of creativity came and vitality. The character quickly formed. A grandfather of Chuckles the Chicken's owner. His interest became renewed in the comic.

           A joke came in for that comic and the one after, and soon a few more characters. The comic was revitalized as the jaded comic artist broke his decades long formula and enjoyed his career once more.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Party Down At Gahant's Place

“The one ring to rule them all.”
Kay Jewelers* #quote

Woe be to the person who is waiting to leave work and is staring at a broken clock. Anyway onto the flash fiction.

Party Down At Gahant's Place

         After becoming a wizard Gahant learned an unfortunate fact. Dragons make very inconsiderate friends. He bonded with the beasts to learn powerful sorcery, and they did teach them. However this made them feel like they could come over to his home whenever they felt like it. To them they figured Gahant was part of their pack, and his nest was good for them to slip into at any time with magical portals. And they figured they could bring all their friends too.
        Dragons are much smaller than most fables portray them, about the size of dogs, but about fifty of them drinking and partying contained the destructive might of the massive monsters of the most extravagant fairy tales. Whenever he came home to a wrecked house, piles used paper plates with the leftover cheese goo of bird-pizza(a dragon's favorite dish) and crumbled beer cans Gahant wondered if all the powerful dragon magic he learned was worth it.

       However the dragon parties were not as bad as the parties the demons threw.  

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Today's #flashfiction My Childhood Actors

“Weight Watchers isn't a diet, it's a healthy way to live.”
Galactus* #quote

If you think of a waffle as a waf-full then what's a waf-empty? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

My Childhood Actors

           I was a poor boy growing up with only three toys: A teddy bear, a soccer ball, and an old doll passed down through the family longer than anyone could remember. No older or younger siblings to play with, but Dad or Mom would play catch or kick the soccer ball back and forth with me when they could. I had friends I hung out with but that was both later in life and only on occasion. In the times between it was me, the teddy bear, the soccer ball and the old doll. My parents had to work often to support the medical bills of my ailing grandmother.
         I couldn't think of many games to do alone with a soccer ball, doll and teddy bear. But one day we saw a play and I decided to make that my game. I decided that I would make my toys my actors in the play and each day would bring a different play.
        The soccer ball could be the fat king getting disgusted with the falling in love of his daughter, the doll and the peasant off the street, the teddy bear. Or perhaps the teddy bear archeologist would have to flee the soccer ball boulder as it retrieved the golden artifact idol. The toys would play multiple parts in more complicated plays. The cardboard box they came in could be a house, castle, mountain, dungeon or an actor itself. The toys would be whatever they needed to be whether or not it would make sense to my parents as they watched. I made voices for them and over time I practiced.

      And now I work for animation studios providing voices for characters. I've contributed to hundreds of cartoons over the years. All with voices I honed and started with from my plays with those three toys. I doubt the audience could ever guess that the voice of their favorite superhero once belonged to a soccer ball.     

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Unstoppable Time Traveler And The Immovable Problem

“I think therefore I am.”
The Little Engine That Could* #quote

Saw the new Star Wars today, it was quite good. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Unstoppable Time Traveler And The Immovable Problem

         Doctor Cho managed to create a powerful technology. Time travel. He made the device that allowed him to move through time and even made it compact. It looked like a boring digital watch to anyone who looked at a glance. And anyone who looked closely would think it was a boring digital watch with too many extra buttons. But it did the job.
        It pulled Doctor Cho back in time, allowing him to keep memories of whatever occurred but pulling the rest of the reality, including his own aging. However what Doctor Cho dreamed of was going forward in time. That he could not with his device.
       He would need to find a way to travel faster than the speed of light. And he would find a way to do it on his own. And to get enough time to do it he kept rewinding time for himself. Again and again. More and more time. With the watch he was unstoppable with as much time, and resources since he could recycle things through trial and error. However physics did not give in. Somehow the cruel universe decided that him forcing time to move faster on whim was simply not possible, even though moving back was something he managed to accomplish.
       But Doctor Cho kept going, and the problem kept blocking him. For one hundred years this kept going. The Doctor rewound time to fix every bit of wear on his body so that even eating was unnecessary. He spent so much time trying he accidentally started trying to figure out if the same ways worked.
       Despite the fact his device made him an unstoppable force when in pursuit of his answer, eventually he did fail. Not because he couldn't spend more time figuring out. Technically he could have gone on for eternity. But his spirit broke. He just went back to normal life. He refused to share his time travel technology with anyone, since he knew that he wanted nobody to try to become an unstoppable force, trying to go after an immovable problem. Doctor Cho didn't want anyone stuck in the same desperate loop he was.

      And so no one used time travel to work at the impossible again. Or have they? We'd have difficulty knowing now wouldn't we?  

Friday, January 1, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Fairy And The Pixie

“Don't force it.”
Obi-Wan Kenobi* #quote

If you build your attic right above your basement, where's your house? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Fairy And The Pixie

        A fairy and a pixie lived in a garden. A wonderful, beautiful garden. It could have been a harmonious garden if the fairy and pixie didn't hate each other's guts. They argued over every little thing. From their magical business in helping plants grow to things in everyday life. The Smith's wondered what made such strange markings in the soil. It was the two magical creatures getting in a fight.
       Later the Smith's neighbors got a garden. In that garden a snide little gnome lived. He sneered at them while he grew the plants. The fairy and the pixie stopped fighting as they worked together to make a better garden than the gnome.

       And from then on the fairy and the pixie argued with the gnome about everything.