Friday, December 16, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Death For All

 “Refinance your home today!”
The Big Bad Wolf* #quote

CJ and/or Jessica will be coming over tomorrow so that'll be radtastic. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Death For All

          Arnold Jones fished at the lake as he did every Sunday he could for the past seventy years. As he let his fishing line into the water he did not see a Grim Reaper in its long black cloak walk up behind him. Many kinds of the skeletal cloaked creatures would bring souls to the after-life. They would appear before the ones who pass and guide them. The transition between the plane of the living and dead is not a simple one.
         Arnold didn't look at the Grim Reaper as it stood next to him. A tug on the line, a big one! Arnold pulled and pulled. His focus fully on the fish. He pulled and pulled and with all the might in his old muscles. The fish soared out of the water and onto Arnold's lap. The thing flopped and gasped. Arnold quickly dashed over to a cutting board with the fish and chopped its head off.
         The moment the guide waited for passed. The Grim Reaper guided the fish's soul to the afterlife.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Today's #flashfiction If It's Broke, Fix It

 “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”
Steven King* #quote

I wonder what we sound like to our echoes? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

If It's Broke, Fix It

          “Ch-Ee-Ry-C-owwwwws!” Grandpa yelled one of his made up curses after he hit his thumb with a hammer. Grandma said he “had the mouth of a sailor” before he had Mom, but now refused to use real swear words in front of anyone. Something different always came out of his mouth every time, and he swore a lot.
           “Monkey-dancin', rock-polishers...” he grumbled as he dropped the hammer to the floor and grit his teeth.
           “You alright?” I asked.
            He turned around to me and smiled. “Oh, I'm alright my wonderful granddaughter.” I remembered when he talked to Mom and Dad about watching over me for the weekend, (not that I needed a babysitter), but he never told them that he would be working on fixing the backyard door. It'd be nice if he wore out soon and went inside to relax so I could watch cartoons.
           “N-oooo-dles sHoVeD-up MY soup!” Grandpa screamed again after a second try at the same nail. He found his target on the third try. But when he went for the next nail he hammered a finger with the hammer again. “QuEEns of England in the B-el-frY !”
            “Yes my dearest granddaughter?” He smiled while holding back as much of the expressions of pain as he could.

            “Maybe you should get glasses like Grandma's been telling you to.” 

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Elves VS Fairies

 “Plan ahead.”
MacGyver* #quote

In today's news, a blog posts a story for people to read. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Elves VS Fairies

           “Christmas is but a few days away. I expect joy enchantments on all the toys, dolls, game consoles, action figures...cover everything!” The elf manager yelled at his underlings. “And I swear Jerry if you don't enchant your batch of collectibles because 'they're not real toys' I'm firing you. You know what? We could all get fired!” The elf manager couldn't hold back his panic any longer.
           “You mean the rumors are true?” one elf worker said. “Santa is considering the fairies's offer?”
            The elves stopped moving, something they rarely did when they were on the clock in distorted space-time inside a store. The janitor stood in place and magic allowed the air in the pocket of the store they were in to move to keep the elves breathing but the rest of reality at bay. They spent time in store enchanting toys with joy to keep Christmas a most joyful holiday. Other beings handled other holidays but the elves didn't need to worry about them for their paycheck.
           “Yes, the faries's have swayed Mr. Claus. His decision is going to be based on our performance this Christmas. He didn't tell us so we wouldn't work harder just to impress him. Speaking of which, get to work or we're all out of a job!” The manager's task force went to work and the manager did the small work too. Productivity had to be maximum to beat the fairy methods.
            Santa Claus cared for his elf workers over the many, many years their people fell under his employment. The immortal man of mysterious cheery magic took care of them well. However he cared for one thing much more than any elf. He cared about Christmas. In the modern days he enchanted presents with joy instead of delivering them since people bought things themselves now, and if anyone could do that better then the elves would be dismissed.
            Fairies did not do their work themselves. They were creatures even smaller than the elves and not nearly as hardy. So they use machines. A fairy stopped time just as an elf would and rode into a store with a massive tank-like thing with many arms. It would then spray dust over toys that would be purchased or it would go into households and spray them there. Smaller models of these devices would scour smaller places and behind them all and behind it a second device would use magic to remove evidence of the machine's presence there.
           Santa organized it so that the fairies did half of this year's Christmas presents and the other half went to the elves. Santa usually spent the actual day of Christmas in observation. In an attempt to keep the elves unaware of it, he tried to convince half that each of them were on vacation, but not telling other groups of them. Compartmentalization! It didn't work, and the elves worked their hardest.
            Mr. Claus made his evaluation and told the fairy king personally.
           “King Sparkles, you covered all the toys in a quarter the time of my elves. But your accuracy was exceptionally questionable.” Santa Claus poured over the data in the same way as his Naughty and Nice list. “You covered toys that you shouldn't have, and even the pets of some people. I simply cannot have this much magic wasted.”
            King Sparkles held back a smile and spoke very humbly. The clever king always knew how to cut deals. “Well, Christmas joy needs to be brought the best it can. Perhaps the accuracy of the elves is needed and my people's machines can”

           Santa Claus agreed and purchased the machine's for the elves, as King Sparkles intended all along. He didn't want his people working Christmas labor, but he wanted to sell his machines. Now he just needed to speak with the ghouls of Halloween.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Today's #flashfiction A Time Traveler's Regret

 “Time for a reality check.”
Salvador Dali* #quote

Jessica should be coming over this weekend, and maybe CJ as well. And that sounds mighty swell. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Time Traveler's Regret

         My name is Bill Simone. I've lived wisely and I only have one regret. After getting my Doctorate and becoming a scientist I researched long and hard until I created a time machine. This lead to my biggest mistake, an experiment that lead to a time loop.

         My name is Bill Simone. I've lived wisely and I only have one regret. After getting my Doctorate and becoming a scientist I researched long and hard until I created a time machine. This lead to my biggest mistake, an experiment that lead to a time loop...

Monday, December 12, 2016

Today's #flashfiction I'll Have A Movie With Everything On It

“A fool and his money are soon parted.”
Mr. T* #quote

Jenga is probably one of the hardest games to play on top of a moving train.

I'll Have A Movie With Everything On It

         An ambitious movie producer dismissed the phrase “You can't please everyone.” and decided he would fund a movie that would everything he could fit in it. Like an over-stuffed burger he delivered it to world. Audiences were blown away. The following climax from that movie is when some even claimed their heart stopped.
         “No, I am your mother!” the communist, spy, supervillainess revealed while surrounded by her dragon minions and members of her baseball team.
         The hero yelled back, “That's impossible! I grew up in Victorian England and was brought here by a temporal anomaly.”
         The villainess laughed. “But those are all false memories. Implanted by the ghoul of the haunted ruins your father excavated all those years ago.”
         “The ghoul that caused the viral outbreak?”
         “Yes, that now works with me.”
         The hero grew enraged and pulled out his nun-chucks. “If you worked with the ghoul that means you are partly responsible for killing my father. I will get my revenge on you, then get the ghoul!”
         The supervillainess smiled as a large rumble shook the foundation of the racetrack they stood on. “Shouldn't you be more worried about that girlfriend and best friend of yours?” The hero looked over to see the source of the quake. The giant city-wrecking ape-lizard monster Primalscales held his love interest and best friend in hand as it rampaged.
         The hero stood silent for a moment. Then utilized channeled the great spiritual power he obtained from his long walkabout where he met the many sages of different cultures all across in the only way he knew how. Through the sheer might of his song and dance.
         The world erupted as in dazzle as his musical number started. His powers flowed through song, his voice, salsa, waltz and whatever steps he did made rainbows and explosions fill the air. More and more magic came to the racetrack. Vortexes opened bringing warriors to assist, other dazzling magical effects and backup dancers. The movies soundtrack flipped between twenty genres of music at least. The actors talent kept up with the action.
        Not only was the beast the defeated, but the supervillainess as well.

        In the end the movie sold absurd amount of tickets, but its budget was so high it was a massive flop. Another movie like it would never be produced.  

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Two Mr. Greens

“Measure twice, cut once.”
Freddy Kruger* #quote

Do you think that an eclipse is the Moon telling the Sun that he should never quit his day job? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Two Mr. Greens

          “Now Mr. Green I know you've dealt with this hallucination of another you for quite awhile. Which is why I'm glad you've agreed to medical treatment.” The doctor spoke standing while one real Mr. Green and one hallucination sat in the chairs in his office. I knew this was the time that medication needed to be taken. This had to end. There should only be one Mr. Green.
         “I'm ready doctor,” I told him while the other Mr. Green in the room said the same thing.
         “Mr. Green your mental condition, although a bad one, is actually easily curable. You have a chemical imbalance in your brain. Take the pill and it'll be fixed. You're lucky it's this simple. I'd like you to start taking them now. And here's your prescription for more.” He set a pill on the desk in his office along with a bottle of pills and a perscription.

         Not a moment was wasted. The pill was swallowed so in a few moments its chemicals cured the mental condition and I vanished.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Twice Upon A Time

“I like a room with a view.”
Humpty Dumpty* #quote

If you ever feel like your life is becoming full of darkness, change the light bulb. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Twice Upon A Time

          Twice a upon a time a kingdom went to war. Each time the other kingdom they fought invaded to raid them for wealth. Each of these times the kingdom fought a the same enemy. Twice upon these times blood was shed.
          But once upon these times the kingdom won, while once upon these times the kingdom failed. The first war was waged by a father, the second by his son. The son learned from his father's mistakes, learned his foes weakness, and decided to make a treaty for peace instead of leaving the kingdoms in tension for his descendant to fight.
          So the kingdoms never waged war upon another time.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Who Haunts Who Now?

“Call me!”
Romeo* #quote

If you turn something inside out then outside in then can you still shake it all about? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Who Haunts Who Now?

         It started a month ago. I see him walking around my house, hear his voice, and hear his footsteps. The floor creaks when he walks and objects move when he touches them. He won't leave! He just won't leave! And he brings others too. They all come, making their noises, moving things, the voices driving me mad. It needs to stop! Why won't it stop!
         Why do the living have to invade my home? Can't a ghost like me just be left alone?

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Every Man Has His Price

“How much wood could a woodchuck chuck
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?”
Count Count* #quote

Unfortunately Jessica canceled this weekend, but it seems that'll we'll be hanging next weekend so that's good. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Every Man Has His Price

        A twenty foot by twenty foot contraption whirred and buzzed. A stainless steel exterior hid whatever laid inside. To an outside observer only a massive cube creating the most elaborate of noises could be heard. Between the mechanical noises the clucking of chickens and plucking of guitar strings reverberated inside. Or at least some inner motors, gears or pistons that produced such sounds. A massive ding filled the air for miles and a small door opened. A mechanical arm revealed itself with a cup of coffee.
        Two men stood next to the device, “Just coffee? All that for coffee? Tom, why would you keep such a thing?” One man asked the other.
        “Oh, I won it in a contest. It was free.” Tom replied.   

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Today's #flashfiction To Dream The Other

 “Springtime is in the air!”
Eddard Stark, Game Of Thrones* #quote

My friend Jessica should be coming over this weekend. Which will be cool. She hasn't been over for awhile since she's had to study for a Japanese fluency certification kinda test(don't know what it's proper title is). Anyway onto the flash fiction!

To Dream The Other

        Demons did only bad and angels only good. One demon had constant recurring dreams of being an angel, and one angel had constant recurring dreams of being a demon. The demon became fascinated with good and began to only do good. The angel became fascinated with evil and began to only do evil. And eventually the demon transformed became an angel and the angel a demon.
       Many years passed, the new demon now began constantly dreaming of being an angel again, and the new angel began constantly dreaming of being a demon again.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Sir Exilan And His Adventures

“I don't know what you mean.”
Noah Webster* #quote

Today I went to a doctor appointment with the surgeon who will be operating on me to replace the battery in the device that stimulates a nerve in my body to help with my epilepsy. Welp, it'll probably be much less difficult than the molar removal and the installation of the device so I'm not too worried. I wonder if you can get like punch out coupons for surgeries like you do takeout places. I'm having enough of them.

Sir Exilan And His Adventures

          Sir Exilan slayed demons, dragons and saved lands all over from many disasters. He saw sights all over from lakes to mountains to sights normal people could never see by stepping through magic doors. It would take several heavy tomes to barely record a small fraction of his adventures.
         “Do I have anything to live for anymore now that I've seen it all? Have I drained all excitement from life just by having done the most dangerous and seeing the most spectacular. I don't think anything could make life interesting anymore,” the knight said to a bartender on evening.
         The bartender looked at the empty seat next to Sir Exilan. “Have you found love?” He asked him.
        Sir Exilan stood up, smiled and put down the payment for his drink. “There's still one more adventure I have yet to go on!”

Monday, December 5, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Longest Movie Ever Made

“I fell into a burning ring of fire,
I went down, down, down as the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns,
The ring of fire, the ring of fire.”
Dante's Inferno* #quote

I wonder why y doesn't ask about why why ends in y. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Longest Movie Ever Made

          The longest movie ever made combines many genres. It has disaster movie elements and a massive crisis. But of course the story continues. The main characters can't die like that, well, most of them do. But the rest of the main characters are not flat and boring. They continue to be developed through the story, they evolve over time, and become totally different.
         Survival horror elements are most of the movie as main characters are hunted by other characters. Eat or be eaten. The characters develop through this after the disaster.
         Eventually the movie becomes a drama. The characters have developed to the point of being able to settle down. Romances occur but at points the plot breaks away to become a war movie. Or a murder mystery. But then back to a romance. But the plot may even stop for a moment to break to a short segment on cooking.

          Billions of years ago aliens decided to film the Earth and make a documentary. They've left the cameras running through it all. The biggest question is what the climax is going to be.  

Friday, December 2, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Consequences Of Learning It Was All A Dream

“They mutated the dinosaur genetic code and blended it with that of a frog's. Now, some West African frogs have been known to spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single sex environment. Malcolm was right. Look. Life found a way.
Barney and Friends*

CJ should be coming over tomorrow. That should be a bucket of fun. Unless we run out of buckets. Then again we could run over to The Crazed Squid's Extreme Discount Bucket Emporium. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Consequences of Learning It Was All A Dream

          When a story ends with “It was all just a dream” it often forgets to mention the most important part. What happens when the person realizes this? The after effects on them. They don't cover this. I woke up from a several year coma recently. A coma after a car accident, and that when I was in my coma-dream, I thought I survived. My brain made time pass more slowly in my mind. So months in a coma became many, many years. So when I woke up I learned that thirty years of my “life” became instantly revealed to be a lie made up in a dream.
         Thirty years that started with a war that my brain made up. A war where I became a solider. A war where I started out a hero. Then I abused my power along with other soldiers. We took advantage of other people. We did whatever we pleased to them.
         I didn't go mad from later regret and trauma, spending the rest of my life repenting, only living free because I turned in some traitors I later worked with to gain even more by taking advantage of my own country and the one I was attacking. All those years giving accounts of the horrors of war to the nation weren't real. The horrors weren't real and the war wasn't real.
          And originally the scenario I constructed was that other soldiers convinced me to start taking advantage of those people and do all those horrible things to them. But no. When I woke up and learned it was all a dream, I learned that my brain chose to make all those scenarios exist. The real world didn't make all those horrors exist. My subconscious did. I wasn't dragged into a war, I made the war. I would have preferred to have stayed in my coma as the man repenting for his crimes than waking up knowing that it was a dream all along and that I made them exist.
         This terrible realization did give me a second chance. Lucky circumstances shortly after me waking up made me run across a great deal of money and power. So lucky you wouldn't believe them. So just like in the war in my dream I have the power to take advantage of people again.
         This time it can't all be a dream. I know I can't reset. Or maybe I am wrong and I'm still dreaming? Does that mean I can do it all again? Or should do it all again whether or not waking up can get rid of all my sins?

        I wonder if my soul is the same in the real world?  

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Little Miss Fairy

“Drink responsibly.”
Dionysus* #quote

What did the dentist say to his kids after telling them the tale of the tortoise and the hare? He said, “What's the molar of this story?” Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Little Miss Fairy

Little Miss Fairy
Sat on a cherry
Eating some seeds and sugar

Along came a centaur
Who sat down beside her

And frightened Miss Fairy away

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Bigsy-Bitsy Spider

“Keep it simple.”
Rube Goldberg* #quote

CJ's going to be coming over this weekend so that'll be a round of fun on the house. Or a disaster if fun provisions are depleted due to unexpected celebrity cameos. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Bigsy-Bitsy Spider

The Bigsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the skyscraper
Down came planes
And shot the spider down
Out came the rain
And made the planes land.
And the Bigsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the skyscraper again  

Monday, November 28, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Sacrificial Ritual

 “I'm a flexible guy.”
Gumby* #quote

Cyber Monday is the digital Black Friday. But really if they wanted to make it feel just like Black Friday everyone's Internet connection needs to slow down to a crawl so that you get that waiting in line experience. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Sacrificial Ritual

          The necromancers are wizards of the darkest of magic. They have a fuel for their magic. Blood and screams mixed with corpses and souls. The vile necromancer Frahri gathered this all up in his dungeon to bring whatever he desired to him. The poor people he captured for his ingredients looked on as he lit candles for his ritual. As he cast his spell the flame of his candles turned from red to blue to black then vanished and the necromancer got what he desired.

           A brand new flat screen TV. Frahri figured if he could he use the dark arts to get it, then he would, he sold his soul to become a necromancer and bothered mastering all this magic after all. Next would come the DVD player and all the seasons of Wizard Idol.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Today's #flashfiction A Lesson In Value

 “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
The Energizer Bunny* #quote

Do you know why computers always eat a lot at buffets? Because they have so many bytes! That one's a Langdon original. No need for applause. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Lesson In Value

          “Daddy, why is gold so expensive?” A child asked his father with that curious expression that children are both famous and infamous for.
           The father looked at his son, and after a brief moment of thought, and gave him the simplest answer he could think of. “Gold is rare. Things that are rarer are more valuable because there is less of it around.”
          “Okay, I think I get it.”
          A few hours later the child held up to his father a sock that he glued various objects onto, including paper clips, and those little silly, wiggly, plastic eyes. Staples along with tape was also on the sock. Various items covered the messy thing.
         “I'll take one million dollars for my Dodadthingie!” the child told his father with a smile.
           “What?” His father asked, perplexed.
           “You told me that things are more expensive the rarer they are. There is only one Dodadthingie in the world. So it should be worth lots of money!”

            The father sighed. “Okay, maybe I didn't explain it properly...”

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Today's #flashfiction A Penny For Your Thoughts

 “Treasure every moment.”
Captain Blackbeard* #quote

Hope all of you who went shopping on Black Friday survived with minimal line lag. (The name I devised for the jet lag like sensation experience created by waiting in line for absurd amounts of time.) Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Penny For Your Thoughts

           Robots, when they obtained artificial intelligence, became a massive economic force. However their minds lacked several things humans had. Robots could follow deductive reasoning and project results of events. But imagination and things like dreams were beyond them. At least inventing these things on their own. They could absorb this data into their brains. And besides power and repairs experiences from the human imagination and experience were what robots desired.
          Since robots worked harder and faster than humans many humans sold their thoughts for money. If they couldn't invent things they watched television so that robots could download their experiences from humans. When a robot watches TV with just its cameras it just sees the images. But if it downloads the human experience it gets it. They envy humans for being able to create emotions on such a more complex scale than them. If someone's thoughts are particularly engaging their wages could be high. A penny for a complete train of thought was standard. But an epiphany, an emotional burst, or something similar could fetch even more. Each person experiences things differently and in order to keep the economy running the powers that be made sure that thoughts couldn't be shared back and forth so easily. Copyright for experiences and thoughts. Particularly powerful experiences were auctioned. People with reputations for interesting lives charged more, though in general people at tried to set their own prices and work their way to establishing a reputation to how engaging their thoughts are to the robot public.

         What price would you put on your thoughts?

Friday, November 25, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Penguin Zombies

“Live and learn.”
Dracula* #quote

The world would be a better place if there was less pointless blog filler. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Penguin Zombies

         When the zombie plague hit Earth it didn't hit hit penguins. It made their dead rise, and made them invincible. Try to kill them and their body parts would rise again, or like a starfish form into even more zombie penguins. But penguins born in the starfish fashion couldn't be call born really, they were unholy zombies and were often only partially built: heads were often collapsed and and fin and feathers would be missing.
          The zombie penguins waddled all over the world and spread all over. They pecked at the living over and over till only their torn remains scattered the ground. The mangled flesh of the victims of the zombie penguins would then transform into more zombie penguins. With each victim the penguins spread and spread. Every living being becoming a zombie penguin.

          Soon the Earth was filled with nothing but the squawking dead.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Bearilocks And The Three Campers

“15 minutes can save you 15 percent or more on your car insurance.”
Andy Warhol* #quote

Happy Thanksgiving Eve everyone! Maybe yesterday I should have wished y'all a happy Thanksgiving eve eve. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Bearilocks And The Three Campers

          Bearilocks strolled through the forest. She was a happy, hungry grizzly bear. And during her tromping around she found a camp. The family it belonged to was out fishing so she helped herself to it.
             She rummaged through the food.
             The chips were too salty.
             The chocolate was too sweet.
             The bacon was jussssttt right.
             And she saw the three tents belonging to the family. They looked much more comfy then a cave. The daughter's tent was too tiny. The father's tent was too large. The mother's tent was jusssttt right and Bearilocks went to sleep.
           The family came back from their fishing trip.
           “Mom, Dad, I think someone stole our food!”
             The father looked at the missing food and then his tent. “I think somebody went into my tent!”
            The daughter added, “Mine too!”
            The mother looked into hers and saw Bearilocks, “Grizzly bear! Get back in the car!”

            They then drove off and never went camping again.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Technological Age

“Let's go out for a bite.”
Mike Tyson* #quote

I'm well enough to write something in my blog. My teeth are still recovering, but at least I am not currently on fire. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Technological Age

         “Grampa, I found something funny in your closet!”
         “What is it?”
         “It's a box.”
         “Yes. There are boxes in my closet.”
         “But it's a really tiny box.”
         “There are tiny boxes in my closet.”
         “But this one started glowing.”
         “Glowing wha-. Oh, my the thing still has juice in it? Well I don't believe it.”
         “What has juice. I don't see any juice in this box. I can't open up this glowing box.”
         “Oh! That's my cellphone from when I was your age. I thought I lost it for good and it's a miracle it still has power.”
         “What's a cellphone?”

          “A cellphone is what people used to talk to each other before we invented mind-phones. They're kind of similar. That's why the name is alike.”
          The Grandpa didn't want to admit it, but explaining what a cellphone was to his grandchild made him feel really, really old.

Friday, November 11, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Wizard's Morning Paper

“Rise to the occasion.”
Icarus* #quote

My tooth removal has been delayed a day. I had milk with breakfast and apparently I can't have anything like that before the operation so tomorrow must to have a minimalist breakfast(bread and water) along with skipping lunch so that there's nothing in my stomach for the anesthesia to work properly. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Wizard's Morning Paper

          Danar the Wise opened up his newspaper. He was a wizard known for both his incredible magical powers. But also he was a wizard known for his incredibly poor eyesight so he had to wear massive glasses that pressed against cheeks. He read the paper the same he read his magic scrolls, carefully and slowly, with a sort of precision that fit surgery. He always skipped the front page article and went directly to the tiny little article tucked right under it. He couldn't remember where he picked up that habit. It had been ingrained in his dusty old brain for too long.

World Record: 14 Dragons Born in one Litter

          The wizard read the title of the article shocked at first. But as he read on he grew angry.
          “Those idiots!” he roared, “They didn't do their research. The world record is fifteen.” he remembered Xanna the Red Witch, just twenty years ago her dragon had fifteen dragons. He stormed around. He was furious at the sloppy research of this paper, not believing that a professional paper would goof up. He decided he would write them a letter scolding them. Then he thought of going there himself and saying it straight to their faces. He then decided that he would cast a curse on their editor, though Danar couldn't decide what kind of curse was justified for such a mistake.
        Then Danar remembered that Xanna's dragon didn't have fifteen dragons, it had thirteen dragons. They were right, fourteen was a world record. He laughed, sat down and continued reading.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Knightlyness

“If the shoe fits, wear it.”
The Sasquatch* #quote

Going to have my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow. Time for a few days of eating applesauce since chewing ain't going to be an option. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


          When your young you learn about things. Things like chivalry. I learned about it from a great knight named Sir Grahn a long time ago. I didn't know the word for chivalry so in my head I could only call it “knightlyness”. It was the best word my six year old brain could invent for it.

         I learned of Sir Grahn's knightlyness from the way he walked and talked. The way he treated the people of my village when he arrived in our kingdom. With his position he could have looked down upon us but he treated us well. He walked with us like someone walked with nobility. I learned of Sir Grahn's knightlyness when he gave our village some gold to help us through a drought. I learned the most of his knightlyness when the bandits attacked and he died defending us from them.  

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Today's #flashfiction What The Story Could Say

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
Colonel Sanders* #quote

Do you know what food letters eat? Fontdue! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

What The Story Could Say

A story decided it could say:

The character is first happy.
The character is then sad.
The character is one you'd like.
The character is one you'd hate.
The character is pure.
The character is sinful.
The character is hypothetical.
The character is symbolic.

But afterward the reader decided what the story would say.  

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Today's #flashfiction My Good Day Until A Bad Knight

“Keep it real.”
Pablo Picasso* #quote

Whenever the owls start talking I just yell “Me” back and they fly away. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

My Good Day Until A Bad Knight

         “You know,” I growled, “My day was going just peachy until you showed up.” I whipped my thorny tail about. I held a knight in my claws. “I was just gobbling up some goblins just minding my own business until you showed up shouting your usual human garbage about honor and having to murder for it.” I pulled the knight up to my face and breathed some smoke in his face. “Oh, I have to slay a dragon to become a real knight! That's what you think isn't it? You just have to raid my castle and try to jab that sword of yours into me.” I shook the knight. “You just poke me thinkin' 'oh I bet if I stab him enough I'll kill him and I'll be real knight because I killed a dragon and all the chicks will totally dig me! Is that what you think?”
          “Uh...” the knight I held looked at me awkwardly.
          “Well no! That's not going to happen! At least once a week you idiot humans bother me. Even at the crack of dawn you jump through my window swords drawn screaming! Then I kill you and that seems to create a bizarre fascination that makes me even more important to kill. After all, no one returns, I am the unkillable beast Yjorilix, the strongest dragon! You're worse than the cockroaches!” I then furiously stomped my foot. “Well I'm not playing your game anymore!” I then set the knight on the ground and pointed out the castle gate. “Go home!”
         “What?” The knight looked at me bewildered.
         “I'm not going to kill you. No more epic honor-duels. I'm not going to fight you humans. You're going to home and tell all them that, or so help me I'm going grab you and carry you back to your city!”
          The knight kept standing there.
          “Go! Get! Scoot! Scram!” I yelled.

           The knight hurried out my door. Maybe I should put I sign outside the castle.

Monday, November 7, 2016

Today's #flashfiction 2+2=Story

“Two heads are better than one.”
The Headless Horseman* #quote

There is a great deal of strange things that happen when strange things happen. And a great deal of nothing that happens when nothing happens. Which begs the question of what goes on when nothing strange happens? Anyway onto the flash fiction!



Sunday, November 6, 2016

Today's #flashfiction All Those Who Profit

“Words are meaningless”
Noah Webster* #quote

Sometimes people ask if you're ready to rumble. But personally I think most people are just ready to fumble. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

All Those Who Profit

         Thousands were fed because of that one moment. They all gathered around for the feast, feeding in different places, feeding themselves and their children. So many profited from that moment. But one did not profit by feeding, but caused the feast for the others.

         The provider of the feast was a human and he dumped a corpse in the woods for the thousands of bugs and plants to eat. The provider benefited from the death of the man, his own father. Profited from inheritance of his vast fortune. That's what the bugs profited from the inheritance of his body. Both profiting parities were consumers, but one much more disgusting than all the others.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Bugged Office

“A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!”
Caligula* #quote

Really I think someday we should get a university do a survey of woodchucks asking them how much wood they could chuck so that we could put the issue to rest. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Bugged Office

           The politician's secretary always wondered who her boss talked to during those locked door meetings. They arrived before she did on certain dates and left at her lunch breaks. She never got to see them unlike nearly every other lobbyist. She was surprised that the politician would trust her with the identities of his other backroom dealings but not these ones. Who could it possibly be? According to the donations they were just housing contributors in the campaign. But what kind of people could be such disgusting roaches that even she couldn't be allowed to see them.
          Over time her curiosity took over and she took a peek quietly and saw her boss talking to the most bizarre thing. Something she couldn't even believe was talking. A cluster of actual cockroaches spoke her boss with demands.
         “In order to get our contributions you have to make sure the building laws fit our specifications as usual. They need to be livable and traversable by us. We have new designs that we will be sending to your personal email.” The cockroach noticed the secretary. “Who is that?”
         “My secretary,” the politician replied.

         “She knows too much.” The cockroach told him. The next morning the secretary would be found dead for her curiosity into the dark world of politics.  

Friday, November 4, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Robot's Online Order

“I see dead people.”
The Grim Reaper* #quote

I think the duckbilled platypus happened when God was inventing smoothies and animals at the same time. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Robot's Online Order

           The robot saved and saved, gathered coupon after coupon and made deal after deal with angels and devils alike. All so on the fateful discount day he could order on the magic Internet the ultimate item for a robot to need. Something all robots lust for... usually based on how sophisticated their artificial intelligence that is. Jealousy of humanity made him even beat down other robots who strive to take what was left in stock for him. The moment he could, he clicked.
          He bought a soul. He was so filled with whatever kinds of joy his robotic brain could emulate. He would finally be brought the satisfaction he so desired!

           Well, in 3-5 business days. He couldn't afford to order express delivery.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Evolving A World Through Evil

“Keep it simple.”
Rube Goldberg* #quote

I've watched sitcoms, but I wonder what a standcom is like? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Evolving A World Through Evil

            Survival of the fittest. Got that phrase on a poster in my chamber. The same chamber that lies in a Dimension Cage between worlds. It's where I send evil into those worlds for their own good. You may think that paradoxical in it's nature but it is not.
           Today one world needed a hero. A hero who would be willing to cut down any villain who stood in his way. Who else would be able to defeat the evil king destined to rise to power in that world in twenty years? So I sent dark desires for killing and wealth into the minds of bandits nearby his village and they raided it. To get justice he became the hero that world needed. He became a part of culture. Those that needed to followed in his footsteps. People learned from his mistakes. That world evolved.
            I've made people's lives miserable just so that they strive to find purpose. Many artists are born that way. I've introduced plagues so that scientists may cure them and advance science. Started wars so that the countries may reach treaties that would last in peace for the next five hundred years. I can't feel guilt for doing my job as a god of fate. Society only marches on because I give it something to march over. Spending all these hours coming up with evils for the worlds beneath my Dimension Cage does tire me out, but someone has to do it.

           All in a day's work.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Destructive Babysitting

“I'm just following orders.”
Super Mario* #quote

Two romans walk into a bar, they then say "V beers please." Anyway onto the flash fiction! 

Destructive Babysitting

          “Have we destroyed reality yet?” my little sister asked while she wagged her demon tail.
          “No.” I responded as I worked the spell components with my clawed hands.
          “Did we do it now?” she asked smiling with her razor-like teeth.
          “No.” I repeated. I itched some of my scales before getting back to work on my spell.
          “Is it destroyed now?” she continued.
          “No...” I grumbled.
          “How about now?” she asked leaning towards me.
          “No.” I told her with a quick look before going back to working on my spell.
           She then leaned even closer to me. “Did we do it now? Is reality destroyed?”
           I then glared at her. “Does it look like reality's been destroyed?”
           She looked at the woods we had hid ourselves in. It was a quiet night with a full moon and I had created a small fire to give us light while I set up the components for my spell and did the ritual.              “I guess it doesn't look like reality has been destroyed.” she said with a frown.
            I hated how Mom forced me to bring me along for this trip. But she couldn't get a babysitter so I had to watch her. And the only way I could do that was to bring her along on my reality destroying duties. I'm part of the race of the Greater Demons and one of our race's duties is to destroy realities that haven't followed their fates properly. In this reality a man named James Smith was supposed to pick up a quarter off the street. He did not as fate mandated so the reality had to be annihilated.
           “So what will it look like when reality is destroyed?” she asked me.
            I looked at her annoyed. “It won't look like anything. It's reality being destroyed. When the spell's complete there will be a flash of light and we'll be back home. That's it.”
           “Sounds kinda boring. I thought it would be pretty or crazy looking,” she told me.
             I sighed. “Well not everything is like what you expect.” I continued working on the spell.
             She sat silent for a few minutes.
            “Can I help?” she asked wagging her tail. “I promise I'll be careful.”
             At first I was going to say no, but I figured it would be mean to leave her out. I thought for a moment about something simple she could do. “Alright. But you can only do the simple things because you're not trained at this. Line up those candles and light them. Use that ruler and make sure they are perfectly straight.”
           “Okay!” she said with a smile.
            I continued with the spell and she set up the candles and she checked them again and again. I set up all the components and they were perfectly straight. The spell was ready.
           “Wow,” I said, “You did it just right.” The reason my younger sister did it right wasn't out of any genius or anything but it was out of the fact that she checked the candles for straightness again and again. It was diligence and not skill. She may develop skills in reality destruction in the future, but I was proud that when I let her help she worked hard at it.
I smiled. “The spell is ready. In a moment this reality will be destroyed and fate will be safe once again.”
          “Yay!” she yelled. “Though it's sad all those humans have to die.”
          I glared at her. “It is not sad for an improper reality to be destroyed. Understand?”
        “I understand.” she replied.
         With a snap of my fingers I activated the spell. There was a flash of light. I first expected to be back at home with my sister. Able to watch her while playing some games instead of working. At least enjoyed some of the same video games I did. But we did not wind back up at home and the reality around me stayed intact. I looked around me and noticed that my sister, while setting up the candles, had knocked over one of the spell components I had set up prior. She had ruined the spell. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she had ruined the spell because of how hard she had worked on the candles.
             “Looks like I messed up on the spell.” I told her.
She frowned. “But you never mess up! Did I do something wrong when I set up the candles?”
              I smiled at her. “No, no, no, you set up the candles perfectly.” At least I didn't lie there.
              “Well we can try again.” she said.
              I frowned. “Sorry, but you only got one shot per reality. So we're just gonna head home. I think we're gonna get it on the next reality okay?”
             “Alright!” She smiled.

              I suppose I ought to tell you that the reality saved by sister's mistake was yours, so you should thank her for that.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The First News Broadcast of Intelligent Life

“For it is in giving that we receive.”
Hernán Cortés* #quote

I wonder what it would look like if you turned a tesseract inside-out. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The First News Broadcast of Intelligent Life

          Breaking news everyone! Intelligent life has been discovered! And you know we don't joke during our broadcasts on QNN! The government was keeping it under wraps until contact was peacefully completed but despite their initial fears everything went over peacefully. Our government tells us that their culture is much more peaceful than ours and accepted us with open arms, even giving our ambassadors free food, board, and gifts. The aliens also gave us technology for free to help us with our environmental problems, giving us plenty of technology to make us more energy efficient. They even gave medical technology helping us cure many medical diseases we thought impossible.
          Their cultures are vast. They have music with thousands of possible instruments and they also use technology to create music in ways we could have never imagined before. They are geniuses of the arts as well. They have mastered forms and styles we haven't ever thought of, challenging the very way we look at reality. Their fiction has genres we've never invented and weave tales that stimulate every emotion and create worlds unknown.

         And according to our government these aliens call themselves “humans”.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Today's #flashfiction How Many Doors?

Luca Brasi*

Happy Halloween folks! I wonder if any zombies or other creatures of the night read my blog? If ya do here's a special shout out to you, and onto the flash fiction!

How Many Doors?

           “Exactly fifteen doors my queen. Fifteen doors and we'll be dead.” The servant told his master.
           “We have guards at each one. They're all shut tight. We'll be safe right?” The queen said to her servant.
            “No my queen. We won't be safe. The entire country has revolted. Eventually they will get through. The fifteen doors between the front of the castle and your throne room will fall. The castle is only so big, and eventually the revolutionaries will flood it.” The servant went to his knees. He wanted to give her the comfort that at least one man in the country still wanted to follow her whim.
            “I shouldn't have asked how many doors there were. Even if they don't break through we would just starve in here.” The queen began to cry. “They're going to kill us. Torture me. I-I have tortured them. There has to be some way out.”
            “There is no way to escape the throne room my queen,” The servant responded.
            “There is!” She yelled, “The open window!”
The servant shook his head. “It's a fifty foot drop. You would die.”
             “I'll commit suicide then. I won't let them torture me and give them the satisfaction.” The queen began to tremble in fear. “But I don't think I have the will to kill myself.”
             “My queen..” The servant frowned.
              The queen clenched her fist. “Push me!”
              “W-what?” The servant stuttered with disbelief.
              “Push me through the window. Save me from their wrath. But tell them I was attempting to escape and plan a counterattack. That's what I want the history books to say. You must do this for me.” She saw fear and hesitation in her servant's eyes. “I beg you. I cannot face them.”

              “Yes my queen,” he replied after a deep breath.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Beauty In The Beholder

 “The toe bone connected to the heel bone, The heel bone connected to the foot bone,
The foot bone connected to the leg bone...”
Dr. Frankenstein* #quote

You ever think the Sun get's annoyed that all the planets keep circling her and won't ever leave her alone? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Beauty In The Beholder

          Day in and day out beauty enters my eye. I am the Beholder. A great mythical eye-creature that absorbs all the beauty in the universe to understand and interpret it. To give it true, consistent definition so that it may take form in the souls of those of the universe.
And it sucks.
          The feeling of knowing all beauty and all possible versions has lead me to a sort of perpetual state of boredom. A human like you couldn't understand...well the best way I can explain it is to say it's like this: If you knew all the possible tastes in the universe what would flavor be to you? That is what it is like to know all the beauty in the universe. Truly I wish I didn't know it all at once like this.           Or at least if I could be allowed to see more ugliness. But I cannot neglect my duties.
          Enjoy your narrowmindnessed and ability to see beauty as you do and know more ugliness so that you may appreciate the beauty you do see. It truly is a gift.   

Friday, October 28, 2016

Today's #flashfiction A Quick Human Comedian's Guide On How Not To Offend Robots

“What's that, Lassie? Timmy's fallen down a well?”
The Grim Reaper* #quote

The family's going on shoppin' trip this weekend so that'll be fun. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Quick Human Comedian's Guide On How Not To Offend Robots

        Touring the 2075 comedy circuit can be rough. Especially when your dealing with all your robot audiences and your a human fresh to those crowds. Robots can have very different sense of humor. Sentient robot brains are very similar to humans, but there are a few key things you must consider, usually touchy subjects. They'll forgive you for most things, but there are some things just in bad taste for them. Here's a quick guide for new comedians dealing with robot crowds.
         One: Don't joke about the weather. You think it'd be a tiny thing, but for robots the weather is a big problem. Rain without protection would be rusting. Imagine if something like rusting happened on a human! See why they don't like it? Never talk about the weather.
         Two: Don't talk about mechanical sentience before robo-brains were made in a social sense. Really avoid it all costs. You're a comedian. I use the term sentient robot, but that term is fairly politically incorrect in this time, and I did this on purpose to bring this up. If I said sentient robot some of the machines would toss me right out of the club. You say WB, wired brain. We avoid calling robots robots in front of sentient robots now for a reason right? We call them controlled tools. They're sentient now. Treat them that way. Don't talk about the days when all machines were just tools.
          Three: Do not talk about smelling, touching or tasting things. Most wired brains are in bodies that are made for seeing and hearing only because they have to devote so much effort to other tasks. Talk about any other sensory human experiences and they will get mad, out of jealousy, or even feeling your bragging. It's like saying “ha ha you can't taste!” to them.
          Four: Be very careful how you talk about family. Wired brains build children, based on mixing properties of their loved ones, but they can't make lineages or ancestries like us. They won't have the same family identity.
        This guide could go on forever just listing all the things that you could avoid. And that is because wired brains, no matter how little or much they voice it, do not have many of things we biological beings do and differ in fundamental ways. So avoid talking about those things and be mindful of them and you won't offend them.

        However one thing I found out through sheer trial and error through my 20 years as a comedian is that you never, ever joke about techno around a machine. They hate techno. Joking about the robot stereotype that they like techno will get you a metal fist to the face.  

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Scales And Strings

“Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!”
Charles Darwin* #quote

Some people don't wear helmets. And some helmets don't wear people. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Scales And Strings

          Stupid. Human. Instruments. They sound terrible. They're terrible to play. I'm strumming this guitar with my claws. It sounds horrid. Humans played with picks. They look like the flat claws of a baby to me. Dragons shouldn't have to play these instruments. But I have to play these human instruments in my music class. Why didn't I pick the flute?

         Oh right, because where the guitar sits is right next to my crush. She has the most beautiful scarlet scales.  

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Take Me Out To The Zombie Apocalypse

 “Let's split up gang!”
Alien* #quote

It's funny how unloosen and loosen mean the exact same thing. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Take Me Out To The Zombie Apocalypse

Take me out to the zombie apocalypse,
Take me out with the undead;
Just buy me some weapons and some rations,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the humans,
If they don't win, it's the end.
For it's one, two, three bites, you're out,
At this new apocalypse.

Katie Casey led a group in the apocalypse,
Knew the survivors by their first names.
Told them they needed to fight,
All along,
Good and strong.
When the zombies outnumbered them two to one,
Katie Casey knew what to do,
Just to cheer up the survivors she knew,
She made the gang sing this song:

Take me out to the zombie apocalypse,
Take me out with the undead;
Just buy me some weapons and some rations,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the humans,
If they don't win, it's the end.
For it's one, two, three bites, you're out,
At this new apocalypse.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Knight Be Nimble

“Quoth the raven nevermore.”
Angry Birds* #quote

Went to my doctor today. I have a surgical implant that helps with my epilepsy and their scan showed that it's running low on batteries. So I'm going to have to have surgery to replace the battery. Not looking forward to that. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Knight Be Nimble

The Knight be nimble
The Knight be quick
The Knight jump over
The griffon chick
The Knight continued to kill
All the monsters till
He tried to kill one
And it bit into his bone
The Knight was no longer nimble
The Knight was no longer quick
He couldn't even jump over

A candlestick

Monday, October 24, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Alien's Battle Plan

 “An apple a day keeps the doctor away!”
William Tell* #quote

You'd ever think the Big Bad Wolf ever though of going through the windows? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Alien's Battle Plan

            Many science fiction works have portrayed aliens as being vastly powerful and scary. Human imagination comes up with some terrifying tales. But in truth the most frightening and over the top of the works are not even from human minds.
            Aliens have been funding and creating propaganda to make works of fiction that make aliens look powerful for a very long time. They are constantly working to get an image into the human cultural knowledge as it develops for their eventual arrival.

           The reason they would create such an image? In truth they are really wimpy people and just want to look scary and intimidating for when they make first contact so we don't beat them up.  

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Spy Bomb Diffusing Class

 “Clothes make the man.”
Spongebob Squarepants* #quote

Science says that everything doesn't revolve around the Earth. Humanity's attitude sometimes says something quite different. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Spy Bomb Diffusing Class

          Now listen up spies, people say it's always the red wire that you cut on a bomb to stop it. If spies followed this advice many of them would be dead. It's not always the red wire. Sometimes it's the blue wire. Sometimes there aren't any wires. So spies let's take a short bomb diffusing lesson from a sample scenario.
          So let's say you're hanging over a pit of robot sharks in acid. A standard trap in many a supervillain lair and something you will probably run into in your spy career. You're being lowered into the deathtrap slowly by rope while the villain taunts you. Meanwhile the villain has set off nuclear bomb to go critical after your death. He plans to escape after seeing your demise to the deathtrap personally. He is in front of the nuclear bomb which is a massive ball with all its wiring exposed for the convenience of this lesson. What do you do?
          The first part of the answer is to escape the death trap by dramatically swinging with the rope so that you're outside the tank as the traps lowers so that only the rope will lower into the acid burning and therefore releasing you.
          However if you thought that the second part of the answer was to go after the exposed wiring you're wrong. You should actually go after the supervillain and beat up him up until he tells you how to turn it off, or otherwise just unplug it or something. Just turning it off is better than causing a meltdown by pulling out its wiring.

          So that's your first bomb lesson future spies. Remember it's not always the red wire! Except when it is.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Ant's Aunt

 “Too much sugar is bad for you.”
Willy Wonka* #quote

It's seems that Jessica will be coming over today as well so that'll be a funorama with CJ involved as well. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Ant's Aunt

         Family relations are quite the terrible thing to some insects. One little ant named Sally(Her true name a bunch of ant pheromones, but we'll translate it as that) learned that one day when she saw the feud begin between her mother and her aunt. Though the mother and aunt never met and merely laid eggs. Two rival queens each born at a colony far away now made theirs close to each other.
         Sally saw the two colonies fight over food. Her sisters would kill her cousins. So much death, but that is the way of ants and the survival of the fittest. The fighting saw an end though when a strange natural disaster came in. Sally didn't know what a bulldozer was but a human home replaced the other colony and now created a new source of food as well. Later they would deal with poisons and traps, but the immediate threat of the ant's aunt to ant was gone.

         As generations went on, humans or no humans in the area, ants would spread. Queens would make their colonies and little ants like Sally would continue to have to deal with their aunts and cousins for the scraps of food the world would offer them.  

Friday, October 21, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Software Pirate

“My eyes are up here.”
Medusa* #quote

CJ's going to be coming over this week so that'll be nice. Hopefully I won't have too many seizures. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Software Pirate

        “Arrr,” said the black-bearded software pirate in anger as he held morning coffee in tired disdain of the morning. His right hand firmly hooked around his mouse while he clasped his mouse. He lazily pegged one of his legs on his desk. He wore a black baseball cap with a skull on it along with a black t-shirt with the same skull.
        “Stupid computer, squawk, stupid computer!” The software pirate's pet parrot mimicked him from the previous day. The parrot then imitated the answering machine. “Davey the boss wants the software. Get the software!”
        “You just got to remind me huh little buddy,” Davey replied. He put down his coffee and pulled out a cracker from his desk drawer and threw it between the cage bars to the parrot. It took owning the parrot for awhile to learn how to do that, and baseball with his Dad when he was young, to learn how to throw. “Don't worry Jolly, my little feathered friend, we'll get the software the boss wants and get all the money we need for all the crackers you want.”
       Davey laughed to himself. He knew that only talked to his pet parrot most of the time. He probably needed more friends. Or even better a girlfriend. Well, once the boss paid him the three million he won't have any problem getting either. Invest and he'll be a rich man for quite some time.
The operation was risky, and difficult. He pirated and stole music and games for most of his life. Cracking the security of game companies. Not exactly Fort Knox. But recently he decided to pirate software inside a Fort Knox. Military software. He didn't feel afraid though. On the screen it all looked the same. It's not like he saw men with guns. Just firewalls and whatever else. As harmless as any other company. Right?
        A few hours of work later and he plundered the program from the military server and onto his computer. When it finished downloading he smiled and thought of all the fancy cars he would have. With the three million the boss would be paying him and a bit of hacking of the stock exchange he knew he could be one of the richest men alive. Davey didn't put much thought into what the boss would be doing with the military program.
       The door to his apartment was then kicked down. He heard the crash several rooms over. He heard many footsteps with a proclamation of his full name, the phrase “we have a warrant” and his furniture being overturned.
       He quickly pushed a few keys on his keyboard. An ultimate backup plan. It dumped the files on his computer into a hidden remote area of the Internet and began to wipe his computer clean. That was a great deal of data, as his computer was more like twenty computers combined into one to make a homemade supercomputer. He had to steal most of the parts from the computer company he worked for in his day job as they were out of what he could possibly afford.
      The footsteps belonged to what looked like a combination of S.W.A.T. and Marines. Had they caught him poking around the military servers beforehand? Was he in that much trouble? Was him actually pulling the data the thing they needed to arrest him? These questions ran through his head. Stealing the data finally became scary where instead of just working on his computer and dealing with websites and hacking he was staring down real people with real weapons who considered him a real threat. With the guns they must have thought he might have been a bigger operation. Though considering how much he was going to paid for it, maybe he was part of something he couldn't even fathom.

      It didn't matter how big he was as an operation though. They arrested him. The computer managed to be wiped in time that they couldn't find evidence of him having the stolen data, but they did have enough evidence of him accessing the servers and several other crimes. A trial later put the notorious pirate away for several years. But he never revealed the location of where he buried his hidden data on the Internet. Perhaps some hacker will find his treasure someday.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Today's #flashfiction Different Kinds Of Collectibles

 “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.”
Wile E. Coyote*

People keep asking if someone knows the muffin man. The muffin man must be some sort of celebrity that you've got to have connections to meet. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Different Kinds Of Collectibles

Some people collect toys. They can be cool and cute and neat in many ways.
There are so many kinds.
Some people collect antiques. They have such a history, and can be so interesting.
There are so many kinds.
Some people collect cars. They're impressive, can be fancy, humble and so much more.
There are so many kinds.
Some people collect cards. Some for baseball, some you can play games. Either way just fun!
There are so many kinds.
People collect so many things. So many, many kinds of things. Maybe too many to list.
What do aliens collect? People. They're fun to abduct, and are incredible, complex and intricate.

There are so many kinds.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Today's #flashfiction The Zombie's Trodding

“What would you do for a Klondike Bar?”
The Fast And The Furious* #quote

Today I had junk food. You'd think we'd all stop eating it after we started calling it “junk” food. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Zombie's Trodding

           I trod. I trod. I trod. I'm not mindless. There's some thought left in this body. Though the desire to eat brains probably comes from the desire for more thoughts. When I eat brains I get the thoughts. I become human again. I get the memories and minds of those victims in me for even a few fleeting moments. But soon my body finishes consuming the brain and my consciousness becomes more basic. Back to being not mindless, but only have enough thoughts to desire more, and desiring the humanity I had when alive. Though all I can do is imitate it by consuming others. I wish I could know if I had a family. Or what my job was like. Or my hobbies. My only option is to eat every kind of brain there is and experience every life so could know all the kinds of things I could have what experienced during my living life.
          But will my undead body last that long? As I walk with the other undead I see living people with guns loading their weapons. And then they take aim. And then they fire.

           My rotting limbs fall to the ground and my head rolls off my torso and into a hole. I wish I could remember my life from before so it could flash before my eyes.