Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheLuckyBreak

“I always wanted to be a rock star. That was my childhood dream. That's what I told everybody I was going to be when I grew up.”
-Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart* #quote

Today I showed my true colors, they were brown and purple. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Lucky Break

        Once in a while a person gets a lucky break. Where and how that lucky break happens can be quite strange. For Thomas The Pizza Delivery Guy he got it when he delivered a pizza to the house of a wizard. Thomas was quite baffled when a man wearing those blue robes and a hat answered the door while music pumped in the background. He could only explain it by the fact it was a costume party.
       “That'll be 82.50” he said while holding the absurd amount of pizza the wizard had ordered. What appeared to werewolf came out and took the pizza from him. Thomas thought that costume looked stunningly real.
        The wizard pulled out his wallet. “Crud, forgot my credit card in my other robes.” The wizard's wallet was strapped for cash. “But if the guests don't get their pizza I'll get mauled.” Thomas saw a zombie somewhere in the house. Well it had to be a costume right?
        The wizard took a gold ring from one of his fingers and gave it to Thomas. “I'm pretty sure that'll cover it. Plus it's enchanted with luck you'll love it. Consider the rest of the value a tip. I need to start feeding my guests the pizza before they transform into something unruly.” The wizard slammed the door shut. Thomas didn't have a chance to object that he needed money.
       If he didn't have ten other deliveries to take care of he would have bothered to argue with the man. He looked at the ring. He assumed it must be fake and he was just scammed by a man trying to get free pizza.  His boss wouldn't accept it. He decided he would keep it and would give the boss the value of the pizza the wizard ordered.
       He turned out to be a wise decision, the ring was real gold, and luck soon befell Thomas. The first token of luck was getting a coupon for free pizza and finding a hundred dollar bill on the ground. After that things spiraled into good fortune. He lived happily ever after. The other guy who worked at the pizza place didn't run into a wizard and his own lucky break just a cranky middle-aged woman with too many spoiled, loud kids.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #MwahahaMwahahaMadScientist

“One fish two fish red fish blue fish.”
Jacques-Yves Cousteau* #quote

Today mother went to her writer's meeting and had dinner there while father and I stayed home and foraged for berries for dinner.

Mwahaha, Mwahaha, Mad Scientist

Mwahaha, Mwahaha, mad scientist,
Have you any brains?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.
One for the robot,
One for the zombie,
And one for the little mutant
Who lives down the lane
Mwahaha, Mwahaha, mad scientist,
Have you any brains?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheEighthDwarf

Oh my God. Do you know what this is? This is a dinosaur egg. The dinosaurs are breeding....
But Grandpa said all the dinosaurs were girls...
Amphibian DNA...
What's that...?
Well, on the tour, the film said they used frog DNA to fill in the gene sequence gaps. They mutated the dinosaur genetic code and blended it with that of a frog's. Now, some West African frogs have been known to spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single sex environment. Malcolm was right. Look. Life found a way.
Barney and Friends* #quote

Today I was ready to rock. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Eighth Dwarf

      The tale goes that Snow White met seven dwarfs. In truth she met eight, but in the end she lived with seven. The Eighth Dwarf decided not to live with them and help Snow White. Could he be called terrible? Or just a little mean? A witch was out there but Snow White barged into life as a stranger. For not supporting the protagonist of the story how should this Eighth Dwarf be viewed and what is his mindset? People may judge him as they wish, and his own words to the other dwarves should explain what he thought.
       The Eighth Dwarf said to the others, “I'm not sleeping on the floor for some random girl we just met. You don't just let people into your home, then give them all your stuff, accommodate them, and hope their good people, and put your life on hold just to fix their problems. If you're saying I should sleep on the floor for her than I'm moving out. You obviously think she's more important.”
       In the end The Eighth Dwarf went on his own adventures, found his true love, and lived happily ever after. Amazing what happens when you're not a side character.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #SoundEvilAdvice

“Too much sugar is bad for you.”
Willy Wonka* #quote

Today I went to one of my card game things. This coming weekend I plan to invite CJ over, I'll see how that rolls out. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Sound Evil Advice

        The supervillain Doctor Furious finished his doomsday weapon and all the plans for its execution. He looked at the blue prints satisfied while he adjusted his costume. A black jacket with a white lab coat made for quite the color contrast and great evil fashion. His evil advisor approved the outfit so he went with it. His evil advisor approved everything, even down to the pizza he ordered.
        The evil advisor was a computer of Doctor Furious's own design. An incredibly advanced artificial intelligence with millions of advanced possessors. The machine required the power of a magical artifact just to keep it functioning. He considered it the wisest being on the entire Earth.
Doctor Furious asked his advisor, “Evil Advisor, is there any flaw with my evil plan?”
          The supervillain was shocked. He spent weeks working on the doomsday plan and weapon before presenting it to his evil advisor. “But what is it Evil Advisor? Everything functions, I've made it so that so superhero could stop it. Doomsday should happen? What would get in the way of the evil of my plan and satisfaction?”
         His advisor went silent. Doctor Furious knew that meant the machine was looking for words to explain it to him. He dreaded the silence. He felt like a child more and more it passed since the machine was taking time with its vast mind to make absolutely sure it phrased it with something that he could understand. When it took so long he felt the machine thought of him as a stupid man.
        The Evil Advisor then told him in its flat synthetic voice, “When Doomsday happens you will be dead. Therefore you will not experience any satisfaction. Also any acts of evil will be not perceived by you or anyone. Your plan only has a point if you are certain you can view it all from the after life, and most after life theories and religious views place where you would end up as not a good ending if you initiate doomsday. The plan is pointless.”
        Doctor Furious listened to his advisor as he always did and scrapped the plan. He crumpled up the paper and threw it away.
       “Might I advise that you steal candy? Or any other form of robbery? That wouldn't be so pointless.”
        The supervillain felt quite defeated, and he didn't even fight a superhero. He wondered if he should just quit evil altogether. While he wallowed in self-pity Doctor Furious never had the thought cross his mind that maybe the purpose of the Evil Advisor's advise was to make him quit evil.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheSemicolonIsTheLoneliestPunctuationMark

“May the force be with you.”
Isaac Newton* #quote

Today was my mother's birthday. It was quite a busy day, so much going on, and then after all the birthday things there was a card game tournament event thing too that a friend reminded me of as well. The day was swamped to an oozing temporal tempest of time much to do! I couldn't pull out a new story for ya because of the length of the day, I pulled out one of my favorites from way back in the archives for ya. One advantage of having written hundreds of these stories is that I have a few to fall back on when this kinda stuff happens!

The Semicolon is the Loneliest Punctuation Mark

; ----> Exclamation Point, do you know why nobody likes me?
! -----> I like're my best friend.
; -----> I meant everybody else. Not just the other punctuation marks but the humans too.
! -----> Well, maybe they're just judging you on your looks. Maybe you look intimidating because you're both a period and a comma at the same time.
; -----> Really? You think it's intimidating? Question Mark said I look like a freak and should stay away from period and comma just not to scare them.
! -----> Don't listen to Question know he's a jerk. You'd get along with plenty of people.
+ ----> Hey Exclamation Point, how's it going?
! ----> Hey Plus Sign. What brings a mathematical symbol to our side of town.
+ ---> Just hangin''s that?
; ----> Hi! My name is semicolon!
+ ---> Never heard of ya.
; ----> I'm a punctuation mark just like Exclamation Point. Wanna hang out?
+ ---> Nah, I'll's just. You're one thing on top of another. And in math land...well one thing on top of the other is exponential and things always get complicated when that I'll pass. I don't wanna be rude...but I gotta go.
; ----> I told you nobody likes me Exclamation Point.
: ----> Hey little bro.
; ----> Hey, colon.
: ----> How's it going?
; ----> Fine. Just hanging out with Exclamation Point.
: ----> Hah, that loser? I told you, you can totally hang out with my crew.
; -----> Hey, Exclamation Point is my best friend! And I don't like any of your friends. They're all hotheaded, idiots. All Start Quote can do is repeat someone else's opinion. He can't come up with any original ideas. Besides who to freeload off of. And you keep making me pay back everything you owe to End Quote!
: -----> Why you...!
! -----> Stop your arguing! Ampersand is coming over here!
; -----> Wait Ampersand?
: The hottest, curviest punctuation symbol of them all?
& ----> So guys, what are you talking about?
: ----> Manly things.
; ----> Astrophysics.
! ----> Puppies.
& ----> Right...
: ----> I must say you are looking beautiful today Ampersand.
& ----> That's what all the men say. Besides Ellipses. He never says anything. To anyone. Ever.
; -----> We look the same everyday. Isn't saying she looks beautiful today kinda stupid? It's kinda like saying the sky is blue today.
! -----> Haha, Semicolon is right. We always do look the same.
& ----> So you're the ever-elusive, legendary Semicolon?
: ----> Legendary? My brother is no legend.
& ----> Well you see him so little people hardly know he exists. I think I've ever hardly been in the same sentence with him or anyone else for that matter. And you all know how easy it is to forget a single sentence. I think the humans have a phobia of him. Maybe he's too cool for 'em? Hehe.
: ----> He's a freak! Look at the comma tail!
& ----> I think the comma tail is cute.
; -----> What?
! ----> Oh, Ampersand, he was too nervous to say it but Semicolon was planning to ask you out on a date.
& ----> I'd love to. He is very mysterious and unused. So few humans use him. Makes him feel forbidden y'know?
: ----> I hate you Exclamation Point.
! ----> I'm just helping out a friend; I got you back for calling me a loser too.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #WhoHauntsWhoNow

“Something smells fishy.”
Aquaman* #quote

          Today I went to my last club for the semester. Guess I'll be waiting till August unless there are summer meetings. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Who Haunts Who Now?

        It started a month ago. I see him walking around my house, hear his voice, and hear his footsteps. The floor creaks when he walks and objects move when he touches them. He won't leave! He just won't leave! And he brings others too. They all come, making their noises, moving things, the voices driving me mad. It needs to stop! Why won't it stop!
       Why do the living have to invade my home? Can't a ghost like me just be left alone?

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheCouchPotatoFarmer

“Credit or Debit?”
Boatman Of The River Styx* #quote

Today I discussed my costume with my father. Tomorrow is my last school club for the semester. Aww...Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Couch Potato Farmer

         The couch potato is the most curious new development of genetic engineering. Now considered the largest food crop it gets it name not only from the fact it is the size of a couch but also from the fact its growth is accelerated mostly by particular light frequencies. These light frequencies actually match those emitted from televisions and should be varied as the day goes on.
        This task is actually managed by me, a simple man by the name of Andrew, who has now turned watching television into his job. That and watching the readings along with it. I must flip channels based on readings corresponding to the couch potato's growth, looking at hundreds of TVs, hundreds of readings, and hundreds of couch potatoes. I flip channels appropriately. At some points a couch potato may grow best next to a TV show with football on, but in a moment my computer may tell me to change the channel to the weather. It is worth it however for the massive boon the crop gives.
        I may have to switch crops though. I heard about the development of reading carrots.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #InsanityInABottle

“Master betrayed us. Wicked. Tricksy, False. We ought to wring his filthy little neck. Kill him!”
Brutus and Cassius, Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare* #quote

Due to me having to fend off a horde of psychic baboons adept at playing rugby that attacked my home I didn't have enough time to finish a story for y'all. So I'll be doing a repost from way back when in the archives. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Insanity in a Bottle

        Tom embodied the simple wizard. The kind of wizard that didn't pay attention when he sorted together his spell components and constantly had accidents. His simple nature could be blamed on his youth. He still spent his days in wizarding school doing homework and all that.
         The boys worst mistake came when he cheated on an assignment. Normally the consequences for cheated resulted in a simple F and a long lecture from a teacher and parents at his age. However the way he cheated was by directly stealing the potion he needed to make from one of the wizarding professors labs. He sampled it to make sure it was the right one. He thought he was taking samples from the potions meant to change the pitch of your voice. But while sneaking around the simple wizard had turned himself around and taken a potion from the curses section without even realizing where he was. And the curse he had taken was one of the most incredibly nasty insanity curses out there. The fact the professor had left it outside of a safe showed his negligence.
         From the insanity curse his logic became inverted, destroyed or mangled or possibly a combination thereof. Originally the logical thing to do to test something is to just take a sample. But when insane Tom thought to test something he needed to drink the entire insanity potion. It worsened his condition before it even had fully settled in. Before he thought when sneaking around the logical thing to do was to be quiet and discreet. Now he screamed random words loudly and started tackling the walls.
        The commotion quickly summoned teachers to the room and it didn't take them long to piece together what had happened. Tom's old logic would have told him that the teachers were there to help him, his new logic told him they were new. The boy quickly cast some basic attacking spells. The wizards had plenty of artifacts they regularly wore to protect them from any spells a wizard as weak as the boy could use so the boy soon began leaping at the wizards and chewing at their legs.
          It fought the wizards every day they spent working on curing him. They had force feed him as it was the logical thing to eat and drink. They had to cast spells on the boy to make him sleep as Tom new logic told him that it was unsafe to sleep. The curse worsened before it got better in the final days. The wizards had to take full control of his lungs as his logic told him air was dangerous and he tried to hide from it and breathe as little as possible. Eventually they applied all the enchantments to cure him and he recovered, but he retained all memories from the experience.
         Tom became a model student compulsively attentive to detail, especially labels, and refused to drink a potion ever again. Teachers gave him alternate assignments when it came to potions.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheDreadedPirateNeckbeard

“What are we going to do tonight Brain?
Why the same thing we do every night Pinky...try to take over the world!”
Congress* #quote

Today I went to my costuming club. It'll be the last day until next semester or unless we have summer meetings. I'll have to see if that happens. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Dreaded Pirate Neckbeard

          Smart people fear Blackbeard the Pirate. Wise people fear Neckbeard. As a Captain I've sailed many seas, ones in your world and others. A magic boat can do that. And as an elf merchant I've lived a long time to hear many tales of many pirates. Blackbeard was certainly fairly scary. But the Dreaded Pirate Neckbeard scared sailors from all worlds.
          For see pirates like Blackbeard could only do things to do while you lived and breathed. If you looked up at Neckbeard and he didn't feel merciful...well you could be looking up at those hairs of his for a very long time. For the Dreaded Pirate Neckbeard lived as a necromancer. Or rather unlived as most people, along with myself, believed him to be undead. And those on his crew lived undead too, toiling under his neckbeard for as long as he saw fit. Tales say he after he killed you, burned your flesh away, and turned you into a skeletal slave, he kept a a small piece of one of one of your bones stuck in his neckbeard to keep his control over you.
        He is the reason why no one will have a neckbeard anymore, as they wish not to resemble such a horrible man. I hope that some day flame engulfs that man and removes the source of his power and the seas of all the worlds are free from his influence. Then I can allow my facial hair to grow freely and shave less often. That would be quite convenient.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheSuperHerosPhase

“Smile and the whole world smiles with you.”
The Cheshire Cat* #quote

I got a bit of writer's block today so that's sad news(but I did pick out a goodie from way back in the blog for y'all that I bet ya don't remember for you to enjoy, or if you're new it'll be a first for ya.) On the flip side there's good news that seizures were down! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Superhero's Phase

        I feel terrible. My name is The Fantastic Glitchman manipulator of cyberspace and my sidekick ErRoz has just died. I know we're all superheroes here so he'll come back to life or I'll get a much better replacement sidekick someday. But for now I'm just depressed. So I'm going through a phase.
       The worst part is...I just don't know how to redesign my costume to reflect this. My original costume was a dynamic blue with yellow FG letters. Pretty campy and happy if you ask me. I even had a nice cape to go with it. Oh and those silly boots. Those silly, pointed boots. But because of my sadness I just can't go around in this costume. I need to change my costume to reflect this. The other heroes know of my sidekick's death so I have to make sure I do what they think I should too.
      But I just don't know how to change it. Purple? Green? New boots? Leather? Longer cape? Shorter cape? No Cape? Bigger letters? Smaller letters? No letters? Make a logo? Add a skull? What to do..what to do...aaaagghhhhhh! This is impossible! How do I make a costume that reflects what I'm going through? How to make a costume that can properly reflect this vital phase in my life!?
Oh the horrible, horrible things we have to go through as superheroes!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #WhenAWizardHidesTheEggs

“Merry Christmas!”
The Easter Bunny* #quote

       Happy Easter everybody! (And to those that don't celebrate Easter, have a happy day anyway because everyone should have a splendid day! Today and the next and the one after that etc.) Anyway onto the flash fiction!

When A Wizard Hides The Eggs

       My name's Tommy and my Dad's a wizard. It's really fun to have a Dad for a wizard until a few times during the year. One of those times is Easter. Sure he can use all sorts of magic to make everything exciting with cool effects. Like how our pet dragon breathes fire in excitement for the special holiday dinner. (Though he does this for every holiday).
       But all the awesome things kinda seem less awesome when he turns Easter Egg hunting into a learning experience. I have to find all the eggs every year. And that includes if he puts them in other dimensions, time loops, or inside my own soul. When your Dad has to help you find the eggs because he has to teach you arcane magic...Easter's a little to complicated.
       The candy is awesome though, having a wizard Dad gets me magic candy. You'll never get my Treantapple Lollipop! (I did have to fight a ghost for it.)
       I hope you enjoyed your normal egg hunts and normal candy and your normal holidays.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheGhostAndHisJunkMail

“It ain't over till it's over.”
Phil Connors, Groundhog Day* #quote

         Today I went to my card game thing. I traded some of my foreign cards that my parents accidently bought me when I was young. Things like “Flegmon”, which in English was Slowpoke. The foreign names tend to be much funnier or cooler as is often the case with foreign words. 

The Ghost And His Junk Mail

        One bright, sunny day Ronald the ghost received junk mail. A coupon for a furniture store. Normally people would toss aside such things immediately or maybe stow them away in some sort of coupon pile. But Ronald had been itching to add some furniture to his ethereal home on The Other Side for quite some time and immediately went off to the store.
        Ronald went to the store and purchased his furniture, an insignificant event from his perspective to be sure. But to the mortals at the store, it gave them many nightmares. The experience of having an otherworldly being shop there bent their fragile living minds. Poor Steve receives therapy to this very day.
        But why would a coupon for a mortal store be mailed to a ghost? The answer may never be known as the postal system works in mysterious ways.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #ATimeTravelersRegret

“Youth is wasted on the young.”
Dorian Gray* #quote

       Couldn't get a story out yesterday because of computer problems, but hey today I'm wrangling up a flash fiction for ya.

A Time Traveler's Regret

        My name is Bill Simone. I've lived wisely and I only have one regret. After getting my Doctorate and becoming a scientist I researched long and hard until I created a time machine. This lead to my biggest mistake, an experiment that lead to a time loop.
       My name is Bill Simone. I've lived wisely and I only have one regret. After getting my Doctorate and becoming a scientist I researched long and hard until I created a time machine. This lead to my biggest mistake, an experiment that lead to a time loop.
       My name is Bill Simone. I've lived wisely and I only have one regret. After getting my Doctorate and becoming a scientist I researched long and hard until I created a time machine. This lead to my biggest mistake, an experiment that lead to a time loop.
       My name is Bill Simone. I've lived wisely and I only have one regret. After getting my Doctorate and becoming a scientist I researched long and hard until I created a time machine. This lead to my biggest mistake, an experiment that lead to a time loop.
       My name is Bill Simone. I've lived wisely and I only have one regret. After getting my Doctorate and becoming a scientist I researched long and hard until I created a time machine. This lead to my biggest mistake, an experiment that lead to a time loop.......

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #NoMoreEasterBunny

“Drink responsibly.”
Dionysus* #quote

Today I planned how to work on a costume of mine and father got some of the materials for it. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

  No More Easter Bunny

      “This is impossible!” The Easter Bunny yelled, his pink fur frazzled.
      “I'm sorry,” Santa Claus said, “But Holiday Central told me it's final.” The big red-coated man knelt down to the bunny and hugged him. “Don't be a stranger friend. Still going to see you every week to watch the game together with all the others?”
      “I just can't believe they replaced me with a machine.”
Santa Claus stood up and said to him, “I can't believe it either. I liked it when Holiday Central started to use magical technology to make our lives easier, but then they started to cook up things that began to replace people. I miss my elves.”
        “Where do you think I should go from here?” The Easter Bunny always asked Santa Claus for help, they had been friends for as long as he could remember. Maybe the management at Holiday Central knew that and that's why they chose to let him break the news to the little bunny.
       “I don't know, well, you could go into mascot work or enter Imagination Land and become a cartoon or book character. I know a guy named Peter who did great there.”
       “I think I could try Imagination Land,” the Easter Bunny said as he twitched his nose and his whiskers wiggled.
       Old Saint Nick smiled. “Thatta boy! Keep in mind the future and don't forget how limitless your opportunities are!” On the inside the old man's gut twisted as he feared he would be next.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #WhenYouGet

“I'm a flexible guy.”
Gumby* #quote

Today I went to my costuming club, much fun was had so yay! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

When You Get

When you get satellite TV you watch it.
When you watch TV you flip channels.
When you flip channels you run across do it yourself shows
When you run across do it yourself shows you try to remodel your kitchen alone.
When you remodel your kitchen alone you get out the power tools.
When you get out the power tools you plug too many of them in.
When you plug too many of them in you cause a power surge.
When you cause a power surge the lights go out.
When the lights go out you see the ghosts.
When you see the ghosts they devour your soul.
Don't let ghosts devour your soul, avoid getting satellite TV.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #MouthChewingMechanisms

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.”
Nostradamus* #quote

       Tomorrow's my costuming club, so much fun will be had. Especially since I've decided on a costume to make while father works on the armor costume. I'll be making an old video game character suit, like really old, and the costume will actually be made out of pixels(which will be actually giant foam blocks, for example each of my hands will be inside a pixel) It will have an amusing visual effect.

Mouth Chewing Mechanisms

       The carnivorous fish approached the location with many grains of sand on it that borders the ocean. A menacing sequence of sounds played as it neared a human of female sex. The human's age was approximately eighteen to twenty and she swam with an amount of clothing equaling zero.
       The carnivorous fish made contact with the human via its mouth chewing mechanisms and proceeded to use the eating utility bones in its mouth to devour her. Her bodily fluids entered the water and its colors gradually shifted to red over a time reasonable to their ejection from her corpse.
Later the shark was killed by the local town fisherman and his cousin.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheUltimateMatchmaker

“Hygiene is two thirds of health.”
Psycho* #quote

      Today and yesterday I had family occasions. Last night I couldn't find the time to get a story ready for y'all but now I managed to pull one out of my little head. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Ultimate Matchmaker

       Emily wanted love in her life. Not just any love. The perfect love. With the perfect man. And to find this perfect man she decided to go to visit a sage atop a mountain who could supposedly answer any question asked.
       She bowed before the old man and explained her lack of love and asked him, “How does someone find the perfect match for them?”
       The sage pulled on his long beard and thought. Then a blue aura glowed around him as he drew from the knowledge of the universe to answer the question. “Young one, the answer is simple. Usually trial and error, and nowadays people are using dating sites more and more. Though traditional locations like bars or social clubs are still in use among other locations or random happenstance. People find the perfect match for them.”
Emily grew angry. “That's not helpful at all! I need to find my perfect man!”
       “Sorry one question per person that climbs the mountain. You'll need to climb the mountain again to get your answer.”
        It took Emily quite some time but she went down the mountain and climbed it once again.
        “Okay, so what's the name of my perfect man, what does he look like, and exactly where does he live?”
        The sage glowed with his blue aura once again as he pulled from the knowledge of the universe. Then from his old, silk robes he pulled out paper and pencil. “Here let me write it down for you and do a sketch.”
Emily took the information and climbed down the mountain. A few months later the sage saw her again.
        “Okay he's perfect for me. Now how do I make him fall in love with me?”
        The sage glowed and the knowledge of the universe poured into him once again. “Asking him out might work. It seems you have negleted to actually approach him. The Powers That Be suggest wearing red.” After hearing this Emily climbed down the mountain with a look of silent disappointment. The sage saw once again, as he had many times before, that someone even capable of scaling mountains, had difficulty approaching romance.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheAliensBattlePlan

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away!”
William Tell* #quote

Today I ate food. Yeah, I'm a conformist like that. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Alien's Battle Plan

       Many science fiction works have portrayed aliens as being vastly powerful and scary. Human imagination comes up with some terrifying tales. But in truth the most frightening and over the top of the works are not even from human minds.
       Aliens have been funding and creating propaganda to make works of fiction that make aliens look powerful for a very long time. They are constantly working to get an image into the human cultural knowledge as it develops for their eventual arrival.
      The reason they would create such an image? In truth they are really wimpy people and just want to look scary and intimidating for when they make first contact so we don't beat them up.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheTrulyLonelistNumber

School House Rock* #quote

Today I went to Wonderland, and had a nice party because by an amazing coincidence it was my unbirthday! Amazing huh? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Truly Loneliest Number

        One isn't the loneliest number. One is quite popular actually. He's number one! First place! The hit single! He couldn't be better off. He smiles all day and could laugh and mock the unpopular numbers. Even negative one, his pessimistic brother loves him. (It's a stereotype that negative numbers are pessimists.)
       No, the loneliest number is called i by mathematicians. That little italicized letter stands for the square root of negative one. An imaginary number. How lonely is a number when it's imaginary? Why the only way more imaginary numbers happen is by multiplying it by that one. So it can only be with itself. Mathematics is a strange place, the number so lonely it can only be with itself.
      Well zero is also real and imaginary, but who wants to hang out with him? He's nothing to talk about.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheTypicalFatherSonCampingTrip

“Weight Watchers isn't a diet, it's a healthy way to live.”
Galactus* #quote

      Today I read comics on the Internet among other things. There are a lot of good comics on the Internet(you have to filter through the loads of dumb ones, but eh, there are sites that talk about webcomics). The Internet is a magical place where many people can publish all sorts of stuff. I like reading online comics because often I can run into stuff that isn't the normal stuff out there.

The Typical Father-Son Camping Trip

      “Dad...this is so annoying...”
      “Son, don't complain.”
      “But I hate camping.”
      “Son, it's good to visit nature.”
      “But we have to wear this yucky camouflage suits to blend in.”
      “Son, you know it's necessary.”
      “And it's so noisy, and there's concrete everywhere and no atmosphere control.”
      “Son, appreciate the natural beauty of an underdeveloped world. Not everyone gets to visit Earth.”
      “All right. I guess I'll try it all out. But when we get to our home planet I'm taking off this suit, and teleporting to a cleansing station. And is there really no better way to travel here on the ground than those dumb car things? It feels like I'm being mailed it's so tight. So much more cramped than a spaceship.”

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TwinkleTwinkleLittleSpaceship

“If the shoe fits, wear it.”
The Sasquatch* #quote

       Today I went to my costuming club. It was fun. We discussed the convention thing they working on. (Like Comicon). They did one last year and they intend to do one this year. I was not going to the club when they did the last one, so I hope to be of assistance when they do this one. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Spaceship

Twinkle, twinkle, little spaceship
How we wonder what you're intentions are.
Armed and ready above the world so high,
Like a battleship in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little spaceship
How we wonder what you're intentions are.
How we wonder what you're intentions are.

Twinkle, twinkle little spaceship,
How you we wondered what you're intentions were.
Before you burned above the world so high,
Doused by our missiles in our sky.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheStarvingGames

“Winter is coming.”
Jack Frost* #quote

        Today I went to the doctor's office. Got moved to a new doctor because of my health plan to a doctor down very close to my house. I like the doctor so far(the problem with being forced to switch doctors is that you can get stuck with someone you don't like). If I keep liking him it'll be good. It's not a new epilepsy doctor, just the normal primary care physician, thankfully I'm going to the same neurological clinic. It'd be really crazy if I had to switch that. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Starving Games

      The children were left alone in the house to fend for themselves, the oldest sister at the age of 16 left in charge to babysit. Their tribe numbered five in total, three brothers and two sisters. 

Emily Age 10
Barry Age 11
Adam Age 13
John Age 14
Jessica Age 16

      These were the children trapped in the Starving Games. The Starving Games being that all of them desired dinner...but all were too lazy to make it. The parent's understood their children possessed the ability but not the drive. The children all sat around the TV whining and complain.
      “You do it.”
      “No you.”
       The eldest as babysitter would tell the others to do it as boss but they would counter that as the babysitter she should do it. The competition over who should make dinner continued for what seemed to be hours.
        Though the total time of the Starving Games was thirty minutes. But whining, complaining and arguing tends to drag out the perception of time.
        They decided to order pizza. This turned out to be one of the few times that the siblings cooperated on a single task, evenly splitting the cost of the pizza based on how many slices the person ate. They laughed and talked about how they argued about who should make dinner when this was the smarter solution(in the minds of these kids pizza could be a daily diet). They would go back to arguing the next day, but this tale does show that laziness can be one of the greatest ways to bring people together.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheDustOfTheMagicalMafia

“A penny saved is a penny earned.”
M.C. Hammer* #quote

      While CJ was over for the weekend my brother and his fiancee came to visit as well. The day was filled with going-ons and I couldn't come up with a satisfying story for y'all so I'm going to revist a goodie from way back when that I think you won't remember so you can re-enjoy or enjoy for the first time if you're newer. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Dust Of The Magical Mafia

       “Fairy dust,” the mob boss said while holding a glass vial in his claws. “So many different versions throughout the many universes with so many properties that can make it the most valuable substance to swap between worlds. Very illegal to move one kind of fairy dust to a world with fairy dust of a different kind you know.” The mob boss was a dragon fond of standing on his hind legs and wearing a fashionable black suit.   “And so what, here's your free sample?” The mob boss looked at a skinny man in the room with a suit case.
       “Yes, there's a lot of fairy dust. All for you to distribute to your people or alter with your own wizards for your own profit when you get to it because I know you have those facilities. I do not. I am merely the collector. Three thousand gold coins a vial.”
       “Wesley, my shrimpy, little associate, I would have paid that much for fairy dust from that far off world you said you got this from. But this is sand. I don't pay anything for something fake. When did business become so bad Wesley, you had to try to trick your old friend?” The dragon mob boss flicked his thorny tail and blew out some smoke.
       “Mr. Drake I don't know what you're talking about! That isn't sand. That is real fairy dust! You had your most powerful wizard's check all its magical properties.” Those very wizards, four in total, stood next to Drake and nodded their heads. They were so powerful they also doubled as body guards for the mob boss.
         “Wesley. You enchanted this to trick my wizards. Very well I might add considering how well trained they are in detection. I wonder who you hired to enchant this sand. But fairy dust is a physical object too and has non-magical properties like other objects. You can't use magic to trick me.”
Wesley's legs started shaking.
      “For example the kind of fairy dust you're trying to sell to me doesn't have this pure of a grain. Fables all around say that fairy dust is perfectly even sized but in fact there are some bits that are bigger or smaller than others. It's a nearly impossible difference to see.”
       “But Sir!” Wesley shouted.
        “Alright let's say its just me. After all my eyes are old. There are still other properties than simply grain we can look at. Once again, it's an object just like everything else.” The dragon poured the dust over a nearby table. “It can have chemical reactions to solutions like this one that I always carry with me when I do business with people.” The mob boss pulled a bottle out of his pocket. He put the glass vial that held the fairy dust down and opened the top on the bottle. “Now if your fairy dust is real it'll bubble when I pour this solution on it.”
      Sweat covered Wesley's face as Mr. Drake poured the solution over the fairy dust. It mixed with the solution but didn't bubble. The dragon laughed and Wesley trembled.
      “Look no bubbles. Well Wesley looks like you could trick magic but not science. Now, I don't take too kindly to someone trying to trick me boy.” The dragon turned to Wesley and stared at him.
      “I'm so sorry Sir! You know everything I've given you in the past was real! But this time I didn't have the time to gather it or the resources to get it by all the barriers between worlds. The reason was because my son was sick and I had to spend the time and money getting him better. I used up my last favor with Merlin to get something I needed to get him cured. I'm so sorry. You understand. You have a son.”
       Mr. Drake thought for a moment.
      “Wizards take our friend outside and slam him with every torture curse from the Nightmare Book. Then send him home with an enchantment that binds him to his world. And if Wesley ever leaves his world, kill him. Good day Wesley.”

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #BeastsOfTheVegetable

“A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!”
Caligula* #quote

    Today CJ is over and things are happening. Yes things, of an ambiguous nature. Hehehaha. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Beasts Of The Vegetable

       Trolls intimidated most all humans in all the lands. Large, gray, with big teeth and huge muscles they could scare anyone really. Their size and shape resembled a gorilla with much more articulate hand and feet so they had opposable thumbs. They also had the intelligence of humans.
       Fortunately for other races their big teeth were flat, not sharp. A race of vegetarians and farmers. Even when conquering they only did it to expand farmland and any captured races usually roamed free and did for the gorilla creatures what their bodies couldn't comfortably do. That meant building and crafting and things of that nature. Even with the little articulation the trolls possessed over beasts like the massive gorillas they could not make finely detailed things like jewelry.
      One day a human slave was crafting jewelry for his troll masters. Many generations ago the trolls conquered his lands. Of all the races that conquer others trolls are called the most gentle to their slaves, but he didn't care. He was told about lands where humans and others lived free. He thought many times of those free lands.
     He looked at the jewelry his arms worked away at. His master was the king of the trolls in his region. The slave did good work so he earned that position. The position he hated to see such a creature so often. On that day of crafting though he decided not to create jewelery as he normally did. Normally he created things with beauty and happiness in mind. But instead he poured his malice into it and created a large heavy necklace with many diamonds and a large ring at the bottom with more diamonds.
    When the slave gave the troll the necklace he placed it over the king's head. At that point he showed the full rage behind his life. He decided to do more than what many armies failed to do. He used the heavy necklace he designed as a weapon. It never was meant to decorate the king. The king never fathomed a loyal slave would turn on him.
     The slave was killed shortly thereafter but the kingdom of trolls fell into chaos soon after with the slaves being inspired to rise up and surrounding lands taking advantage of the vulnerability of the leaderless land.
And now trolls worked enslaved. When will they rise? Time will tell.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheThreeLittlePigsRentOut

“It was Colonel Mustard, in the kitchen, with the wrench!”
Sherlock Holmes* #quote

Went to my school club today and ate dinner pretty late. I didn't really have the time to make a good story for ya'll so I think I'll give you one from way back when. I hope you enjoy! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Three Little Pigs Rent Out

       “Ah, yes Mr. John L. Pig?” I said as I knocked on the door with my gray furred paw. “I work for the government and there seems to be some concerns about your house both by your neighbors and with you renting it out.”
        The owner of the house looked through the window on his door at me. He must have been short as he seemed to be standing to be on some sort of stool. He was a pig, which I assumed from his last name. I always hated working with them. Socially awkward for wolves like us even with the carnivore treaty from fifty years ago that regulated us carnivores to only eating chickens and fish, the animals considered dumb enough to be eatable. They couldn't talk after all like the rest of us. But there was still the awkwardness from the old days.
       “What's wrong with my house?” the pig said to me with a glare.
        I then replied, “Well the government considers it a saftey hazard to renters and neighbors fear that if a storm comes around debris from it will hit their houses.”
        “I bet you by the hair on my chiny-chin-chin, my house is perfectly safe!” he yelled at me.
         I then rolled my eyes. “For the love of...your house is made of straw! I could blow it over myself!”
        The pig then gave me an arrogant smile. “Then do it!”
         I replied, “Fine, I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!” So I took my biggest breath in and blew. I was famous for being a very big man and I in fact did blow down the straw house and its weak foundations. “There! At least you were standing next to the door so nothing big fell on you.”
        “Why you!” the pig grumbled. “I'll just go work with my brother you'll see.” He quickly left.
        Now I know that stupidity tended to run in the family so I looked into the family of this pig. It seemed he had two brothers. I went to the house of the brother he decided to work with.
I couldn't believe my eyes, it was a house of sticks.
        “Um, hello?” I said after knocking on the door. Two pigs at this time looked at me this time. I started to wonder how they actually managed to make a working door with a straw house and a stick house.
        “I heard what you did to my brother's straw house.” the stick house brother said to me.
         The straw house brother then added, “And I guess you think my brother's house is a safety hazard too?”
       “It could be worse!” I growled. “People could have their eyes poked out! Your straw house would crumble under rain, but this one is flimsy built sticks and could collapse on someone then have the grace to flood them with water!”
         The straw brother then said with a glare, “You think you can blow this one down too?”
         “Certainly!” I replied.
         The stick brother then said, “Then do it.”
        “Fine. I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!” I took in a massive breath and just like the straw house I blew it down.
         Both brothers left with angry red faces the stick house brother saying. “We're just going to work with our eldest brother.”
         I groaned. I looked up the last brother and I went to the last home. It was a brick house. Thank God. It was beautifully constructed. Perfectly safe. I looked around before approaching the door, everything was safe.
        I knocked on the door and three pig brothers answered the door.
        “So have you come to tell me my house is unsafe?” The brick house brother said to me.
I smiled. “Actually I inspected it. I think it is perfectly safe to rent out.”
        “No!” the two other brothers added, “You have to be fair and try to blow down this house too!”
         I looked at them. I couldn't believe it. They were actually serious.
        “Fine.” I rolled my eyes. “I'll huff and puff, and I won't blow your house down but I'll try anyways because they asked me to.” I took a big, pointless breath and blew at the brick house.
         “Try again!” the stick and straw house brother yelled at me.
           I huffed and puffed again with obviously no success.
           “Try again!” they yelled at me.
            I glared at them. “No. This is stupid and I'm going home.”
           When I went home that day I thought I couldn't possibly deal with anything stupider in my work dealing with renters. However later that month I had to figure how to deal with seven dwarves and one resident of their home who was kinda sorta sleeping/dead because of some magic poisoned apple. How do I put that down on my paper work?

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Today's #flashnonfiction #TheTragicCall

“Silence is Golden.”
King Midas* #quote

      Tomorrow I'm headed off to one of my fun school club things. And maybe CJ will come over for the weekend. I know I'll be heading out to dinner with my brother as a family dinner. CJ would be coming along if he comes over. I've known CJ since I was in first grade so he's pretty much family.

      Today I'd figured I'd share with you a CJ related story. A strange thing that happened many years ago to me. Anyway onto the flash nonfiction!

The Tragic Call

      I can't remember how young I was at the time, but I knew it was the time before everyone had cellphones, decent Internet access and I had reached my teens. I picked up our phone to call my friend CJ to invite him over, as I did many times before, and would do many times in the future. He didn't answer and to my horror I was told:
      “CJ's dead.”
      Utterly confused I started to ask what had happened. A drive by shooting if I remember(this did happen many years ago, and with all the panic this part is quite a blur, I had just lost my best friend from my perception). I asked why I wasn't invited to the funeral. She told me I she didn't really know any of his friends very well. I found this odd since I met his mom before on several occasions though I didn't speak to her enough on the phone to recognize her “phone voice” on the old phones back then.
      As a confused child might do I just handed the phone off to my mother and the circumstance was eventually resolved. Apparently I accidentally called a woman who just recently had a son named CJ who died recently. A terribly tragic mix up. I always feel sorry for that poor woman, and I do wish I was kidding with this story. Well, I hope she's doing well, and may her son rest in peace.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheSilverBrickRoad

“The toe bone connected to the heel bone, The heel bone connected to the foot bone,
The foot bone connected to the leg bone...”
Dr. Frankenstein*

Today I put the lime in the coconut. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Silver Brick Road

      Samuel wasn't an Oregon anymore. He was carried away by a flood and found himself somewhere strange. In the strange land a native told him to follow the silver brick road to the Sapphire City to met the great Witch Of Odd. Along the way he met some others who wanted something from the great Witch who's power was said to be so great she could grant anything.
       He met an injured cheetah, he told Samuel that he hurt himself doing a reckless stunt. The cheetah told Samuel he needed some fear from the Witch.
       He met the experiment of a mad scientist, a brain brought back to life in a small simple jar like body for life support and not much else. The brain desired a body for he only had the bare minimum to keep himself running. He desired to such things as smell.
       And last he met a mutant of sorts with two heads. The mutant had an extra heart and it was really affecting his blood pressure since he only needed two.
       So off Samuel went, him seeking a way home, one partner seeking fear, the next a body, the last the removal of a heart. They had an amazing journey and even killed a wicked wizard along the way.
        The met the Witch Of Odd, she was a totally amazing spell caster. The sheer amount of degrees from various magical institutions she obtained from her hundreds of years of living filled the walls of her office. An audience with her was not difficult to obtain. A witch like her gets very wealthy so after getting enough money to make herself living she went to using her powers to help people to pass the time. A healthy stream of requests kept her busy. She felt satisfaction also in turning down evil requests.
She gave the brain a body and fixed up the mutant's heart problem. But she didn't cast her next spells immediately.
         “Now throughout your long journey down the famous Silver Brick road you must have learned a great deal. Remember the friendship you have gained. Now then little brain, you have a body now, do not take it for granted, and no one else should take there's. Including you mutant. I cured one ailment of yours but I may not be here for the next. Unbeknownst to you your hearts were in worse condition than you thought. If you hadn't gotten friends to calm yourself and your blood pressure you would have died before reaching me. Others can keep you in good health just like magic a medicine can.”
         The mutant held his chest.
         The cheetah trembled, “Did you cast your magic on me? Why am I afraid?”
         “I did not use magic to grant fear on you. You are fearing the loss of your friend Samuel, who must go in a moment. Me removing him will give you enough fear. You thinking of him will make you understand the unknown well enough. You will worry, which will lead to fear. Fear is worry, and you needed to learn about worry from someone else. And now you can worry about yourself.”
        Then the witch cast a spell to send Samuel home.
        The odd thing about the Witch Of Odd is that when she agrees to help you some people are not satisfied with her help even if she gives exactly what they want. The cheetah got fear, and now would no longer hurt himself out of hubris. But now he feels worry for others and himself and was forced to get a friend and lose him for it.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheNewRobinHood

“15 minutes can save you 15 percent or more on your car insurance.”
Andy Warhol* #quote

      Today I went to the costuming club, they enjoyed seeing my father's armor. And bringing that stuff there, haha it's as heavy as I remember!

The New Robin Hood

       A healthy rich man jogged in the park. His name was Alvin Redwin. An investor in many industries he didn't give much to charity, but he never actively hurt anyone either. You could always expect him to say please and thank you to friend, family, and even his workers(whether they be inferior or superior). All around a swell guy befitting his soft black eyes and skin. But he wasn't like a saint either. He'd be nice at a party.
       Pity I have to kill him.
      After all it's my duty. I am the modern day Robin Hood, but even greater. I have magic powers. Able to not only transfer physical fortune but anything else. I found this power in an artifact sealed in a black chest. I had to use a blow torch to open it. Did the original owners not want it out? Is it supposed to be evil? Ha! Doesn't matter to me. I think this power is sacred.
      I will use my magic powers to transfer the fortunes of Alvin Redwin to others. Others will become happier and he will become less happy. His money will go to the more needy. He's had it too long in my opinion. But not only will I take his fortune. I will use the most powerful part of my magic. I will take his health and transfer it to others. He's lived a happy life, and so others will live longer and he will simply die.
How do I pick my targets? Usually the happiest, but not famous enough. I can't afford to be found out. No one should stop my justice. I will of course choose the wealth of my targets to go who I deem most worthy. That's my right as user of the magic I think.
     Hmm...that's odd...the artifact is glowing...I'm feeling know the sensation of life force being pulled. I've done it to thousands. Why artifact? I've been doing your mission for so long. Why have you chose to take from me into you? And who as the right to get what is's not fair for