Saturday, November 30, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheIgnorantFugitive

“May the force be with you.”
Sir Issac Newton* #quote

         I placed 16th out of around 35 people today at the tournament I went to. I was paired against decks my deck wasn't good against. (In trading card games you collect cards then createdecks to play against other people, that part is the creative, fun part). That is, in a way, my fault. My deck is weak against too many things now so I can't count on being conveniently matched up against people that my strategies easily beat. So I'm going to make a better deck to fix this problem. Wish me luck! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Ignorant Fugitive

        “Tom Franklin, you're under arrest,” An officer held a laser gun to the back of the head of the most wanted fugitive in the galaxy. “We finally got a DNA verification at a restaurant you ate at minutes ago. Proof that you are you. All that body changing surgery will no longer do you any good.”
         The fugitive wore simple, inconspicuous street clothes, and he looked as average as possible, with average looking brown hair and black eyes. Neither ugly or attractive and not worth a second glance. He'd be the extra in a crowd, the background man in a movie, the stagehand you'd never notice. The entire intent of the surgery he underwent of course.
        “So, Tom Franklin is my name? That is something I wondered all these years.” He laughed, his hands trembling with fear.
        “What are you talking about?” The officer kept the gun to the fugitives head. He knew backup was coming.
         Tom turned around to face the officer, the laser gun right between his eyes. “One day I woke up with my memory wiped. The memory doctors told me I ordered it myself...apparently some medical practitioners will do anything if paid enough money. I remembered near nothing of my past life. But I knew I was a fugitive, I needed to keep running, and I knew the location of a bank account with a great deal of money for me to live on and new identity documents.”
        “That's the most ludicrous story I've ever heard,” the officer replied. “Who would use memory technology like that on themselves? Memory erasing is only used for therapy on trauma!”
        “I wondered the answer to that question myself. Maybe it had to do with what kind of person I was. Did I not want myself to know what kind of person I used to be? And to be that person anymore?What kind of person was Tom Franklin?”
        The officer went silent. The words couldn't come to him. Tom Franklin did things that made people question what evils a person could do with their own two hands. The first crime he became famous for was the strangulation of a child. Really the only reason that the officer didn't shoot him on sight was because he wanted the court to sentence him to the now legal torture sentencing for enemies of the state. And every country considered him an enemy of the state because of the attacks on the populace he orchestrated. His death count goes over the thousands.
         The backup arrived with the armored prison transport for Tom Franklin. They didn't want to lose him. The officer never answered Tom Franklin's question about what kind of man he was. That would be brought up in court. One of the officer's own children was a victim of the fugitive.
        A deep, dark feeling of depression welled into the officer's body. Along with a feeling of anger. If the fugitive's story of having his memory wiped was true, then the wrong man faced trial. The real Tom Franklin should have been one to suffer, remembering all his crimes as the state maliciously tortured him as an example to monsters like him. But this man will have to do.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheSidekicksWoesAndFortunes

“Please leave a message after the tone.”
Ghostbusters* #quote

        Tomorrow there's going to be a big pokemon tournament, just learned of it while looking at things online. Hopefully I won't get someone's sickness from going to this one like I did the last one. (That's the thing about going to public gatherings haha). I always find it cute when I see a parent a child parting at the age division tables. Good luck young grasshopper... Anyway onto the flashfiction!

The Sidekick's Woes And Fortunes

        “Wash the costumes sidekick.”
        “It doesn't matter if nobody can remember your name, we still got in the paper for beating the villain.”
        “You almost died? Well, I still caught the bad guy, so it's all good.”
        “Once you patch up your burnt costume can you polish my super bike?”
        Sunlight-Man always spoke like this to his sidekick Moonlight-Boy. Every week of every month of every year. They did good but Moonlight-Boy never did feel very good. Most heroes felt nostalgia of their adventures when they looked at their costumes. But when Moonlight-Boy looked at his sparkling silver one next to Sunlight-Man's bright gold he didn't feel like his adventures brought back joyful memories.
Weeks after Moonlight-Boy finished nursing a broken leg back to health by himself, a news report shocked the country.
       “Sunlight-Man is dead! His arch-rival Infinite-Twilight somehow learned all his secret weaknesses and easily killed him. Sunlight-Man's sidekick was nowhere to be found to lend aid to stopping Infinite-Twilight's evil schemes so many other heroes had to step in to stop his evil rampage.”
       Moonlight-Boy knew they would never find him. He destroyed his costume completely and went back to being normal. Along with the fat stack of cash that became his new fortune for selling the weaknesses Sunlight-Man to his arch-rival.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ThankfulForShoppers

“I'm just following orders.”
Super Mario* #quote

     Today's Thanksgiving so I'll be doing Thanksgiving things! Yay Thanksgiving! I give thanks for thanks giving and and all the things I could give thanks for life, family, friends the material the immaterial, from the ability to feel emotions to the TV in the living room and all inbetween. Really could you ever list all you could be thankful for?

Thankful For Shoppers

        Stores open on Thanksgiving. Shoppers come in, early Black Friday. A sale or two for the Christmas rush. Chaos. Customers all around. Ron dealt with it for the extra pay. He didn't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving. He assumed that the other employees would go visit family when a shift ended or something, but he would work the whole day for maximum pay.
        But a more chaotic day for extra cash? It'd be a less boring day at work. And he could get himself something nicer for Christmas or pay for something else. Due to an accident, Ron had no family to spend Thanksgiving with so he merely clocked in the extra work time and extra pay. Cha-ching. A loner since the accident he really didn't have friends either.
       He felt thankful for the shoppers, since he couldn't feel thankful for family like many others could. Maybe if he got himself a dog for Christmas it would help but maybe he would get himself a fancier bike to help him get to work instead.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #BearilocksAndTheThreeCampers

“15 minutes can save you 15 percent or more on your car insurance.”
Andy Warhol* #quote

       Today I traveled through time. I went forward just like you did. Welcome to the future! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Bearilocks And Three Campers

        Bearilocks strolled through the forest. She was a happy, hungry grizzly bear. And during her tromping around she found a camp. The family it belonged to was out fishing so she helped herself to it.
       She rummaged through the food.
       The chips were too salty.
       The chocolate was too sweet.
       The bacon was jussssttt right.
       And she saw the three tents belonging to the family. They looked much more comfy then a cave. The daughter's tent was too tiny. The father's tent was too large. The mother's tent was jusssttt right and Bearilocks went to sleep.
       The family came back from their fishing trip.
       “Mom, Dad, I think someone stole our food!”
        The father looked at the missing food and then his tent. “I think somebody went into my tent!”
        The daughter added, “Mine too!”
        The mother looked into hers and saw Bearilocks, “Grizzly bear! Get back in the car!”
And they drove off and never went camping again.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

#Today's #flashfiction #ProfitingFromUnnaturalDistasters

“You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.”
Edward Scissorhands* #quote

Today played some video games and managed to not make anything explode. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Profiting from Unnatural Disasters

     “I'm simply genius in more ways than one...” the mad scientist chuckled. His black rubber gloves held stacks of money and ruffled through him. It was his split from the latest scheme. “I'm so brilliant. I'm so brilliant! I'M SO BRILLIANT!!!” The mad scientist laughed, the sound vibrating through the evil laboratory.
       One of the ten co-conspirators of the mad scientist rolled her eyes. And another groaned but muffled it so the mad scientist couldn't hear him. The co-conspirators didn't complain though. All they had to do was buy properties and insurance and take the money.
      The mad scientist was evil, crazy and uncaring, but still able to be sane enough in some areas to hatch a scheme. He needed ten realtor investors to leave less of a pattern and money trail in his insurance fraud scam. Most mad scientists may use a weather control device in a plan to take over the world. But he chose to make money. Granted there was collateral damage. But his co-conspirators were the worse, greediest men and women in the buying business that they wouldn't mind being in on a money making scheme that involved a tornado or two.
     A few knocks at the door.
     “Police, open up, we have a warrant!”
      The mad scientist's jaw dropped. “What are the police doing here? If they investigate here they'll find my equipment! My plan was perfect, how did you screw it up?”
      All of them looked at each other. The married couple among the buyers looked the most afraid. The wife spoke up. “We may have a habit of tax dodging and smuggling. They may be thinking we're hiding things here.”
      “They're here investigating you? You fools! Tax dodging and smuggling? You've brought the I.R.S. upon me? You'll pay for this!”
      Since no one opened the door the police broke it down. The mad scientist chose to do crime and consort with criminals and it backfired. He is now serving life in prison due to all the deaths from his machine.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheSaviorOfHumanity

“Debit or credit?”
Boatman of the River Styx* #quote

       Today I dueled my evil twin in a rap battle. Fortunately I had some wicked rhymes and came out on top so the day was saved. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Savior Of Humanity

       (The following conversation has been translated from an alien language that sounds like a mix between Swedish, Japanese and a lawnmower.)

      “So we have the usual two options. Annihilate the dominate species and take this planet for our own or consider them worthy enough to join the Galactic Association Of Awesome Species.”
      “You think they're any use to our race or any other?”
      “They haven't made advanced space travel, their most powerful weapon is still only in the nuclear stages, and their power sources are still primitive. I mean, solar, oil, coal and wind? How primal.”
     “So should I bust out the pesticides?”
     “Eh, the rules dictate we have to take a look at their culture.”
     “I'll load up some of their movies. Should be quick.”
And the aliens watched a movie. Then another. A few hours were regulation. But they kept watching them. It was a marathon. For weeks.
     “This is amazing.”
     “They actually make movies to entertain themselves. These creatures must be preserved.”
     “What if they made other things to entertain each other? Like books or music? Media to entertain. What a strange thing. Our superiors must know.”

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheGingerbreadManBurglar

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
Colonel Sanders* #quote

     Today I found what you were looking for. But then I put it back where I found it so you should keep looking. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Gingerbread Man Burglar

        “Haha! You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!” The world of magic knew his words rang true as he cackled and ran through the streets. Spells would bounce off the little doughy candy man and not even a dragon in its mightiest burst of flight could catch up to him. He stole money, jewelry, toys, clocks, a live chicken even. The list goes on and on. Though small he had incredible strength and whatever he could hold up in his little hands or stuff in the bag he carried that suited his fancy he would take.
       His immunity to spells baffled wizards of the world. What could this little animated Gingerbread Man want? Their only guess was that some powerful wizard created him and gave him the powerful enchantments to give him such magical protection and speed. And the powerful wizard commanded him to take valuables. The only hole in their theory...
       “Haha! You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!” he yelled as he stole some dirt from someone's backyard. With valuable antiques on their porch he could have taken, why did he stuff some dirt in his little bag?
       A clever wizard named Wallace decided that he would answer this question not by trying to catch the Gingerbread Man himself but enchanting something the Gingerbread Man stole. The Gingerbread Man was famous for appearing anywhere in the world of magic so it took him months to be in the same place at the same time, but he pulled it off. Right when the Gingerbread Man stole candy from a baby he put a tracking spell on it.
       The entire world followed his spell, on the news or as a legion of officers followed chase. After six hours of an intense chase they found the Gingerbread Man's layer deep in a mountain cave. And in the cave they found his entire horde of possessions and magic symbols chiseled into the walls at whatever height a Gingerbread Man could reach.
       The high level wizards among the officers recognized what the symbols meant. They were runes for casting a spell to give human life to non-living. The version on the walls was a complex spell that required thousands of components to cast. And the Gingerbread Man had most of them. Only a few more and he would have all he needed to make himself human.
       The Gingerbread Man smiled with his icing lips and lept among the officers to take a few of their personal possessions. Pilfering them was easy since people were still startled at seeing all the symbols, whether they understood them or not. And after he added those items to his other stolen things the cave filled with light.
      He went from being the Gingerbread Man to just being a simple man.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheMathematicianAndHisPie

“Ever feel like you're being watched?”
Big Brother* #quote

Well I didn't go out to my club this Friday or my card game thing because I'm ill and I'd rather not pass it on. Maybe if I feel comfortably uncontagious tomorrow I'll go, but it is unlikely. I don't wanna subject people to it y'know. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Mathematician And His Pie

        Cho was the most brilliant mathematician in his department. But what held him back was his obsession over pie. Not that Cho could be called overweight or even chubby. But at lunch he would have a slice of his grandmothers homemade pie that she would give him every weekend to eat through the week. And it would distract him so.
        In all his equations the mathematician would see pie. In every circle, triangle, number, letter, he would see pie. The whole pie in the circle, slices in the triangles, cuts and pieces in the other shapes, maybe the fruits of the all the various flavors in all the symbols and letters in the equations. His pencil could become a fork as lunch became nearer.
        People couldn't blame the man. The pie filled the mouth with divine flavor and it reminded Cho of his grandmother, who raised him since his parents passed when he was young. It was physical and mental experiences that brightened up his day. But it did hold him back from the distractions.
The pie stopped distracting him when his grandmother passed away from an illness that kept her from reaching the dusty old age any grandmother deserves. So it switched from pie distracting him to grief. And that harmed his work more.
      Eventually circumstances aligned and a girl entered his life and filled his world with joy and he filling hers. They shared a passion for mathematics and even pie. On their anniversary one year Cho cooked his grandmother's homemade pie.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheDogAndTheClockTower

“Who's on first?”
Babe Ruth* #quote

     Today I met an alien and gave him directions. He was lost, he went here but he was actually looking for the fifth rock from the Sun. Well everyone makes mistakes. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Dog And The Clock Tower

      In a city stood a massive clock tower in the center of the crossroads and small dog in the center of a nearby backyard. At every hour on the hour the clock tower would go ding and dong so loudly people would swear its bells were made of woven thunder. It only stopped ringing at night when the citizens of the town would begin to wrap themselves in bedsheets and dreams.
      And on those hours when the gigantic clock tower rang the little dog would yip-yip-yip and bark. All because it was protecting the backyard from whatever dog, which is all it could imagine the clock tower to be, from entering. At every hour that the clock tower rang and the little dog barked it never entered its backyard or home so it figured it protected the house and human family it lived with quite well.
One day the clock tower broke though. It no longer rang at any hour of the day. The tower was an old relic, over one hundred years old and coming from the cities founding. The tower served as a monument, but it saddened the city when the gears within broke beyond repair and that any attempt to fix them would risk destroying the tower.
     The little dog grew sad as well. It didn't know what a clock tower was. But it missed the other dog that barked every hour on the hour.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #FlippingTheRabbitHole

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”
Ferris Bueller* #quote

        My blister doesn't feel that sore anymore so I finally was able to whip up a story for y'all. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Flipping The Rabbit Hole

        One day a white rabbit wandered about and saw a girl wandering about in Wonderland. Now these two individuals weren't the White Rabbit or Alice. This was a completely different white rabbit (Fred to friends, since he was so fredly. Wonderland lives on many puns.) And the girl was named Elizabeth.
Elizabeth didn't take much interest in Wonderland, despite its...wonder, and left. Nothing besides horse riding and her studies caught her attention. But she caught the interest of this white rabbit. Fred followed her and went up the human hole, what the Alice of old called the rabbit hole.
       And the human world did amaze him so. As he followed Elizabeth, who realized that she was late for studies, he saw many strange things. Oh, so many strange things. Such tall buildings with such straight and narrow architecture. Nothing like the wiggly, wobbly things in Wonderland. Animals that wouldn't talk back to him and humans in so many different clothes and walking in huge crowds.
      But it did share one thing with Wonderland Fred traveled the human world far and wide but no matter how far he traveled he found many evil people in power. People who would shout “off with their head!” when it fit their whim. So he went back to Wonderland, because at least there was home to him.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheDevilDealsInTheDigitalAge

“I know what you are.
Say it... out loud. Say it.
What's My Line?*

The blister I have is still hurting and making it hard to type so I'm reposting another old story. I hope you enjoy.

The Devil Deals In The Digital Age

      Hello everyone! It's me the devil himself. Yup. Mr. S., Lucifer, Satan in the flesh! And boy do I have some good news for you! Normally in my deals I would have to take time out of my schedule to meet each mortal individually which is why I can deal with so few people. However I've realized its a digital age now and I've changed by business strategy.
       Introducing The Devil Deal App or DDA for short. It can be downloaded right to your phone to be used on the go so you can make deals with me any time you want! It's very convenient using your modern touch based interface to its maximum potential. The deals are all automated so you don't even have to deal with me directly. Millions of deals are already programmed in for you to search for with our DevilEye Search Engine. And if you still can't find what you're looking for our customer service is available to point you to it or we can arrange a custom deal.
       Now I bet your wondering “Why Satan how do I pay for all this? I don't have all the money in the world, and I'm not certainly not giving my soul up!” Well that's not a problem! The DDA is completely free! Plus I've realized that souls are a currency of the old days. Why would I need them if I've already got enough people here in heck? Everyone can use the DDA with one simple currency that everyone has, rich and poor. Time.
       Yup. Just time off your mortal lives. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, to years. I have plenty need for life force and think of all that time you've wasted in your life? Why don't you give me some time off your life and get a car? Or better yet some capital to start a business? That could make your life more entertaining and full of action. How many of you are home alone? A single year gets you a love potion that'll make sure you're never alone again! Why waste your time when we can strike a deal today? Download the DDA and get your deals started the swift and easy way!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ImpossibleFutures

“Think outside the box.”
Schrödinger's Cat* #quote

A sore blister today is keeping me from writing much, so I'm reposting an, old, old story from earlier in the blog's times that you may not remember or have read. Enjoy!

Impossible Futures

         There was once a little girl that would have visions of certain futures. But only impossible futures. Futures that were guaranteed to never come true. She could tell they were visions because when they appeared in her head it was like she was imagining something but the image sparkled like she had put glitter on an old movie picture. She at first thought she was just imagining things in an odd way but she learned they were visions of the impossible when she had a series of visions in a row while playing rock-paper-scissors with her older brother who thought she was cheating somehow. (Her visions of impossible futures told her what he wouldn't use so she won every time)
         She got visions of all kinds. She would get visions of them winning the lottery and moving into a wonderful mansion. She saw herself getting an A on a math test even though she was terrible at math. She got a vision of their favorite TV celebrity visiting their home. She had a vision of a wonderfully fun snowfall on a hot summer afternoon. The image of a old-timey circus in her front lawn entered her mind one day. Another time her favorite cartoon character talked to her in her room. Next she saw herself going to a school where grades didn't matter and all the classes were fun. On a boring day she had a vision of her getting a cuddly pet dragon and naming it spot based on a bundle of red scales among its other green ones.
         Then one time she had a vision who's sparkles were less like glitter and more like sparks. She had this vision while she was playing with her dolls after school on a Friday afternoon. The impossible future in this vision was of her Dad returning home alive from his job as a fireman.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #MagicalStatistics

“Twinkle, twinkle little star.”
Galileo* #quote

        Well, since I had a big weekend I took a long nap to reduce seizures today. Unfortunately as usual I had a few seizures while drifting too sleep but I got a few hours in and I think I won't have as many seizures in the next few days so hurrah! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Magical Statistics

40% of wizards prefer the Pegasus over the dragon for long-distance air travel.
80% of wizards prefer airplanes over dragons or the Pegasus for long-distance air travel.
60% of goblins are Amish-Buddist-Raccoon-Cultists Traditionalists
70% of ogres are avid gamers and 30% of active user accounts on Ysquare Live are ogres.
90% of witches find wizards sexier without the traditional, messy, long beard.
55% of vampires do not sparkle, they twinkle.
100% of the human and animal body parts the necromancers use in Worldwide Necromancer Association are legally acquired and not stolen from graves or innocent bystanders. At least, that's what they told me.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheBirdsAndTheGears

“Words are meaningless”
Noah Webster* #quote

     Going to another tournament today with CJ. Now, I wonder how I'll do this time? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Birds And The Gears

        One day a young little robot asked his parents where baby robots came from. The parents didn't want to explain the factory and upgrades all robots go through, that would be beyond awkward. (parent robots watch over and raise young robots but don't create them). So the father did the first thing he could think of.
       “Well son, see there's a bunch of fairies in a magical land in the North.”
       “Yes, and they put all their fairy dust on all the metal we're made out of and it turns into us.”
       “Fairy dust.”
       “Of course! Then they all work together using their magic to fly you to us for us to raise you.”
       “You just made that up.”
       The mother robot glared at the father robot and he responded to her, “Oh like you could have made up anything better in two seconds!”

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheMobBosssWill

“Everyone is different.”
The Oompa Loompas* #quote

        Today CJ and I went to the first tournament of this weekend. He got 6th and I got 14th out of forty people. It was “swiss” rounds were everybody played the same number of games. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Mob Boss's Will

        Despite all the violence in the criminal “businesses” the head of the Garratone family died of natural causes. Mr. Garrtone made most mob bosses look like incompetent fools when it came to running an efficient criminal enterprise. With a morality of doing evil but then feeling remorse and saying sorry later he was willing to cross lines than gain favor and get in good graces. He did, in a strange way, feel sorry for what he did. But he never stopped being greedy. His life existed as a cycle of self-satisfaction and guilt.
      And when his life ended it became apparent that he chose to die that way as well. When his will was read to the family they learned that he gave away all his wealth to the most solid, reputable, good-natured charities out there. Mr. Garrtone chose not to give away all his wealth while he lived but only when he died. Living greedy and cruel and only repenting after death.
      His family despised this decision. The mob boss gave them money while he lived, but to lose all their massive inheritance was a grueling blow to them. The family of criminals worked to take the money from the charities. They hired the best lawyers they could and bribed or threatened the lawyers that stood against them.
      They almost got their money back until one lawyer came forward. A woman from a small town who only was introduced to big cities when she went to law school. But she didn't even live near the Garrtone family. The story was in the news but people soon feared actually going towards the case. The woman came up with a different plan than just going into court and questioning the wording of the bill.
      “Who're are you?” The son of Mr. Garrtone said the next time he went to one of the meetings with the charities to threaten them.
      “My name is Elizabeth Talon,” the lawyer said to him. “All the charities you have been suing for contents for the will are doing multiple counter suits against you. A settlement for dropping your case is offered. However if you go forward part of their suits will require a thorough investigation of all your businesses.”
      The son of Mr. Garrtone had no idea how this lawyer created such a legal trap for them, but he knew that if their businesses were investigated than all their criminal enterprises could be discovered and they could be landed in prison for a very long time. And the police have been looking for an excuse to investigate them for years. The mob family dropped all lawsuits against all the charities and all the charities kept the massive fortunes for their causes.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheNextSleepingBeauty

“Seek and ye shall find.”
Waldo* #quote

         CJ is definitely coming over this weekend, and there will actually be two Pokemon card game tournaments for us to nerd out at on Saturday and Sunday. I may speak of the results later because I will probably be writing the stories ahead of time since I won't have time to on the day since I'll be going to the tournament and hanging with him. Anyway wish me luck and onto the flash fiction!

The Next Sleeping Beauty

        The magical lands of robotics R&D at Rowan Technologies Inc. befell a great tragedy. During the last day of an important deadline, a most important employee named James fell to sleep after eating his lunch of a peanut better and jelly sandwich and an apple. The office thought he had been staying up playing World of Witchcraft for too long again. Though normally an average employee today he was most vital to the presentation their division was giving to the upper bosses on their technologies. He knew the most and mastered most of the controls on the robots. If he didn't wake up they would be in trouble.
       They yelled at him, smacked him in the face, shook him, waved more food in front of his face, but nothing would wake the employee. Even pumping obnoxious music loud didn't work wouldn't wake James up!
        Samantha White was not one of the employees that was doing the initial efforts to wake him up. Someone asked her for her help, as if the fact that her being James's crush mattered. (Everybody knew, but James thought no one did.) Perhaps he touch would help?
Samantha walked over to James then poured her still hot, but not scalding, coffee on his head. James woke immediately.
      She growled at him, “Sleeping on the job? You trying to get us all fired? Now wash your hair in the bathroom and get back to work. Like the rest of us.”

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheDreamsOfAWizard

“He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.”
General Custer* #quote

     Today I made a waffle of gargantuan size. Dunno why. Wasn't even in the mood for a waffle. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Dreams Of A Wizard

      When we dream we often dream of the strange. Where we fly or of impossible scenarios or things. Nightmares are filled with monsters and the fantasies in dreams can be creations beautiful and beyond our normal reality.
      But a wizard dreams differently. For he lives in a world like our dreams. Where flying is possible and monsters and strange things and creatures live. Where beauty beyond our normal reality. He dreams of a world like ours.
      Our world is a fantasy to him. He dreams of our serenity. Our lack of magic and chaos. No flight, no elaborate creations. Just our orderly reality where animals are animals and not mutated monsters, even our strangest ones. Where our oceans are plain and blue. Where are fields are covered in patches of simple flowers. Where our cities are systems of people simply living instead of being filled with dragons, goblins, curses, strange constructions beyond normal logic. His dreams are a wonderful calmness compared to his life in his world.
     And he loves his dreams.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #AVampireOfADifferentBreed

“Sharing is caring!”
Bernard L. Madoff* #quote

Today I called my friend CJ. Looks like he'll be coming over this weekend and we'll be going to a card game tournament.

A Vampire Of A Different Breed

       “W-who are you?” Tom asked with a face of horror. The new employee of the grocery store was just granted the task of locking up for the night. He assumed he was alone, but he saw a tall man, at least seven feet tall standing before him. Tom wore a little white store uniform and the man wore a massive black cloak. Tom had bright, youthful black skin and the man wore pale, old looking skin like a wrinkled ,loose jacket.
        “I'm merely here to get some food young man.”
        “The store's closed, you have to leave.”
        The tall man looked angrily at Tom and walked over to the fruit and plucked an apple and bit into it, revealing two fangs, fitting of both bat and cobra.
        “Those fangs. No way man, you can't be a vampire...” Tom's girlfriend recently made him watch one of her vampire movies with her. “Naw, I'm just being stupid. Now you have to pay for that, sir. And then leave the store.”
       “I do not need to pay for anything,” the man said. “I am Count Regald!” He then opened up his cloak to show a full fancy suit of eras long gone by. And from his open cloak came a black mist that covered the entire floor and made Tom's feet freeze in place. “And as you guessed, I am a vampire, which is why your mortal money is of no concern to me.”
         Tom shivered. “Are you going to suck my blood?”
         “Oh, no I will not boy.” The vampire laughed while he grabbed an orange and waved it in the boy's face. “I am not that kind of vampire. I am man crossed with a bat, a creature of the night. But I am crossed with a fruit bat.”
         “So you won't hurt me?”
         “Silly little boy. You now know of my existence and you have crossed me. You will still die. And I cannot be seen on these cameras as I cannot be seen in mirrors. If you come back a ghost do tell me what dying was like.”

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheWitchsImpossibleTask

“Quoth the raven nevermore.”
Angry Birds* #quote

Today I picked up the ocean and heard the sound of a seashell. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Witch's Impossible Task

       A wise witch named Telya was called upon by the king to make a potion that would make him immune to sickness and aging. The king knew that the witch possessed immense skill, but also that she did not care for money. So he told her that if she did not provide the potion in three years she would be executed.
Telya, through all her studies of magic over her long life, figured it impossible to make such a potion. But the witch thought and thought for three years and within that time she arrived at a solution at her meeting with the king.
      “Have you created the potion Telya? Or is today the day of your death?”
The witch smiled, “I have created the potion that will make you immune to sickness and aging.” She gave him a green vial of liquid.” The king, after seeing his father die from a plague, quickly drank the liquid.
      “This tastes wonderful! What is in this magnificent potion?”
       The witch laughed. “Why it's poison! You can't become sick or age if you're dead now can you? Well, you can rot but I don't think that's what you meant. I already made a deal with the man who will replace you so you don't need to worry about that. I'd say take this as a lesson to not threaten a witch, but you'll be dead in a few seconds.”

Monday, November 11, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #DoYouKnowTheMadScientist

“Trick or treat!”
Loki* #quote

     Today I traveled down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. Not that many rabbits. How disappointing. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Do You Know The Mad Scientist?

Do you know the Mad Scientist,
The Mad Scientist,
The Mad Scientist?
Do you know the Mad Scientist
Who lives in Drury Lane?

Yes, I know the Mad Scientist,
The Mad Scientist,
The Mad Scientist.
Yes, I know the Mad Scientist
Who lives in Drury Lane.

But no one should talk about the Mad Scientist
The Mad Scientist,
The Mad Scientist.
Who lives in Drury Lane.

Why does no one talk about the Mad Scientist,
The Mad Scientist,
The Mad Scientist.
Who lives in Drury Lane?

Because of all the things that give him the title of Mad.
Terrible things.
Terrible things.
That are the reasons he's the only one who lives in Drury Lane.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TwistingWishSchool

“My eyes are up here.”
Medusa* #quote

        CJ, unfortunately, didn't come over. But I did have fun at my card game things and there is going to be a tournament next weekend! Perhaps CJ will come over then for increased fun on the matter. Interestingly they changed the rules to the good ol' Pokemon trading card game recently that actually helps my deck so huzzah! A funny side note: There are some people who are playing Pokemon who were previously playing Magic the Gathering(Another card game) and they like this because it's cheaper than that one. Ah, the woes and joys of a game where you buy new cards to play with. In something like poker you only buy one deck of cards...and it costs money for an entirely different reason...and a lot more. (So glad Pokemon doesn't involve gambling, otherwise I would have lost my shirt, I'm the best to say the least.)
Anyway onto the flash fiction!
Twisting Wish School

       Genies are taught how to make wishes to awry from a young age. Tommy Green was young a genie who got top grades in class for making wishes go bad on tests. He truly did come up with some great answers for the tests. Below is a solid A test answered by Tommy with wish samples and how to make them go badly.

Wish: “I wish for a million dollars.”
Tommy answered: “I grant them a million dollars in pennies and bury him under them.”

Wish: “I wish for a pony.”
Tommy answered: “”I grant them a dead pony placed in their bed.”

Wish: “I wish to rule the world.”
Tommy answered: “I grant them their wish and won't give them a big army to scare everyone. They'll be assassinated pretty quickly.”

Wish: “I wish to be beautiful.”
Tommy answered: “I will turn them into a flower.”

     Though he did have a tough time using his magic to grant wishes. No matter how well you do on tests there always is practical application. He once tried to make rats and out would come cats. Whoops.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ThePiratesKingsDirections

“And you can quote me on that one.”
The Raven* #quote

       Today I should be hanging with CJ so I writing this story ahead of when he should be coming over. Hopefully he comes over as planned, else I will have to occupy myself with making centipede robots again and I remember that didn't go over smoothly last time I did it. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Pirate King's Directions

        A great pirate king hid his treasure without using a map. He wrote all his directions to himself in a code no one could quite get on his crew of dumb, obedient minions. He was certain to rotate out his crew and make sure that they were generally oblivious as to where they were going specifically to hide loot. But after he died all his written directions to himself, he had to write many as he had a bad memory. It was apparent that he knew his code but not all the specific places he had gone. He hid his vast fortune in many areas. All his notes became public knowledge and bounty was put on his loot as much of it was royal heirlooms. Often the bounty outweighed the black market value of the treasure.
       People from all over the land tried to figure out his code and how he navigated the sea. One of his directions read like this:
       From the Third Royal Port sail southwest towards the crying woman for thirty nautical miles.
       Next sail towards the dancing dog for ten nautical miles
       Afterward sail towards the wilting rose for twenty nautical miles.
       Destination is three hundred yards east.
       People tried and tried to crack the code for decades. Eventually an artist by the name of Jose came to the royal court with an answer.
      “You'd better be able to tell me how to get the valuables of the royal families back. I won't appreciate having someone wasting our time. And if this is some artist publicity stunt I'll have you hung.”
Jose bowed. “No your highness. It came to me when I was painting the stars after having recently read about the pirate king in a book. I realized that the stars are an art of nature open to interpretation and that they may be interpreted differently. Sailors navigate using the stars and perhaps the pirate king interpreted the stars differently. His directions are made of different set of constellations than what we use but created from the same stars.”
      The king thought for a moment. “I've heard people tell me stupider things. So, anything else?”
      “I've done some looking into his directions and did some drawings of the stars and tried to make up his constellations and maps. It's only a theory but I think I have some probable guesses to his system and where the treasure is.”
     “We'll hold a meeting with all my available captains immediately. Make extra copies of your maps exactly and expand on your theories. Be ready to explain it to all of them. Put all your other commissions on hold.  Tell them its a direct order from the king. If they question it or bring harm or threaten you they will be executed. You will be paid five times your normal commission fee for each map.”
     “Y-yes sir.” Jose felt extremely startled at the king's sudden conviction. The pirate king had a great deal of wealth, but certainly not enough to send all the available captains out. He could also see an incredible want in the king's eyes. But still, the land had plenty of money in the treasury.
       In truth among the loot of the pirate king was a simple, cheap ring. But a ring of enough value that pirate king stole it. The ring was a wedding ring from the king's commoner wife who he fell in love with. When he fell in love with her he went to great lengths to forge a fake royal identity for her. She passed and took that secret to the grave. He didn't intend to expose and wanted all the treasure back so that he may he get the ring. He made a royal decree that “all rings among the treasure, of any value, must go to the king if they discovered in the treasure” to hide his true intentions of why he wanted rings and avoid revealing her commoner origin and his want for the commoner ring so no one would hold it ransom.
     After the meeting with the artist he felt very happy. He knew that his wedding ring would be delivered to him. Now he would wear it though instead of hiding it away as he did back then to hide the commoner origin of his wife. He would say now he wore the ring to show dominance over the pirate king though truly it was to keep the memory of his wife with him.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #SpellsOfTroubleAndOrder

“Hygiene is two thirds of health.”
Psycho* #quote

         Tomorrow CJ should be coming over. And today I did a garage sale with the family. We were not selling any garages though. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Spells Of Trouble And Order

         Little Reggie was a young little boy wizard who wandered around the ancient magic libraries and found something that nobody had know of since the construction of the library. A secret switch to a secret chamber holding an indestructible book made by the gods.
        The little boy was a good reader for his age and could make out a few of the spells within. Powerful spells. Spells to cause trouble and chaos, and ones to make order and repair the world. The child took the book and aimed to have fun. The worse of childish fun. Mischief.
       Soon the world of wizards was overwhelmed with troubles. Horrible troubles. Pranks could be considered a minor thing. But when people are tripping by the thousands it is no minor thing. Or when people get the hiccups like a plague. Little Reggie took the power of the gods and made jokes a terror and many people didn't realize they were even such things. He considered crazy winds a prank but it made farmers confused about how to anticipate the weather for their crops. They wondered if the magic for controlling the weather to help grow their crops and make enough food for the populace would work.
       But then Little Reggie felt guilt and would use the spells of order to make the wizarding world better. So many blessings would befall the people. Sicknesses cured, even to things like blindness. He would actually make the crops grow better. Buildings wrecked in disasters would just appear fixed when people turned their eyes away.
        In moments though he would turn to mischeif and cause trouble again. He would flip between the two making the whole world a confusing mess between random acts of terror and random acts of wonderful blessings. People wondered if there was some new magical diety they should be praying too for favor.
       Eventually all the wizarding guilds gathered a cast a powerful tracking spell on all the magical phenomena. Little Reggie wasn't even aware this was happening. He doesn't watch the news between his cartoons. After the wizards did their magic they found him and were mystified. One old wise wizard recognized the book, even though he never knew it was in the library. He quickly cast a spell to open a portal to another universe and threw it in and closed the portal. He didn't want to tell any of the other wizards what it was, or else they would attempt to take it for their own.
       He lied and told the other wizards afterward it was an evil spell book that took over minds and needed to be banished. Privately the wizard lectured Little Reggie about it. He remembered the power of the book until the day he died and the joy of the absolute power of trouble and order.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheElfsRobot

“May the force be with you.”
Isaac Newton* #quote

        Tomorrow my Grandma and a few other family members are having a garage sale it will be a good opportunity to spend time with them so I shall socialize and peddle some wares.

The Elf's Robot

         “Elves are beings of magic.”
         “Elves are beings of magic.”
          That's what's the humans say, that's what the goblins say, that's what the ogres say, that's what the dwarfs say, that's what we elves say. All except for me though. I say I don't we don't need to cast spells. Though my family and friends yell at me because those words dare to exit my mouth.
          “You just don't want to work hard at your spells!”
          “You just won't admit you're bad at magic!”
           Yes, I am bad at magic. But I've admitted it. But I won't devote myself to the other jobs that elves are supposed to do if they aren't “magically inclined” genetically. I spend my time reading in the library. People think my magic is even worse because I spend so much time in the library and still can't do well. It's just I gave up doing magic. I started to read up on just about everything else. Even the oldest, dustiest books.  Funnily enough the words in the my old books grew more complicated than the words in the high school magic books.
         After much reading I approached the clockmaker. I asked him for all his broken clocks that he could no longer use. He wanted to know if I wanted to be a clockmaker or just scrap them. I told him I was interested in trying to rebuild them. The clockmaker could repair some of the broken clocks but he would make more money by making new ones.
         To pay for the clocks I worked for him. I ran across other things besides clock making that interested me. I enjoyed complicated things. But I couldn't do magic. I met with a chemist as another discipline. Chemists often made many spell components by chemicals. My parents were glad I was going to these two people. Apprenticing under the chemist meant I would be working with spell components and doing something with magic and it made my parents very happy I would be working with her. Chemist or clockmaker my parents were happy that I now had options.
         And I did do something. I saw the winding mechanism of the clock, the weak power from winding. I saw the power from chemical reactions. Both subjects interested me. I realized I could combine the two. The power of chemistry powering the clockwork.
         It took three years. I graduated high school and was working under both the chemist and clockmaker who had become like another mother and father to me. But I made what came to my mind. And without them knowing. I felt afraid they would tell me not to make it, the materials I used came from spare things I took from them telling them it was for “practice”.
         But when it was finished and I tested it several times I brought it before my family and the chemist and clockmaker.
         “Son, your surprise for us is a little elf statue?” My father asked.
I then pushed a button on the back of it. A chemical reaction fueled gears and made it walk forward at a steady, efficient rate.
         “It's a golem! You learned magic! What spell did you use to animate it?” My mother yelped with glee.
         “It's no golem. It's clockwork and chemistry. Not a single bit of magic. It's a machine. I've said that elves don't have to be creatures of magic. Do you believe me now?”
The chemist and the clockmaker smiled.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheProblemWithUsedWands

“I'm just a party person.”
Robinson Caruso* #quote

         Today I hooked my 3DS up to the Internet. I traded Pokemon through “Wonder Trade” where you randomly get paired up with someone in the world. Pretty much you can put up anything and get anything in return since you really have no idea what someone is putting up. There are people putting up terrible pokemon to easily get stuff. I got some of theirs. I put up whatever “cool spare” things I have. I got some neat stuff through wonder trade so I guess some sort of karma for putting up my extra nice things paid off. I am now training a pokemon that I don't know the name of because it's in Japanese. (You can name Pokemon in the game, like you could name a Pikachu you get Sparky). I'm going to ask my friend Jessica, a Japanese major, what it means. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Problem With Used Wands

         The Star Breaker 3000. A high class wand for high class wizards. For good, evil and neutral wizards alike it could perform almost any magical function. What else could be expected of a gemstone wand where all the magical components are sealed and amplified within crystal? Demon blood gives it one hundred curses to the soul and pixie dust lets amplifies any good magic if you're in the mood for that too. Interwoven dragon scales in the interior of the crystals of many different dragon breeds and colors increases the strengths of all the magic. It was truly an elite wand.
        Which was why I had to buy it used.
        Buying used wands is very, very risky. Who knows what crazed magic could be left on it. I could be blown to bits as soon as I use it. But I got into the a wizarding college of the highest caliber. And I lied on the application. I told them I had the supplies to be a student, that is a powerful enough wand. I managed to pass all the normal tests like so few students had so I grabbed the opportunity, now or never, couldn't let anyone grab the chance by not taking it in time. It was a scholarship and everything. So I had to buy the wand used, especially since it was the only one I could possibly get before the semester began.
It's obvious how risky a used wand can be when they sell for 1/100,000 of their original price. I still had to borrow money from several people to afford something as fancy as The Star Breaker.
I used it for the first time, a week before semester start, expecting something like it to explode. After all it must have seen much use and have much magic crammed into it. But nothing happened. If the wand wasn't abandoned from overuse then why was it abandoned? The spell I cast was a levitate spell and it worked, a chair in my room floating gently.
          “Is that all you can cast? How pathetic. Try the wand out with something better,” a voice sounded from inside my head.
I gulped. “Oh, no....the wand is haunted isn't it?” Being haunted is one of the main reasons magical items are sold used.
             “Yeah, I live here. What of it? This is one of the first ten Star Breaker 3000's before they went mass production. It's on the mum at the corporation but I died from an accident with the first attempted model for consumer use. Least I helped them find the error.” The ghost laughed. “They fixed it though. I'm glad my beautiful creation is used by so many. I'm the lead designer on them.”
The ghost didn't seem too bad. I don't see why anyone would ditch such a valuable wand because of him.
            “You remind me of the last guy who used the wand. You're not as good. We gotta fix that. Which reminds me of when I started learning how to make wands...” The ghost began to ramble and tell his life story and ramble about things besides his life story. After an hour of one-sided conversation I began to understand why the owner sold the wand.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ALeapOfSlimyFaith

“Clothes make the man.”
The Cat in The Hat* #quote

     Today I found out the recipe for water. I wonder why mother nature put so many salt preservatives in ocean water when the recipe for normal water is so simple. It's not like it needs it. I wonder if there's a part of the ocean where you can get organic water without all the salt preservatives. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Leap Of Slimy Faith

       The pond was drying to dust. Upriver a rock fell down and diverted the stream. The tadpoles huddled in the small amount of water that was left. Plants popped up around the pond, but these plants lived off steady rain over the year, not the pond water. If the tadpoles remained in this pond they would simply shrivel up and die when the rain fails to feed the pond in time.
       Though there is some ribbiting beyond the plants. Ribbit-ribbit-ribbit. Croaks and all. The tadpoles did have legs and developed eyes but couldn't see the source of the noise. But the tadpoles were not old enough to last long out of the water. Were the ribbits close? Or were they a day away? Or did they not exist at all? Staying in the pond meant eventual death, but guaranteed life for at least a week. If some rain came by, and that is if, then maybe even more. The tadpoles grew frantic. All except for one. It just jumped towards the ribbits and kept jumping and jumping, disappearing into the plants.
       After jumping for awhile on its young tadpole legs it reached another pond. Much, much larger. This one didn't have its water source cut off like there's. Selfish like most animals the tadpole did not go back for the other tadpoles, as they would be competition in future breeding cycles...but it did happily begin to wallow in the new fresher water.
      Its action did cause the other tadpoles to act when the water level of the old pond dropped a bit more. They followed the same path as the first tadpole and eventually they reached the new pond as well, eventually all becoming frogs together.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheAlmightySandwich

“I'm just crazy about you.”
Jack the Ripper* #quote

         Today I dilly-dallied, but only a little! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Almighty Sandwich

         Once there lived an almighty wizard with incredible powers. Well, almighty in the sense of wizards, he did eventually croak. And upon this great wizards croaking all his powers(pretty much anything magical that can come to mind, making fireballs, zombies, dragons, time travel, mind control etc.) were bestowed upon a sandwich he was eating upon his death. In fact the reason the sandwich got his powers is that it defeated him in battle: because he choked on it.
        The sandwich used magic to regenerate from ¾ dead and eaten to its original full form. Magic gave it sentience. It decided it wanted power over all the lands so that it would never risk being eaten again as well as being able to ban making of all sandwiches so that nothing would remind it of its ordeal.
       With the wizard's powers it easily did this(the wizard was a pacifist so the land previously had nothing to fear). The sandwich didn't care for running an actual government so eventually advisers and officials took over and a normal government took over besides the peculiar death penalty sandwich law. The people knew of the sandwich but eventually he began to fade into obscurity. The sandwich decided that he couldn't merely let a government pass laws as he realized people began to ignore them. So he decided to use his powers to observe the people and kill anyone making a sandwich or eating one.
       Soon he became a mythical creature and sandwiches a forbidden food. The sandwich wouldn't even appear. Sometimes people would make sandwiches out of dares out in the open and be immediately struck by lighting in broad daylight. Over hundreds of years the sandwich became an unknown in origin divine source as time passed. Though most all religious agreed that the sandwich was a forbidden food shape that what divine deity exists, has decided should never take form without great punishment.
      After a millennium the sandwich's almighty magic moved on from it. The power grew detached over the years and the sandwich grew moldy. The power found a new host in a paper airplane....and the cycle of almighty power continued.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheOldKnightAndHisArmor

“I can see my house from here!”
Icarus* #quote

       Going to CJ's birthday party today, many things may or may not happen, so may or may not have to do with the fate of the entire universe. I'll find out when I get there. Biggest concern is if they got that interdimensional portal out of their toilet with the plunger. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Old Knight And His Armor

       “I barely lived through that,” the old knight said to his armor. “One mistake and I would have died.” The knight was an old, old man for his occupation. He was at sixty with wrinkles for a seventy year old man. The wrinkles must have come from the stress of fighting dragons, demons and evil wizards that plagued that land.
The armor rattled as it laughed and spoke. “You made mistakes geezer. I made up for it. Moving you along and making you nigh invincible to boot. The claw scratches hit us. Lucky we dodged the fire man because that can actually get through. At least wizards use a lot of magic I can deflect. Can't believe you dropped Excalibur. Drop a legendary sword from another world.”
         “You're right. I made too many errors. I'm not cut out for this. But the land needs me.”
          The armor rattled and laughed again as it sparkled with an enchanted glow it let out when it felt strong emotion. “Yeah, guess the adventuring days and saving days are over. Kinda makes me sad. But we could go on your and make money off your fame!” The armor did enjoy doing good more than anything else. It's cop out was a way to avoid having his long time friend die wearing him.
           The old man became depressed. He didn't care about his fame as a savior in the lands. The only reason he ever used it was to help him save more people by allowing him to get into places a normal person couldn't or to get him meals as he traveled and to continued to save. But without saving people he felt like he didn't have much purpose. He then came up with an idea.
           “I know! I can get an apprentice. You're a suit of armor, you can't die so we can make a school of heroes trained in using you to save the land!”
The armor rattled nervously.
           “What's wrong?” the knight asked.
           “I just remembered how much of an idiot you were when you first used me. Remember the hours of you accidentally punching yourself in the face with my gauntlet?”
          “Yes, but this will work out better.”
          “No it won't.”
          And so the knight took on his students, and during the learning curve of mastering the armor they managed to accidentally punch themselves in the face and make many other mistakes. But eventually new heroes of the land were born and the school of heroes of the land lasted as long as the armor did even as more armor was created. That students also punched themselves in the face with.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheGhostAndHisEviction

"I tawt I taw a puddy tat!"
Alice, Alice in Wonderland* #quote
      Tomorrow is CJ's birthday party so huzzah! I hope I don't forget my giant fighting robot...Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Ghost And His Eviction

       “I'm being evicted? This is my home!” The ghost yelled.
       A magnificently beautiful angel showed him a pile of papers while her wings tilted along with the wind. Her suit looked fashionable and expensive. “No, it isn't, you haven't lived here for two hundred years.”
     “It's called haunting you idiot! This is my place of haunting! I carry out my spooky ghostly duties here and live, or unlive or whatever as I should! The ghost had a form of a well-muscled, yet old and wrinkled man.
     The angel sighed. “I'm sorry, I'm just doing my job. You're not the first I've told this too. The spirit world has decided that haunting, by its nature, is illegal. A ghost exists in a home that no longer belongs to them without paying rent or holding any sort of ownership of the home. When you die you no longer own property. Ergo you don't own any of this land anymore or building any longer.”
     “Then where am I supposed to go now?” the ghost asked.
     “The spirit world has been building some new housing in a manufactured universe for ghosts.”
The ghost clenched his ethereal fist. “Y'know what? I'm gonna haunt every single spirit that supported that law to make haunting illegal and torment them with my powers until they give in and give me my home back.”
      “Good luck, they are politicians. It'll take a lot to break them down.”
       And so the ghost began his haunting. It took one hundred years of tormenting politicians who had endured curses from spiteful spirits and other nasty magics from angry voters, but eventually he got his house back. A decade later it was demolished by living to make room for a mall. But at least the ghost has more living people to haunt and mess with in his new living space.