Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheUltimateDefense

“That's a recipe for disaster.”
Gordon Ramsey* #quote

       Today was what I thought might be my last writers meeting for awhile, but like I hoped we're going to be doing meetings over the summer. I don't know what time the first meeting will be, but I'm looking forward to it. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Ultimate Defense

      I had him beat. The perfect defense attorney. People even thought he tampered with evidence since he never lost. Or bribed jurors. But the case was easy and perfect. And I worked hard to make sure all the pieces fell into place. All I needed was a few last statements from my witness and I would be the first prosecutor to beat the perfect attorney.
       “I'm done with my questioning Your Honor,” the perfect attorney said his brown hair combed to an almost eerie perfection. “However I request that the witness do not think of pink elephants while being questioned by the prosecution.”
        The perfect attorney walked back to the chair next to his client. Why he would say something so stupid was beyond me. Well, I already effectively won. Just a few statements from the witness.
       “Okay witness can you tell us what you saw at the crime scene?” I asked.
       “Huh? What? Could you repeat that? I'm sorry I was thinking of something else. Sorry.”
       “What did you see at the crime scene.”
       “I saw pink ele- I mean a man running away.”
       “And why were you at the crime scene.”
       “I heard pink ele-gunshots.”
       “And the man? Was it the defendant?”
       “Maybe? I was pretty sure but now he's got pink hair and I know he never did but I know I think he does. I'm remembering a lot of things being pink.” The witness started to get nervous.
        I became aggravated and looked over at the perfect defense attorney. I then noticed that half the people in the gallery were wearing pink. Did he plan this all along? I noticed the odd amount of people wearing pink a little but it never really became apparent it was half until now. And while speaking to me the witness looked at those people in pink. I couldn't believe it. The attorney was going to get away with this...witness tampering.
       “I guess I'm having a bit of difficulty remembering,” he told me.
       “You're thinking about the pink elephants aren't you? The defense is just messing with you.”
       “W-what? N-no! I'm completely focused! I'm take court quite seriously. The lighting”
       “But earlier you said it was fine!”
       “In some areas! But I am not thinking about pink elephants! I'm perfectly reliable!”
       I looked over at the perfect defense attorney. He smiled. No. I couldn't let him win through such a stupid tactic. Stupidly brilliant. But still stupid. I thought as hard as I could, grinding the clockwork in my brain to dust until I came up with an idea.
       “No you told us saw it perfectly. I think I have a way to phrase this to clear this up for you. Describe what you saw as if there was a pink elephant on the scene.”
        The perfect attorney spoke up, “Objection! Leading the witness!”
        The judge responded, “Objection overruled.” I could tell that the judge knew the defense attorney's plan to confuse the witness as much as I did.
        “Well while driving home I heard gunshots. I followed the gunshots to see what was going on. I am a police officer y'know. When I arrived on the scene I saw a body, a pink elephant and a man fleeing the scene. The man looking nothing like a pink elephant. Though I did not see the face perfectly, I can say with large confidence that it is defendant because the hair, height and shape match. The only thing I didn't see was in perfect detail. I saw him fleeing from the side. He is also not pink. Like a pink elephant.”
       “And the prosecution rests,” I said. Hopefully not on a pink elephant.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #AnotherDiscoveryOffTheList

“A penny for your thoughts?”
Abraham Lincoln* #quote

       Today I became emperor of the world but nobody noticed so I quit before doing anything. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Another Discovery Off The List

     “Well, they got the Higgs-Boson out of the particle collider awhile back. That's another discovery off the list for the humans. I'm proud of them.” I groaned. “I'm proud, but I wish I could give them a few more nudges.”
      “Speaking English for kicks again? You're getting attached to this project.” My assistant told me.
      “Oh, yeah. I guess I am. I wrote a poem in French yesterday. I do love the languages these ones made.” I laughed.
      Though I could groan and laugh because I took more human shape while walking around spaceship as of late. I had no real true form being a shape shifter. My insides weren't too human...still comprised of the parts that let me shape shift and do so many different things. I wondered what the humans would call me if I met them.
      My assistant was the ships artificial intelligence. It kept me company in the void of space. Wise company. And sometimes witty company. If I asked it, the ship could crack a few jokes. Not many humans would get.
      My assistant's voice rang through the room. “You know not many approve of what you're doing.”
      “Trying to stop me from doing my hobby? Plenty of my kind like it.”
      “Only a few of your kind like your hobby. And many, many more disapprove. Even your own family. And I'm pretty sure as humans call it in English, God, would disapprove too. That's what you're doing: playing God.”
      “Why did I let father pick the artificial intelligence for the ship? Of course it would have his morals and values! Stupid ship, if I'm an immortal I may as well do something an immortal can do.”
       “Did you really have to drop the meteor?”
       “The dinosaurs would have never become what the humans are. True I didn't know the humans would come to be...but I knew the dinosaurs were a failure. I did what had to be done for my project to succeed.”
       “And what if the humans don't become the advanced race you've been wanting out of this life bearing planet you found? You going to guide another meteor here?”
       “Perhaps. If it's what necessary to make the best species possible.”
        “Now are you lying? Or are you too emotionally attached to erase failed project now that you're so fond of it?”
       “Shut up! If...if they fail to succeed at becoming the advanced species I want them to be I'll send another meteor shove evolution along a different path like before. I'll do it. But you know they won't fail!”
       “Let's see if that happens.”
      “You sound just like my father you just want me to give up on them, on my project. I won't need to erase them...will I?”

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheMoonCheeseConspiracy

“Leaders are made, not born.”
Dr. Frankenstein* #quote

      Today mother went shopping and got me two neat little magazines on her trip. Yay! One told of comet coming to visit us this year(November I believe) that will so bright it'll be seen during the day. Incredible huh? Looking forward to it.

The Moon Cheese Conspiracy

       My name is Steve Yolders, and if you are reading this I am most likely dead as this is my emergency message to be sent out upon my demise. The government probably assassinated me. For knowing the truth. The truth you must all know. The truth is the moon is really made of cheese. The ultimate cheese. So delicious is it nirvana in itself. I know this because I stole some from a government facility.
       The moon rocks shown to the people are elaborate fakes. They first brought back cheese and have been ever since. Mission after mission. With many top secret missions. The budget crisis? All money spent on secret projects to make obtaining the cheese easier. Most governments know about the cheese in some form or the other. Wars? To take cheese storage and obtainment facilities. Ever since the first landing on the Moon that's all its been about is the cheese. The cheese who's taste brings out such an extreme pleasure the politicians are willing to sacrifice their countries for it.
       So spread this message and let the world know that they are bound under the rule of greedy fools desiring the cheesy pleasures above their fellow people! Overthrow the greed for cheese! Now that you know their motive, and know they are mere puppets you can fight back! Go! The Moon will no longer cast its light of influence on us!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #GeneralMerlinVI

“It's not easy being green.”
Bruce Banner* #quote

Today I went out to lunch with the parents and brother and his girlfriend and then later brother and his girlfriend came over for dinner along with grandmother. Much merriment was had throughout the day. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

General Merlin VI

      My bloodline to the famous wizard Merlin gave me the clout to get the position of General of Harrsun's Army. They would say: salute to Merlin VI; descendent of the great wizard! Harrsun was the most powerful magical world, at least in the multiverse that we were able to travel. I sat in my commanding chair in green military robes, a greedy look in my brown eyes. Greedy for glory and justice. I loved the glory, but I also enjoyed getting the justice, at least the justice I perceived, by fighting the enemies of our world. So I was not entirely selfish. Even though I used political clout to get into the position I was by no means a weak wizard. I thought it was appropriate that my skin matched the color of darkest coal dust used in some of the most powerful spells. I couldn't know though that if my skills as wizard translated to skills in leading troops. Are all intelligences equal? I've done wonderfully during all my simulations but this would be my first large battle.
       The reconnaissance on our enemy was strange. The enemy damaged a city and several civilians seemed to have been devoured by flying creatures the enemy was using. They were sucked into the mouths while light appeared. The creatures were round and flat. The recon ruled them out as a pack wild animals because the movement turned out to be organized to attack what defenses were at the city already. They could distinguish human defenses. Only a dragon could get close to doing that. I assume that there were riders using cloaking magic while riding on top of the beasts.
      These creatures were new and I didn't know how much of a larger army accompanied them. If they came from an unknown world they needed to be captured and their riders interrogated immediately. That's why I decided to bring a large force to confront them. I rode my personal dragon in the back. A gold dragon raised to be one of the smartest and strongest of its breed.
       I saw flying creatures approach us. They floated about one hundred feet off the ground. They spun while in the air and did not have any riders. They were colored like steel, no, they were made of steel. Was recon that stupid? They were golems! No golems couldn't do complex movement...nor devour things with light like recon said. It didn't matter I wasn't dumb enough to give them the first attack.
     “Cast barrier spells! Then offensive spells! Take into account their steel skin! See how they react to frontal assault then react with all you got! We only need one alive!” They had to be steel skinned creatures. Like those ancient turtles of the Southern Lands. Golems wouldn't make sense. “Back wizards cast spells to remove invisibility! Capture a rider if one reveals itself.”
     The battle begun. The creatures were resilient. Powerful. Some fell. Then they attacked back. Parts of their...shells? I could call it that, opened up, and large things shaped like vases came out and flew at us. The vases had wings at the side at one end had fire coming out the back. Was that how it flew? When they made contact with us or the ground huge explosions surged through my army. The losses were quick. What were the creatures spitting at us?
     “Where's that everything you got? Throw curses at them! Do anything!”
     “Sir! No curses are working! They don't appear to be alive! Unenchanting doesn't work either, they aren't golems either,” one of my wizards reported.
      “That's because they are machines. The only thing alive in them are their pilots. And you aren't targeting them with your spells are you?” A voice asked from behind.
       I turned to see a man dressed in a foreign military outfit. I guessed that because he looked decorated with some medals of strange types and the clothes looked fancy in some regard. But I never saw him before. And I could tell...he wasn't a wizard. Not a single drop of magic in him. I could tell by looking into his mundane, dull green eyes. His white skin didn't have the flush of life a wizards did nor did his black hair.
      “Who are you?”
      “James Smith. From a different world without magic. Long story short we share a common enemy in the things that pilot those machines. Machines in worlds without magic have advanced far beyond clocks to things like that. Now your magic can bypass the outside of those machines and hit the pilot inside. It's just you didn't know they existed on the inside. The pilot isn't human. We call it an alien. And those are UFOs. These aliens have conquered many worlds. Let's work together and make sure that we do not fall to them as well.” He then handed me a picture of a strange creature with many eyes and tentacles that stood on four legs. “That is a picture of our enemy. You can project images into the minds of your soldiers with the right spells correct.”
      I wasn't quite sure about my new ally, but war is war, and victory is victory. So I followed his suggestion and gave my order. With the projected image my wizards were able to focus on the pilots enough, even without seeing them directly, to cast their curses. Several of them were terrified by the image I implanted in their head. But they fought for life. After the attack by the exploded vases, or “missiles” as my new ally explained, they did whatever they could to survive. The battle was won. It seems even these creatures were not immune to magic.
      The man bowed to me. “I am glad I came to you and decided not to try and fight these on my own. There will be more coming, my army will join us soon and we will continue to fight with both of our worlds together, and we will succeed.”

     Author Comment: Well, this is one of those premises of mine that could be expanded into a larger story n' stuff. But this was a good enough as this.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #AMindfulSacrifice

Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.”
Batman* #quote
     Went to my fun nerdy school club today. Was the last day in this semester though so aww....and had like five seizures hitting a table during one, but I'm fine and the club day was really fun. Looking forward to when it starts up again. Anyway onto the next flash fiction!

A Mindful Sacrifice

      Annabelle spent her life studying as many people did in the great magic city of Darun. She was raised as part of the Sacrificial Class, forced to take classes and spend her time learning everything she could about the world and life. It was a noble job. And the way the city protected itself. By offering sacrificing people's minds the city used magic to defend itself rather than magic. The age best for sacrifice determined for Annabelle was twenty four. She learned that on her birthday. A Sacrifice was never told their day so they don't panic and remain studious.
      They dressed her well on that day. Tailors made her a beautiful red dress to match her hair. They gave her jewelry filled with bright blue sapphires to go with her eyes. When her mind was gone they'd take it back since she would no longer need or want it. But on that day they wanted to make her feel special and end with dignity. Any ceremonies on the sacrifice day were for her and not needed for the magic.
The city constructed a massive building to perform the magic. They guided her to a room with a large magic circle and she stood in it. Her family stood in the room as a comfort. Beside them was the wizard that helped her study to be a sacrifice. He also would be the one performing the spell. Last standing at the far wall of the room was a few violin players. The music played wasn't necessary for the spell. Its intention was to drown out the wizard's words as he uttered the spell and distract Annabelle so she wouldn't panic. Something to make her passing more peaceful.
      And so the wizard uttered his words. Her mind vanished in quick stages. So fast she could barely notice it. But in a few instants the gods were given her memories from birth; from all that she had studied to everything about her family and life in exchange for magic to protect the city. Even her emotions were part of the deal. Every facet and part of her mind was taken.
       Her body fell to the floor with a loud thump. A man in a gray suit came in and picked her up. He was to dispose of the body. The jewelry would be given to other sacrifices for their ceremonies, maybe also the dresses. Because of the honor it had this moment was when the body disappeared and was effectively to the family when Annabelle was “buried”. But her special status wouldn't get her a simple burial and a tombstone. Instead the man in the suit would put her body in a weighted casket that would be dropped into the ocean so that her body would disappear into the depths of ocean like her mind would.
      An hour later it would be Jacob's turn then the next day Sakura's and Damon's. And it would never stop as long the city wanted a magic to protect to danger of war.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheChooserOfTheChosenOne

“Eat right and exercise.”
The Cookie Monster* #quote

       Today I schemed. About what? What I will scheme later. I determined that what I will scheme about is more scheming about further scheming. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Chooser of The Chosen Ones

       I sat at my desk as I used my magic mirror to observe the souls of one of the mortal worlds. The black wood of my desk and chair came from trees harvested in the plane of eternal torment. Though I prefer to wear pure white cotton clothes made from the wool of sheep raised in the land of kindness and happy thoughts. My whole office is nestled in a pocket dimension pumped full of time magic so that I can spend all the time I want doing my job and also be able to peer into the past and future for evaluation.
And what is my job? Its one of the few jobs worthy of a studmuffin of a god such as myself. A god with perfectly, dangerously, dashing brown hair and lusciously, luscious green eyes. Look me up on planar Internet goddesses, just search studmuffingod. And the job worthy of me is picking Chosen Ones to save mortal worlds. I have an 77% success rate even! Considering you get fired at 75% or below I think I'm doing pretty good. Still can't believe that idiot Jenkins that I share the interdimensional coffee machine with has a 98% success rate. He's gotta be cheating. Somehow.
      In the magic mirror on my desk I looked at many candidates for Chosen Ones. I will select one of them to fight the great evil that with harm that world and they will go up against it and win...probably. I'm good at this. I've been taking notes on the souls of these candidates. Observing the possible futures of them and looking into pasts with my time magic. I know what I'm doing.
      So yeah two dudes and a chick. Maybe I should go with a dude this time because I did a girl last time. Then again the girl is really cute. Well okay I did pick these three because they do have magical powers so maybe I should go with the one with the most power? They do need to battle an evil overlord. Hmmm... Maybe I should consider the other dude. But he's a total nerd and that means he couldn't possibly be a hero. Though I guess those unlikely hero types can be pretty successful under the right circumstances...that is what it said in my training manual.
      Okay well, I'm not doing too good here. I know! Since they all seem decently matched I'll use my ultimate determiner! My lucky die! 1-2 first dude, 3-4 chick, 5-6 the nerd. Roll will determine who gets to be the Chosen One and get my godly blessings n' stuff and who I will send all my divine help and hopefully they can take out the evil overlord. It's worked before....and its a three! Chick it is! Good because she's cute. Oh, hey my notes said she's smart. Forgot that. Oh well, guess that gives her an advantage and proves my lucky die right again!
     Now the next mortal world I need to select a Chosen One for...Earth!

Author Comment: The god's real name is Stewy Janson Waldos, but he legally changed it Awesome Xavier McLaser because it thought it fit a studmuffin like him better.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #BigSantaIsWatchingYou

I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.”
Lex Luthor* #quote

      Got a blood test today(monitors whether one of my medications are messing with me.) Yeah the blood didn't come out into the vial quickly(well vials, had to take two). I've been to the hospital several times so I'm used to the needles and already took several of these tests so I'm used to it. Though I talked to the person. I think the fact I had a smoothie before the test and drink a lot of milk may have contributed to it. Eh, whatever. The smoothie was delicious. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Big Santa Is Watching You

        So how does Santa know if you've been bad or good? Truth is that Santa does not just learn him self. See the Nice and Naughty list is provided for him by one of his Elf Divisions. People normally think that Santa's elves only work on toys. That is false. He has them working on multiple Christmas related activities year round in different divisions beyond just the Toy Division. And one of those divisions is the Intelligence Division. These elves work all around world to gather data on all the children to determine if they have been naughty or nice. They are the ones that provide Santa with his list.
       These elves work as various spies and agents around the world much like our government agents. They plant cameras and agents to observe children and spy on Internet data including social network sites and like. The advent of technology has greatly reduced the Intelligence division's need of magic allowing them to divert the magic to other divisions including the Disbelief Division and Shopping Division. Those Divisions control the perceptions of adults around the world to believe that things such as Black Friday exist and that they are purchasing all those gifts for their children, when in truth they are trapped in a time vortex temporarily. The boxes are filled with fake presents until Santa completes his task. Santa wants Christmas to run as he wants it to so he manipulates the world that way.
     The Intelligence Division usually knows whether or not your asleep or your awake by microscopic robot heart monitors injected into humans at birth. Elf nanobot technology is impossible to spot with current human technology as they are usually made of iron mixed with magic dust and degrade upon the human's death and scans are deceived by the dust. Other elven technology like their hidden cameras, motion detectors and spy suits are protected by the magic dust.
     Though there are not enough elves to individually monitor every child every second of the day, they have massive machines that can. Huge computers that enhance their processors with magic to allow them to filter through daunting amounts of data to find all amounts relevant to a child's morality and allow an elf to make a proper “naughty” or “nice” morality judgment, and possibly degrees, which are represented by font on Santa's list.
      The Intelligence Division elves take pride in their work like all the other elves. And they wait while Santa puts himself in time vortex to check his list twice to make sure he gets all the names right. And its thanks to them that presents are evaluated. Need a little proof? Little Timmy, the elf put the camera in your night light.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ProfessionallyWrestlingLawyers

“It's hammer time!”
Thor* #quote

      Today I read about professional wrestling. (Browsing through a website on television things). I also read about lawyer shows. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Professionally Wrestling Lawyers

       “The Prosecutor grabs the bench and...smacks it right over the Defense's head! What a match!” The commentator yelled. He really wished he was payed by the exclamation. He'd probably retire earlier than anyone else if he did. Well it depended on the rate for each exclamation was. And did that steady booming voice that he used to drag his words through the crowd's ears count?
       “HE'S GUILTY!” The Prosecutor shouted as he jumped at Defense. The commentator felt embarrassed at that line. He thought to himself. Randy, what are you doing here? These have got to be the worst wrestlers in the world.
        Randy commented for some things that didn't deserve comments at all. Why couldn't he be on television like he wanted? Somewhere big. He wanted his voice to ring all over the nation. It may be an egotistical dream, but he wanted to be heard all around the nation.
        “HE'S INNOCENT!” The Defense countered the Prosecutor and tossed him over his shoulder.
        “What an amazing counter!” Randy yelled.
        Randy...Randy.... that a voice in my head...besides the one that's my thinky thoughts?
        Yes Randy...I am the spirit of of the many sport gods...and I have the answers you  seek....
         Really...? That doesn't make a lot of sense...
         Look in about ten minutes I need to meet with a wrestler who just got in a car accident and got handicapped and can never wrestle again. His emotional issues are far larger and devastating than yours so do you want your spiritual guidance and free epiphany or not?
        Okay commentator. One thing that you have to realize to be a successful commentator is that wrestling is like a book. And you are its narrator. And um...that's all I got. Mostly the gods give me these similes or metaphors and you're supposed to figure them out from here. So yeah. Good luck.
       That really doesn't help much.
      Well that's not my problem is it? Now I'm off to help that handicapped wrestler. He's got way more issues than you pal.
      And so Randy thought about the spirit's guidance. The Prosecution shouted, “Objection!” as he got the Defense into a hold. Randy decided to at least try something and pull his commentary in a new direction, giving the tone in his voice a new vigor,and he talked not at the audience but to them. He put a sort of emotion into it that weaved it better with the action on stage.
     Eventually he did reach to television like he wanted. Was it just hard work or the spirit's guidance? Perhaps his new style shared the same style as a narrative weaving with the action in a story but it was pretty dumb and vague guidance so it was hard to tell. Really the football spirit gives much better guidance.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #MayorNumbskullsSpeech

“This is my happy face.”
Mr. Potato Head* #quote

Today played a new video game I got. I was very videogamey. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Mayor Numbskull's Speech

        Mayor Numbskull adjusted his zebra-striped tie with purple polka dots to ready his ego for his speech. He walked up to the podium in his rainbow tie-dye suit and sweat pants and addressed the crowd.
       “Citizens of Idiotville von Morontown, I your esteemed Mayor, bring you good news bearing our major city projects. Firstly we have finished placing the five thousand bright red neon signs that read 'avoid distracted driving' all throughout the city. Surely our streets will be safer now. Next our education project where we replace all Science classes with direct TV education is completed. Now our children are efficiently education with family friendly entertainment by sitting in the classrooms watching sitcoms blindfolded. And finally our last major project, Nuclear Evolution has entered its first stages. Since our scientists realized that Darwin said that evolution will give rise to better organisms we decided we can solve our nuclear radiation problems with evolution. So we are dumping massive nuclear wastes into our nature preserves so that the ecosystem can adapt and evolve into an ecosystem that can handle it.” The mayor smiled. “I predict that Idiotville von Morontown will go down as the city to solve the environmental nuclear waste problem!”
       The crowd gave massive cheers to their mayor, yelling things like “Woo! Huzzah!” and “Pineapple milkshake!”
       The mayor waved to the crowd. “I hope that I am lucky enough to become your mayor next term through our jellybean juggling contest selection system.”

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheScienceDuel

“Honey I'm home.”
Odysseus* #quote

Today I went out with Dad to Bookmans and to get an ice cream shake. I share his taste in mint chocolate chip. My Dad does have to be right about at least one thing.

The Science Duel

       Two scientists: Doctors Jim and Tim, worked in the same lab. They also worked together with their shared crush Doctor Sammi. She was so beautiful. The two could hardly describe how perfectly her molecules fit together to make the perfect figure. And her eyes were a pretty green too. Without even talking to each other about they decided that today would be the final of their many battles to impress her over the other. A duel...of science.
       First came the battle of physics. They both wrote the most elaborate equations involved in their experiments on the chalkboards in the lab and looked at them very thoughtfully. They made sure that when she was looking to shout “Ah ha!” and “Eureka!” before solving their equations before her eyes.
When battling via chemistry they showed off when the chemicals in beakers changed colors. Yes. She knew the significance of blue to green, green to yellow and all the different liquids they were working with. And they made sure that she saw every time they made a leap in transformation. They wrote down their observations with dramatic finesse.
      And to top off their battle of science they turned to the data output from the electron microscope. They looked at it mumbling “Uh-huh, yes, I see, huh, oh, hmmm..” because the data really didn't bring anything significant for them to find so they had to pretend like they were discovering something.
At the end of the day Doctor Sammi turned to them and said, “Jim and Tim you did some great work today. I really appreciate all the hard work you do. You two are my most valued colleges and and my best friends.”
It seems the current lab results are that both men are forever friend zoned.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheNewMobBosssDowntime

“What goes up must come down.”
Superman* #quote

      Today on the History Channel I saw a brief bit on the history of orange juice. I'm very glad I did because y'know the saying, “If you don't learn from history you are doomed to repeat it.” Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The New Mob Boss's Down Time

       A new mob boss was in town. Steve. He didn't wrestle power. He inherited it. His Dad choked on a marshmallow. He grew up around the boss scene so he knew the works of it. A few hours ago he sent a man to sleep with the fishes. Usual hijinks.
      The new mob boss inherited the “family business” young. Ten in fact. When the troops of the mob first took commands from him they were surprised it all made so much sense. The fact that the orders from a chubby, big nosed, little kid fit exactly to what their old boss would say was startling. And later the commands got even more logical. He got respect quickly. Even if his age and appearance didn't fit the role, his strategy did. When he took over the police caught half of many of his organization's men.
      But downtime fit far less to usual role of mob boss. Steve watched all the cartoons, superhero and otherwise. He watched so many superhero ones. His body guards looked on confused how the mob boss could watch such whimsical cartoons filled with positive messages, some of the heroes even fought and took down mob bosses.
      It made a twisted sense in the end. To Steve neither world existed. Dad raised him that running the mob was something that was just done. He really didn't have much empathy for the people he sent to sleep with the fishes, they were like names on a slip of paper. The cartoon characters existed more to him but there was still a blur in reality. Steve sat in a limbo of morality. It made him very good at his job. He understood goodness just enough to put a smile on in courts when his organization came crashing down from outside pressures. Juries thought the kid couldn't have possibly understood what he was truly doing.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheLogicProblemInLabryrinthConstruction

“Honey I'm home!”
Winnie the Pooh* #quote

       Today I went the anime club, it was the celebratory game day. One of the games was Hangman. The English majors put up really complicated words, somethings like 15 letters long(one person used a complicated word for some random neck muscles). While when it hit my turn I put up the word hangman. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Logic Problem In Labyrinth Construction

      “Why have you fallen behind schedule?” King Minos asked a worker. He was ready to execute that worker as an example. He needed the labyrinth done to trap the monstrous minotaur. He still couldn't believe the Gods forced his wife to bear a monster as a child.
      “Sir, there's j-just o-one problem with constructing the labyrinth so complex. It's a sort of design flaw.”
      “There is no flaw in my design!” the architect Daedalus said. He was ordered to build the maze for the king and took great pride in it. He also lectured his son Icarus on the stupidity of trying to fly with fake wings. He hoped the kid wouldn't be dumb enough to use them.
      “Well, what is it!?” The king didn't want anything to go wrong.
The worker sweat more than he did toiling away in the maze. His answer may determine whether he lives.     “Well when the workers are building the giant maze they get lost inside of it. I mean if you give us something like thread to keep track of where we're going...”
      “No!” The king yammered, “That's just stupid and would never work. Any thoughts Daedalus?”
      “They could only build outwards then use a buddy system, yelling to each other on a periodic basis.”
      “Yes, of course, that sounds like the easiest way to do it. Now tell the other workers and get back to building the labyrinth!”

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheRoleOfTheDictator

“Time for ye to walk the plank!”
Captain Crunch* #quote

        Today I hung out with He Who Shall Not Be Named. We're good friends so he told me I could just call him He. Today was also my Dad's birthday. Dad says that he's Dirt + 2 years old. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Role Of The Dictator

        The dictator's finger rested right over the launch button on the control panel. It hadn't pushed the button. But in an instant it could. The nuclear missiles could be launched. His kingdom would be put on the map. He wouldn't be just one of the dictators that people whine about on the news. He would begin to take power. He would become a part of history beyond his lands. He spent years building up his nuclear arsenal and this would be the first of his many strikes.
        “Push that button and I will choke every thought from your brain,” a voice spoke into his mind with a hiss.
        “Who, or what are you?”
        “I'm a supervillain. And you are not. And that's what's important.” The voice sent pain into the dictator's nerves and made the button feel like a hot stove and he lifted his finger up.
        “You're one of the costumed freaks? Those thousands of super powered things? You're one of the psychic ones! That's how you're in my mind.”
        “I am one of the best psychic ones. And you don't know your place in relation to the 'costumed freaks'. You are mundane. Basic. It's impressive you managed to create such an arsenal of nuclear weapons in a good amount of secrecy using the oppressed nation you inherited from the father you usurped and literally stabbed in the back. But still you are nothing special. You aren't even willful. I easily broke into your mind.”
        “Quiet! I'll be a destroyer of nations soon enough, better than you powered up, things.”
        “No you won't. Like I said, you are mundane. You are a normal human. Even the powerless superheroes or villains have some special will. The only thing important about you is these nuclear bombs. You dictator, and every other nation leader, only serve as the larger backdrop to the game that the super powered play. You're nuclear attack doesn't fit into the backdrop so I'm stopping them.”
       “Y-you can't stay in my mind forever!”
       “No. But through various channels I've indirectly informed superheroes of your nuclear plans. I read your intentions, and all you'll go down in history is just a dictator some superheroes disarmed. I'm already pretty sure it's your cousin who will take over your country as our backdrop after all the political fallout. Maybe if your lucky the nations won't decide to execute you and you can see the plans of my supervillainious organization come to fruition. Oh? Hear that knocking? That's the superheroes breaking through the last of your steel doors to this room.”

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #APennyForOurThoughts

“Spring is in the air.”
Tigger* #quote

      Today I got a new Game Informer magazine in the mail. I read it and found deep wisdom in the subtext. What a document. Seizures were down and that was good. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Penny For Our Thoughts

         The commercial flashes on in a jarring instant, interrupting a lovable sitcom: “Now I know that in 2130 we have solved so many of problems with things like cold fusion and cybernetics. But there are still so many things in the everyday that bother us. Like those moments where your trying to think of something and it won't come to you. Or you're a struggling writer, painter or other creative mind and you can't get that flash of inspiration you need. Or you're just sitting there and can't think of what to do. So how do you do? Well we can help! We're The-Penny-A-Thought Corporation , one of the many brain interface corporations available right from your mind wire. We'll license one of our thoughts for just a penny each! Visit our website at....” The commercial continued with contact information and a string of disclaimers. After that a few more commercials and a lovely return to the loveable sitcom. And in the sitcom there was a bit of product placement where they used The-Penny-A-Though Corporation technology to come up with what to get shopping.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheWizardsRulesOfHouseCleaning

“Prepare to meet your maker!”
Igor* #quote

      Today I went to a fun event, the release party for the school literary magazine of ASU, it was sponsored by my writing club. Much fun was had. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Wizard's Rules Of House Cleaning

       I, the great wizard Alakazam-chala, great and powerful wielder of magic, have determined that when using magic to clean one's household you must follow these rules:

      Number One: Never use fire magic to make your toast. Using a toaster is easier and will result in less burnt toast.

      Number Two: Never summon a zombie to do your dishes. Your neighbors will call you lazy and creepy.

      Number Three: Never summon a demon to do your dishes. Your neighbors will still call you lazy and creepy.

      Number Four: Do not vacuum by opening holes to pocket dimensions to suck objects into the void. You can lose furniture this way.

      Number Five: Do not make your bed by using time magic to return it to a state before you messed up the sheets and blankets. Time paradoxes can be a lot harder to patch up than a few creases in your fabric.

      I, the great wizard Alakazam-chala, great and powerful wielder of magic, have determined after writing these rules, that it might not be a good idea to use magic to do your housework.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #RefundFromTheWishingWell

“Size matters not.”
Gulliver* #quote

       My day was the best of times and the worst of times, it was a dark and stormy night...anyway onto the flash fiction!

Refund From The Wishing Well

“Mr. Magic Wishing Well I want a refund!” One little boy shouted into a well during a hot summer's day.
“ doesn't work like that,” Though the spirit of the Magic Wishing Well hardly spoke to humans it responded to this unique statement.
“Well I paid you a whole quarter that I got for my tooth from the tooth fairy and you didn't give me my wish so I want my money back!”
“Um, you asked for dinosaur best friend that could do all your homework. I couldn't grant that.”
“Yeah, so I want a refund.”
“Well, I can't give you a refund.”
“Why not?”
“I can't.”
“Dad get's a refund at the hardware store, I should get a refund here.”
“I'm not a hardware store.”
“Do I need to talk to your manager?”
“What!? I don't have a manager!”
“Funny, that's what Dad always says when he wants a refund.”
“I'm not a hardware store, and I don't have a manager!”
“Then I'll sue!”
“You can't sue a wishing well kid!”
“That always works on TV.”
“Just go home kid.”
“No. It hurt to get my tooth pulled out. So either give me my wish or give me a refund.”
“Wishing wells can't give refunds. Offerings in wells are a one way ticket! It's a rule!”
“I'm not leaving until I get a refund, and I'm going to file a complaint!”
“You can't file a complaint! That's impossible!”
“I'm still not leaving!”
“Fine, well it's not possible for me to give you a refund I guess I have no choice...”
The little boy then got his wish for a dinosaur best friend that could do all his homework.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheDragonAdventurer

The Lockness Monster* #quote

     Today I went out with family to lunch, and I went to the bookstore plus and am heading over to dinner. It's an active day so hopefully I won't get a whiplash of increased seizures tomorrow. I don't feel too tired so I think it'll be good.

The Dragon Adventurer

      How many human adventurers have found treasures. Gone into great dungeons or castles and surviving traps and perils? Many times these treasures belong to various creatures, monsters or otherwise. Things like dragons. Adventurers could tell tales of how they've either killed dragons or ran past them to collect treasures.
     But there's a world a bit topsy-turvy to all that. One where Roar the dragon adventurer lives. He goes into places that belong to the humans. Well, he can't exactly fight the humans as they are long dead. But their various machines still thrive on auto-pilot, protecting the treasures of their cities as they did while the humans walked.
     Roar told his friends tales of his exploits. A human adventurer may have told someone how they dueled a dragon to the death. He told his dragon friends how he fought a giant robot that humans made for defense to the bitter end. And to prove it he would show the robots motherboard in his clawed hand while holding his sword in the other.
     Dragons and other monsters in this world couldn't exactly make the machines or all the things humans had while they were alive and so they looted the city for their treasures like a human adventurer would in other worlds. During one of his first adventurers into the old human cities Roar came home with a loot of a whole bunch of a calculators all for easy use. Selling them fed him for a long time and paid for his current sword. But no matter how well an adventure goes Roar is cautious, he's heard of adventurers being caught up and dying in the parts of the automated factories...the life of an adventurer is never safe.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #DinnerMobWars

“Gangnam style!”
Dirty Dancing* #quote

      Today Grandmother, Aunt Linda and Brother came over for dinner and lessons in dragon summoning. I am unsure if they will good students in my magical arts. I will try to see if one of them can become my apprentice.

Dinner Mob Wars

       Once the Steak Police lost their dominance in the Dinner Table City no one was safe. Every meal was up for grabs with each mob family waging war for dominance over it all. Most were easily crushed, the war being swift and bloody(the blood being ketchup). The war met an ugly stalemate when two equally strong families took dominance over various plates all over Dinner Table City. The Fruits and the Veggies. Since they were evenly matched the fighting was long and grueling, much ketchup was spilled. The profits from illegal salt and pepper passing fueled the mob wars. It seemed like nothing could lead to peace in Dinner Table City.
      Then dessert was served. The Ice Cream special forces came in. They personally went after the mob bosses of the Fruit and Veggie families and eliminated them. Chaos ensued as people tried to fill in the power vacuum, but the Ice Cream special forces managed to launch special operations to bust each usurper of power one by one. Dinner Table City was saved.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #AFewOfTheEquationsInLife

“Houston, we have a problem.”
James "Jim" Bowie* #quote

     This morning I saw an advertisement with a disclaimer at the bottom saying “real people, not actors” as they gave various testimonials about the product. After seeing this I saw what they were telling me: actors aren't real people! It all makes sense. Yes...all the pieces are falling into place. Now I understand, now I know...the JFK assassination, the Free Masons, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop...
       Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Few Of The Equations In Life


Thursday, April 11, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #IJustFeelAwfullyDragonToday

“I've got a green thumb.”
Gumby* #quote

         Today I went on a mental tangent and contemplated physics and somesuch, been doing so the past couple of days. Probably because I recently watched that special about the fact that scientists verified the existence of the Higgs boson (it's a particle, that's the thing they've been trying to discover in the particle accelerator all this time. Whacking all those particles together n' stuff. Apparently they thinks it gives stuff mass. Y'know I think if they research it they could really do some nifty stuff. We control electricity, why not mass?). Anyway besides contemplating people possibly controlling mass, I did contemplate how the universe came to be and that maybe “space” isn't really nothing but is actually a thing in a way (Any section of space does have dimensions, can be interacted with and does have definition, though nothing inside of it, it just doesn't have mass or energy, but still exists in time. And if a section has it probably the entire entity shares these properties of being.). So perhaps there is a nothing besides space that is even more nothing than the traditional space we think of. Something without any sort of empty to define it, no dimensions, even time. I'm calling it “null” and I think that's what was there before the universe. (Though that may give it some definition of time but it all depends on how you consider time and the instant the universe was created) and some property of null may have created the universe.
     Eh, sometimes I may think a little too much. Maybe this'll fuel a good story or two, though I find it difficult to see a narrative in these thoughts so that's why I just rambled. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

I Just Feel Awfully Dragon Today

       Tuesday I had quite the fever. My face red and my black hair ragged because I didn't bother to do anything like combing it if I wasn't going outside. Star wizardry student Barry Icespell didn't need to keep up his appearance all the time. The advantage of getting sick was that getting the fever made me not have to impress the teachers for awhile. The disadvantage naturally was that I felt really sick.
      But Wednesday I made an unfortunate discovery. My fever wasn't just a normal fever. It was actually just a symptom of the Dragon Contagion. I thought my luck had turned when I started stopped feeling sick.
But then I started feeling dragon. Scales replacing skin painlessly. It scared me like that. I went to doctors of course, even though I already knew what it was. I could only say I was “feeling dragon” because the changing was painless. It felt very scary that way. Horns coming out along with scales without pain. The rare disease held much infamy and I really had no hope.
      I kept feeling dragon. I never stopped feeling dragon. And I stopped feeling human. At least with in regards to my outward flesh. I wished I could feel sick. But I remained the talk of the town. I could actually thank changelings like werewolves for making sure that “alternate” humans were more accepted. Heard that in areas without those kind of people people who got what I got were quickly burned at the stake or whatever fit that culture's way of disposal. They're not throwing sticks and stones at me, but I still feel dragon each day.
      I think though, I might be able to try to do a decent job of being human though.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #BugsInTheFuture

“Want to go out for a bite?”
Tron* #quote

Today I ate Taco Bell WITH THE FURY OF THE GODS!!! The food didn't stand a chance. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Bugs In The Future

       The most aggravating thing has happened to me. The most humiliating thing. I managed to cover it up the first time around. But it got worst the second time around when they asked me to look up something specific. I was exposed. It was horrible.
     I am Doctor Samantha Frescas, genius extraordinaire. I've built many wonderful machines for mankind, and because of that the government gave me a huge grant to create a device to look into the future. And I succeeded. How could that be bad? How could that be humiliating? How could I be “exposed” or anything turn out “horrible”?
The machine was buggy.
       It only turned out random data, slowly. By a miracle the first time it gave me data it was on a natural disaster. Easily something I could pass off as intentional. But afterward I was exposed for wasting tons of government money on something that relied on luck to get anything better than “Tommy Gerri will fail his math test tomorrow.”
      But someone came to my rescue. Senator Brad Refior. He called me late one night.
      “This Doctor Frescas?” He asked. "This is Senator Brad Refior."
      “Yes,” I replied.
      “You alone? I have a plan to save your reputation.”
       I smiled. “Yes. And I'm listening.”
      “The solution is we just build a whole bunch of your machines to get enough data.”
      “But that could cost billions! It couldn't possibly be cost effective! Even if we get lucky enough to effectively predict natural distastes reliably the sheer amount of money needed to build enough machines to do that could be spent on so much more.”
      “Do you want your want life to go on as a faliure? Besides even if it it isn't cost effective good will be done.”
      “Fine. As long as you tell me what you gain from this. I'm not dumb.”
      “It'll be a massive government project, I'll sign off the contracts to people who then later donate to my campaign second hand. Usual politics.”
       “Okay. I accept.”
       I know what I did. But people will accept it. My name will go down in history so I will live longer than when I get put in the dirt just by serving some political needs for awhile. Better than being a failed scientist.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #ThroughTheEyesOfTheMurderWeapon

“I can walk on my hands!”
Mr. Potato Head* #quote

      Today I wrote what you are reading. It is comprised of words. I didn't have a writers meeting today so that's unfortunate. Seizures have been down which was nice. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Through the Eyes of the Murder Weapon

       I'm the simplest accomplice. I could have been anything. From a rock to a bat to a gun, but here I'm a knife. Before I now I led a normal life. I chopped vegetables and steak. Whatever crossed the kitchen counter. That sort of thing. I would spend my days waiting in the drawer for my turn to chop up some things, go in the dishwasher and start the cycle all over.
       But today I wasn't pulled out to chop up simple food. She pulled me out for a different task. She took me and walked over to her husband sitting casually in the couch and jabbed me straight in his chest. I saw the man's ribcage then organs as she made sure to make sure I went deep enough to kill. I heard a scream for a moment but then it muffled by what I thought must have been a couch pillow. I was soon pulled out of the man's body and put into a bag. I felt myself thrown in a dumpster somewhere after being carried away.
    Was she too vindictive or stupid to wash away the blood? I was discovered and I think the murder was too.  I was put into an evidence bag. After being juggled over days in the hands of police officers and examined I found myself at a trial. And from the sounds of it she found herself in prison.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TheMadScienceFormLetter

“Stop animal abuse!”
Tom and Jerry* #quote

     Today I traveled to the moon and took a bite out of the delicious cheese it is made out of. It is a good, hardy Swiss cheese.
    Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Mad Science Form Letter

       Dear __ Doctor Maniacal ___,

      We received and processed your proposal for a grant to develop a __ Mutant Creator Ray Gun__ The Association Of Mad Scientists regrets to inform you that we cannot provide you your grant. This decision was made by our research grant management and was done in full consideration of the greater evil and is in no way meant to reflect any bias towards you or any past or future projects you have or will develop. Good luck in all your future endeavors and may you keep your madness ___Doctor Maniacal___


___Doctor Bwahahaha___

Chief of The Association Of Mad Scientists

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Today's #flashfictions #OneOfTheLastDinosaursLastThoughts

“Under the sea, darling it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me!”
Jacques Cousteau* #quote

      Today I hung out with CJ, playing video games, and some such. (The LA Noire one, I was driving...I managed to damage our car so much it lit on fire.)
Anyway onto the flash fiction!

One Of The Last Dinosaur's Last Thoughts

(Huh, that's weird, that looks like a rock in the sky. That doesn't make sense. Rocks don't fly.)
(Yeah, rocks don't fly! They don't even have wings!)
(But there it is flying. Huh. Maybe I should tell Ted about this. A flying rock is interesting.)
(Hmm? That's weird, the flying rock is getting bigger.)
(That's impossible. Rocks don't grow. That's just silly.)
(Ohhh, wait, wait I think I figured it's a falling rock!)
(Dunno, where it fell from though.)
(Lemme see if moving helps me figure out where it's falling from.)
(Nope, no matter where I go I don't see any place where it could have dropped from.)
(Looks like it just came from the sky above. How strange.)
(Oh, um, wow, it just keeps lookin' bigger and bigger.)
(By my scales it's on fire too. That can't be good.)
(Maybe I should run now.)

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Today's #flashfiction #TomsRandomlyGenderatedAdventure

Gwynplaine, The Man Who Laughs* #quote

        CJ's came over today, he has read portions of the book I'm working on so I'll be getting some new opinions which is nice which will most likely improve the way I'm working on it overall

      Oh and today's flash fiction is going to be another special one. Awhile back I did one where I used randomly generated nouns from a program in the flash fiction. For today's though I'm just going to random words of any category.

      So in other words the following words in italics were picked by a program and I will be forced to use them throughout the story. I did not change any of the results that came up from the random word generator.


Now that you know the words, onto the flash fiction!

Tom's Randomly Generated Adventure

       Tom's boss explodes as he fired Tom. Tom knew this was the end. He looked up to the crossbones on the flag of the ship, his boss was no ordinary boss, but a pirate. This meant that Tom would soon walk the plank. Liquidation of assets on a pirate ship, people or supplies, was never pleasant.
      But Tom's pappy exultantly lobbied for him and got some other poor sap fired instead. But the threats to Tom's life didn't end here even though he was saved from walking the plank. Because now this was when the sea cheetahs attacked. Many crew members were killed by crafty, quick and violent animals. Even that one guy that everybody talks to at work but nobody knows the name of was pulled into the ocean and eaten by the monstrous beasts. But after crosiers randomly crossed their mind the beasts of the sea gave the crew some leniency and let most of them live.
      Yet despite that happy bit of luck Tom's boss still treated him unconscionably yelling at him like an abusive circus ringleader. On the pirate ship they were taking their stolen treasure and packaging it for shipment so they swotted it to make maximum profit when they sold it on shore. They at least wanted to make money after the massive attack they had by sea beasts.
      But it looked like that may not happen because at that moment an alien spaceship arrived and subjected half their cargo to vaporization. Why? Because after those alien scientists got the proper authorizations from their superiors to do as they please on Earth they decided to pull some pranks on humans because they are jerks. And they certainly wouldn't be confessing any of their fun to their bosses.
Tom's boss decided he just couldn't take it anymore. He wsa fine with some of his crew being dragged down to the depths. But his profit? No! So he decided to stop the aliens. How could he? By using the same power he used to keep his crew in line: for see Tom's boss the captain, was also a wizard. So he used his liaisons with the underworld to summon up demons to do battle with the aliens.
       The aliens had to use their weapons prematurely(it was planned for when they pranked the White House). They used their levity ray and made the demons treat the situation humorously and pacified them. The demon's treated the situation so humorously they were even fulsome towards the alien's and complimented them.
     The aliens still got mad at the humans for going after them even though it was just the captain, and switched to lethal weapons. They blasted the ship with lasers. Tom yelled some vulgar statements at the aliens during the accretion of water onto the ship. But eventually the ship sunk and he died.

      The End!