“That's a recipe for disaster.”
Gordon Ramsey* #quote
Today was what I thought might be my last writers meeting for awhile, but like I hoped we're going to be doing meetings over the summer. I don't know what time the first meeting will be, but I'm looking forward to it. Anyway onto the flash fiction!
The Ultimate Defense
I had him beat. The perfect defense attorney. People even thought he tampered with evidence since he never lost. Or bribed jurors. But the case was easy and perfect. And I worked hard to make sure all the pieces fell into place. All I needed was a few last statements from my witness and I would be the first prosecutor to beat the perfect attorney.
“I'm done with my questioning Your Honor,” the perfect attorney said his brown hair combed to an almost eerie perfection. “However I request that the witness do not think of pink elephants while being questioned by the prosecution.”
The perfect attorney walked back to the chair next to his client. Why he would say something so stupid was beyond me. Well, I already effectively won. Just a few statements from the witness.
“Okay witness can you tell us what you saw at the crime scene?” I asked.
“Huh? What? Could you repeat that? I'm sorry I was thinking of something else. Sorry.”
“What did you see at the crime scene.”
“I saw pink ele- I mean a man running away.”
“And why were you at the crime scene.”
“I heard pink ele-gunshots.”
“And the man? Was it the defendant?”
“Maybe? I was pretty sure but now he's got pink hair and I know he never did but I know I think he does. I'm remembering a lot of things being pink.” The witness started to get nervous.
I became aggravated and looked over at the perfect defense attorney. I then noticed that half the people in the gallery were wearing pink. Did he plan this all along? I noticed the odd amount of people wearing pink a little but it never really became apparent it was half until now. And while speaking to me the witness looked at those people in pink. I couldn't believe it. The attorney was going to get away with this...witness tampering.
“I guess I'm having a bit of difficulty remembering,” he told me.
“You're thinking about the pink elephants aren't you? The defense is just messing with you.”
“W-what? N-no! I'm completely focused! I'm take court quite seriously. The lighting was...um...bad?”
“But earlier you said it was fine!”
“In some areas! But I am not thinking about pink elephants! I'm perfectly reliable!”
I looked over at the perfect defense attorney. He smiled. No. I couldn't let him win through such a stupid tactic. Stupidly brilliant. But still stupid. I thought as hard as I could, grinding the clockwork in my brain to dust until I came up with an idea.
“No you told us saw it perfectly. I think I have a way to phrase this to clear this up for you. Describe what you saw as if there was a pink elephant on the scene.”
The perfect attorney spoke up, “Objection! Leading the witness!”
The judge responded, “Objection overruled.” I could tell that the judge knew the defense attorney's plan to confuse the witness as much as I did.
“Well while driving home I heard gunshots. I followed the gunshots to see what was going on. I am a police officer y'know. When I arrived on the scene I saw a body, a pink elephant and a man fleeing the scene. The man looking nothing like a pink elephant. Though I did not see the face perfectly, I can say with large confidence that it is defendant because the hair, height and shape match. The only thing I didn't see was in perfect detail. I saw him fleeing from the side. He is also not pink. Like a pink elephant.”
“And the prosecution rests,” I said. Hopefully not on a pink elephant.