“Eat right and exercise.”
The Cookie Monster* #quote
Today I schemed. About what? What I will scheme later. I determined
that what I will scheme about is more scheming about further
scheming. Anyway onto the flash fiction!
The Chooser of The Chosen Ones
I sat at my desk as I used my magic mirror to observe the souls of
one of the mortal worlds. The black wood of my desk and chair came
from trees harvested in the plane of eternal torment. Though I prefer
to wear pure white cotton clothes made from the wool of sheep raised
in the land of kindness and happy thoughts. My whole office is
nestled in a pocket dimension pumped full of time magic so that I can
spend all the time I want doing my job and also be able to peer into
the past and future for evaluation.
And what is my job? Its one of the few jobs worthy of a studmuffin
of a god such as myself. A god with perfectly, dangerously, dashing
brown hair and lusciously, luscious green eyes. Look me up on planar
Internet goddesses, just search studmuffingod. And the job worthy of
me is picking Chosen Ones to save mortal worlds. I have an 77%
success rate even! Considering you get fired at 75% or below I think
I'm doing pretty good. Still can't believe that idiot Jenkins that I
share the interdimensional coffee machine with has a 98% success
rate. He's gotta be cheating. Somehow.
In the magic mirror on my desk I looked at many candidates for
Chosen Ones. I will select one of them to fight the great evil that
with harm that world and they will go up against it and
win...probably. I'm good at this. I've been taking notes on the souls
of these candidates. Observing the possible futures of them and
looking into pasts with my time magic. I know what I'm doing.
So yeah two dudes and a chick. Maybe I should go with a dude this
time because I did a girl last time. Then again the girl is really
cute. Well okay I did pick these three because they do have magical
powers so maybe I should go with the one with the most power? They do
need to battle an evil overlord. Hmmm... Maybe I should consider the
other dude. But he's a total nerd and that means he couldn't possibly
be a hero. Though I guess those unlikely hero types can be pretty
successful under the right circumstances...that is what it said in my
training manual.
Okay well, I'm not doing too good here. I know! Since they all seem
decently matched I'll use my ultimate determiner! My lucky die! 1-2
first dude, 3-4 chick, 5-6 the nerd. Roll will determine who gets to
be the Chosen One and get my godly blessings n' stuff and who I will
send all my divine help and hopefully they can take out the evil
overlord. It's worked before....and its a three! Chick it is! Good
because she's cute. Oh, hey my notes said she's smart. Forgot that.
Oh well, guess that gives her an advantage and proves my lucky die
right again!
Now the next mortal world I need to select a Chosen One for...Earth!
Author
Comment: The god's real name is Stewy Janson Waldos, but he legally
changed it Awesome Xavier McLaser because it thought it fit a
studmuffin like him better.
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