My friend CJ's going to come over today so I'm posting quick and early. This'll be one of my shorter stories but I tried to make sure it packed plenty of punch!
The Evil Overlord And His Game
“Your reign of terror ends today!” a voice said as the quarterback sent off the ball. “You have harmed the people of the world long enough!” The players passed the balls and advanced on the field. “You have murdered millions,” My favorite team then scored and the voice kept talking, “and I have come to avenge them! Now avert your eyes from that thing and come see me face to face, or are you too much of a coward to face me?”
“Fine! I'll face you!” I yelled back.
I turned off the television. This was the twelfth hero this week coming to kill me and he wouldn't even let me finish the game. I sat up from my Throne of Terror. It was a magical throne I had witches from the darkest parts of all the lands make for me. It at first appeared to be a normal throne with decorative evil-looking spikes on the sides but it was also enchanted with spells that actually fed on the power of fear itself to bend the laws of physics to make the leather impossibly poofy and comfy under the normal rules of reality.
I looked at the hero. He didn't worry me as an evil overlord. Mostly because he was completely covered in armor and had a full arsenal. Obviously a highly trained knight. And thus not a problem. You'd think at first he would be, but nope. But see, really, it's the ragtag kids who go out questing that are the problem. Trained knights just know how to kill soldiers. The ragtag kids that get hopelessly lost on the way to the castle and go off on a myriad of quests and adventures are the problem. They slay dragons, find tons of magical items and gather practically an army of other friends to all jump me with.(Or rather other overlords, I've lost many friends to ragtag kids, I'm hoping I'm one of those that grows to old age before the ragtag kids get to me.) But this soldier from the castle with his non-magical equipment and normal military training? Doubt he'll be the one.
“So hero, do you have any enchanted equipment?” I asked him.
“Um, no.” he replied.
“Have you been selected by any prophesies, such as being announced as The Chosen One?” I assumed his status from his looks but I wanted to ask him a few questions to make sure.
“Um, no.” I could tell he was expecting a monologue. Normally I would enjoy delivering one, but I was not in the mood considering he interrupted my game.
“Have you done any quests, small or large, like fetching things for villagers or slaying dragons?” I asked.
“Um, no.” he repeated. I noticed that he started to look like a child that was getting a question wrong when asked in class.
“Do you have any friends to aid you, especially eccentric ones with amazing talents, comic reliefs or adorable animals?” I continued my inquiries. I figured he couldn't tell that I was raising my eyebrow under my spike covered overlord helmet.
“Um, no.” The hero then got frustrated. “What does it matter?”
I laughed. Though it wasn't my token maniacal overlord laugh. “I was just making sure my original assumption was correct. You are of no threat to me.”
I then blew him up with my magic and got back to my game. A few weeks later I was later greeted by a group of ragtag kids. Apparently I had killed their families or something. Well, it was three ragtag kids and the friends they had gathered on their adventures, comic relief and powerful, eccentric wizard. As I said the friends they would jump you with. Their leader was The Chosen One plus they had magical items quest experience and even an adorable animal sidekick. They had all the stops. I never stood a chance. But they did have the decency to let me finish the game I was watching.
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