Thursday, December 31, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The Witch's Impossible Task

“And they lived happily ever after.”
Steven King* #quote

My family is going to see Star Wars this weekend...question is, will the stars learn how to get along? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Witch's Impossible Task

         A wise witch named Telya was called upon by the king to make a potion that would make him immune to sickness and aging. The king knew that the witch possessed immense skill, but also that she did not care for money. So he told her that if she did not provide the potion in three years she would be executed.
        Telya, through all her studies of magic over her long life, figured it impossible to make such a potion. But the witch thought and thought for three years and within that time she arrived at a solution at her meeting with the king.
        “Have you created the potion Telya? Or is today the day of your execution?”
The witch smiled, “I have created the potion that will make you immune to sickness and aging.” She gave him a green vial of liquid.” The king, after seeing his father die from a plague, quickly drank the liquid.
        “This tastes wonderful! What is in this magnificent potion?”

         The witch laughed. “Why it's poison! You can't become sick or age if you're dead now can you? Well, you can decay but I don't think that's what you meant. I already made a deal with the man who will replace you so you don't need to worry about that. I'd say take this as a lesson to not threaten a witch, but that won't matter in a few seconds.”

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The Three Little Pigs Rent Out

“Be kind, rewind.”
The Ring* #quote

You ever have that feeling where you think that chickens working for the government are plotting your demise? Me neither. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Three Little Pigs Rent Out

         “Ah, yes Mr. John L. Pig?” I said as I knocked on the door with my gray furred paw. “I work for the government and there seems to be some concerns about your house both by your neighbors and with you renting it out.”
          The owner of the house looked through the window on his door at me. He must have been short as he seemed to be standing to be on some sort of stool. He was a pig, which I assumed from his last name. I always hated working with them. Socially awkward for wolves like us even with the carnivore treaty from fifty years ago that regulated us carnivores to only eating chickens and fish, the animals considered dumb enough to be eatable. They couldn't talk after all like the rest of us. But there was still the awkwardness from the old days.
         “What's wrong with my house?” the pig said to me with a glare.
I then replied, “Well the government considers it a saftey hazard to renters and neighbors fear that if a storm comes around debris from it will hit their houses.”
         “I bet you by the hair on my chiny-chin-chin, my house is perfectly safe!” he yelled at me.
I then rolled my eyes. “For the love of...your house is made of straw! I could blow it over myself!”
         The pig then gave me an arrogant smile. “Then do it!”
          I replied, “Fine, I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!” So I took my biggest breath in and blew. I was famous for being a very big man and I in fact did blow down the straw house and its weak foundations. “There! At least you were standing next to the door so nothing big fell on you.”
         “Why you!” the pig grumbled. “I'll just go work with my brother you'll see.” He quickly left.
Now I know that stupidity tended to run in the family so I looked into the family of this pig. It seemed he had two brothers. I went to the house of the brother he decided to work with.
            I couldn't believe my eyes, it was a house of sticks.
            “Um, hello?” I said after knocking on the door. Two pigs at this time looked at me this time. I started to wonder how they actually managed to make a working door with a straw house and a stick house.
            “I heard what you did to my brother's straw house.” the stick house brother said to me.
The straw house brother then added, “And I guess you think my brother's house is a safety hazard too?”
           “It could be worse!” I growled. “People could have their eyes poked out! Your straw house would crumble under rain, but this one is flimsy built sticks and could collapse on someone then have the grace to flood them with water!”
           The straw brother then said with a glare, “You think you can blow this one down too?”
           “Certainly!” I replied.
             The stick brother then said, “Then do it.”
            “Fine. I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!” I took in a massive breath and just like the straw house I blew it down.
             Both brothers left with angry red faces the stick house brother saying. “We're just going to work with our eldest brother.”
              I groaned. I looked up the last brother and I went to the last home. It was a brick house. Thank God. It was beautifully constructed. Perfectly safe. I looked around before approaching the door, everything was safe.
              I knocked on the door and three pig brothers answered the door.
              “So have you come to tell me my house is unsafe?” The brick house brother said to me.
               I smiled. “Actually I inspected it. I think it is perfectly safe to rent out.”
              “No!” the two other brothers added, “You have to be fair and try to blow down this house too!”
             I looked at them. I couldn't believe it. They were actually serious.
             “Fine.” I rolled my eyes. “I'll huff and puff, and I won't blow your house down but I'll try anyways because they asked me to.” I took a big, pointless breath and blew at the brick house.
            “Try again!” the stick and straw house brother yelled at me.
             I huffed and puffed again with obviously no success.
             “Try again!” they yelled at me.
              I glared at them. “No. This is stupid and I'm going home.”

              When I went home that day I thought I couldn't possibly deal with anything stupider in my work dealing with renters, yet later that month I had to figure how to deal with seven dwarves and one resident of their home who was kinda, sorta sleeping/dead because of some magic poisoned apple. How do I put that down on my paper work?  

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Vigilance

“Did he fire six shots or only five?”
Count Count* #quote

Today CJ is coming over. Also I may or may not have stumbled upon a government conspiracy involving aliens and inefficient bureaucracy. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


       Fido was devoted to his family and their home. The instinct of territory. He could never figure out why his owners bound him with long chain to a tree in their front yard, but it didn't stop him from remaining vigilant. From barking and dashing at those who would approach. But he could never escape the grass to the sidewalk. The chain was just short enough. But he remained vigilant and barked and barked.
       Many times it varied who came, but one foe came everyday. This person was used to upstart hounds like him, and just smiled at Fido while he barked with all his might. And every visit after the old mailman smiled while putting his delivery in the mailbox. Day in and day out. Not a single scare came out of the old man, despite the dogs vigilance.

      Eventually after years passed the old man stopped coming and a new mailman replaced him. Fido managed to scare this one with his vigilant bark. However despite the satisfaction of scaring the new delivery human, deep in its doggy heart it missed the old mailman and his smile.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The One-Way Time Traveler

“You're not on the list.”
Saint Peter* #quote

CJ might be coming over tomorrow. He saved up his paid time off days so he could take solid blocks of time off at the end of the year so he can actually come over during the week. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The One-Way Time Traveler

         Fed up with this world Doctor Walden put himself in cryogenic sleep for one thousand years. He knew that by that time humans would have created the ultimate utopia for him to live in, or destroyed themselves completely. Both options he considered better than the modern era. Utopia or a hermit.
          A thousand years passed and Doctor Walden awoke. He made his way out of his mountain hideout, carrying gold to barter and other objects in hand to make a living in whatever future he happened upon.
         The city looked large, though the buildings the similar. The first person he ran across wore a long-sleeved shirt with three pockets on it. His shorts possessed many zippers on the sides with no obvious function. The man greeted him in some form of English mutated from modern English. The change of language. It sounded like listening to Shakespeare, since modern English was an evolution of Shakespeare. He could pick up the general meaning, but most of it became lost on him.
        He saw this change as a wonderful sign. But as he progressed he noticed that there was no utopia. Just a city. Some things he read in science fiction books appeared. Little service robots here and there. Electric cars. This made him assume that at least the energy problem had been solved, or at least batteries had become so efficient the issue became mitigated. But the entire future looked very, very boring. Just more technology and some strange new fashion trends with many pocketed shirts and shorts with too many zippers. One thousand years and people never changed who they were.

       It's like he never left home.   

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Dreaming In The Rain

“Who let the dogs out?”
Ivan Pavlov* #quote

Directions are crazy. After all, if you go West enough of something you'll be East of it. If you go North enough of something you'll be South of it. Or will you? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Dreaming In The Rain

         In a dream I found myself in a shambled house in the rain. The storm was heavy and despite the fact that much of the rain came through I stayed with the family since it was the only place to hide from the torrent in the dream. We all hid the best we could in the two story home made of a bedroom on the top floor and a kitchen on the bottom with the rest washed away in the storm. The building bobbed up and down like a ship and I huddle in a blanket for warmth just like everyone else. Everyone pulled their personal blankets around them like it was their most treasured possession. Perhaps in this storm it was.
       Light didn't come from the Sun or Moon, but from lighting on the horizon. It took time for me to construct vague pictures of everyone's faces. The children, seven in all, four girls and three boys, ranged ages four to twelve. They all looked scared but they became much more calm when the father began telling stories. I don't remember the stories, but I think most of them were old fairy tales. The mother told some stories too.
        Next came time for me to tell some stories. The first one that came to me was the Tortoise and the Hare. When I spoke the children seemed absolutely entranced. Like it was the most exciting thing they'd ever heard. Their fear of the rain vanished.

       Then my mind realized I was dreaming. That none of this existed. That these people I met didn't exist. I also felt myself waking up. The entire dream ending. I knew that this family, although a mere figment of my mind, would now die and I would never see them again.  

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The Devil Deals In The Digital Age

“For it is in giving that we receive.”
Hernán Cortés* #quote

Grandma came over today(and this time it's my grandma from my Dad's side of the family that I don't see that often.) It was really fun and I had a good time. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Devil Deals In The Digital Age

           Hello everyone! It's me the devil himself. Yup. Mr. S. Good ol' Satan in the flesh! And boy do I have some good news for you! Normally in my deals I would have to take time out of my schedule to meet each mortal individually which is why I can deal with so few people. However I've realized its a digital age now and I've changed by business strategy.
         Introducing The Devil Deal App or DDA for short. It can be downloaded right to your phone to be used on the go so you can make deals with me any time you want! It's very convenient using your modern touch based interface to its maximum potential. The deals are all automated so you don't even have to deal with me directly. Millions of deals are already programmed in for you to search for with our DevilEye Search Engine. And if you still can't find what you're looking for our customer service is available to point you to it or we can arrange a custom deal.
       Now I bet your wondering “Why Satan how do I pay for all this? I don't have all the money in the world, and I'm not certainly not giving my soul up!” Well that's not a problem! The DDA is completely free! Plus I've realized that souls are a currency of the old days. Why would I need them if I've already got enough people here in my neighborhood? Everyone can use the DDA with one simple currency that everyone has, rich and poor. Time.

     Yup. Just time off your mortal lives. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, to years. I have plenty need for life force and think of all that time you've wasted in your life? Why don't you give me some time off your life and get a car? Or better yet some capital to start a business? That could make your life more entertaining and full of action. How many of you are home alone? A single year gets you a love potion that'll make sure you're never alone again? Why waste your time when we can strike a deal today! Download the DDA and get your deals started the swift and easy way!

Friday, December 25, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The Stone Age Art Critic

“I'm a morning person.”
Santa Claus* #quote

Merry Christmas! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Stone Age Art Critic
           Of all my touring of caves this has been my most disappointing art show. The disappointment was enhanced by the fact that so many people talked the artist Uug's rendition's of the bison hunt. But really it was nothing special. This “red paint” gimmick to show blood is just a fad. Red paint will never catch on. And so many people showing off hand tracings. How foolish. I enjoyed the the uses of blue and yellows in abstract patterns. Blue and yellow and browns for animal fur are really the colors that should be used in painting. After looking at the cave for what seemed like a year I started to feel dead. But then I saw a marvelous piece of art in the corner. And like with the other pieces the artist stood next to it. I walked up to the artist immediately.
           “Did you create this little girl?” I asked the artist.
           “Yes I did Mr. Ruk.” She responded. Because of my status as an art critic I was introduced as soon as I entered the cave. I doubt the little girl would have known who I was otherwise.
            “It is amazing, you're parents should be proud. What do you call it?” I really couldn't say much more because of my amazement.
             “A stick figure,” she told me.
             A perfect name! A perfect name for a perfect creation! This piece of art captures the human form wonderfully and in such simplicity and beautiful form. It makes the hand tracing so outdated. It's the most elegant mix between the abstract and the real. It will also save paint so that so many more pictures may be made. And since she could make it so many other children may. More artists will be groomed and be able to make paintings. I predict that stick figures is what the common people will draw when they cannot create sophisticated art their own. But it will be some of the first pieces of the greats of the future. The stick figure will be the foundation of all future art.
            I have found the perfect painting.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Waterrise

“Respect other people's opinions.”
The Borg, Star Trek* #quote

If you're a tour guide and forget whatever is supposed to be going on just say, “To your left you see whatever is not on your right.” This should work in most cases. Anyway onto the flash fiction!


           A witch lived in a cottage near a waterfall and thought it quite beautiful, at least for awhile. Eventually she grew bored of the sight and cooked up an idea. She decided to use her magic and turn it into a waterrise. The water flowed upward. This sight she enjoyed. A wonderful, eccentric sight. A few days in however a bear shambled towards her. It looked hungry. The animal didn't try to attack but whined like a dog, as if she had food for it. The witched tried to think. What to feed a bear? Picnic baskets? She then remembered that bears fished. She remembered the lovely waterrise she made. Did fish no longer swim down the river because of it? Did the bear, sensitive to magic as many animals are, know she was the source of the spell?

        She stopped her enchantment and the waterrise became a waterfall once more. The bear quickly moved to the river to catch fish once again. Now the witch had a new sight outside her home to watch. The bear, along with its family, happily catching fish day in and day out.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The Nights Before

“Home is where the heart is.”
Doctor Frankenstein* #quote

If I follow my dream too much will it get a restraining order? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Nights Before

            Twas the night before Christmas Eve. Many creatures were stirring, especially the mice. Snow raged and last minute shoppers crowded stores. Traffic horns honked and dogs barked at them. The fever of the holidays spread through people. This time of year stirred up an excited panic in people. The only one resting was Santa, since he needed to prepare for next night's flight. After he takes his flight there will be joy in the coming days and then the energy would die down from Christmas. However that leads to the night before New Years...  

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Anne And Her Tree House

The Loch Ness Monster* #quote

If Santa isn't real who owns Rudolph hmm? A question for the ages...Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Anne And Her Tree House

        Anne built her tree house with care and without any help from her parents. She took her time and knew her plans by heart. The design came to her by instinct. Yes, a lovely tree house created with care. She didn't rush. Anne took her time and placed it in the perfect spot within the branches. Wonderful! She knew she could even eat here, at her wonderful home, so wonderfully built. It would be a great place to dine, the tree house had a great view of the sunset. That's what she planned to do sleep, eat, and watch the sunset in its full everyday. A great life for Anne the spider to have sitting in her tree house of webs.

Monday, December 21, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Polly's Feelings

“He who smelt it, dealt it.”
Confucius* #quote

The number pi goes on forever. I also wished that normal pie went on forever. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Polly's Feelings

         Hi! I'm Polly! I'm a parrot! I live in a house with my owners. They put me in a “cage”, but it's so big its like I have a room all my own. My life's great! I can get all I ever want when I want. At least most of the time. Flap my feathers, act cute, and if I say I want a cracker, they'll probably give me one. I feel great. I feel great about where I live and about my owners. What's that smell?
         It's coming from the kitchen, they moved my cage a few days ago. I think they did it for the new television but now I could see inside the kitchen. Now I could see what the kitchen smells were. I saw what they put in the center of the table. Is that...a cooked bird? And are they having it with crackers?

        I now have very different feelings about things.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Today's #flashfiction A Battle For The Ages

“Live and learn.”
Dracula* #quote

Some people like doing things the hard way. Does that also mean some people like doing things the soft way? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Battle For The Ages

           Captain Analyst sneaked up behind Doctor Dastardly while he worked on his super weapon. The superhero had a modest build, his strength wasn't modified by any super powers, just trips to his local gym. His costume was a simple white with a big, black A. It covered his face, giving him holes for his eyes, nose and mouth.
          “Really? A green and yellow outfit?” Captain Analyst remarked on the costume of Doctor Dastardly.
          Doctor Dastardly turned his head to Captain Analyst, his young face and red goatee shown off. “What is wrong with green and yellow?”
           The superhero laughed, “Well if you don't have the sense to know I'm certainly not going to tell you.” Before the rage in Doctor Dastardly could fully process Captain Analyst made his way over to the super weapon's control panel.
           “Ah, now that's an old targeting system,” The hero sounded nostalgic in tone. “I fought a few villains who used this. Did you get this off VillainBay for your weapon?”
            Doctor Dastardly responded, “I built that.”
            Captain Analyst nodded, “Well do-it-yourself is a good way to save money.” Doctor Dastardly remembered the weeks he spent trying to get figure out how to get a targeting system like that working. While thinking about that he looked at his arm, seeing his green glove and yellow sleeves, no wallowing in apparent horribleness of his costume. “Now, I'm going to take a look under the hood okay?”
             “A-alright,” the supervillain let Captain Analyst open up his super weapon.
             “Oh, geez, that's...hmm...” Captain Analyst sighed. “Well, it's your machine not mine.” He then closed up the machine.
            “What? What is it?” Doctor Dastardly asked.
            “Oh, how do I put this?” Captain Analyst put his hand on his chin to show contemplation. “Your power source, your wiring. If this thing doesn't explode on you without firing, it'll fizzle out.” It took Doctor Dastardly two years to make that device. His dark, villainous heart fell deep into his gut. He planned to become one of the top villains. But now he learned he was on the bottom. A nothing. A few small tears formed in his eyes.
            “It was all for nothing?”

             Captain Analyst then replied, “C'mon, I'll get you a drink.” The superhero led the villain outside the evil lair. Captain Analyst lied about the comments he gave Doctor Dastardly, on the costume, the targeting system, the device being able to work, everything. But this was how he thwarted villains again and again without throwing a single punch. He bruised their egos instead of their bodies.   

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Mind Excavation

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.”
Wile E. Coyote*

People want to bend things to their will. But then they fire at will. What is up with that? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Mind Excavation

       There are those angels on your shoulder. There's the being that floats in the back of your head and gives you another perspective. There's the being that's is your internal voice. There are a great deal of beings in your head.
       The most unappreciated and never thought of is the memory gnome. The one that digs up what you forget. The reason it takes you different amounts of time to remember things? Some poor little guy has to dig it all up of course. There's tons of em' too. Working for hours on end while you remember things. They all have to work for minimum mind wage because your subconscious is cheap and they can't unionize because of brain laws. Their lives are filled with constant labor.
      So what did you eat for lunch yesterday?  

Friday, December 18, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Paint The Canvas

“Make love, not war.”
Genghis Khan* #quote

Friends may be coming over this weekend. Much joy fills me! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Paint The Canvas

        Take a blank canvas. Start painting a picture showing happiness. Then love, sadness then war. All with smiles and tears all over. Color in the inevitably of death. Represent wealth, put gold and money in piles all over. Paint books surrounded by gods, deities and spirits of all kinds. Then create an image of a demon for every kind of fear behind them. And further behind them put a small white dot like a distant star for each kind of hope against them. Surround it all with the backdrop of a planet filled with some wondrous nature. Title the painting humanity put your brush down.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The Ultimate Challenge

“Houston, we have a problem.”
Walker, Texas Ranger* #quote

          There are people who like sunshine and rainbows. There are also those that like moonshine and rainbows. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Ultimate Challenge

       “Grgk!” Thomas held back an extremely nasty curse word. Several of his teammates did not have the same restraint as him. They'd been killed by the computer team again. For what seemed to be the thousandth time. The team spoke over the Internet using headsets gripping each of their own controllers in varying degrees of anger.
         Barry, the most casual of them didn't hold onto anger, but rather optimism. “Well we got three of them this time.”
          Sarah, their sniper, and easily the most dedicated of all them responded, “Losing less is still losing. This is freaking ridiculous. Computers are not this good. They're dumb. In any game they eventually have to cheat to become a challenge.”
          Thomas then said, “Well people have hacked the code of the game. The computer doesn't cheat. It doesn't get any special knowledge. The game company's artificial intelligence is done in some cloud and the information gets sent from the game and the commands get sent back.”
          Sarah groaned, “Yeah, people thought it was stupid when the artificial intelligence was done outside the normal game code in a cloud so that no one could see it. But now we've got this monster enemy that we can't beat.”
         There were other teammates that had yet to speak since they still felt frustrated at their defeat. Omegaton Army was a game where everyone tried to beat this incredibly powerful computer. People played each other from time to time. But the unique allure of the game was the unbeatable computer. Game players of every level tried their hand at fighting it, but none succeeded no matter how close they got. The interesting thing however, was also that they offered prize money to the first people who could beat their computer.
         A secret lied in this game. The motivation for prize money. The capability to create such a powerful artificial intelligence. In truth every single person connected to the development and publication of Omegaton Army signed a confidentiality agreement. The reason resided in the cloud that artificial intelligence resided in. The military owned it, and the super computers that made it. The military wanted to test a learning artificial intelligence and test combat scenarios along with tactics people would use. In the end every time that Thomas and his teammates played a game against their computerized opponent they were playing an entirely different game they weren't even aware of.

      But hey, maybe sometime they'd win.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Under The Tree

“You ain't seen nothin' yet.”
Casper the Friendly Ghost* #quote

If all blue things were red and all red things were blue, what would that mean for french fries? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Under The Tree

         Year after year Santa leaves presents under the tree. The entire holiday is clockwork for everyone. Children grow up and become parents themselves creating a new set of generation for Santa to leave presents for. There will never stop being families eager for presents on Christmas. The facts of Christmas tradition never change. Including the fact that no one ever leaves any presents under Santa's tree.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Villain At The Theater

“They're after me lucky charms!”
Tony The Tiger* #quote

            Imagine a square. Get that image of that square firmly lodged in your head. Now make it a round square. You may think my request is impossible. But hey the adjective round exists, and the noun square exists, so I'm saying lets make the square round! I hope you managed to get something in your head. I wonder what each person who read this came up with, if anything at all. Since “round square” doesn't make sense normally whatever you made up needed to make sense based on what you think. I won't tell you what I imagined since that'd bias what you thought. Just enjoy our shared independence of thought and the flash fiction.

Villain At The Theater

            Bob Bobbery, the secret identity of the superhero Captain Heroking, hung out with his friends in line for the premier of the new Planet Wars movie. It was a crowded theater, but it'd be worth the wait for their favorite movie. Bob Bobbery then noticed a man he knew all too well bump through the line towards him. The supervillain Brainlord. Oddly enough Brainlord didn't seem to be causing trouble, but nobody seemed eager to complain about him cutting in line since he did have psychic powers.
          “Hey, Bob!” Brainlord said while forcing his way next to Captain Heroking and his friends. The superhero wanted to have a mundane, non-heroic day during the premiere of the next movie in his favorite movie franchise. The supervillain then used psychic powers to send a mental message to the hero so no one would hear, “How's it going Captain Heroking?”
         The hero whispered back, “Wait, you know my secret identity?” So many questions raced through Bob Bobbery's head. Why doesn't Brainlord attack his family? Use them as hostages in evil schemes? It doesn't make any sense!
         The tallest, toughest friend of Bob's, Kyle said, “You know this guy?”
         “Not at all!” Bob replied, forcing as much denial into his voice as possible.
           Brainlord then said, “Oh, I know Bob, and I wanted to know his friends too!”
           Kyle then said, “Listen chump, I know you have psychic powers and could learn names. Bother your own friends.”
           Brainlord then meekly said, “I don't have any.”
           It then clicked for Captain Heroking. The behavior of the villain, the fact his traps were the most elaborate out of all the foes he faced, why the villain didn't use the people as hostages.
          “My God, you do evil plans just because you don't have any friends and want company!”

           Brainlord replied, “Um, see you Tuesday!” he then promptly dashed off.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The Joy Of Time Travel

“Profanity is the weapon of the witless.”
George Carlin* #quote

Many people wonder what the purpose of life is, but how many people wonder what the purpose of wondering is? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Joy Of Time Travel

           The name's Keaton. At least that's what I convinced my parents to name me this time around, being a buddy my Dad had at work during the year my Mom was pregnant. Honestly I don't remember when I got my control over time, but it's a magic power and I pretty much wish away paradoxes too. I can change how the time travel works so its logic works in my favor. No regrets, infinite lives. I love going back and setting things up to make a world the way I want it. I can even revert the clock in the same body so that I don't have to worry about doubles or anything. Just erase stupid mistakes. It is a wonderful to live. Or should I say will be? Time travel is's that light?
            It was a wonderful to live. I've now learned how I time traveled. The walls of a hospital room surround me. I lived in a coma dream, the powers of dreaming allowed me to edit my life. But I've time traveled so much...I don't even remember who I originally was.

            I'm not in control. I'm afraid. I'm awake.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The Most Hated Comedian

“Save the trees!”
Paul Bunyan* #quote

Jessica should be coming over tomorrow so that'll be funriffic. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Most Hated Comedian

         The hated comedians of the world get booed and insulted. Perhaps even harassed. When a comedian gains the ire of an audience member the reaction is boredom, disgust or wrath. At least most seekers of humor experience such little suffering for their failure.
         One kind of comedian can only cry since no one will laugh at them. People won't even hate or harass them. People won't bother booing them or be bored. In fact these seekers of humor only invoke the exact opposite of humor. They invoke fear.

        The zombie clowns are tragic comedians who live an existence that pulls them further and further from the laughs they desire. So please, next time you see a zombie clown with its rotted teeth and half-missing red nose, give it at least a smile or a chuckle. That'd fill its undead heart with the feeling that its been thirsting for in its brutal joke of an afterlife.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Today's #flashfiction How To Deal With Dragons

“Spring is in the air.”
Eddard Stark, Game Of Thrones* #quote

I wonder why zombies always have to be going after brains. People have different tastes when they're alive, so why not different tastes when they're dead? Some zombies should be going “llluuunnngggsss”. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

How To Deal With Dragons

         Regalis held his blade high, ready to battle the king of dragons, Bloodscale, for his treasure.       With the masses of gold and jewels in the beast's possession Sir Regalis could fund the war his nation fought. He would be heralded as a savior for his people.
          The knight Regalis knew dragons. He'd been called an expert on slaying them. Regalis didn't expose any flesh to fire breath, every bit of his steel armor had been enchanted to cool when hit with heat. The armor glistened with a blue shine from the magic. His weapon, a massive sword made from the bone of ogres, was infused with lethal curses of all kinds.
          Bloodscale, the king of dragons, gained his namesake from the color of his scales. One breed of dragons was scaled red, and he was a one-in-a-million genetic mutation. This made him massive and his scales much darker than normal making them blood red instead of the light red the breed was known for. The mutation also gave him nine thin tails instead of the one massive one that most dragons have.
          “I know exactly how to deal with your kind,” Regalis said as he charged the dragon.
          The king of dragons smiled a fanged smile then responded, “And I know exactly how to deal with yours.” The king of dragons then did not breathe fire on Regalis. Another gift bestowed by the mutation was intelligence. He instead let his fire breath rumble in his gut and spewed only massive amounts of smoke at Regalis. The enchantments of the knight's armor protected him from heat, not smoke, and the knight passed out. This was not the first time Bloodscale dealt with knights, and he always attacked them with smoke in case they used magic. He then killed Regalis using his claws while the knight was unconcious.
           Five years later a teenage boy made his way onto the top of the mountain where Bloodscale's castle was. He approached the dragon not wearing anything but the simple rags of a normal peasant. Bloodscale looked at the boy, surprised he even managed to scale the massive mountain, and didn't attack him seeing no threat and incredibly curious as well to see a human that wasn't a knight inside his castle. Though he did keep his guard up for some kind of sneak attack from an accomplice or a hidden weapon.
          “Lord Bloodscale,” the teenager spoke in a frightened tone, “May I ask a small favor?”
           Bloodscale was dumbfounded, a human had never asked him for anything before. He responded, “What is it?”
           “Our village dam broke in a flood. It was very old and we don't have enough money to pay the city workers to fix it. Two gold coins from your treasure should get us the last of the funds we need to pay for the dam.”
            Bloodscale considered it. “Take them. If anybody asks you stole the coins while I was sleeping. Got it?”

           The teenage boy grabbed the coins and left in a hurry.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The Meteor Of Doom

“I've been worked to the bone.”
The Grim Reaper* #quote

I've heard of a Jack In The Box, what about a Jill In The Box? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Meteor Of Doom

           A massive meteor the size of California followed a perfect path towards Earth. It's devastation would no doubt be massive. The dinosaurs may have had an easier time with whatever slaughtered them. When astronomers first saw the monster they prayed since nothing else came to mind. However everything turned out pretty dandy when it collided with a massive armada of alien spaceships that popped out of warp-drive travel and killed them all. The aliens were destroyed and the meteor saved the Earth while turning into dust. Sometimes there are blessings in disguise, even giant meteors of impending doom.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Bats And Vampires

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.”
Freddy Krueger* #quote

James Bond is a spy, so if you're bonding with someone does that mean that you're spying with them? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Bats And Vampires

            Dracula's night had been a rocky one. He spent hours traveling and teleporting and couldn't find a single human isolated from civilization. That, and with modern technology, the vampire hunters managed to sneak black lights into their cellphones so he couldn't tell what humans could hit him with the powerful radiation of the Sun beyond the tolerance he had from what could be reflected from the Moon.
           He needed blood. He resorted to his backup plan. His magic abilities with bats. Dracula transformed into his bat form and flew into a cave to meet with bats and speak with them. Using his powers over the animals he would convince them to help him attack a human as a herd so that he as an individual would not be targeted by the vampire hunters.
           “Obey me, assist me,” Dracula psychically communicated to bats. “Help me get the blood of a human!”
           The bats laughed a squeaky laugh. Dracula looked at them confused, hanging off the top of the cave just like them. The alpha bat responded, “Dude, we're fruit bats.”

          Embarrassment and hunger from his mistake overtook Dracula until the Sun rose. He went to sleep and hoped the next night he'd be able to feed.  

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Today's #flashfiction A Negative Attitude

“Don't believe everything people tell you.”
Santa Claus* #quote

My friend Jessica should be coming over this coming Sunday so that'll be fun. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Negative Attitude

           Adam the atom had an equal amount of protons and electrons so he felt pretty neutral about everything. Politics, religion, food, sports, movies, and even the Kardashians. He moved in with a roommate, an atom named Susie, who had an extra electron, and she was negative about everything. Even puppies and kittens! Her constant griping really messed with Adam, forcing him to take action that didn't involve much effort since he did feel nuetral about her personality. It didn't bother him too much, so he would only do so much.

        He set her up on a date with an atom named Barry that was missing an electron. A positive fellow that nearly skipped where he went and rambled about sunshine as soon as he met Susie her electron latched onto Barry to fill the void to stabilize them both. Now all three atoms were completely neutral and felt neutral about everything. They ended up all moving to Switzerland.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Cat In The Mat

“Why it's elementary my dear Watson.”
Kindergarten Cop* #quote

          If there was a zombie apocalypse puppies would have a field day because of all the bones. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Cat In The Mat

            In the story of the Cat In The Mat not much happens. It's just the tale of simple house cat named Fluffy hiding under a mat. A mat in a room where all the furniture is tipped over, vases have fallen and broken, and curtains have been pulled down. A room where a mouse escaped into a mouse hole. A room where an angry owner stands taking in the chaos of the room. But luckily for it the owner doesn't see the Cat In The Mat.  

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Today's #flashfiction How Many Times Does Lightning Strike?

“You don't understand the gravity of the situation.”
Sir Isaac Newton* #quote

If an owl gets drunk it starts saying “what?” instead of “who?” Anyway onto the flash fiction!

How Many Times Does Lightning Strike?

            Lighting doesn't strike in the same place twice. That is still true. After all in Barry's backyard it has struck over one hundred times. However in just a way that nothing lights on fire. Usually the pool is the victim of the jolt and the concrete around it are fortunately not flammable enough. The charge hitting the pool also peaked at a specific, perfect, point to cause minimal damage. All the lighting strikes worked that way. No one believed Barry that his backyard had been struck so many times because no physical evidence of damage remained.
           This happened all by design. Poor Barry made an unfortunate enemy of his neighbor. Awhile back a peculiar fellow bought the house next door. His name was nigh unpronounceable, almost like a mesh of a few dead languages. He seemed friendly enough but one sad, sad, day Barry wasn't looking as he backed out of the driveway and backed into the neighbor's car. (How very sloppy of Barry to make such a terrible turn to go from one driveway to the next! Just because he was in a hurry for a meeting is no excuse!)
           Barry soon learned that his neighbor was a nature god, and that god's hold grudges. Sure, Barry paid to repair the car. But the god was still bitter that he lost that car he became so emotionally attached to. So he's spited Barry with lighting, as a constant way to spook him. His backyard never damage but constantly struck.
           Barry thought of building a lighting rod, but feared the god would do something worse. Eventually though the god accidentally backed into Barry's car. Embarrassed he apologized. From then on the lighting stopped and beautiful, magic flowers began to appear in Barry's yard.

          Even gods don't like being called hypocrites.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Today's #flashfiction The Magnificent Tophat

“The defense rests.”
Vince Lombardi* #quote

Video games don't mind getting tricked since they're just being played. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Magnificent Tophat

              The greatest magician went by the name The Magnificent Tophat. He walked on stage with a smile on his face and fancy suit and long cape. His illusions used his understanding of the human mind, perception and reality.
              The man was incredibly rich and popular, though not without his flaws. He even made his own marriages disappear, having four ex-wives, divorcing them out of his own boredom with them. He did raise his children well however, even as he aged his vigor remained despite his hair leaving. The Magnificent's Tophat's talent allowed him to make anything vanish, even the weakening of old age. Even the coming of his own death. With a wave of his wand he decided to make the end of his own story disappear.

             The greatest magician went by the name The Magnificent Tophat. He walked on stage with a smile on his face and fancy suit and long cape. His illusions used his understanding of the human mind, perception and reality.  

Friday, December 4, 2015

Today's #flashfiction A Recipe For Disaster

“Resistance is futile.”
Sir Isaac Newton* #quote

You know that feeling you get when two monkeys are staring you down after you've been chased for five hours by police officers for a traffic ticket because you parked on the Moon? Neither do I. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Recipe For Disaster

               Aspiring demonic overlord Steve began to prepare a disaster. If he could get this down then he would be ready for the overlord exams. Pass the exams and he could gain dominion over the suffering of his own world instead of being a mere underling.
              He adjusted the magic cauldron to be even with his thin waist and wrapped his two thin tails around it. This did nothing to help the magic, but it helped him get in the zone. He prepared the ingredients on the counter next to the cauldron so he could grab and mix with ease.
              “Now, then, we start with the danger,” Steve talked to himself to keep his focus. Even though his sharp teeth would normally make him intimidating, his mumbling tended to make him less so. He grabbed a bag full of a flour like substance that he poured into the bubbling cauldron water. The substance contained the magic of danger. The power of an earthquake for his disaster.
             “Next the victims,” Steve kept his stirring rhythmic as he held the spoon tight with his claws. This part was always the most complicated part of the spell. He then threw in many different components that represented the victims he wished to strike. Dead bugs to strike insects, clay to destroy the very hills, bits of concrete to destroy buildings, cow meat to destroy animals, fish bones to destroy fish life, and the teeth of humans to end their lives. That was the start of the list.
              “Finally the ingredients to give my disaster time and life,” Steve took a clock from the kitchen counter and threw it into the cauldron along with blood. He laughed. The cauldron shook. Then it made the noise of an old man with a sore back grunting while he got out of bed. The next noise resembled an elephant attempting to play trombone.

              Steve then said, “That should have sounded like thunder. Oh right, I forgot to add the locator components.” The locators would allow the disaster to find its target. Steve would never become a demon overlord because he always forgot one little detail for his evil magic. He'd always hear the sounds of failure, and they never sounded good. His next attempt would result in an echoing boom of a laugh track along with the sound of one hand clapping.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Today's #flashfiction Of Boxes And Cargo

“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.”
The Borg, Star Trek* #quote

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear, does there exist three positive integers a, b and c to satisfy the equation a^n + b^n = c^n where the value of n is greater than two? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Of Boxes And Cargo

           Box society was an interesting one. The pecking order of who could look down on who was based on one simple thing, what they carried. For cardboard boxes, like Benjamin Boxly, they needed to spend their time justifying their existence and boasting what they could before they were torn open and discarded.
          “I carry art, I'm more precious than all of you!” one box proclaimed.
          “I carry weapons, my cargo is destruction itself!” another box yelled.
          “I carry jewels, I'm more valuable than all of you!” a third box screamed. Some boxes chose to speak loudly over others, some chose to save their energy and talk in lulls. Usually the screamers were the cardboard boxes, the ones that had short lives. Luggage and other containers didn't mind spending their time justifying themselves, or just plain talking since their cargo changed from time to time.

            Benjamin Boxly didn't speak up like the other cardboard boxes. Not a word came out of him. He didn't know what to make of what he carried. What could he say about carrying other boxes?

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Today's #flashfiction A Most Interesting Employment

“1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.”
HAL 9000* #quote

Who drops the rain I wonder? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Most Interesting Employment

          I felt odd wearing a “Hello my name is Dan” sticker on my first day on the job at my ninja apprenticeship, considering I otherwise wore only black like my colleagues in this “clan”. Dan was my alias, but it probably didn't matter, they most likely knew everything about me. At least the big bosses did.
          This place gave me the chills, yet it had a very cozy vibe to it with large cubicles and a massive break room. But the weapons room right next to our cubicles made everything disturbing, and every door either led to either the mundane office supplies or tools of death.
           My master, who interviewed me for the job and wore his own identifying sticker, walked up to me. His sticker read, “Hello my name is Billy.” He pointed at the break room and I saw another young ninja. He then said to me, “Watch that ninja.”
          The ninja grabbed his coffee from the break room, drank it, then fell over dead.
          My master then continued, “The fool left his coffee unattended in an office of ninjas. I don't want you making the same mistake. This also serves as a warning. Back out now if you cannot handle the pressure of constant tests like these by your seniors. Everyone will try to get you while you work here in ways that they won't get caught by the bosses.”

        I laughed and told my master, “I worked in a fast food joint. This isn't scary at all.”

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Today's flashfiction Unbearable Slumber

“Clothes make the man.”
Frankenstien's Monster* #quote

When time flies where does it land? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Unbearable Slumber

           A bear's hibernation is always a sleep much longer than a simple day. That makes bears view their slumbers far differently than humans. Those sweet dreams and horrible nightmares that humans visit during their trips to dreamland are but a single night. But when bears arrive to dreamland for winter it becomes either a long chilling nightmare, or a wondrous dream. Remember that the next time you wake up and escape the grasp of a nightmare, that you have the pleasure of experience sleep in moderation.