Friday, December 4, 2015

Today's #flashfiction A Recipe For Disaster

“Resistance is futile.”
Sir Isaac Newton* #quote

You know that feeling you get when two monkeys are staring you down after you've been chased for five hours by police officers for a traffic ticket because you parked on the Moon? Neither do I. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Recipe For Disaster

               Aspiring demonic overlord Steve began to prepare a disaster. If he could get this down then he would be ready for the overlord exams. Pass the exams and he could gain dominion over the suffering of his own world instead of being a mere underling.
              He adjusted the magic cauldron to be even with his thin waist and wrapped his two thin tails around it. This did nothing to help the magic, but it helped him get in the zone. He prepared the ingredients on the counter next to the cauldron so he could grab and mix with ease.
              “Now, then, we start with the danger,” Steve talked to himself to keep his focus. Even though his sharp teeth would normally make him intimidating, his mumbling tended to make him less so. He grabbed a bag full of a flour like substance that he poured into the bubbling cauldron water. The substance contained the magic of danger. The power of an earthquake for his disaster.
             “Next the victims,” Steve kept his stirring rhythmic as he held the spoon tight with his claws. This part was always the most complicated part of the spell. He then threw in many different components that represented the victims he wished to strike. Dead bugs to strike insects, clay to destroy the very hills, bits of concrete to destroy buildings, cow meat to destroy animals, fish bones to destroy fish life, and the teeth of humans to end their lives. That was the start of the list.
              “Finally the ingredients to give my disaster time and life,” Steve took a clock from the kitchen counter and threw it into the cauldron along with blood. He laughed. The cauldron shook. Then it made the noise of an old man with a sore back grunting while he got out of bed. The next noise resembled an elephant attempting to play trombone.

              Steve then said, “That should have sounded like thunder. Oh right, I forgot to add the locator components.” The locators would allow the disaster to find its target. Steve would never become a demon overlord because he always forgot one little detail for his evil magic. He'd always hear the sounds of failure, and they never sounded good. His next attempt would result in an echoing boom of a laugh track along with the sound of one hand clapping.

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