“Live and learn.”
Some people like doing things the hard way. Does that also mean some people like doing things the soft way? Anyway onto the flash fiction!
A Battle For The Ages
Captain Analyst sneaked up behind Doctor Dastardly while he worked on his super weapon. The superhero had a modest build, his strength wasn't modified by any super powers, just trips to his local gym. His costume was a simple white with a big, black A. It covered his face, giving him holes for his eyes, nose and mouth.
“Really? A green and yellow outfit?” Captain Analyst remarked on the costume of Doctor Dastardly.
Doctor Dastardly turned his head to Captain Analyst, his young face and red goatee shown off. “What is wrong with green and yellow?”
The superhero laughed, “Well if you don't have the sense to know I'm certainly not going to tell you.” Before the rage in Doctor Dastardly could fully process Captain Analyst made his way over to the super weapon's control panel.
“Ah, now that's an old targeting system,” The hero sounded nostalgic in tone. “I fought a few villains who used this. Did you get this off VillainBay for your weapon?”
Doctor Dastardly responded, “I built that.”
Captain Analyst nodded, “Well do-it-yourself is a good way to save money.” Doctor Dastardly remembered the weeks he spent trying to get figure out how to get a targeting system like that working. While thinking about that he looked at his arm, seeing his green glove and yellow sleeves, no wallowing in apparent horribleness of his costume. “Now, I'm going to take a look under the hood okay?”
“A-alright,” the supervillain let Captain Analyst open up his super weapon.
“Oh, geez, that's...hmm...” Captain Analyst sighed. “Well, it's your machine not mine.” He then closed up the machine.
“What? What is it?” Doctor Dastardly asked.
“Oh, how do I put this?” Captain Analyst put his hand on his chin to show contemplation. “Your power source, your wiring. If this thing doesn't explode on you without firing, it'll fizzle out.” It took Doctor Dastardly two years to make that device. His dark, villainous heart fell deep into his gut. He planned to become one of the top villains. But now he learned he was on the bottom. A nothing. A few small tears formed in his eyes.
“It was all for nothing?”
Captain Analyst then replied, “C'mon, I'll get you a drink.” The superhero led the villain outside the evil lair. Captain Analyst lied about the comments he gave Doctor Dastardly, on the costume, the targeting system, the device being able to work, everything. But this was how he thwarted villains again and again without throwing a single punch. He bruised their egos instead of their bodies.