Friday, October 28, 2016

Today's #flashfiction A Quick Human Comedian's Guide On How Not To Offend Robots

“What's that, Lassie? Timmy's fallen down a well?”
The Grim Reaper* #quote

The family's going on shoppin' trip this weekend so that'll be fun. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Quick Human Comedian's Guide On How Not To Offend Robots

        Touring the 2075 comedy circuit can be rough. Especially when your dealing with all your robot audiences and your a human fresh to those crowds. Robots can have very different sense of humor. Sentient robot brains are very similar to humans, but there are a few key things you must consider, usually touchy subjects. They'll forgive you for most things, but there are some things just in bad taste for them. Here's a quick guide for new comedians dealing with robot crowds.
         One: Don't joke about the weather. You think it'd be a tiny thing, but for robots the weather is a big problem. Rain without protection would be rusting. Imagine if something like rusting happened on a human! See why they don't like it? Never talk about the weather.
         Two: Don't talk about mechanical sentience before robo-brains were made in a social sense. Really avoid it all costs. You're a comedian. I use the term sentient robot, but that term is fairly politically incorrect in this time, and I did this on purpose to bring this up. If I said sentient robot some of the machines would toss me right out of the club. You say WB, wired brain. We avoid calling robots robots in front of sentient robots now for a reason right? We call them controlled tools. They're sentient now. Treat them that way. Don't talk about the days when all machines were just tools.
          Three: Do not talk about smelling, touching or tasting things. Most wired brains are in bodies that are made for seeing and hearing only because they have to devote so much effort to other tasks. Talk about any other sensory human experiences and they will get mad, out of jealousy, or even feeling your bragging. It's like saying “ha ha you can't taste!” to them.
          Four: Be very careful how you talk about family. Wired brains build children, based on mixing properties of their loved ones, but they can't make lineages or ancestries like us. They won't have the same family identity.
        This guide could go on forever just listing all the things that you could avoid. And that is because wired brains, no matter how little or much they voice it, do not have many of things we biological beings do and differ in fundamental ways. So avoid talking about those things and be mindful of them and you won't offend them.

        However one thing I found out through sheer trial and error through my 20 years as a comedian is that you never, ever joke about techno around a machine. They hate techno. Joking about the robot stereotype that they like techno will get you a metal fist to the face.  

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