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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #NeverMockAComedianWizard

“Be neighborly.”
Genghis Khan* #quote


         Tomorrow is my costuming club. We may be discussing the convention that the club works on. It's a big project, but since the first one managed well the university became quite interested and is showing support and it is getting attention. (Many things are about that first hurdle). I wasn't there for the first one, but I'll try to help with this one.


Never Mock A Comedian Wizard


          Never, ever make fun of a comedian performing. No matter how bad their act is. They could be a wizard after all. I made that mistake and after the show he said “Oh, you think I'm not funny? Well I will curse you to live through a thousand silly curses! Let's see how funny you find those...” He used some sort of magic to poof my drivers license out of my pocket then read it. “Steve!”
The thousand curses didn't hit my all at once. Sometimes in a day I would only experience one, sometimes two, sometimes ten. The number varied and the strangeness varied even more. I usually found out what a curse was early in the day and spent the rest of the day making sure it didn't ruin my life.
         The whoopie cushion curse made me let out a most horrific, thunderous, intestinal noise whenever I sat down. The chipmunk curse turned my voice to a silly, high-pitched, tone that normally only came from fast forwarding a dying video tape. The Broadway curse did something even worse to my voice. It forced me to speak in song.
         I'm not sure naming these curses did me any good. I felt like it did when so many hit me at once. When the sky rains cats and dogs while my car gets painted into the most terrible polka dot colors(along with everything else I own for the day, the colors mysteriously vanish the next day), I feel like I need to organize the phenomenon in happening around me. People named diseases. So I name my curses. The curse of the Rubber Chicken Arm is one of the most self explanatory.
It takes about two and a half years for all one thousand curses to pass since more than one happened in some days. When a day passed without a curse I thought I was dreaming. I cheered the next day.
         A year later I ran across the wizard comedian by chance in a restaurant, I felt a sudden jolt of fear.
He said to me, “I watched the tapes of my old performance. I'm sorry for cursing you, I wasn't that funny. I'll prove to you that I'm funny now though.”
        He didn't improve at all. But I managed to force convincing enough laughter. He walked away smiling and I safe. Though he slipped on a banana peel a moment afterward. I saw a man in a table at the restaurant tuck away a wand. Seemed a bystander wizard watching noticed the situation and decided to get revenge for me, I recognized the banana peel curse immediately. After I left the restaurant and out of earshot of both wizards I laughed.

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