“I am, at heart, a gentleman.”
The Hulk* #quote
Today I saw the Welcome Wagon. It had Welcome Horses pulling it
along. What a strange thing it is. Anyway onto the flash fiction!
The Ion Chef
“Welcome back everyone!” The Ion Chef shouted to the camera. His
synthesized voice made a crackling boom as the speakers in his mouth
strained. “Hold onto your bolts...this next dish is a dangerous
one!” The Ion Chef used his steel arms to dramatically pull a sheet
off a massive pile of large red cylinders and buckets filled with
multiple colored liquids. “Only robots with a CX-11 body like mine
should even attempt to eat this dish.”
A pretty, polished to a sheen, assistant commented, “Looks
delicious.” She only was there to look good for the camera. And for
the paycheck she didn't care. She could upgrade her processors to the
latest model every month.
“Now normally it is most efficient for any robot to have someone
else install any food into them, but as always I show how you can do
it yourself. Be sure to plug yourself in whenever eating since you
are taking out your internal power sources. Plugging in will keep you
running. We are not to be held responsible for bad eating habits.”
The Ion Chef pointed to a plug running from his side into the wall.
He then leaped onto the table and opened his chest up.
“The red cylinders are RD-99 nuclear batteries. These
beasts have quite the kick and when you install them in your system
you will get a huge boost. Be sure you can handle because running at
200% will be a kick in the processors.” The Ion Chef pulled out his
old batteries with his own hands, like someone pulling their own
stomach out, and replaced it with the new batteries. He seemed to
enjoy the process despite all the difficult pulling and pushing with
his innards. His metal mouth smiled when the new batteries fully
hooked up.” The Ion Chef then pointed the strange liquids, one of
each color of the rainbow. “Now these are advanced chemical agents
that are great for running your internal combustion engine. Gasoline
is so outdated. Here's what each of them are...” He then listed
their elaborate names and quantities.
“How fascinating!” The assistant chimed in.
“Indeed!” The Ion Chef replied. “Now here's how you mix them.”
He shut his open innards and went to work, still staying plugged in.
He took great care when blending the chemicals. Even more than with
the nuclear batteries. After he finished his long explanation and
mixing of them he promptly chugged it down. Fortunately the speakers
for his voice were waterproofed. And...proofed from whatever
creations the Ion Chef made.
“Now I'm ready to tackle anything. My engine is rumbling
and I'm feeling it! And I hope all you at home will enjoy the dish as
well! See you next time on the Ion Chef.”
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