“You scratch
my back, I'll scratch yours.”
Edward Scissorhands* #quote
Today CJ should be coming over. It is great that he can come over
during the week because he's saved up his sick days and vacation
days, and since they don't roll over he's pretty much got till next
year off from work. It will be a joyous occasion when he arrives and
a great deal of fun will be had. Hopefully the fun won't reach so
much of an intensity that it creates a singularity of funness that
will form a black hole and kill us all. Anyway onto the flash
fiction!
It Froze Over
The demons wore heavy, warm coats. Firewood was shipped in. Heaters
ordered from Heaven and other spiritual planes. The devil decided
that burning should be the punishment for murderers and those who did
the most unspeakable of crimes because it was so cold.
Next pigs might start flying because the place under fluffy cloud
heaven now resembled Antarctica.
“Why is it so cold!? Why? Why? Why?” Satan paced around the room
in three layers of innocent, baby-animal, fur coats. “There's an
order to these things! I manage this place now. I should find a way
to file a complaint to God to fix this.”
The devil's secretary answered, “He should already know. And
already knows how its going to be fixed, when its going to be fixed,
if its going to be fixed. He's just not going to do anything because
well, you're Satan.”
Satan, the fallen angel, glared at his demon secretary, and she just
looked back to him bored. She was used to his anger and simply
walking him through it.
“Just find a way to fix it.” She told him. “What kept our
wonderful little home warm?”
Satan then mumbled, “I don't know...”
“What?” The secretary asked. This wasn't the first time her boss
mumbled an answer so she couldn't hear it.
“I don't know! I was sent here when I went against God! I didn't
make it!”
“Then who would know?”
The devil thought for a moment, then frowned. “There's Hrafgl.”
The secretary responded, “The demon that's so old that nobody even
knows how old he is? Even him? The one that sits in the rocking chair
and reads or watches TV? That we have no idea what is job is?”
“Yeah...he's been here so long that he was here before me.”
The secretary wasn't shocked by a lot, but she still had that
boggled expression on her face. “I thought you were the only living
being in hell that old. Even are oldest demons aren't as old as you.
They've passed while your being banished here let you live eternal
since you're bound to here.”
“Well, he's got a bond to here as great as mine.”
The secretary shrugged, “Well you've got no choice but to talk to
him, even if he is a bit of a kooky old man.”
Satan searched through hell and found the old man reading a book as
usual, with a coat on. He then spoke to him nervously.
“Um, boss?”
“Oh, Satan!” replied old Hrafgl, “How's my assistant manager
doing? After God banished you down here life has been easier with you
around to handle the day-to-day. Lemme guess, still haven't told
anyone I'm the real boss?”
“No sir...”
“Heh, makes my life easier. I swear why would God let you be the
boss of anything Fallen Angel? An eternity of middle management fits
someone with ambitions to overtake everything.”
Satan wanted the conversation to end as quickly as possible. “Anyway
Sir, there's been a problem, it seems everything has frozen over.”
“Ah, I was so into my book I just grabbed my coat and went back to
reading. Guess I must have forgotten to feed the hamsters while
reading.”
Satan replied with a look of confusion, “Hamsters?”
Boss Hrafgl shook his head and groaned. “You think I don't do
anything anymore? The demon hamsters that power the equipment that
runs hell. Like the heater. This place is old so it uses beasts of
burden for energy. We feed giant, immortal demon hamsters and they
run in wheels at mach speeds to power everything. Yeah, apparently
God decided to use electricity and hamsters. I don't question it, I
just do my job. I guess there's another thing I have to teach you to
run.”
And so Satan learned something else about his occupation and the
place downstairs became warm once again.
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