“I've just perfected an Electronic
Hair Bat-Analyzer which may hold the key to this baffling question.”
Christian
Bale* #quote
CJ's coming
over tomorrow. Anyway onto the flash fiction!
A Deal With
The Devil Always Has Fine Print
Satan took the
form of a young man, about nineteen, when he met me. He pretended to
be a client from rich parents asking for expensive legal consultation
on a simple case to get him off with a slap on the wrist. A common
kind of client for me. It was no surprise to me later that the devil
faked records with ease. His form wore a shirt with some rock band
logo on it, jeans and slicked back black hair and innocent looking
blue eyes.
Though his eyes
turned sinister when the walls of my office turned to perpetual fire.
They never burnt down and didn't feel hot. I still felt comfortable
in my suit. Two large demons came up by the sides of the Satan. He
introduced himself properly. He told me the start of conversation was
to get a impression of me and he wanted to give me all I wanted in
exchange for my soul.
I decided to
fight the devil then and there. He deserved it. We passed paper back
and forth, renegotiating a contract for what seemed like days. The
devil did tell me that we were locked in a separate magic time line.
I would not need to eat or sleep and when we finished we would return
to the normal world at the same time we started.
After we
finished negotiation both the devil and I signed the contract in
blood. He wrote Lucifer and I wrote Edison Warden.
The devil
laughed.
“What's so
funny?” I asked him.
“You lawyers
are the easiest to get souls from. You always want to beat me at my
own game. For pride in many cases, after all how else could you show
off your skill than beating the devil in a contract. You're one of
the ones that wanted to beat me since you think the devil deserves to
be beaten huh? Because I'm the bad guy? Silly mortal. Nobody beats me
at my own game.”
“I did.” I
smiled. Beating down Satan would be satisfying. Exactly how much evil
the fallen angel was directly responsible for I didn't know, but
wiping that smug look off his face would be all the greater.
Especially since he decided to take the form of a spoiled rich kid
teenager.
He smirked back
to me. “I see where some of your confidence comes from. Like most
lawyers I face when I said you may exchange your soul for something
as the rule you wished for a “collection of items” and then
started to list them in the contract. And then you made them very,
very, very specific, with pages of disclaimers and
details. You also dictated that they must be acquired in a certain
manner. I assume that was meant so that I can't magically make them
appear.”
“Yes indeed.”
Satan snapped
his fingers and the demons by his side vanished, replaced with a few
others. “Obviously you want me to be extremely inconvenienced by
your contract. Possibly taking years to create the items you desire.
I'll just send hundreds of my demons to do it overnight. You really
think I would agree to building you a castle by hand? Of course in my
revisions I phrased it, 'a castle built by hand'. All of your tedious
tasks you attempted to make me do I revised so that the fine details
would allow it to be done by my underlings.”
I clenched my
fist. I thought he might have included that phrasing for that
purpose. The devil was good. But I was better.
I waved my
finger at the devil as if he was a naughty child. “Tsk, tsk tsk.
Poor Mr. Lucifer. Looks like your going to lose some demons. If you
remember I did put in a clause towards the end that says I get to
keep all property used in the process of bestowing to me the items I
request.”
The devil
growled. “Ah, yes, now I remember. You must have realized my demons
were slaves. And the word bestowing. It could mean giving,
delivering, creating for. It's too vague. You're a bit more clever
than the average human I run across. But you've already lost Mr.
Edison Warden.”
“Oh?” I
said in a curious and cocky tone. I was honestly worried though. I
knew the devil must be a very clever and devious monster.
“You didn't
read the fine print regarding removal of the soul. I get one minute
complete access and control of your body around your time of death.
Now you didn't change this thinking it was just for soul removal but
with complete access to your body I can just have you sign a
different contract that gives me permission to travel back in time
and take everything away from you that I gave you or even more. It's
my last resort if I feel spiteful. Normally I give you silly mortals
what you want but you've annoyed me enough.”
This scared me.
I started mentally searching through my mind. I didn't know what kind
of judge or force made these contracts word. But I felt like if I
didn't mention something than he would win as soon as he brought me
back to the normal world. I needed a grand loophole. Something to
beat the devil at his own game.
Come on...think
think...I didn't write anything specifically against him. Wait! I
have it! The grand loophole against all devil contracts!
I smiled with
relief. “Mr. Lucifer. I'm sorry but you will never collect my
soul.”
“What!?”
The devil grew angry and his skin turned red. “You're jumping from
me telling you that I will take everything away to I'll have nothing?
Ridiculous!”
“Devil. I
asked for items to be delivered to be upon my request. Your contract
is not to give me the ability to have these items but to give me them
when I ask for them. That castle to be built by hand?While in the
living world I have to ask you to build it for me. As long as I don't
ask you to provide all the items in the contract then you have not
fulfilled your end of the bargain and you do not get me soul.”
The devil's
furious red skin turned to normal and he went silent for a long time.
He picked up the contract and looked through all the pages then
placed it down. “Mr. Warden you are one of the few humans to have
beaten me. Congratulations.” He vanished in a puff of smoke along
with his demons and my room returned to normal. A copy of the
contract remained behind.
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