“Eat right and exercise.”
The Cookie Monster* #quote
Today CJ was over. I finished this one
before he woke up and after he left so that's how I managed to get it
a little long despite the fact he was over. Anyway onto the flash
fiction!
The Wizard's Champion
Gladiatorial
battles were common entertainment in Rezt, the massively populated
world of the most powerful wizards. They came there from many worlds
and after being filtered by customs for magical potential in their
lineage were allowed to join their magical society. The gladiatorial
battles didn't involve all those wizards. They involved the champions
selected by the wizards. The massively populated world(though magic
helps with housing and food), did serve to fill up the coliseums with
roaring voices.
Two wizards
would face off today...though it would be their champions doing the
battling. Each wizard wore a color to match the champion they had.
The old wizard Delator wore blue which matched the paint on his
knight's armor. Though the wizards couldn't do anything during the
battle, the knight's armor held enchantments and spells so powerful
no foe ever broke it. Delator remained undefeated, and even though
people may think it would be boring for people to watch such a
powerful champion wrecking foes, every time he would face more and
more powerful opponents in amazing struggles for his challengers. If
you wanted to see power you saw a show with Delator's champion.
The opposing,
younger wizard didn't take a traditional wizard's name. Taylor would
do. He wore gray to match his champion. The gray confused Delator
though. Even though the two stood at opposite ends of the coliseum
microphones(not everything in their society ran off magic) let them
talk to each other and the crowd for the show. The champions had yet
to step out into the field of battle and so Delator asked through the
microphone which went to the loudspeakers all over the coliseum:
“I thought
you would be wearing green to match that dragon champion you used to
defeat all the other people waiting in line to challenge me. And now
you're wearing gray? Did you put the beast in armor? It won't help.”
Taylor replied,
“Oh, I changed champions to face you. The dragon was never meant to
fight you.”
“What?” The
old wizard said while stroking his old fashioned wizardly beard that
flowed down from his stoney-white skin. “But you're just some new
kid! How could you even have two champions?”
Taylor just sat
at his seat silent. He wished he could have gotten a nicer gray
cloak, this one itched and he hoped his nice, bark colored skin
wouldn't turn red with a rash.
Even across the
massive stadium the wizard's two pairs of black eyes could meet as
their champions emerged.
Delator's
knight emerged. He kept the knight nameless on purpose for
intimidation, and as a publicity. It made him mysterious to the
crowd. More of a shown. Sold more merchandise too. At most the
figurines were sold as “Delator's Champion” and the media had a
billion nicknames for it.
A human sized
house cat came walking out of the other gate.
The parts of
the crowd that weren't silent murmured. The announcers commented on
the oddity.
Delator just
laughed. “You think a simple beast-man transformed house cat would
surprise me? My champion, kill the shape shifter before it turns into
something more dangerous.”
The knight ran
at the cat, faster than any knight should in armor, and raised its
sword. It sliced through the middle of the cat. The Delator felt
bored. The match already over? He wished he fought the dragon
instead.
“...but not a
single drop of blood in sight! Or any organs!” The commentators
said. They were finishing their commentary on the knight's attack.
Delator looked
through a crystal ball he had next to him just like his competition.
He zoomed in on the cat and saw that the sword just cut cleanly
through. Nothing fell out of the cat. No blood or guts. And the cat
still moved find from both ends a little. It then grabbed the bottom
half and reattached it.
“How, wha?
What is that thing? Some sort of zombie?” Delator grew
angry. “I know what works against zombies. Burn it my champion!”
Taylor was
about to give a command for a counter attack before Delator told the
champion to burn the cat. Taylor didn't even know it could do such a
thing. But the champion did and out of its gauntlet came fire that
scorched the cats entire body.
“Yeeeaaaaaooowwwww!!!!!”
yelled the cat. It's whole body became covered in fire but then it
stop, dropped, then rolled. All the gray fur it had before on it fell
off and after it shook off more ash its true gray fur revealed
itself. The cat was a living cartoon. “Guess the cat's out of the
bag!” He smiled. “Sorry Boss, thought I'd at least be able to
whack him before they figured out anything.”
Delator yelled
into his microphone, “This is preposterous! You mean to tell me my
knight has been fighting a cartoon covered in fake cat fur?”
Taylor replied,
“There's no rule against it. We can get our champions from any
world, and put them in anything. You get your armor, I got my
cat-suit. I never said he wasn't a cartoon to the people who
asked me what my champion was.”
The cat started
hitting the knight with cartoon baseball bats it was pulling from
seemingly nowhere. Each bat broke so he had to pull out a new one.
The only ones faded away.
“Hey Boss!
This guy just won't budge that's totally unfair!” He yelled. Magic
in the coliseum made it so that the combatants could hear the
contestants fight or speak, for better or for worse. Usually it was
meant for screams of agony.
Delator then
addressed the cat with a roar. “Unfair? He chopped you in half and
it did nothing! Maybe it'll work if he chops you into one hundred
pieces!”
The knight then
chopped the cat apart. Not a single drop of blood or organs. The cat
fell apart like a cartoon would, in acceptable G-rated chunks. Only
his head remained whole.
“Pull
yourself together Sat-Cat!” Taylor yelled.
“Sat-Cat?”
Delator asked.
Sat-Cat then explained. “I aired on Saturday
Mornings! Catchy huh?” He then looked up with a horrified
expression. “Oh for all that is good, holy, magical, and delicious,
there are giant dragons descending upon the stadium! Look out!”
Everyone looked up, including the wizard and the knight.
But there was
nothing there and when they looked back down the cat was whole.
Delator said,
“How did you do that?”
The cat
shrugged. “I dunno, I was off-screen so I got better.”
Delator grew
more furious and ordered his knight to attack the cartoon cat again
and again. The cat would respond with whatever cartoon attacks it
could muster. Sat-Cat even dropped a giant anvil on the knight. Once.
Eventually the cat couldn't hope to manage an offense, but he could
recover from an attack Delator's champion hit him with. No amount of
violence could kill the cat.
Hours passed
and the audience was treated to a show. But it wouldn't stop. No
ending. Every show should have an ending. The king ordered that time
be called an the demons be summoned to accelerate the show.
“Accelerate” meant the demons would come and try to kill both
champions and whoever lived the longest would win. They did it when
neither champion could defeat the other. The demons came and
attacked. The demons could not kill the cat and were killed by
Delator's knight. Eventually the king running the show declared it
the first tie in coliseum history.
Delator
confronted Taylor after the show. “Why did you waste everyone's
time?”
Taylor smiled.
“Oh, I didn't waste my or Sat-Cat's time. I made sure my coliseum
battle contract read that I would be paid if I 'didn't lose'. I bet
yours said you'd be paid if you won. A tie or a win makes me just as
much money. And just as agreed I'll be buying Sat-Cat as many already
dead mice as he can eat. He's tired of chasing them in his cartoon
world.”