Today's #flashfiction #PartofTheBattle

“Who let the dogs out?”

Cruella de Vil*

Today I came up with an idea for pure, clean energy. I then forgot it. I'm really sorry.

Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Part of The Battle

     My last memory was of my morning jog in the park. I awoke tied up with several people hearing booming laughter. Crazed laughter. The kind of laughter I've heard again and again on the news. It was the laughter I heard in court because even those kind of people had trials before the jury sent them to prison. I often prosecuted the kind of people who laughed that twisted way.

It was super villain laughter.

     “Mwahahahhahaha! Oh, you are some very lucky people my hostages! You get front row seats to my domination of the world! You will witness the rise of Doctor Metalmind as new king of the world.” The supervillain spread his arms high into the sky. When I looked at him I immediately noticed his namesake. Behind his normal face he head became a sort of metal ball. I assumed it housed a robotic brain. Well, at least some portion of his brain was robotic and it made him a “genius” yet also crazy at the same time. That's usually how this works. I've run into plenty of his kind before in court. It's pretty easy to prosecute them when they start with the insanity plea and don't realize how that works. “I was crazy so I didn't know what I was doing.” Is what they say on the stand. You hatched an entire evil plan that took months of preparation, networking with minions, and you knew the complete consequences of your actions and monologued about them to people. You knew what you were doing. Well, makes my job as a prosecutor easier. Though the smug look on their faces when they first announce that and think they have some sort of golden ticket and they've beaten me with a single sentence really insults my intelligence.

      “Please, we all know you're going to screw up and fail. Again. Hey, what's your threat level?” Superheroes keep a record of what considered the relative threat level of supervillains. This is to better distribute groups of superheroes. For example a lowly crook would be class Z while someone as scary as Lord Zauyiz, one of the ultimate supervillains, was class A. Supervillains keep track of it as an ego thing.

Doctor Metalmind then hit me straight across the face. “Shut up!” He then pulled down my hair. “You'd better watch your tongue. The more I think about it the women hostages like you are more in-need-of-rescuing by heroes if they're wounded and beaten so you'd better not make me angry.”

That was a really stupid idea. I had become way to accustomed to being around supervillains who had been cuffed and their powers neutralized in court so they were harmless around me. I should be glad he didn't do something worse to me.

      I then heard a huge explosion and a tall figure walked through a hole in the wall. His body was so muscular and packed it looked almost like its edges had been defined by a ruler. I knew those ridiculous proportions but sight. They were the kind of people who brought the supervillain defendants to me.

      “Your evil plans end here Doctor Metalmind!” The superhero walked confidently into the room while knocking a few minions aside with little effort. One of the many heroes with super strength. I didn't see any technology on him. Maybe one of the super-serum or mutation guys, I dunno.

     “Captain Super-Justice we meet again! Things will not end like they did before! I have trained my mind. Upgraded my tech. You will not stand a chance against my robotic psychic powers! Mwahahahahaha!” The villain's laugh bounced through the lair like a bullet.

     “Ha ha!” The hero laughed in return. “You think a 'genius' villain like yourself would be able to recognize simple patterns. I've beaten you countless times before. I'll do it again.” When I heard the hero exchange the laugh with the villain I realized that over the years in court with heroes and villains they both often had the same kind of arrogance in their laughs.

      They began their fight. At first I thought I would be blown away by seeing them fight personally. Doctor Metalmind tossing equipment from his lab, and even minions at the superhero and him bashing them away and throwing things back. An exchange of power. Psychic blasts. Seeing what other powers were in store. But it was boring for me. Even the lighting that Doctor Metalmind shot and the rocking quake that the hero caused by smashing his fists to the ground.

      It bored me. A fact in life is that supervillains often keep absurd amounts of surveillance so their battles are often recorded and after their battles with heroes take place this is seized by the police. I use this as evidence to prosecute them. I've watched so many battles between heroes and villains they've become boring for me. I watch them over and over too. I have to show that even though the hero is storming the villain's base the confrontation is of a superhero nature. Superhero law is a very strange thing. I can't remember how many psychic battles I've seen. I can't tell you how many different battles I've seen.

      When Doctor Metalmind started losing he actually started to use us. “You failed to notice that I had hostages hero! You may have gotten close to beating me in combat but you will let me finish my plans if you value the lives of these hostages!” Doctor Metalmind started moving towards some sort of contraption with numerous unnecessarily large buttons. Since I woke up later than the other hostages I had no idea what it did, but I assume it was the device he planned to use to take over the world.

      “You monster!”

       I had seen this in so many of my court cases. How many hostage cases had I prosecuted? And how did the superhero solve it? He found some way to attack to villain. How was it? Oh right, now I remember how half of them did it. In fact, looking at the hero I was kind of annoyed he couldn't figure it out. If the heroes asked each other how they did things they should know.

      “Just hit him!” I yelled at the hero. “He can't be in multiple places at once. He can't defend himself against you and attack us at the same time!” Thinking about it Doctor Metalmind could threaten us and defend himself with his psychic powers he was bright enough to carry a gun but apparently he decided to only give them to his minions. Apparently having his superpowers makes him not need one. Arrogant supervillains. I suppose I should be glad though.

     A swift punch knocked out Doctor Metalmind. The way the superhero told the story to the media it made it sound like I was just a helpful contributor and just helpfully gave inspiration. When it came up in court though the truer version was shown from Doctor Metalmind's surveillance. (The ever so useful supervillain surveillance. It really is one of my best friends.) Though being one of the hostages I couldn't prosecute the case. Doctor Metalmind did get extra prison time for hitting me. But unfortunately like many villains he did escape. It's like they're made of cardboard I swear.

      Least that means I'm never out of a job.