“You only live
once!”
Lazarus*
Today I watched
grass grow. It was intense.
Psychic
Politics
Two lobbyist
met in a room too innocent looking for what they were doing. They say
smoke-filled room in politics but really for convenience this was the
kitchen of the grandmother of the younger lobbyist Tommy. Tommy had a
rotund gut, a massive attachment to his grandmother, a reputation for
being a nerd, and owned a massive technological corporate empire at a
mere thirty from a few software inventions and clever business
dealings. The convenience of meeting at the grandmother's house came
from the fact he wouldn't leave it.
The other
lobbyist was an older woman named Li who moved to the United States
in 2068 from her native China after marrying a fairly slow-minded man
that she truly loved dearly. She didn't care much for his love of
environmentalism but with some time she realized how much money she
and her husband could make off of it.
“So Tommy do
you think it would be easier to win over Senator Bill or Senator
Gerald?” Li wanted to get to the point in most of their
conversations.
Tommy fiddled
with a comic book in his hands. He bent it back and forth in his
hands. He loved comic books and would read them for hours. But his
constant fiddling with them ensured they would never have any
collectors value. “Senator Gerald breathes bribes. But that's
mostly because he needs the money for ads. He needs the smear ads
because people are starting get tired of him. Bill wins easy but he's
one of the few saints in politics. Honestly I have no idea how he
wins without the ads. He's an instant celebrity. He just smiles and
people love him.”
Li took a sip
of water. During conversations a quick sip of water helped her think.
“Should we take a gamble and go after the politician who's platform
would best support what we need and past the most laws in our favor?”
Tommy started
speaking with a harsher tone, “Now I'm starting to get mad. Why?
Because your starting to make a suggestion that goes along the train
of thought that I don't have any street smarts. I know that the 'laws
in our favor' often can go in your favor. Laws passed that say that
your environmental agency is that one that uses my product. I don't
need you. I could work to lobby senators to pass laws to have many
environmental agencies besides you to buy my product. We're only
limited because of the senators that can reasonably pass laws for
you. I can go to other areas or other agencies. I don't need to take
on your risks. Don't insult my intelligence.”
Li took a sip
of water before giving a response with a harsh tone, “Yes, but
wouldn't you have to spend time before the election finding an agency
with a corrupt contact like me willing to lobby and find a corrupt
senator? Tick-tock. Elections are coming. Lobbying takes time and you
have competition. And how many people are willing to take on the idea
of your mind-controlling devices for environmental use in animal
control? Lobby it? Psychic tech is new. New is controversial.
Controversial is expensive.”
Tommy gave a
quick retort, “This is politics, I can find someone, besides,
controversial gives chance for plenty of pork and earmarks. They'll
love it.”
“They don't
need you for earmarks. Earmarks happens after you do all the work.”
“Cookies?”
Tommy's senile grandmother chimed in, ignorant of the subject matter
of the conversation. No matter her senility the grandmother couldn't
forget how to make her cookies. They were those kind of cookies.
Grandmother cookies. The smell broke tension and they had no choice
but to accept them as well. Even if they didn't smell good they
couldn't say no to a senile old woman's request despite their nature
and situation.
“So what
Senator should we pick?” Li said.
“Perhaps a
third option?” Tommy proposed.
“Who then?”
“How about we
go and bribe Senator Jeremy?” Tommy suggested with a big shrug.
Li looked at
him confused. “But Jeremy is an idiot. The biggest idiot in all of
politics. Ever. I mean he got in a Senate seat in the strangest case
in history. He ran out of a dare and people voted for him because it
became in an Internet meme in the week before an election and the
other two major candidates died in strange, comedic accidents.”
“It was
pretty much impossible that someone wins in a week or any Internet
meme explodes like that. But yeah, he is an idiot. He does kinda just
sit in congress and does nothing but plays video games he brings in
saying 'no rule against it'! He doesn't accept bribes either though.
He just does nothing and goof around.”
Li responded,
“You think someone simple minded would love money to throw around.
On paper he doesn't have much.”
“What if he
has a lot and is hiding it?” proposed.
“That doesn't
make sense because then he would have secrets and he wouldn't be much
of a basic simpleton.” Li sipped some water.
“What if he
wasn't an idiot?” Tommy kept fiddling with his comic book.
“All an act?”
Li kept sipping water. “No, him? He doesn't put anything on paper,
he doesn't talk to many people besides stupid remarks. How could he
be a puppet master or anything.
Tommy
shuddered. “Mind control. Like I'm doing with the animals.”
“But that's
impossible. Humans are too advanced for tech like yours to do that.”
Tommy set his
comic book down on the table. “Exactly. Tech like mine. I think the
game he's holding isn't a game. I don't know how but I think we need
to break it and lobby for something to stop that. Who should we do?”
Li sipped some
more water. “Tommy he isn't doing it alone. He couldn't have made
it himself. They'll get us or make something else. We're going to
have to pay someone besides the politicians."
Author Comment:I don't know all
the politician names currently or throughout the past. So if the
names line up with anybody they are not supposed to be them. These
are all fictional characters that have nothing to do with them. I say
this because writers sometimes do political parodies of people. I'm
not one of them.
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