Today's #flashfiction #TheGreatSoulThief

“Everything is half off!”

King Solomon*

Today aliens attacked. CJ and I fought them off. I let him do most of the work.

The Great Soul Thief

        The last step of stealing a soul is the easiest, you run away as quickly as possible. With all the magical taps they put on the glass ball that holds the soul there is no way you're not going to trip an alarm. Some other soul thieves like me work on hiding and sneaking out. They have too much faith in their skills. They'll be caught by either the magic identifying touch of a wisp or the simple things like the mundane camera technologies if they were too stupid or arrogant to wear a mask. (Some great thieves don't wear masks to show off) They may plan extravagant strategies to beat strategy, maybe through elaborate movements and magical spells. Counteract magic security with more magic.

       But really I became the best soul thief from one simple plan. I sneak in like the others. Then I grab the soul. Then I just run. Run like a scared little girl. With the assistance of enchanted boots and stamina potions.  A person running normally would be caught by security, the pursuing officers, their cars, dragons, wizards, golems, etc. But like a superhero, well supervillain I guess. I outrun them with my super speed. I didn't need much of a calling card because I always seen fleeing the see. They couldn't catch up to me though. I figured they would never catch me. I'd just retire when I got too old run. Another five years I'd say.

      One day I was watching the news. The story was that a great thief had been captured by Detective Kraug. I hated Detective Kraug. A stupid green-skinned ogre had become the greatest detective on the planet. Great thieves, corporate schemes, government coverups. He could solve any crime. Quickly, efficiently. I wouldn't care about him doing his job normally. But there's just the fact he's busted great thieves, he's a stupid ogre, and he's so openly smug about it.

     “Detective Kraug. Now that you have captured this great thief what is your next case?” the newscaster asked.

The Detective grinned. “Why another great thief of course.” His expression then turned more worried.     “Though this time it may be quite tough. I'm going after the Soul Runner.”

I jumped out of my couch. That was the nickname the media had given me.

The newscaster looked puzzled. “Why would it be so difficult? His methods are so simple!”

       “But that is the problem. There is no puzzle for me to just keep thinking about until the pieces fall into place. I can't just 'logic' it together. No clues. No calling cards. Just a man who flees the scene of the crime faster than any of us can hope to catch him by our usual methods. Though I will find a way to catch him. Some way.”

      I wondered if I should keep stealing at this moment. Some thieves retire when they have the Detective start going after them. Some keep stealing. Based on his puzzlement I decided that it would be safe to pull off one more heist to shove it all in the ogre's face before I retire and hide myself.

I grabbed the glass ball that the soul I was stealing was contained it with ease as I usually did with ease. Alarms sounded and I began running. As usual I began running. The police chased me as usual I was ahead of them as usual. Like clockwork. But then I started to feel funny. Then I blacked out.

I woke up in a jail cell. My enchanted boots had been removed along with my mask.

Detective Kraug looked at me. “You're awake.”

       “What happened?” I asked him. I really hoped I had been dreaming.

       The Detective smiled smugly with his obnoxiously huge ogre teeth. “I lied on the news earlier when I said I didn't know how I was going to catch you. I already had a plan. But this plan was to catch you in the middle of a heist, if you had know I knew how to get you, you wouldn't have done one. I couldn't figure out your identity from normal deduction so instead I spent months locating your stamina potion supplier and poisoned them so that when you pulled off a heist you would collapse and we could catch you red handed. Checkmate Great Thief.”