Today's #flashfiction #IWasBoredSoIConqueredTheWorld

“How much wood could a woodchuck chuck

If a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

Count Count* #quote

     Today I prayed for the poor souls who will be going to stores on Black Friday. May they survive hordes of Christmas shopping battle. I send out my prayers now because if I do on the actual day, I'm afraid that it may be too late for the heavens to hear my plea as the stores all rush to open their doors a little early to pull the masses in. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

I Was Bored So I Conquered The World

        For the sake of this conversation I am Lord John Doe. I can't tell you my real name because that would take away my power. I am your Lord and Master as my title suggests, but if I reveal my real name then I would lose my power. You should still cower in fear. Because your nameless Lord has the ability to crush every nation.

         I the Great John Doe would lose my power because authorities would find my place of hiding and arrest me. But otherwise I may manipulate the world as I please. I control more than most dictators could possibly hope. I control all dictators, whether they know it or not.

How did I stumble on this power? Why I am a rich genius. An inheritor. I literally have no day job, but am incredibly educated in hacking and data manipulation. I'm like a supervillain level genius. And I had the greatest source of inspiration any mind could ever have. I was bored.

So I decided to come up with a way to conquer the world. As a joke at first. But eventually I did it. I started when I was a young kid and I developed, honed and accomplished my plan as I had nothing better to do.

       What is my plan? I consider myself an illusionist. Think of the most popular actors on television. The ones the directors pick because the numbers say they're the ones people love most. They're in the movies because I put them there. I change the ticket sales.

        All of money is stored as numbers on computers. I do actually have an evil organization running this. I control all the numbers that make your life run. The numbers that countries use to make their decisions. How many numbers do corporations use to make decisions? Isn't the next troop deployment or drone strike by the military decided by numbers in one form or another?

       I make the housing bubble because I thought economic collapse and watching the world burn would be a fun way to change it up for the next couple of years. Global warming? Pick a side. I'll let you wonder how long I've been manipulating weather statistics. Did I make it say it was sunny the next day just to prank you with rain? You might want to invest in waffles. I've taken a liking to them and I may make sure the numbers always say they're turning a good profit and are a great investment. Obviously if I can do all those other things changing the voting numbers isn't all that hard. I don't always do it so I'll let you decide which ones you actually picked.

       Maybe I'll decide to allow the numbers so that the economy can turn around. I think I'll do it in a year or two or something. All hail Lord John Doe. That's me :-)