“Liar, liar, pants on fire!”
Johnny
Storm* #quote
The Negative
Wish Genie
“I will grant
you negative three wishes!” The genie barked at me angrily as he
emerged from the light bulb in the old lamp I bought at the garage
sale. The big green man of a mythical creature glared me down. About
nine feet tall as he stretched his arms he almost hit the ceiling of
my apartment. He wore a white robe that draped over his tense
muscles. He walked towards me and I could hear the floor bending
under his weight, as if the genie's body built itself not from flesh
but stone. “What are you're negative wishes girl!?”
The way he
yelled “girl” at me brought back memories I'd rather not remember
and made the creature far more terrifying. Made him a monster. Like
the man in the alleyway that leaped out at me and said, “You've got
pretty jewelry and even prettier blonde hair. Give me the jewels and
come with me nice and quietly and everything will only hurt a little,
I promise.” The person who saved me is now my fiancee and took a
bullet so...things...wouldn't happen to me. Why isn't he here to help
me with this beast?
“Your
negative wishes girl!”
It took me a
moment of deep breaths, but I managed to look the genie in the eyes
with my own. We both had a light blue, though I could see clouds in
his like the sky.
“Negative
wishes?”
“Now you
listen you simple girl. I hate repeating myself.” The creature's
hair transformed into a strange purple flame. “You have purchased,
and therefore taken ownership, of the cursed lamp. Until you have
made three negative wishes or passed the lamp onto another your
future children will be cursed to die young and every person you
touch will grow to hate you.”
Okay, I'm a
smart girl, sophomore in college. Whatever these negative wishes are
I'm certain I can think my way out of them. Can't be harder than
Trigonometry.
“Alright, I
think I can take them.”
The genie
laughed. “Being pulled out of my home made me angry but your hubris
is a nice joke that put me in a bit of a better mood. Trust me,
nobody gets past the first. They try, but I will twist your words and
make you suffer and you will not want to make another wish because my
job is to make sure that you fail. A negative wish is that you must
wish for something to not happen. And one rule is that if you
cause a paradox, use a double or any multiple negative, or break the
lamp, you die.”
The genie
loomed over me. He used his shadow almost like a spell to seal my
morale in some sort of enchantment. But I wouldn't let him win.
“In thirty
seconds I wish for you to not move for thirty seconds.” I used my
first wish. Sounds safe enough. Nothing happens instantaneously.
He'll just sit still a moment. And I got one off the list.
Oh, wait, crap!
I jump out of
the way as the genie hurtles through my apartment and goes through my
door, destroys it and flies off to who knows where. He must have been
made of something otherworldly to demolish everything like that. He
tore through my couch and half of the things in my apartment.
After thirty
seconds he reappeared into my home in a puff of smoke.
He stomped
towards me and his voice boomed. “Not as smart as you think you are
little girl!? The fact that you survived the first wish angers me
quite. If you survive the second I will be quite, quite upset.”
I'm glad I
figured my mistake out. He took at as completely still, not even
orbiting with the Earth. So the entire world kept going. Really to
say he went through anything was false. The world went through him as
it orbited around the Sun. I wonder how much he demolished as the
planet went around and spun.
The next moment
I thought of wishes for him not to breathe. But then I realized that
if he doesn't breathe then I'd cause a paradox and die. Or if he dies
then I wouldn't be able to make the last wish and be stuck with the
curse.
I spent a great
deal of time thinking, trying to come up with my next wish.
I then said to
him, “I wish that you were not my enemy.”
The genie
responded, “You think that you're so clever hmmm? Well then, I will
grant your wish. But that does not mean that you've won.”
The genie
vanished. I first felt terrified. Did I lose? Would I be unable to
make my last wish? But instead the genie replaced by a shorter one,
exactly the same in appearance and demeanor though, just a huge seven
foot instead of the massive nine.
“Are humans
clever enough to expect a clone? Sure younger, but I'm similar and
know enough of my, um, father's tricks to beat you.” This new genie
snickered. “Oh, yeah. Try to recycle that 'not your enemy wish and
I'll make your enemy a meteor to your face.”
“Um, erh,
uggghhhhh....I wish to for the soda machine outside to be not
broken!” Then another thought hit me. “And then I will buy you a
free soda and lunch!”
The younger,
less malicious clone genie responded, “Deal! I mean, your wish is
my command! The soda machine is fixed. Now the curse is broken! You
are free of darkness! Yay!”
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