“Who's on
first?”
Babe
Ruth* #quote
Today
I watched reruns of the news. Kinda boring considering it was all old
news. Anyway onto the flash fiction!
The Wizards
and the Storage Units
“All right
sorcerers and sorceresses, this a gold only action. No dragon credit
accepted,” the auctioneer droned on with an annoyed, habitual tone.
“For the gold we are using Merlin units. All bids are final. Do not
touch anything in the storage units. Do not use any scanning spells
or any other magic to access item value. We have enchantments to tell
if you are doing that. So don't bother, I'd rather not have to summon
the ice golems to throw you out.”
He continued to
drone on. How many times had I heard speeches like that at these
auctions? Not sure if I'd even want to try to count. Been going to
these auctions professionally for many years. Though for my first
five I had to hold another job to feed myself. It takes you awhile to
get a good eye for what's worth what. Figured out a few things. One
of the number one rules is to never let someone else trick you into
thinking that something is of value. Found out some savvy buyers were
making me spend myself out early so I wouldn't have enough money to
buy things later. They didn't even intend to buy some of the storage
units they were bidding on. Goblins all of them. I knew I may have
been able to turn in more of a profit if I pulled the trick on some
of the newbies now... but on the principle of the matter I never
would.
The first set
of storage units were hardly pleasant. Mummies. The standard
abandoned garbage units. Left behind by necromancers for later dark
magic. Nobody sane would buy them.
“5 gold, 10
gold, 15 gold, 20 gold” I heard a few people bid with the auctioneer
prattling on with that annoying fast talk. I hated that auctioneer
fast-talk, it was like the sound of a rabid fairy. I suppose there
are some people who could sanely bid on mummy units. Ones who would
get them for dirt cheap then go through them hoping the necromancer
accidentally left behind something of value with his corpses. Legally
disposing of bodies and the chances of finding items are so low are
difficult so I wouldn't do it. And quite frankly even if there was a
big profit margin... I'm not going through corpses.
Next though,
came the interesting part. The reason I came. The guild units. Most
of these units belonged to a guild of mages who were recently
arrested for summoning crimes. They claim it was out of magical
curiosity, but they summoned an archdemon. Being that they were
serving indefinite sentences in another dimension per the order of
the court of mages they couldn't pay their storage unit bills.
Tons of lockers
filled with the possessions of guild mages. And it was a very high
level guild. The amount of money I could make here could set me for a
year. And if I could get all these units. Just by chance that no one
had heard the news... heh I could retire. The first locker opened.
All the items were covered in tarps. Sure there was a big crowd
behind me. Maybe it was just a bunch of newbies. Besides nobody would
bid on a unit where everything was covered.
“Ten thousand
gold,” a voice said.
“W-what?” I
trembled. I only had five thousand gold units on me. Coins naturally.
This man pulled out a gold dragon claw. Well, it wasn't a real dragon
claw, and minature, but it was the shape of the largest unit of gold
and something only used by the rich. Only about five percent of the
crowd was shocked. Me and all the people who were probably people
just taking a curious look at a random auction and the folk who bid
on the mummy units.
I was in the
presence of a lot of very rich and powerful wizards. I started to
take a look at their wands. I noticed how valuable they were... and
the power that came with that. If that auctioneer tried to throw them
out like he threatened they could probably turn him into a frog
despite the fact anyone running an auction was supposed to be quite
powerful. The only thing keeping these wizards in line was each
other.
The voice
continued speaking. I saw that the voice belonged to a wizard wearing
long purple robes. Obviously nobility and a problem I needed to get
rid of. “That was nothing to me. And that's also to tell all you
lower class wizards to leave the auction with your mummies and let us
bid without you're obnoxious stares looking on.” All the
“commoners” left but me.
I glared
at him. “I am not lower class you idiot. One million gold.”
Naturally I only had five thousand gold units on me. But that didn't
matter.
The purple
robed wizard yelled back, “Two million gold. Can you outbid me now.
I get what I want. Understand.”
I smiled at
him. “Of course you do.”
I noticed his
shoulders slump. “Y-you goblin. You never had one million did you?”
“I bid a
million. That's a fact. Enjoy whatever is under those tarps.” I
walked on towards the next unit. All the other wizards laughed. The
purple robed wizard left in a huff. My original plan was just to
drain him so he wouldn't buy things later. But to leave the auction
entirely? I didn't expect that. Though really maybe my gamble was
just a stupid gesture. I didn't have the money to compete with the
rest of them.
Other units had
items open. Magical items that I couldn't hope to identify.
Especially before the cost of bidding jumped way out of my price
range. I was a source of attention though. People kept asking me if I
actually had the million. I just smiled or joked to keep up my
charade and I hid my wand so people couldn't figure out that I wasn't
that wealthy. Up came the last unit. People were quite anxious to see
what was inside... and it was quite anti-climatic to say the least.
It looked like
the janitor took advantage of the free guild storage space.
His janitorial
supplies were accompanied by furniture and a bunch of his video
games.
“This is crap
and an insult to magic. Why would the guild give their janitor a
storage locker?” One of the wizards groaned. After she did all of
the bidders left besides me and one last sorceress.
I looked at
her. “Why aren't you leaving?” I didn't leave because I had the
rule to never leave an auction till it's over. If you're already
there look at every unit. You don't know if you're going to find
something of value.
“Curiosity.
Wanted to see all the units. Plus... it's just bugging me how much
money you actually had back there.” She tapped her wand against her
robe. I noticed the habit throughout the auction.
“Why should I
tell you? It's not good to tell the other bidders your finances,” I
said to her.
She smiled.
“Want to go home empty handed? I can grab this one from you too.
Imagine wasting this whole trip.”
“Five
thousand. Happy?” I rolled my eyes.
“That low?”
She almost dropped her wand. “Are you insane? What if the
auctioneer called your bluff? What if he found out?”
“I'm right
here!” The auctioneer yelled.
“Eh, the way
this joint has its rules set up unless I specifically start paying up
nothing happens. Some places are more strict and even check you on
the way in. I actually look for that kind of stuff. I also knew that
guy was going to bite. Some of them always do. So yeah, nobody found
out so I'm fine.”
“I found out!
I'm right here!” The auctioneer grunted. “Though you're right I
can't get you for that. I'm going to talk to management about
that...”
“You could
have been sent to prison or turned into a toad or something...” she
said to me.
“I take my
risks,” I responded.
“Opening bid
one hundred gold!” He yelled.
We kept talking
annoyed the auctioneer kept pulling down the bid.
“One gold,”
I said. “I could find someplace to cash in the games and
furniture.”
The sorceress
and I parted ways. While I was looking through the videogames,
checking that each CD was in its case a scroll fell out of one. I
took it out and read it.
“Dear Mr.
Johnson, I know you take this one game out every time your birthday
comes around and play it for nostalgia of your childhood so I know you will find this. Once the
guild finishes the summoning I am entrusting this spell to you. You
have been more loyal to me than any mage in the guild. It is the
spell to control the legendary arch demon... as well as my spell of
immortality. Cast it and you will be invincible and ageless while the
demon is in the other dimension, and lord of the monster when it is
in the mortal world. Control the creature if the guild gets out of
control. And if we fail in summoning it, use the immortality to serve
the guild values for all of time.”
I
looked further down the scroll. The spell was beautifully simple in
the way it was written. Even a simple wizard such as myself could
understand. I suppose this is why I never left an auction early.
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