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Thursday, June 26, 2014

Today's #flashfiction #TheWizardsAndTheStorageUnits

“Who's on first?”
Babe Ruth* #quote


Today I watched reruns of the news. Kinda boring considering it was all old news. Anyway onto the flash fiction!



The Wizards and the Storage Units

        “All right sorcerers and sorceresses, this a gold only action. No dragon credit accepted,” the auctioneer droned on with an annoyed, habitual tone. “For the gold we are using Merlin units. All bids are final. Do not touch anything in the storage units. Do not use any scanning spells or any other magic to access item value. We have enchantments to tell if you are doing that. So don't bother, I'd rather not have to summon the ice golems to throw you out.”
        He continued to drone on. How many times had I heard speeches like that at these auctions? Not sure if I'd even want to try to count. Been going to these auctions professionally for many years. Though for my first five I had to hold another job to feed myself. It takes you awhile to get a good eye for what's worth what. Figured out a few things. One of the number one rules is to never let someone else trick you into thinking that something is of value. Found out some savvy buyers were making me spend myself out early so I wouldn't have enough money to buy things later. They didn't even intend to buy some of the storage units they were bidding on. Goblins all of them. I knew I may have been able to turn in more of a profit if I pulled the trick on some of the newbies now... but on the principle of the matter I never would.
        The first set of storage units were hardly pleasant. Mummies. The standard abandoned garbage units. Left behind by necromancers for later dark magic. Nobody sane would buy them.
        “5 gold, 10 gold, 15 gold, 20 gold” I heard a few people bid with the auctioneer prattling on with that annoying fast talk. I hated that auctioneer fast-talk, it was like the sound of a rabid fairy. I suppose there are some people who could sanely bid on mummy units. Ones who would get them for dirt cheap then go through them hoping the necromancer accidentally left behind something of value with his corpses. Legally disposing of bodies and the chances of finding items are so low are difficult so I wouldn't do it. And quite frankly even if there was a big profit margin... I'm not going through corpses.
          Next though, came the interesting part. The reason I came. The guild units. Most of these units belonged to a guild of mages who were recently arrested for summoning crimes. They claim it was out of magical curiosity, but they summoned an archdemon. Being that they were serving indefinite sentences in another dimension per the order of the court of mages they couldn't pay their storage unit bills.
         Tons of lockers filled with the possessions of guild mages. And it was a very high level guild. The amount of money I could make here could set me for a year. And if I could get all these units. Just by chance that no one had heard the news... heh I could retire. The first locker opened. All the items were covered in tarps. Sure there was a big crowd behind me. Maybe it was just a bunch of newbies. Besides nobody would bid on a unit where everything was covered.
        “Ten thousand gold,” a voice said.
        “W-what?” I trembled. I only had five thousand gold units on me. Coins naturally. This man pulled out a gold dragon claw. Well, it wasn't a real dragon claw, and minature, but it was the shape of the largest unit of gold and something only used by the rich. Only about five percent of the crowd was shocked. Me and all the people who were probably people just taking a curious look at a random auction and the folk who bid on the mummy units.
         I was in the presence of a lot of very rich and powerful wizards. I started to take a look at their wands. I noticed how valuable they were... and the power that came with that. If that auctioneer tried to throw them out like he threatened they could probably turn him into a frog despite the fact anyone running an auction was supposed to be quite powerful. The only thing keeping these wizards in line was each other.
        The voice continued speaking. I saw that the voice belonged to a wizard wearing long purple robes. Obviously nobility and a problem I needed to get rid of. “That was nothing to me. And that's also to tell all you lower class wizards to leave the auction with your mummies and let us bid without you're obnoxious stares looking on.” All the “commoners” left but me.
         I glared at him. “I am not lower class you idiot. One million gold.” Naturally I only had five thousand gold units on me. But that didn't matter.
          The purple robed wizard yelled back, “Two million gold. Can you outbid me now. I get what I want. Understand.”
             I smiled at him. “Of course you do.”
              I noticed his shoulders slump. “Y-you goblin. You never had one million did you?”
             “I bid a million. That's a fact. Enjoy whatever is under those tarps.” I walked on towards the next unit. All the other wizards laughed. The purple robed wizard left in a huff. My original plan was just to drain him so he wouldn't buy things later. But to leave the auction entirely? I didn't expect that. Though really maybe my gamble was just a stupid gesture. I didn't have the money to compete with the rest of them.
            Other units had items open. Magical items that I couldn't hope to identify. Especially before the cost of bidding jumped way out of my price range. I was a source of attention though. People kept asking me if I actually had the million. I just smiled or joked to keep up my charade and I hid my wand so people couldn't figure out that I wasn't that wealthy. Up came the last unit. People were quite anxious to see what was inside... and it was quite anti-climatic to say the least.
It looked like the janitor took advantage of the free guild storage space.
            His janitorial supplies were accompanied by furniture and a bunch of his video games.
          “This is crap and an insult to magic. Why would the guild give their janitor a storage locker?” One of the wizards groaned. After she did all of the bidders left besides me and one last sorceress.
           I looked at her. “Why aren't you leaving?” I didn't leave because I had the rule to never leave an auction till it's over. If you're already there look at every unit. You don't know if you're going to find something of value.
           “Curiosity. Wanted to see all the units. Plus... it's just bugging me how much money you actually had back there.” She tapped her wand against her robe. I noticed the habit throughout the auction.
            “Why should I tell you? It's not good to tell the other bidders your finances,” I said to her.
              She smiled. “Want to go home empty handed? I can grab this one from you too. Imagine wasting this whole trip.”
             “Five thousand. Happy?” I rolled my eyes.
             “That low?” She almost dropped her wand. “Are you insane? What if the auctioneer called your bluff? What if he found out?”
              “I'm right here!” The auctioneer yelled.
              “Eh, the way this joint has its rules set up unless I specifically start paying up nothing happens. Some places are more strict and even check you on the way in. I actually look for that kind of stuff. I also knew that guy was going to bite. Some of them always do. So yeah, nobody found out so I'm fine.”
            “I found out! I'm right here!” The auctioneer grunted. “Though you're right I can't get you for that. I'm going to talk to management about that...”
           “You could have been sent to prison or turned into a toad or something...” she said to me.
            “I take my risks,” I responded.
             “Opening bid one hundred gold!” He yelled.
             We kept talking annoyed the auctioneer kept pulling down the bid.
             “One gold,” I said. “I could find someplace to cash in the games and furniture.”
              The sorceress and I parted ways. While I was looking through the videogames, checking that each CD was in its case a scroll fell out of one. I took it out and read it.
           “Dear Mr. Johnson, I know you take this one game out every time your birthday comes around and play it for nostalgia of your childhood so I know you will find this. Once the guild finishes the summoning I am entrusting this spell to you. You have been more loyal to me than any mage in the guild. It is the spell to control the legendary arch demon... as well as my spell of immortality. Cast it and you will be invincible and ageless while the demon is in the other dimension, and lord of the monster when it is in the mortal world. Control the creature if the guild gets out of control. And if we fail in summoning it, use the immortality to serve the guild values for all of time.”

          I looked further down the scroll. The spell was beautifully simple in the way it was written. Even a simple wizard such as myself could understand. I suppose this is why I never left an auction early.

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