“Save the
trees!”
Paul Bunyan*
#quote
CJ might be
coming over this weekend so that's radical. Anyway onto the flash
fiction!
Elven
Operations
“You have
some explaining to do, Mr. Baltimore for your shoddy performance.” Santa sat at the head of a
long table in a meeting room. Each chair had an elf in a fancy green
suit and a sympathetic expression on their face while they looked at Baltimore.
Baltimore the
elf replied nervously, “Sir...my shop owner is an old man who
doesn't understand the Internet.”
Santa Claus
stood up and walked around the room to use his human height to
intimidate Baltimore along with all the other elves. “See
Baltimore, there's a system. Some people get on the Naughty List,
some people get on the Nice List. Then I talk to the Fates and
Fortunes spirits to find out who can get what each year since not
everyone happy naturally. Then it is our job to make sure that the
decisions that are made are carried out. Yet all the people who
should have been able to get gifts from your shopkeeper on Cyber
Monday couldn't because you failed.”
“It's not my
fault!”
Santa laughed
with a mighty, chilling “Ho, ho, ho!” that terrified each of the
elves as his voice shook their insides. “Not your fault. That's
hysterical. I can think of a hundred ways to fix the problem. You
have magic. Your shopkeeper has a grandson in computer programmer.
Use your magic to implant the idea to have him help. Simple.
Baltimore, I cannot tolerate such failure when the solution is so
obvious. I'll be transferring you to the stables to manage shipping.”
“No, please!”
Baltimore cried. Then with a sparkle of Christmas magic he was
transformed into a reindeer.
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