Today's #flashfiction #TheBellhopOfArea51

“Who let the dogs out?”

Cruella de Vil* #quote

Today I did what what I did today and nothing else. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Bellhop Of Area 51

         The government houses many aliens at Area 51. Usually they stay one to two weeks before heading home. That's the usual luxury Earth vacation affordable by most aliens. And Area 51 is a luxury hotel for aliens. Any alien feels special if they stayed at the Area 51. Most all off-book government projects that aren't on the public tax-dollar budget are paid for with money earned by alien vacationers. And 25% of those patrons come from Area 51.

         And I'm a bellhop in that wonderful little place. It's a surprisingly mundane job. After the shock of seeing the aliens you just stand next to the teleporter leading into the underground facility and just serve the aliens coming in. After seeing the two headed, tentacled, cat-tailed alien with robot suit I pretty snapped and treated it like a normal hotel job like the one I had in Vegas before I joined the military.

        I hope that once I finish this job I use the money and get a college degree. Maybe a double major with one being in creative writing. Always wanted to write science fiction.

Today's #flashfiction #TheTwoMrGreens

“Let me hold that for you.”

Atlas* #quote

          Today I'm heading off to my lovably nerdy school anime club doohicky which has started up again. I took a nap a few days before so I'm thinking I probably won't seize as strongly or as often which is good, I've nearly knocked over tables a few times in club. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Two Mr. Greens

        “Now Mr. Green I know you've dealt with this hallucination of another you for quite awhile. Which is why I'm glad you've agreed to medical treatment.” The doctor spoke standing while one real Mr. Green and one hallucination sat in the chairs in his office. I knew this was the time that medication needed to be taken. This had to end. There should only be one Mr. Green.

         “I'm ready doctor,” I told him while the other Mr. Green in the room said the same thing.

         “Mr. Green your mental condition, although a bad one, is actually easily curable. You have a chemical imbalance in your brain. Take the pill and it'll be fixed. You're lucky it's this simple. I'd like you to start taking them now. And here's your prescription for more.” He set a pill on the desk in his office along with a bottle of pills and a perscription.

        Not a moment was wasted. The pill was swallowed so in a few moments its chemicals cured the mental condition and I vanished.

Today's #flashfiction #AMagicPiratesLifeForMe

“Silence is Golden.”

King Midas* #quote

        Today I went to Wonderland. To tell you the truth it really wasn't that wonderful. It was mostly just really weird. And the tea tastes bad. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Magic Pirate's Life For Me

Yo ho, yo ho, a magic pirate's life for me!

My plunder is enchanted artifacts and ancient spell books worth ten times their weight in gold.

Yo ho, yo ho, a magic pirate's life for me!

I got a baby dragon instead of a parrot, the wenches are witches and my crew's all warlocks!

Yo ho, yo ho, a magic pirate's life for me!

Spells make my ship able to fly so it may sail the sky and sea.

Yo ho, yo ho, a magic pirate's life for me!

The cursed sword I swashbuckle with is made of fire and flares with every pierced heart.

Yo ho, yo ho, a magic pirate's life for me!

One day the soldiers of the Wizard's Guild Union capture my ship and arrest me on the high seas.

Yo ho, yo ho, a magic pirate's life for me...

Today's #flashfiction #TheGamesForThePresidency

“Come with me if you want to live.”

Dr. Frankenstein* #quote

        Today I discovered pirate's treasure. It was an extensive Friends DVD collection. None of the DVDs work because they were covered and all scratched up by sand. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Games For The Presidency

        People may think that the Electoral College system is by the Constitution supposed to run like it does now. But the Constitution doesn't say that the people vote for President and Vice President. The law is that the States pick a system to place their electoral votes for President and Vice President and in the present day they chose the voting system to determine how to cast those valuable votes.

        But in the far flung future it is far different...

        Presidential candidate Joe Tallons stared intently into the eyes of candidate Gerald Bellhop. The chairs they sat at were exact replicas. The table completely even. The room equal temperature all around. The game had to be perfectly fair. After all this staring contest was to win the state of Wyoming. Joe felt quite pressured as he lost at marbles over in Arizona but did feel some confidence from his win from the knitting contest over New York. Each game mattered. Each game needed to be tallied. And the candidates would keep playing even after the other one got the majority. It was both required by law and a thing of honor.

        The games for the electoral votes of a state came up as a way to save money on the voting process for the two positions. To please the people they let them pick the games. At first they were serious contests of skills and intelligence, the games became sillier as the people made it a source of amusement that made the most strange things intense. The politicians didn't care. Whatever they thought could get their candidate win. The arrogance of both parties made them both convince themselves the system was in their benefit over the other party. It didn't allow them to dominate the other party consistently but they could crush third parties that didn't assimilate with them by holding massive amounts of “preliminary tournaments” that the smaller parities couldn't keep up with. Other positions of office still operated the same. A presidential candidate trained in identifying flavors of ice cream while a Senator still tried to sway the minds of the people.

        Joe won the staring contest. Another few points for his race.

        The games between candidates Joe and Gerald continued. They came to a swing state. The final one on their race. The rest of the games they played would be just a formality for honor and law. This was the last game that matter. Whichever candidate won this state would win the country and make their party dominate for four years.

        A thumb war in Florida. An odd contest of focus and strength. Both of them readied themselves. Every game was tense. Truly all of the games mattered in some way. But this. The last one. The veins and muscles in their hands tensed. The fate of the country relied on the sways and strikes of their thumbs in this moment. They began.

       Joe went on the offensive. He bopped and bapped Gerald over and over. It caused intense strain along with the psychological element already there. But Gerald took his time. He kept focus. He weaved his thumb. He kept steady. And he brought his thumb down on Joe and applied incredible pressure. He pinned it till time and won the presidency.

      By the way, Gerald Bellhop turned out a good president. Looks like the system worked.

Today's #flashfiction #ACollaborationOfMagicAndScience

“The one ring to rule them all.”

Kay Jewelers* #quote

       Today father and I continued to discuss the armor costume. It looks like it will be feasible even price wise so woo! Though with my seizures I can't help set the resin with the fiberglass I can probably work with him with shaping the wire mesh that we will be putting the resin and fiberglass onto. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

A Collaboration Of Magic And Science

        My brain couldn't think clearly enough to remember who I was before. Correction. My brains couldn't think clearly enough to remember who I had been. I moved multiple neck bones and felt pain through multiple joined spines. I saw through eyes of many heads.

       Five of them. The nose of one being human and a nice dusty brown. The next head peered down an ugly green head with pointy nose, while my third saw a row of tentacles. The fourth saw some metal, robotic cyborg nose that I could twitch. The mechanical nose and face possessed some sort of artificial nerves that could feel just as well as the biological faces. The fifth head's nose truly resembled that of a dog's or wolf's snout. Then after I panted from the mouth connected to that nose I knew that it didn't simply look like one.

      I looked forward. At first my vision blurry. Very blurry. But things cleared up and I saw many men and women in the room. Some of the men and women dressed in bone white lab coats and carried both clipboards and laser guns. The other men and women dressed in storm cloud blue wizard's clothes with books of spells and wands ready.

      Sterilized white tile covered the floor leading to an equally sterilized stone castle wall. They used a clear magic substance instead of glass for the windows. The substance looked like water and would ripple in place. I saw one solid steel door in the distance with a pass code lock and scattered tables covered in computers, chords, beakers, glowing magical artifacts, and enchanted tomes.

      A beep sounded from the steel door and a woman in a flowing red dress walked into the room. The flip-flop clank-clunking of high-heels came from her as she walked towards me. She looked forty with plastic surgery to make her look twenty with several magical enchantments to give her skin the youthful glow that a knife or makeup just can't make.

     I shook my heads trying to figure out how I knew about my surroundings without knowing anything about myself. Or... myselves? It seemed to surreal to be true but it was the only thing I saw. I looked down to see my heads attached to a body of massive multi-colored flesh and mechanical parts. One felsh arm, one mechanical arm, and tentacles instead of feet.

     The woman spoke to me. “Oh, I'm sorry, you weren't supposed to wake up this early. My name's Mrs. Vel. I run this place.”

     “What is going on? What's wrong with me? Why do I have five heads?”

Mrs. Vel smiled. “Oh good. You're sane. The other ones didn't do so well...we had to put em' down. Well that's not a very nice way to put it.”

      Once the initial shock of everything started to wear down a little and I thought of the woman in red's statement I realized my circumstances. “You all changed me into this didn't you? As some sort of experiment! I'm not an idiot!”

      Vel laughed. “I hope you wouldn't be an idiot. You should be smarter than any of us. You've got five brains of several different kinds. And every single moment they should be bonding better and compensating for each one's failures.”

      I then said to her enraged, “What kind of crazy people are you? Doing this to someone without their consent?”

      She then rolled her eyes. “Oh, this is sad thing. Though you're sane and coherent unlike some others you don't remember. You're five different people from five different species of beings that admitted yourself to a process. The first person a human, the second a goblin, the third an octopian, the fourth a cyborg, the fifth a werewolf. All of you wanted to be fused into one being that would get incredible strength, increase your intelligence, retain your consciousness, and extend your lifespan.”

     “I agreed to this?”

     “Oh yes. Your the result of the world's best collaboration of magic and science. If I hadn't been beaten into a life of professionalism through my life as a business woman I'd be jumping for joy. You're my life's work. And you'll be living long after I'm dead if nothing goes wrong. The amnesia is a bad side effect though.”

      I turned my heads down to the ground and nearly began to cry. With the heads that could. I managed to stay calm at first. But did I want to live like this?

      Mrs. Vel then walked up to me and put her hand on one of my grotesque arms. “Now don't be like that. Are you going to whine about being granted increased life, strength and intelligence, or are you going to come down to our lobby and watch a DVD?”

     Something told me I wasn't her first successful creation. I agreed and followed her to the lobby.

Today's #flashfiction #ABasicRestaurantCommercial

“You bird brain!”

Big Bird* #quote

         Today father and I discussed making a costume for awesomely nerdy costume contests and all the conventions and stuff. It's going to be a suit of armor. Father was in that mock sword fighting sporting stuff so he knows how to make that kind of stuff. This won't be a fighting suit so it will be a lot simpler hopefully. And not made of steel/metal probably.

A Basic Restaurant Commercial

        Browsing the zombie web a zombie browsers a zombie video hosting website. To watch videos of adorable zombie cats rolling around playing around in pools of dark magic and being all cute. And while watching one of those videos the zombie bears witness to an advertisement that pops up during the middle of the video as he does not have a zombie ad blocker that can stop it.

        “Zombies all around! Tired of the plain, brain food that you're used to getting? Brain burger after brain burger at the fast food joints all around town cooked up by the weakest of the necromancers? Well you don't have to deal with such terrible food and nutrition anymore! Turorui The Terrible is one of the most powerful necromancers out there and he's opened up his own brain food chain. Conqueror of kingdoms you'll get only the freshest of brains straight from the populace he enslaves. Not the brains robbed from old graves or shambled apart neighbors or having to deal with animal brains as substitute brains. Fresh, human brains served right for you at the best price! Click the link go Turorui's Brains website and find a location near you.”

      The zombie went on to watch his video. The advertisement did attract him a little. It would have appealed to him less if it mentioned the upper class price for the upper class brains, but advertisement techniques can be universal.

Today's #flashfiction #RobotFu

“Baby steps people.”

Benjamin Button* #quote

Still hanging out with CJ today. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Robot-Fu

         Two masters of Robot-Fu stared each other down in the middle of a field, Mechatron and Robobot. This battle would determine who was stronger and was a battle over honor and which Robot-Fu's dojo's teachings should be taught to protect the people. Both robots shared the same body type. A four-legged, two-armed humanoid body.

        They bowed to each other to begin the fight.

Mechatron started the fight with grenade-fu launching several from a compartment in his backside at Robobot. His opponent responded with a back flip into startled praying mantis style. Mechatron thought “if it ain't broke don't fix it” and continued with more grenade-fu with a hope he would catch his opponent off guard. Robobot managed to turn startled praying mantis style into normal praying mantis style then Benjamin Franklin style. When Mechatron saw the incredibly powerful Benjamin Franklin style he knew Robobot was willing to take this battle to any extreme.

        Robobot used the Benjamin Franklin style to move into his first offensive move “missile-fu” with seamless precision. Though only one of the three missiles hit Mechatron it hit him in one of his legs, blowing it off. Mechatron collapsed to the ground because of the lost leg.

Mechatron trained for many years in Robot-Fu. A simple lost leg wasn't going to make him lose a fight. He took an incredible risk, one Robobot did not expect him to take. His head opened and discharged electricity from it as an attack, consuming power from his power core. Something Benjamin Franklin style could have stopped if Robobot knew it was coming.

         Several circuits in Robotbot's legs were fried and he was brought to the ground as well. He was rendered less mobile than Mechatron. But soon Robotbot discharged electricity like Mechatron and soon they both lay on ground with their legs fried.

         The robots looked at each other. They both tried to think of what kind of Robot-fu technique they could use next. But all moves they could use from the ground could be countered from the ground. A stalemate. What they both wanted originally was one of them to have an honorable death as scrap in the field and the best dojo to take control. But it seemed they were evenly matched and shared the same body and fighting style.

         They kept looking at each other for hours trying to coming up with a fighting move and the way they ran out of power and slowly teetered to the ground resembled a humbled bow. After both being retrieved by their apprentices and being repaired and recharged the conclusion they came to was fusing their dojos into one.

Today's #flashfiction #SuperheroCostumeDesignIntroduction

“It's time for your shot.”

Wild Bill Hitchcock* #quote

Today I'm hanging out with CJ and heading to the art museum to boot. Adventure ho! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Superhero Costume Design Introduction

         Hello upcoming superheroes and sidekicks. My name is Bob Clothstreet and I'm the fashion designer for the United Union League of Heroes. I'm giving you this basic guide to costume design so you can break out into the superhero scene in style.

         First thing you need to consider is whether or not your going to make your costume a “suit” like spandex or something else. To determine this look at yourself at a mirror and be honest with yourself. Do you have the figure for spandex or tight fitting clothes? If you do then you can wear it. If you don't then a cloak or other loose fitting items like that should be your clothes your choice. Puffy bullet proof vests can help. Plenty of baggy clothes can look sleek and fashionable. You should be immobilizing your opponent with your superpowers not because you look look stupid and fat in spandex.

        Next is a color scheme. Unless you want to go camouflaged feel free to be as extravagant as possible but pay attention to what colors go together. Stripes should flow and not cover the entire costume as you need one or two primary colors to define yourself. Consider whatever combat boots your wearing or other accessories including your mask.

        And the colors over the costume need to go well with the emblem. The best emblems are simple. Use only one or two letters tops, shapes, or symbols and a good color. Going well with the emblem doesn't necessarily mean being the same color. Some of the best emblems on a hero's chest can be of a completely different color than the main suit.

         Now think of the mask. This can apply to those with spandex or with cloaks and other designs. The best masks share colors with the costume body and have patterns or add-ons or otherwise follow a sort of “superhero” version of the wrestler versions. If it ain't broke don't fix it.

         My last bit of advice in this introduction is regarding the cape. A cape is an aesthetic addition that is very risky. It can be helpful in combat but unless you are able to fight in it and accommodate for all the ways it can hurt you...a cape can mean the end of you. So make sure it's colors go well with your costume if you enjoy the deathtrap. I never advise my heroes to wear capes.

Today's #flashfiction #HistoryOfASmallGoblinNation

“You have a right to your own point of view.”

MC Escher* #quote

CJ should be coming over this weekend and we may possibly be heading over to an art museum with a video game exhibit along with its other fine arty things to check out. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

History Of A Small Goblin Nation

Once there was a goblin nation. It was a very small one founded by a bunch of a goblins that didn't like the laws of the big goblin nation so they moved away. (In the big goblin nation there was religious outlaw on jazz music). They moved into a small area in the middle of a mountain range where they couldn't be easily conquered. This is a history of their nation based on their countries calender.

Year 0: The goblins can't come up with a name for their country so they name in “The Republic Of Here”

Year 1: The goblins came up with a better name, “We Have Jazz Music” to attract more people that want to move there because they want to have jazz music. 

Year 3: We Have Jazz Music's economy starts to form as they finish building their first city and their farms are fully self-sufficient and they no longer need outside supplies. At this point they operate a city-state. At this point despite being a city-state the government is also an anarchy because everybody is too busy working their farms to worry about politics.

Year 5: A gold mine is discovered. Though the mountains protect them from any military encroachment companies and a population of miners enter. A corporate presence does not damage the welfare of We Have Jazz Music as it boosts the economy and the companies are treated as dual citizens and taxed. Money flows in and the goblins move beyond farming. 

Year 7: We Have Jazz Music is forced to be more proactive and make a government to use and deal with tax dollars. Things get confusing and corrupt very quickly as people grab for power. Eventually they settle on a government where people are voted into positions like treasurer or whatever. This was chosen because goblins heard other governments did it and it sounded nice to them. 

Year 10: Tom the goblin attempts a military coup. However since nobody has weapons and nobody wanted to beat each other up instead of fighting they decided to resolve it with a rock-paper-scissors tournament. Tom's coup failed and he was executed while all his follows were tortured by watching reruns of really bad sitcoms for days. The sleep deprivation along with bad jokes caused a bout of madness along with absolute devotion to We Have Jazz Music.

Year 12: An elf bandit and his crew decide to attack We Have Jazz Music considering it an easy target. With his guns he is able kill many goblins easily since there has been no active military or police force there but the numbers of the goblins still take him over. The goblins of the nation realize that although a military attack on the nation wouldn't be easy it would still be possible. The wealth of their nation was increasing along with its fame and its goldmines proving deeper. They decide to weaponize.

Year 20: We Have Jazz Music is equipped with guns and tanks and most importantly anti-aircraft weapons. The attack of the bandit scarred them emotionally so they went into overkill. The bandit became a sort of boogey man. 

Year 50: We Have Jazz Music has filled its tiny mountain hideaway with three cities and every mining facility and farm it can. Effectively it is full with population control laws and immigration laws. Goblins tend to be very strict about their laws, hypocrisy considering the fact that the nation was founded on running away from. The slogan of population control is: “If you have too many children we'll throw the eldest out the window of the tallest building in the city.” They were serious.

Year 52: The main goblin nation realizes how deep the goldmines of We Have Jazz Music really goes and is no longer content with just trading for it. Using the fact they moved to avoid the religious law as an excuse they invade. The mountain range does protect the nation from invasion as planned when the nation was founded but it is a long costly war that costs lives on both sides. 

Year 60: The name of the nation is changed to “Don't Mess With Us” to symbolize the victory over the massive home goblin nation and unemphasize the possession of jazz music. So ends the history of We Have Jazz Music and begins the history of Don't Mess With Us. 

Epilogue: Don't Mess With Us turns into a full on military nation, especially to compensation predictions of the mines running out of gold. They eventually conquer the home goblin nation and spread jazz music there and begin conquering other nations, oppressing the elves and humans until they are finally defeated by an alliance by a revolution of those they have conquered and the fairy people along with the dragons. Jazz music is then banned all over the world as something that leads to corruption of nations and governments.

Today's #flashfiction #TheDivineMeeting

“It's hammer time!”

Bob the Builder* #quote

        Today I started work on my Mom's Christmas present(which she already knows of because I had to ask her the dimensions and what picture to use ahead of time hence why I can post about it on the blog). The present being hand drawn portraits of her adorable little chihuahuas. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Divine Meeting

         I worked hard to reach the point of mastery of magic I had. The labor from doing it caused most of the gray hairs on my head. People mistook me for an elder wizard although I was merely middle aged. Though being middle aged was enough for some kids to call you an old man these days. Didn't help that I still wore old fashioned blue wizard robes. Even some elder wizards are now just wearing modern street clothes when they practice magic. Do they have any respect for the craft? I really did look old though.

        It probably happened because I spent many stressful nights studying and performing all magic I could. I stress of it all made my skin stop being the light chocolate color it had when I was young and instead now it looked like a wrinkled tree with an aged brown bark.

          It paid off though. Immensely. I didn't care how I looked because today I wasn't going to look at myself, I was going to look at a god. I took such great control of magic I could travel to the realm of the gods. And so I decided to meet one. Specifically the one that put magic into my world. I would get the answers to everything about magic now. I had no idea what the god looked like or anything about it. I only used magic so far to locate it within the many planes of reality to teleport to where it lived. I eagerly teleported when I finished my spell.

         I arrived in a very plain looking room with an unplugged waffle iron on a couch. The couch faced a television that had on a very generic cop show.

        The waffle iron then flapped open and closed like a mouth as a voice filled the room. “What do you want wizard? Why are you here? Can't you see I'm watching TV?”

        I did the magical calculations a thousand times to make sure I didn't accidentally teleport myself into a realm of lava or something. I knew I was in the right place. So despite the improbability of it I then said, “Um, are you the god of magic?”

        The television turned off, and the waffle iron said to me, “Ah, I'll just watch it on re-runs. Should have figured you came here to ask me questions and since you went to all this trouble I'll oblige. But only once. After you leave you can't come back or I'll put some nasty curse on you. Can't have you barging in on me all the time.”

        “Thank you,” I replied. “Um, why are you a waffle iron?”

         “Why can't I be a waffle iron?”

          I couldn't quite come up with a response on that subject so I asked something else, “Why did you give us magic?”

         “Thought you might find it useful.”

         “But what about the wars?”

         “Nobody complains to the god of trees that you humans are both making houses with trees and beating each other with sticks.”

         “Point taken...how do you master all magic?”

         The god laughed. “Oh greedy now? Well only I can get all of it. Y'know being god and all. But for you...study a lot, drink milk and have fun. I advise video games on the last one.”

         “Drink milk? Have fun?” I didn't quite follow the last two.

         “Well milk has to do with some interplanar, chemistry that is a bit beyond your mortal comprehension. And having fun, well to focus and do all the complexities of magic you need to be calm. Not all stressed up like you are. Spirits ain't going to flow through and connect with a tense dude like you. Now the show I turned off is gonna re-run but the one coming up isn't going to for awhile so I gotta watch it while it's new so yeah I'm getting you out of my house.”

       In a flash of white light the god of magic teleported me home.

Today's #flashfiction #MiceInTheTheater

“If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.”

Gordon Ramsey* #quote

Today I went to the doctor's office. It was very doctory. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Mice In The Theater

       In a spectacular theater in a spectacular city lived a family of rather ordinary mice. All under the stage of the orchestra. Every day as the mice hid away they heard the sounds of the orchestra. Song after song ringing in their little mousey ears. Even if they found it unpleasant it turned out to be better than being eaten by the cats of the neighborhood and the guests of the theater left good food for them. Flutes, violins, trumpets and the sounds of so much else echoed through the mousehole beneath the stage.

       Over time the minds of the mice filled with the music and they even dreamed of the music. Originally the creatures disliked it but eventually their tails bobbed along with the tunes. Even as the family grew their love of the music grew. And they didn't understand it. The music just became such a constant part of their homes that it nearly felt like the safety of their mousehole itself and a constant fact of life.

       They continued to bob their tails along with the music even until the pest control arrived and gassed the mice out. The last movements of the tails being along the rhythm of Beethoven.

Today's #flashfiction #TheDragonAndTheGoodOldDays

“Live long and prosper.”

Dracula* #quote

Today I found out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. The answer? Too many. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Dragon And The Good Old Days

        “Get offa my lawn you humans!” The dragon roared, waving his cane, his massive beard falling twenty feet from his chin to the ground. The fat lizard flapped its wings to batter the humans with waves of wind. Each yell came with a small wisp of fire at the end of his forked purple tongue. His red scales tensed up stiff as rubies.

        The humans in question were two grad students at a nearby college named Tom and Sally. They came to the dragons castle to interview him for their class on sentient magical creatures. Tom pulled out a pen and clipboard with a sheet of paper on it. “Please sir, we merely wish to interview you.”

The dragon squinted at them. “Is that supposed to be your sword and shield! Why back in the days of my youth knights had decent equipment!”

       “This is a pen,” Tom explained. Sally was far more nervous than Tom, she'd never been around a dragon before or any sentient magical creature, but Tom grew up around magical scientists. When Tom entered college he wanted to follow his family footsteps while Sally wanted to explore a part of the world she wasn't familiar with in her rural community. She only saw magic on TV.

       “What kind of pen is that? It looks nothing like a feather! And what kind of garments are you wearing?” The dragon yelled confused looking at their t-shirts. “And since when did women ever become knights?”

        Tom groaned, “We're not knights. We're just here to talk to you.”

         The dragon roared and stamped his feet, “That's what the adventurers who try to steal my treasure always say! I oughta roast you to the bone!” Sally just watched the dialouge between Tom and the dragon silently. The dragon reminded her of something, but she couldn't place it. The dragon's intimidating form distracted her too much.

        “Please sir, calm down.”

         The dragon roared again. “Calm down!? You knights come to my castle to slay me and you ask me to calm down? Or are you adventures to steal my treasure? I dunno! At least back in my day I could tell what you humans were up to based on how you wore your stupid fashions!”

         Sally then realized what the dragon reminded her of and her fear vanished. The dragon was practically a lizard clone of the old man that lived across the street from her, Mr. Littlewood.

         Sally then pointed at the dragon. “Hey listen up scales! Let me put this in words you'll understand. We're knights all right. But the only treasure we want is information. Not whatever gold or trinkets in that castle you call a home. And the information is whatever stories or facts about you that come with our interview.”

        The dragon paused to think for a moment. Then grinned. “You want to listen to me? My grand kids never listen to all my stories! They say I ramble for hours on end! You better go fetch more paper to go along with that pen. So where do I start...”

Today's #flashfiction #TheRobotWithAHobby

“I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids!”

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation* #quote

       Today I took a taste of the rainbow. Really it tasted more like M&Ms than Skittles. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Robot With A Hobby

       One day a mad scientist died. An old mad scientist with no family or friends and he lived in the middle of nowhere so nobody cared about him. Not even the police or government. Yeah, he lived so far out in the boonies that not even the government cared about him.

         He left behind many things in his nuclear powered lab. Most importantly his self-powering robot servant. The poor little thing sat there as its master died with no order to fulfill or purpose. And it would keep going to watch the lab decay.

        The robot did have a constant order to keep itself running and functional. So that's what it did. Day after day as the lab rusted away. Soon the lab wore away and it had to find new shelter so it wandered into the wilderness. Making camp merely to fight away the elements. And that's how the robot found something at least remotely close to joy. If preservation was how it lived than that's how it would occupy its time.

         Whenever it wasn't charging up or repairing itself it was building camps. More than it needed. Campsites and shelters improvised from every kind of material covered the wilderness. The robot built them everywhere. It started making them in patterns for reasons it didn't quite understand. If someone looked down from the sky to the fields of shelters the robot made they would see shapes of various kinds.

        The robot kept up its hobby until the day it broke down from wear under the canopy of one of its makeshift tents.

Today's #flashfiction #TheUnlabeledArtifact

“She's got bette davis eyes.”

Dr. Frankenstein* #quote

      I went to my card game thing today. Much fun was had. My Pokemon cards went to epic war and nerdy battles of cardboard fury. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Unlabeled Artifact

         The Wizarding Guild of the Ruby Dragons had a great treasure vault where everything was labeled perfectly. Nobody would bother stealing anything since the vault was so famous a thoroughly documented(and guarded) everyone would know where it came from. It would be like stealing the mundane world's Mona Lisa. Except the vault was guarded by a near uncountable amount of enchantments. All of these protections made it so that tourists could visit the many magical treasures inside.

       One of the treasures wasn't labeled. A single artifact. This made it quite feared. In the world of magic not knowing what something did could make something quite dangerous. It could very well cure diseases. Or turn the user into a god. Or destroy the world. But nobody could tell. Nobody could know what the little unlabeled pot did. They just knew an incredible amount of magic came from it. So much that it glowed blue all on its own. They put a sign on it “Do not activate” and put barrier after magical barrier on it.

       But not all things can be left to sit. And something like that became the source of much curiosity. So much curiosity that a very wealthy man of the most curious kind hired the most talented thief in the world to break into the guild and take it. The thief had been looking for an excuse for a long time.

       The thief enjoyed using his stupid, dorky looking face. He looked like the most bumbling of wizards with a fat chin and dumbfounded gaze. He didn't steal it in the deepest, darkest moments of the night. He used his demeanor, his very wizard's robes and the tricks of an illusionist and not a magician.

        He stole it in a broad daylight. When a crowd was around the displays he pushed someone into it while being nearby and with a slight of hand, the trick of an illusionist, put it into his robes. He replaced it with another artefactual he paid good money to a powerful wizard to be made to magically resemble the unlabeled artifact. And soon he left with it.

         The wealthy curious man got his opportunity to use the unlabeled artifact with the thief watching. The thief planned to steal it if it turned out to be something non-leathal to the user. His employer both served to pay him and be guinea pig.

         The wealthy man used a basic artifact activation spell and smoke came out from the pot that soon materialized into a genie.

         “Thank you for freeing me mortals.”

         The wealthy man smiled. “You're welcome oh, mighty genie. You must have been the powerful source of magic in the pot. For my first wish I desire eternal youth!”

          The genie laughed. “What? Oh no. This isn't a magic lamp. This is a magic pot. I don't grant wishes. I just got stuck. Funny story really how I got in there. But I'd like to go so maybe I'll tell you later. Sorry, but no wishes.”

          The genie then vanished.

Today's #flashfiction #InterdimensionalPartyTime

“There is no spoon.”

Martha Stewart* #quote

          I read about something interesting recently. You know that song Happy Birthday? Well it's supposed to be copyrighted and the owners have been collecting royalties on it for quite some time. (That's also one reason you don't often hear it sung on TV is so people don't have to pay for it.)

         However recently some people were working on a documentary on the song and say that those people that have been collecting royalties on the song don't actually own it and have been collecting false royalties on a public domain song. So now we got a class action lawsuit against the Happy Birthday people.

        Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Interdimensional Party Time!

          One day a ninja-wizard-god held a crazy party inside a miniature universe between dimensions. He invited all sorts of creatures from all sorts of worlds for his wild party.

          First arrived the fairies. Their fairy dust gave the whole place the lights of a disco as light bounced off the dust everywhere. The host and the faeries began dancing among the rays of lights.

          Second arrived the dragons. They belched out fire and roared like boomboxes. The house shook and bounced as the dragons danced with the fairies and the ninja-wizard-god host of the party.

          Magic expanded the house to accommodate the next set of guests. A horde of goblins flooded the house. Pleasant goblins with big smiles who sung incredible songs in the most wonderful of voices. Plus, they brought the food! For themselves and others. Who wouldn't love a bag of goblin made chips or punch?

          Right after the goblins ghosts flew into the house through the walls. The dragons managed to shake the house with their normal dancing. But when the ghosts started playing the ethereal instruments of mist they brought with them the dragons really got into it. Their dancing got intense and the house almost broke its foundation and flew into the air as the dragons danced along with everyone else.

        The fifth set of guests were probably the only singers that could compete with the goblins and would serve as their complement as everyone sung and danced along with the lights from the fairy dust and the music of the ghosts. These guests were the angels and their voices blended with the goblins to form the most wonderful, hardcore choir for the crazy party held by the ninja-wizard-god.

       And when the humans arrived it became awkwardly silent because nobody likes humans.

Today's #flashfictions #TheWorstKindOfTheft

“I'll be back.”

Haily's Comet* #quote

        Today I took a nap in preparation for the upcoming weekend when I go to my card game things and such and if I have a friend over for shenanigans. Naps can reduce seizures though I do seize when I start drifting into sleep when I nap so that sucks. (In that half-awake, half-asleep point is when I tend to seize the most). It was a good nap so I think I won't have many seizures over the weekend so yay! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Worst Kind Of Theft

          A man looked in the mirror. He yelled. Just a moment ago he remembered being in his early thirties and now he looked in his fifties. And he remembered being on a walk not in his bathroom.

        “I'm sorry it too so long. I'm sorry I took so much,” said an eerie, echoing voice. The man noticed that something appeared in the mirror. A misty, inhuman face. A ghostly face.

       “You're a ghost?” The man reasoned with himself that this was a dream. That's how he managed to calm the shock.

        “Yes, Ronald. I'm a ghost. And I stole something from you. For a very long time.”

Ronald looked at the ghost and the wrinkles on his face and began to feel them. He then began to question his earlier thinking of whether it was a dream. He pinched himself, the supposed test of whether the entire thing was a dream, and it hurt. So according to that test it was real.

Panic started to set in as he began to put together the pieces but still asked the ghost, “What did you steal?”

       “I stole your body, for twenty years. I possessed you. One of the few things us ghosts can do. I know sorry can't make up for it. But when I died I lost my wife and family...they actually died with me in the accident. Yours was so much like mine. So I stole your life to replace my family. It worked so well and it made me so happy. You wouldn't understand that.”

       “You monster. You stole twenty years of my life?” Ronald became both furious and terrified. He knew he wouldn't even recognize his children or his wife. The ghost raised his children and lived life with his wife. His friends and family would all be completely different people. And he didn't know how the world had changed.

        A crying noise then came from the ghost. “I'm sorry. Even more than before. I just. I just can't give it back to you. I'm a horrible monster. I know it. But your family. Life itself. Life is too perfect. I lost it I know. And I can't give it up. I wish I never even spoke to you. I need to forget this. I shouldn't have talked to you.”

      And in the next moment the thief took back the body as life was far to valuable to give back. Until the day the body died the ghost kept it for himself though was haunted by guilt filled nightmares of the conversation he had that day.

Today's #flashfiction #AliceInBoringland

“These aren't the droids you're looking for.”

Waldo* #quote

       Today I counted my trading game cards to make sure I had a playing deck of sixty. Counting trading cards is probably a bit different than counting other kinds of cards. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Alice In Boringland

         Once long ago lived a cute, pleasant girl named Alice. During one day she caught sight of a white rabbit that looked quite strange in the fact that it looked so strangely bored. Most rabbits hopped and skipped and the little thing just took it's four legs and boringly wandered on the grass. Curious Alice followed the white rabbit all the way the rabbit's hole that could oddly fit a girl her size too. When the rabbit hopped in bored she jumped in with further curiosity and wondered why there would be such a hole so big.

         In a flash of blue light she was magically transported to the rabbit's true home. A special, mystical land that went on forever. The ground was flat, gray marble and she could only see the blank blue of the sky in every direction except for a single sign. A sign that said “Welcome to Boringland.” Well, she also saw the rabbit at her feet.

       But after a second the rabbit spoke to her in a squeaky voice, “Little girl I just can't handle having fun. Being bored makes me happy. And if I stay with a child like you something interesting may happen and that would be just dreadful.” The rabbit darted into the distance, swerving left and right so that Alice couldn't tell where it had gone. Alice spun in her old fashioned dress. She couldn't even see an exit to the place. Only the sign.

       Boringland didn't affect her for quite some time though. She sung and danced. Thought of funny jokes and explored her imagination. What's so wrong with being bored and nothing around? She thought to herself.

But then after many hours the true problems of Boringland set in. She wondered about her parents. All her family and friends. Her home. And how to get back to it. She became quite frightened when she realized she wandered far enough to lose track of even the sign. She could see nothing at all but herself.

      “Rabbit! White rabbit! Show me the way home! Please! I'm very frightened! Help!” She yelled and screamed. Screamed as much as she could. “Show me the rabbit hole home!”

       The rabbit appeared in front of her. “I knew you would have caused some excitement. All that yelling. Follow me and don't do anything.”

       She followed the rabbit loyally for hours. Eventually she arrived at a hole.

The white rabbit looked at her. “This hole will take you home.”

       “Thank you, thank you Mr. White Rabbit!” She began crawling into the hole. “Mr. Rabbit, why did you come around my garden earlier today?”

        The rabbit yawned as he yearned more boredom. “I owed a favor to your guardian angel who wanted to teach you a lesson after you threw that tantrum yesterday and said you didn't want to be with your family anymore.”

Today's #flashfiction #TheDemiGodsDatingTape

“I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine.”

Wolverine, X-Men* #quote

Today I figured out the ULTIMATE CHESS MOVE! But I'm not telling. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Demi-God's Dating Tape

        A dating tape flickered from static to clarity showing well dressed man with straight shoulders but a slight slouch. He had ethereal white hair but mundane looking brown eyes. “Hello, my name is Axxar and I'm the demi-god of awkward silences...............................................................................................................

that doesn't mean I'm an awkwardly silent guy though, as this tape will show you! In fact............................... .................................................................................................................................................................

..................................................................................................................................................................

...............................................," the demi-god coughed and swallowed slowly. “I draw my power from awkward silences. Like the time I obtain a great deal of power is after someone farts and everyone looks at each other awkwardly in silence..............................................................oh but farts aren't exactly the best thing to be talking about on a dating tape are they? Right? Right? ….............................. Now then how about some of likes. I like blues, cats and awkwardly silent walks on the beach......................................

..........................................................................................................................................................

.........................................................................................................................................................

.............................................................................................................................................................

 I dislike chatty people who break a good awkward silence. I look forward to meeting you.

Today's #flashfiction #TheSuperOneManArmy

“You may have me mistaken for someone else.”

Rich Little* #quote

       Today I got a game informer magazine. It talked about an AI a guy programmed to learn to play games. When it played tetris and was about to lose it would pause the game and never unpause because it learned that's a way to not lose. I guess computers are supposed to be “logical”. And apparently sore losers.  Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Super One Man Army

       “Are you a joke?” A voice over a loudspeaker said. It came from a fleet of a tanks. Possibly. Captain Ultimatum at least assumed it had to have been broadcast somewhere from the army. The army that emerged through the portal opened in the Grand Canyon. A spectacle of tanks and ships. Advanced one with weapons and armor much more powerful than anything invented other worlds they had conquered. The technology also surpassed the technology of the world of Captain Ultimatum. “A man in a silly yellow costume and green cape with a U on it? Does the government of this parallel universe dress their diplomats in superhero costumes?”

        “I am no diplomat. My name is Captain Ultimatum.” The hero walked up to the tanks, his muscular frame as sharp as the edges of the tank. He used his superpowers to observe the tanks with his special vision to tell the exact composition. They looked like the tanks of his world but their inner workings were very different. Inside less parts were needed so not only could they pack guns but large packs of armed soldiers with powerful weapons. The army of that world made their tanks look like the ones of his world to look like they had much less soldiers than they did. Each tank packed ten soldiers. The cannons were probably energy weapons and were only made to look like they fired shells. He looked up at the ships. What looked like his world transport ships were packed with bombs of a foreign technological design. His superpower vision could only barely tell him this truth by detected the ambient energy from it that he could hardly detect. “And I have come here to tell you this. Turn back your army now or I will kill every one of you.”

        “Kill us?” The voice laughed. “I'm the commander of this army and I have never lost. And you are but a single man. Or are you a commander yourself? Do you mean your army is going to come get us? We've scanned your world and you don't have the power sources to create the technology we have.”

        “Our heroes have been to other worlds and heard about you. I am the most powerful hero on this world and I know that the only message that you would understand is a total loss if you don't surrender now. I am a superhero in every definition. The most powerful. And I can take you all on. And I will do it alone so that your deaths are on no one else's conscience.”

        The voice took a few seconds of thought to respond. “I've been to worlds with wizards. This place could very well have superheroes. Though you are very arrogant. Men, kill him and hold nothing back.”

The first thing Captain Ultimatum did was use his super speed combined with his super flight to grab all the bombing ships and pull them into space in a few seconds. Captain Ultimatum could somehow survive in space. It turned out to be one of his more unexplainable powers. He came back down and used his lighting vision to tear apart all the tanks in a fraction of a section and kill all the soldiers inside. The battle lasted under a minute. Five hundred soldiers had been brought through the portal that day with a massive army ready to advance behind them. And in a moment Captain Ultimatum flew through the portal and killed the waiting army in another ten minutes to ensure that that universe would never invade anyone else again. At least for a long time. After he left their world they quickly closed the portal out of fear he would come back and kill more than soldiers.

      After that Captain Ultimatum flew away and landed on the edge of the Grand Canyon and said to himself, “And once again the day is saved.” He then got an alert on his superhero transponder. “Oh it seems Mrs. Wiggins cat is stuck in a tree. Off I go!”

Today's #flashfiction #MailSteampunk

“I'm a cut above the rest.”

Edward Scissorhands* #quote

       Today I did an escape act. It was amazing. Indescribable in its sheer awesomeness But yeah you weren't there so sorry. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Mail Steampunk

       I continued to run as my steam engine pounded. In my land and maybe even yours people said that robots like me didn't have hearts. But I have one, something that at least looks alive. The massive steam engine being heated by a powerful magical fuel beneath it and all the gears attached to that engine that run through my body like veins and muscles. That's what I have for a heart. And another seperate engine fuels the brain in much the same way. But all gears. Millions of tiny gears built and assembled by the fairy people inside a steel shell that forms the giant that was me. They crafted me with legs and arms since they thought something so grand should represent a person. They made most of their large creations to resemble people.  So I resembled the flesh despite the fact my only function was to simply carry things, something that a mere train could have done.

        But I did have my advantages. I climbed over mountains. I delivered mail to the monks who used to be mostly isolated. No need to lay tracks for a robot like me. I could deliver mail anywhere. In that way I surpassed a train. But still I functioned and lived as a train. I don't have a name, I just have a number, like a train would, 567891.

      One day though a became a bit different from a train. The steam in my brain ran particularly hot along with the steam in heart. Maybe the magical fuel source that made coal a relic acted up because of some wizard casting a spell a billion miles away. The closest thing I ever got to sleep was my magical fuel source replenishing my water in my engine for it to boil later and I just woke up a few minutes early because the engine acted up. I heard screaming in the distance.

      At first I did nothing. Screaming had nothing to do with delivering mail and I all I was supposed to do as a robot was deliver mail. But something in my gears made me go toward the sound. I don't know why. After following the noise I found a man and a child screaming for help inside a boat stuck in river rapids. The river could turn to rapids when it flooded, a common occurrence, but if these people were just visitors and didn't know the river flooded how could they know the normally harmless looking river turned out to be flood prone? The tiny boat they were on caught on a rock, at least momentarily, and fortunately for them they were temporarily safe.

        It had nothing to do with delivering mail.

        I began to turn to leave but they screamed for help louder. Especially after seeing me. I turned around at them again. I knew that if I went into the water I would sink and water would get in me and flood my compartments. I was steel, rust proof, but not flood proof. I knew of the river's flooding because I was told to avoid it on my delivery routes. If I rescued them I would drown my engine in the river and die. Then I could no longer deliver mail.

       But the gears in my brain told me to go in. And shortly after my plunge into the water I began to sank. I put my hand high above my head and I carried the boat to shore while the rest of my body started filling with water. The two people got to shore and my body started filling with water. I tried to pull myself out of the river but I could only get my head out.

      “Mr. Robot saved us!” The child yelled happily. I heard this during the moment my head poked out of the water. I sunk back into the river. I could feel my mental processes slowing down and my muscles failing as my gears flooded. Both the engines in my heart and brain were breaking as the water of the river flooded them. I began to lose consciousness. But now I have a name.

Today's #flashfiction #WhenANobodyMatters

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Colonel Sanders* #quote

Today I went into space but the Sun was in my eyes so I came back. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

When A Nobody Matters

        The scene of the epic battle had been set and taken to a finish. The superhero and supervillain evenly matched they both lay on the ground with torn capes and costumes, both so exhausted that neither could use their superpowers let alone move. The villain's floating fortress bobbed up and down in the sky as the world dominating device in the center of the platform both of them lay on sent out massive pulses of electromagnetic energy. The control panel on the device could either turn the device into full gear and finish the plot to conquer humanity or deactivate it for good. But neither the hero or villain could move.

        But someone moved onto the platform. A plain minion of villain. John Latterday. He wore a gray suit and a sinister mask of the evil organization that hid his really plain figure and ordinary face. He did the laundry and was in the lower quarters of the floating fortress when the battle raged on which stood to be the reason the hero hadn't throttled him like the rest of the minions. The hero pummeled the janitor when he mopped the upper floors.

         Most minions followed supervillains because usually they promised both a seat of power if they somehow succeeded and plus supervillains paid well because they had to attract employees despite the hazards of the job. Really the succeeding of a supervillain wasn't much of it, mostly a joke since it never happened. It was the pay. Most of the minions were ordinary people looking for a easy to get into higher paying job. John Latterday wanted to both put a kid through college.

         But here, this was the one chance a villain could actually succeed. No other heroes were at this battle because no one could stand a chance against his boss. And this machine would bring about a new world order. He would probably wind up a duke of some region if he made the machine work. His boss always said he would promote them to seats of powers because, “They were already used to serving him and being loyal.” John figured that also the boss thought that most of his employees were too stupid to rebel.

The minion walked over to his crippled boss and the crippled hero. Then over to the control panel. He lifted his hand over the control panel. He could feel the waves of energy coming out of the device.

      “Quickly! Activate the machine! Before he gets up!” His boss yelled in a pained voice. Before now he only heard the villain speak in an assertive tone.

      “Don't listen to him! You can do the right thing! You can change! You save the world! Turn the machine off!” The hero's tone also carried a pained yelp in it. The hero battled the villain many times before. The classic archnemesis relationship. He never heard the hero beg or do anything but attack, yell, lecture and declare victory.

       John's hand kept hesitating. He knew no matter how much he regretted the decision, or didn't regret it. He could never go back on it. “What if I don't want to conquer the world for you? Or on the other hand, do the right thing?”

       The supervillain yelled at him angrily, “Fool! I will give you power beyond your wildest dreams! Riches! All of it will pay off! And if you don't...never ending torture!” The villain tried to lift himself but only got up half an inch before painfully collapsing.

        The superhero then yelled, “Don't listen to him!”

        “Quiet hero.” John then thought for a moment before saying to villain, “Do you know my name? If you can tell me my name then I will turn on the machine.”

        His boss went quiet. “What does that have to do with anything? And you're wearing a mask! How could I possibly tell?”

       “And that tells me how much you value us and the emptiness of your promises. And if I turn off this machine and use an escape pod to leave this place you'll never find out who I am. After all there are no records of pay, you're the one who does everything under the table.” John remembered all those days of doing laundry and seeing all those hundreds of matching masks and suits. That's what told him that was the right question to ask.

       The superhero smiled. “You've chosen to do the right thing.”

       John responded, “I guess, but really, the wrong thing didn't do me much good did it?”