"Politeness is
the flower of humanity."
George Carlin*
Family came over
today, so I had to stay up late and rush one, busy, busy! But hey, I
still think it's good!
Bargaining With Satan
You know all
those stories where the devil appears before someone and offers them
something for their soul or something? Well, I don't know how many of
them are true. Whether they are the ones where the person finds a
loophole and escapes, but still learns a valuable lesson, or just the
ones where they get screwed. But I do know one that's true, mine. I
was only ten at the time. I'm not surprised that the devil would try
to trick a boy out of his soul.
However the
devil did not know that I was known as the most clever little boy out
there. And I wasn't going to let him pull a fast one on me.
“Little boy
how would you like anything in the world?” he say after appearing
before me from a puff of smoke, his skin red, horns coming out of his
head. Just like cartoons. I knew he was the devil. Though I also
figured he didn't actually look like that and just appeared like that
because he knew that's what I expected him to look like.
I smiled. “So
you must be Satan.”
He smiled back.
“My what a clever boy you are.” I figured he must have done this
to make me feel smart, to make me feel in control. That's why he made
himself so obviously the devil instead of hiding it. Condescending
jerk. Thinks all kids are dumb like my Uncle Barry. Not like my
teacher Ms. Higgins. She makes math fun. Which I thought was
physically impossible. Anyway back to that devil guy.
I then asked,
“So you want to make a deal like on TV?”
He then gave me
another smile. I could tell it was fake, just like the smile my mom
would use to appear friendly at business meetings. It must work if
Satan was using it. “Right you are. Just your soul for whatever you
want in the world. I hear there's a 4DBox Portable Video Game System
you want. Thing is you can have it now. And you can have its games.
All you have to do is shake my hand little boy and it'll all be
yours, or whatever else you want.” Satan smiled as he held out his
hand. “Oh, and I get your soul when you die so there's no need to
worry. And don't believe your stupid parents. Heck is actually a
wonderful place and when you make this deal I'll get you wonderful
treatment.”
I stood there
for a moment and grinned when I came across a wonderful idea.
“Alright Mr.
Satan, you have a deal.” I then shook his hand.
He smiled his
usual smile. “So which games do you want?”
I waved my
finger at him. “Oh no Mr. Satan I never said I wanted games. That
was only a suggestion from you.”
He then looked
at me puzzled. He must have been used to children taking that
suggestion or picking something else specific. “Then what do you
want?”
“I want your
soul immediately.” I told him. “And since you already agreed to
this there is no way out of this.”
Satan's red
face then turned whiter than I thought white could ever be. I'm not
sure I could even call it white anymore. “And now I am owned by a
ten year old boy. At least until he dies, then I am not sure what
happens.”
I then smiled.
“Actually as your 'soul boss'” I chuckled as any child being
obnoxious would, “I order you to enter a new agreement with me to
alter our previous agreement giving me your soul in exchange for this
rock.” I then handed him a rock as he shook my hand with a hateful
glare that made me feel both uncomfortable and satisfied with my
accomplishment. That's what he gets for thinking all kids would be
dumb and gullible.
My cellphone
then rang. I looked at the caller ID. It didn't say a name or
“Unknown” it said “Pick it up”
I picked up the
phone. “Yes?”
“This is
God.” a booming voice said from the phone.
“What?” I
said shocked. Though I suppose I shouldn't have been too surprised.
“Really? And why are you talking with such a booming voice?”
“It's kinda
what I do. I always speak in a booming voice.” God said, continuing
to speak in his booming voice as I pulled the cellphone away from me.
I kept the part I spoke into close to my mouth while keeping the
listening part away. “Young man you've disrupted the cosmic order
and I need to speak with you immediately. Please step into the giant
glowing door to your right. Bring Satan with you. Can't believe this
is the reason this is the reason he's coming back into my domain. The
angels are never going to stop gossiping about this.”
This work is
copyright Langdon Kennedy you may share this(email it, print it, post
it on your own website, broadcast it etc.) work unaltered as long as
you credit me as the author and share a link to this blog with it and
it is not for profit. If you have any questions and/or are unclear of
these conditions email me at llkenne1@asu.edu
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