“I came, I
saw, I conquered.”
Emperor
Valerian*
Today when
eating my breakfast I had an interesting experience with our dogs,
but to understand this experience in its full magnitude you have to
know our dogs.
First off is
Precious. She's our little princess of a dog. She used to be a picky
eater before we got our other dog(more on her later) but now she eats
much more quickly. Both of our dogs are chihuahuas but she's a long
hair chihuahua, purebred, and looks somewhat like a Pomeranian. When
she begs and runs her ears fold back. She's a long hair chihuahua so
her tail actually has fairly long hairs out of it, definitely more
than inch long, perhaps even two(I've never measured). So when she
wags her tail low it actually sweeps the floor. And since she's a
chihuahua, that's fairly often. Now when I say princess, she's very
timid. She doesn't approach many people, though she's grown warmer
over time. She loves to perch on pillows on beds and chairs all over
the house to get better views and steals Mom's a lot(probably to get
the smell of her and comfort, though Mom certainly doesn't like
that.) Many dogs have their one special person and Mom is it.
Precious is very
catlike too walking a little delicately. She's also very clever
having an extraordinary memory. When we were potty training her, she
actually tried to trick us. She's the smart one and I've
noticed that our other dog actually looks at Precious to see what
she's supposed to be doing. While waiting to be fed precious takes
her little head and rests it between her paws or on top of a little
carpet step we have between the kitchen and another room. She
actually pouts when annoyed. I've put her collar on for Mom because
she actually hides under the bed for days after you do things
like that to her.
Our other dog is
called Baggins(Precious, Baggins, Lord of the Rings theme) She's been
called a he and is the alpha despite being the youngest. Mostly
because Precious seemed to have adopted her then started letting her
get away with everything. We call baggins a pet monster and she will
force her head under your hand for you to start petting her. It's
semi-subtle. Like someone scooping up dirt for a sandcastle. You
practically start petting her without noticing. When I give the dogs
a treat after meals they get up on the bed. Both wag their tail. I
make a bit of a game out of it. Baggins doesn't much care, but for
fun I've taught her a sort of trick where I make her get it in a
position similar to a meerkat Mom's favorite animal. Precious makes a
game out it. She leaps for it and I pull it up and down several
times. And sometimes she grabs it and spins in a complete circle and
shakes it(she knows its a game and actually does her little squeaky
bark if I take to long starting it)
Now the
experience I've been building up to is because of my diet switch. I
am having bacon for breakfast now. And today the dogs found out. Now
the bacon I'm having is pre-cooked from the store and I microwave it
so its hot(I also use a paper towel to remove grease) so its fresh.
And when I sat down that's when the dogs approached me.
I've told you
their previous habits. How they stand their and wag their tails in
anticipation for the treats or lay their heads down. Well, I noticed
that bacon is a completely different game to them. There was no tail
wagging. They did not stand on all fours. They did not glance around
as they sometimes would when I was grabbing a treat. Then just
planted themselves on their butts and stared.
They did not
avert their eyes. They did not pull back their ears. They were fully
attentive. They just stared me down. Glare, glare,
GLARE. We are cute, give us the bacon, give us the
bacon now. I
was just waiting for them to pull out the tiny little chihuahua size
pistols. Naturally I caved and gave them two tiny pieces.
Anyway, onto the
flash fiction!
Reviewing The Adventuring Log
I'm seventy
four and I just finished reading my adventuring log. I am, or rather
was, a knight who led an adventuring party through many quests
throughout all the kingdoms, queendoms, lands and a few other
dimensions and alternate universes we ran across. Took a jaunt in the
underworld to defeat a demon who stole the soul of one of our party
members too.
I suppose I
call it a log to make it sound much more formal, but really its a
journal, and even a dairy. I guess that makes me sound less like a
manly adventuring knight. Well, to compensate for that I'll say that
I have slayed many dragons. I record everything in it. From monetary
transactions to feelings, and being a magical item it has infinite
space in it to write containing my entire long adventuring career.
And I'm easily able to summon up any page I want. I can hold up the
back of the book and take pictures by running my finger down the
spine. I'm obsessed with taking pictures with my log and I have at
least fifty pictures from every one of my quests.
My adventuring
party first consisted of me of course, one of the most skilled
knights in the land. I have a magical blade with the ability to
predict the future. It would give me visions when it decided to and
all would come in images in my mind drawn by crayon. I never admitted
it anyone outside my party out of pride(and that after I trusted
them) but it was actually the lost toy of a young god. I told
everyone else they came in “fuzzy images” and drew them in my log
in pencil. My skills with my sword are extraordinary and I have never
been defeated in a fight. But I have gotten in draws. Once with the
great demon king Kuut and one with...my pride doesn't like me to
admit this...my own little daughter Trista. Guess I trained her well.
Second was the
young ogre girl Jess. Well, young when we started adventuring of
course. Being an ogre she was three times my size. Oh, don't follow
the ogre stereotype of them being ugly and crude. She came from a
proper area with a very proper upbringing. I swear half of our cart
was full of her makeup and dresses. She was skinny too. And boy did
she eat, at least proportionally to us. Our delicate green gal would
have to sit outside the human inns but her massive body didn't even
let out the littlest bit of a snore.
And then there
was our wizard Turing. Not the most sophisticated type. But he was
good at magic. Very reliable. But trust me half the time he was
uttering magical curses then the other half the curses of sailors. He would also
cast healing spells a lot. On himself.
My wife is next
on the list but we didn't marry till the end of our adventuring days.
You only really have the time for off and on romantic conflict and
sexual tension while adventuring it seems. Her ability is that she
was born with the power to predict things that aren't going to
happen. You might think that would be a useless talent, but trust me,
process of elimination anyone? However the ability is a curse set by
a spiteful witch so she actually blurts it out causing social
difficulties. We all adapted to it.
And last there
is our lovable comedic relief. She kept us insane and happy at the
same time. She is a hyperactive ninja that frequently hops around and
has a magic bag of infinite ninja tricks she can pull whatever she
wants out of. She makes many happy giddy sounds and is just a barrel
of insane laughs. She's smart in someways but isn't the brightest and
her plans are odd and she's never subtle. How could someone be a
sneaky ninja, especially since she actually wears a black suit with
white text on it that says “I'm a sneaky ninja?” she distracts
people by causing havoc somewhere and either allows us to sneak by or
sneaks by herself. Fire or stampeding animals are her personal
favorites though we really try to keep her under control.
I'd tell you my
adventures but really that isn't what mattered. It was them. Those
people, my fellow adventurers are what mattered. So whatever we did,
whatever. The thing I loved about adventuring wasn't the excitement
of peril or the treasure or the glory. It was the people I spent it
with. And I bet the same applies with your lives, even if yours is
probably much more mundane than mine.
This post is
copyright Langdon Kennedy you may share this(email it, print it, post
it on your own website, broadcast it etc.) post unaltered as long as
you credit me as the author and share a link to this blog with it and
it is not for profit. If you have any questions and/or are unclear of
these conditions email me at llkenne1@asu.edu
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