“Shotgun!”
Neil
Armstrong*
Today I
contemplated the secrets of the universe. Besides figuring out the
meaning of life I also deduced that mixing orange juice and peanut
butter would probably taste bad. Anyway onto the flash fiction!
Why Do The
Goblins Even Bother?
2000 dragon
riders, 3000 pegasus riders, 1500 wizards and 20,000 footmen along
with a 500 dark knights for good measure. Those are my forces. The
enemy numbers are under 10,000. Primarly footmen with maybe five
hundred wizards haphazardly mixed in. My land calls the doomed
goblins because goblins are one of the weakest magical creatures.
They are on the bottom of the food chain. Their souls and bodies are
used in magical spells. They are resources That's what makes them
appropriate names for people to be conquered.
I laughed. Why
do the goblins even bother to resist. Stupid people. I could already
see my forces advancing. In moments the slaughter would occur. The
enemy hadn't fled...were they here out of honor? I hoped they
wouldn't surrender. A more bloody battle would give me a better
reputation. Such small forces. And I was just a few miles to their
king's castle. I had brought so many forces. I assumed I met so
little forces before now because they were saving up for a final
battle here. This would be a nice, easy take over and all this
kingdom's wealth would be mine without a single hitch. There couldn't
be another army after this one so I had already won.
“Hello king.”
a voice said to me from behind. “Don't bother trying to talk. The
poison in that drink of yours should have already paralyzed your
vocal chords.” I turned around to see a man cloaked in green with
elaborate golden patterns stitched into it. I knew that cloak design.
It was the design of the Eastern Alchemists. “Normally I wouldn't
speak to my targets but my employer specifically requested that I do
so to deliver a message. My employer is the owner of that castle you
intend to take. He wanted me to tell you that he is long gone and the
castle is empty. He wanted me to tell you that none of the wizards in
the army in front of you are trained in combat and only in
transportation magic. They will warp away his entire army. He also
said that he has forged an alliance with all the lands conquered by
you and oppressed by you...every single one of the resistances. He
has also forged alliances with your enemies. He said that while you
have foolishly spread your armies across his kingdom he gathered
those and prepared an attack. He wanted you to know that your land
will be carved up and distributed, the people given new homes with
kinder nobles while your corrupt sons who know nothing of ruling and
warfare because you merely spoon fed them put up a futile fight
making your family look weak and pathetic in its final legacy. He
told me that this was all done because you chose to oppress and
conquer so many people and every time you didn't make an absolute
slaughter you would dishonorably assassinate the opposition.” The
Alchemist laughed at me. “He said that he's assassinating you to
pay back for your assassination of his father all those years ago
just because his father wouldn't send you tribute. He wants you to
die knowing that this battle will end with your army standing
stupidly around without orders as your kingdom falls. Any king's gold
is as good as any others but I am glad as any other.”
I fell to the
ground. My breath started to weaken.
“Oh!” The
Alchemist said. “Another thing. He said that he knows that in your
land they call the weak and doomed goblins. So he told me to
specifically tell you he says 'Goodbye goblin.'”
I think the
Alchemist said something else but my hearing faded, then my
eyesight...then my heartbeat...
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