“Is that your
final answer?”
The Spanish
Inquisition*
I
learned something recently, that a woman has already run for the
presidential seat, got a great deal of publicity and this was over
one hundred years ago. Her name was Victoria Woodhull and she
was nominated by the Equal Rights Party on May 10, 1872. She got big
media coverage and a great deal of people smeared her(but didn't
attack her political opinions it was mostly personal) She was even
arrested and put into prison on election day. The government wouldn't
put her on the ballot. Anyway she's one of those people that's been
dropped from most history books over the years and if it weren't for
the Internet I wouldn't have heard about her. She also wasn't single
issue she had an entire platform, though mostly the history books
focus on her opinions on marriage(the most controversial) she had
opinions on tax reform, prison reform etc. and although I don't agree
with her on everything I think she is a smart woman. (Poor girl did
have a life with lots of scandals especially when the media tried to
rip into her) This site (http://www.lkwdpl.org/wihohio/wood-vic.htm)
covers her “story” for a lack of better words although you may
want to go find others to find out a more extended version of her
views beyond her marriage views. It's always interesting to learn
about someone normally dropped from the history books.
Anyway onto the flash fiction!
The Linguist
and the 21st Century
“I just PWNED
my BFF lol.” This was one of the many messages I had to decipher
from the 21st century. Some books remained from their era
but a massive solar flare destroyed most digital records from that
time, which was their primary means of recording leaving them fairly
mysterious in history. (These days we record things in artificially
produced neuron sheets as this is the age of bio-technology) However
recently some databases were found in an old, underground facility,
revealing some form of language they used mostly digitally back then
and as a linguist it was my job to decipher it. We assume so many of
these things may be abbreviations but they seem based on random
contexts and we don't have much to figure them out from. Any records
from phones would require what context the call was in. The databases
do have somethings from the Internet but they still seem to be some
sort of communication forums about a 3rd subject we cannot
identify as it was culturally specific for that era. BFF has appeared
in many cases and seems to denote some point of familiarity, but
there is much debate between the various historians, linguists and
anthropologists debate. Most people follow my theories as I have been
one of the first to begin studying the records and have a great deal
of education in both linguistics and anthropology. (Though the
majority of my education is in linguistics)
Based on
various contexts my current deduction seems to be that BFF is a
gladiatorial slavery partner. I think that one of the Fs in BFF must
stand for “friend”. The B and other F I cannot find any records.
Perhaps B means battle. My gladiatorial deduction comes from the fact
that they frequently face each other in games frequently challenging
each other where they reference killing or beating one another. I am
not sure whether or not these games are simulated or real with fake
weaponry but since they reference owning each other I do believe that
victory in games results in temporary ownership of the other
individual. Hence my “slavery” deduction. There are some slight
references in some places of “friending” and “unfriending”
people. Where or how this formality occurs none of our researches
have yet to discover but considering how often this slavery item
occurs I assume that the government set whatever system it was up to
regulate the slavery. Thus under my current theory “I just PWNED
my BFF lol.” means that the sender is telling someone they know
that they have just successfully enslaved their BFF until they are
owned in another round. PWNED I have noticed is an alternate
spelling. Whether or not it is a mistake or has some other, deeper
meaning I have yet to deduce. As for the lol it seems this phrase has
some indication of amusement in most statements. I am not sure as to
how sadistic this society was to enjoy the enslavement or if perhaps
instead of just meaning amusement it means relief and the individual
just means that they were happy that it wasn't them.
Either way I am
writing my third paper on my theories and a great deal of the
researches do agree with me as my deductions are fairly logical. I do
hope more evidence of context shows up so I can fill in some holes
and get more solid evidence for all my theories. They are currently
digging for more facilities that could have survived the solar flare.
This work is
copyright Langdon Kennedy you may share this(email it, print it, post
it on your own website, broadcast it etc.) work unaltered as long as
you credit me as the author and share a link to this blog with it and
it is not for profit. If you have any questions and/or are unclear of
these conditions email me at llkenne1@asu.edu
Author Comment: Regarding a solar flare destroying most digital records as I said in the story...that can happen and even very soon. Some scientists think a solar flare can hit us in 2013 and knock out pretty much all electronics and perhaps do other really nasty things. Here's a link to doom and gloom if you want to read it...http://www.2013solarflare.com/ that is only one of many websites talking about it. Others have pictures. I dunno all we can do is wait. Then again like with giant asteroids apocalypses are supposed to hit and they just fly by our planet. We just have to let the universe roll the die. Tomorrow though I'll think surf I may youtube and look at videos of adorable cats and maybe you should too! Bye everybody! Sunshine and rainbows and joy! :)
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