“I came, I saw, I conquered.”
General George Armstrong Custer* #quote
I wonder if that guy that does that over-the-top, dramatic voice for movie trailers talks like that all time. If he does I wonder what the pizza delivery places think whenever he calls. Anyway onto the flash fiction!
An Interesting Lobbyist
A particularly desperate politician named Caleb Heliber saw his numbers in the polls drop even further. Could he afford even more advertising to combat the juggernaut he faced? His opponents certainly sucked up to more lobbyists than him this time around, and better, and he did as well. But somewhere the money didn't just didn't get spent well enough. Caleb felt his black hair graying further from the stress as he sat alone in office.
“Maybe if you sold that fancy black suit of yours you'd have more money to campaign,” a voice echoed through the whole room. The voice fit a snide high school student. Caleb looked around and saw someone tall with a black mask with no eye holes. They wore a t-shirt that said, “I'm with stupid.” and shorts.
Caleb then asked, “Who the hell are you?”
The masked man then responded, “Yo, name's Greg. I'm just your friendly neighborhood demon. I'm going to offer you the deal of a lifetime.” His voice continued to echo. When his sentence ended the walls and ceiling of the office vanished to reveal the office now floated on an ocean of lava in some bizarre night despite moments ago it was midday.
The politician first lost the ability to speak while he took in his surroundings. He assumed three things, he is: A: Dreaming, B: Crazy or C: This actually happening. Since his entire occupation involved making deals with the seediest of people he decided to go with C so he could possibly benefit the most. He figured he's dealt with people more demonic than this demon.
“So what's the deal?” Caleb asked, trying to sound as professional and in control as possible.
Greg then told him while folding his arms in a bored fashion, treating the entire process of deal making like a dull part-time job, “I'll make you win the next election without any doubt from the public in exchange for you hiring one of my friends in the future.”
“Agreed!” Caleb answered.
The politician thought he dreamed the whole thing up, even though he won the election unexpectedly despite the initial projections. He political career went even better and better and eventually he fulfilled his dream of becoming President. However he then noticed his running mate for Vice President acting odd a few months after the election.
“Oh, I'm acting weird?” his running mate answered. “Simple, that's because I'm not your running mate. You made a deal with my friend, and employee Greg. I'm Satan, I work for you now. Don't worry your friend is in a resort in hell, we can't hurt people we don't make deals with.” He then smiled. “You however...well we'll see what happens to you in a few more months and being Vice President may pay off quite a bit for me.”