Today's #flashfiction Little Bo-Wizard

“15 minutes can save you 15 percent or more on your car insurance.”

Andy Warhol* #quote

CJ's coming over this weekend so that'll be radtasticriffic. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Little Bo-Wizard

Little Bo-Wizard lost her lizard,

And doesn't know where to find him.

Leave a lizard alone and it'll come home,

Wagging its tail behind it.

Years later lizards grow,

A when magical become full on dragons you should know!

Big Bo-Wizard lost her dragon,

And doesn't know where to find him.

Leave a dragon alone and it'll come home,

Carrying a princess with it.

Today's #flashfiction The Sage On The Mountain

“It's a trap!”

Tiger Woods* #quote

Tacos are very shy creatures. That's because it gets really messy whenever they come out of their shell. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Sage On The Mountain

           Once there lived a sage on a mountain. Many came seeking his advice and wisdom. He knew much and often the answer to any question. (He could tap into the secrets of the cosmos like that). He enjoyed helping people for many years. Eventually though he grew tired of it. He still wished to help people but didn't want to do it himself. The Great Laziness of old age hit him. So he used his powers to consult the energies of the cosmos to seek his answer.

           Now when people visit his mountaintop they first run across a computer with satellite Internet connection left there by the sage. In a rock next to the computer the sage carved: “If you cannot find your answer on the Internet, they you may ask me.”

          No one asked him a question again.

Today's #flashfiction The Dog And The Clock Tower

“A fool and his money are soon parted.”

Mr. T* #quote

Have you ever wondered how high Count Count has ever counted? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Dog And The Clock Tower

          In a city stood a massive clock tower in the center of the crossroads and small dog in the center of a nearby backyard. At every hour on the hour the clock tower would go ding and dong so loudly people would swear its bells were made of woven thunder. It only stopped ringing at night when the citizens of the town would begin to wrap themselves in bedsheets and dreams.

           And on those hours when the gigantic clock tower rang the little dog would yip-yip-yip and bark. All because it was protecting the backyard from whatever dog, which is all it could imagine the clock tower to be, from entering. At every hour that the clock tower rang and the little dog barked. The dog it imagined never entered its backyard or home so it figured it protected the house and human family it lived with quite well.

           One day the clock tower broke though. It no longer rang at any hour of the day. The tower was an old relic, over one hundred years old and coming from the cities founding. The tower served as a monument, but it saddened the city when the gears within broke beyond repair and that any attempt to fix them would risk destroying the tower.

           The little dog grew sad as well. It didn't know what a clock tower was. But it missed the other dog that barked every hour on the hour.

Today's #flashfiction The Man In The Rock Field

“Clothes make the man.”

The Cat in The Hat* #quote

I wonder what the spider version of Twister is like. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Man In The Rock Field

        Once a man sat in an uncomfortable field of rocks with weeks of food and water at his side. People saw this man and asked him why he sat in the field and he said nothing. They thought him crazy, a mute, a sage a monk or something else. Quickly the news caught note of him and the silent man and his phenomenon grew. People joined him and soon the entire field of rocks was filled with people. People fascinated with the man's purpose for being in the uncomfortable field of rocks. Not many people could stay very long in the massively uncomfortable field. They even wondered if he was protesting something and what it was, some even claiming his cause as theirs.

         The man sitting in the field possessed a simple motive for being there. He was a bored prankster and just wanted to trick people into sitting in a field of uncomfortable rocks.  

Today's #flashfiction The Knight Be Nimble

“A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!”

Caligula* #quote

One old expression is “A penny for your thoughts?”. Shouldn't that expression be constantly changing due to inflation? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Knight Be Nimble

The Knight be nimble

The Knight be quick

The Knight jump over

The griffon chick

The Knight continued to kill

All the monsters till

He tried to kill one

And it bit into his bone

The Knight was no longer nimble

The Knight was no longer quick

He couldn't even jump over

A candlestick

Today's #flashfiction The Games For The Presidency

“Do you pick door number one, door number two, or door number three?”

Saint Peter* #quote

Remember that memories are things that you shouldn't forget. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Games For The Presidency

          People may think that the Electoral College system is by the Constitution supposed to run like it does now. But the Constitution doesn't say that the people vote for President and Vice President. The law is that the States pick a system to place their electoral votes for President and Vice President and in the present day they chose the voting system to determine how to cast those valuable votes.

But in the far flung future it is far different...

           Presidential candidate Joe Tallons stared intently into the eyes of candidate Gerald Bellhop. The chairs they sat at were exact replicas. The table completely even. The room equal temperature all around. The game had to be perfectly fair. After all this staring contest was to win the state of Wyoming. Joe felt quite pressured as he lost at marbles over in Arizona but did feel some confidence from his win from the knitting contest over New York. Each game mattered. Each game needed to be tallied. And the candidates would keep playing even after the other one got the majority. It was both required by law and a thing of honor.

          The games for the electoral votes of a state came up as a way to save money on the voting process for the two positions. To please the people they let them pick the games. At first they were serious contests of skills and intelligence, the games became sillier as the people made it a source of amusement that made the most strange things intense. The politicians didn't care. Whatever they thought could get their candidate win. The arrogance of both parties made them both convince themselves the system was in their benefit over the other party. It didn't allow them to dominate the other party consistently but they could crush third parties that didn't assimilate with them by holding massive amounts of “preliminary tournaments” that the smaller parities couldn't keep up with. Other positions of office still operated the same. A presidential candidate trained in identifying flavors of ice cream while a Senator still tried to sway the minds of the people.

          Joe won the staring contest. Another few points for his race.

           The games between candidates Joe and Gerald continued. They came to a swing state. The final one on their race. The rest of the games they played would be just a formality for honor and law. This was the last game that matter. Whichever candidate won this state would win the country and make their party dominate for four years.

            A thumb war in Florida. An odd contest of focus and strength. Both of them readied themselves. Every game was tense. Truly all of the games mattered in some way. But this. The last one. The veins and muscles in their hands tensed. The fate of the country relied on the sways and strikes of their thumbs in this moment. They began.

           Joe went on the offensive. He hopped and bopped Gerald over and over. It caused intense strain along with the psychological element already there. But Gerald took his time. He kept focus. He weaved his thumb. He kept steady. And he brought his thumb down on Joe and applied incredible pressure. He pinned it till time and won the presidency.

        By the way, Gerald Bellhop turned out a good president. Looks like the system worked.  

Today's #flashfiction The Bigsy-Bitsy Spider

“Please leave a message after the tone.”

Ghostbusters* #quote

If life is a game then how do you tell who's turn it is? Or are there really no turns at all? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Bigsy-Bitsy Spider

The Bigsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the skyscraper
Down came planes
And shot the spider down
Out came the rain
And made the planes land
And the Bigsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the skyscraper again

Today's #flashfiction The Dreams Of A Wizard

“Keep it real.”

Pablo Picasso* #quote

         If you want to make sure that you never head into the light just don't pay the electric bill. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Dreams Of A Wizard

          When we dream we often dream of the strange. Where we fly or of impossible scenarios or things. Nightmares are filled with monsters and the fantasies in dreams can be creations beautiful and beyond our normal reality.

           But a wizard dreams differently. For he lives in a world like our dreams. Where flying is possible and monsters and strange things and creatures live. Where beauty beyond our normal reality. He dreams of a world like ours.

          Our world is a fantasy to him. He dreams of our serenity. Our lack of magic and chaos. No flight, no elaborate creations. Just our orderly reality where animals are animals and not mutated monsters, even our strangest ones. Where our oceans are plain and blue. Where are fields are covered in patches of simple flowers. Where our cities are systems of people simply living instead of being filled with dragons, goblins, curses, strange constructions beyond normal logic. His dreams are a wonderful calmness compared to his life in his world.

         And he loves his dreams.

Today's #flashfiction What Are Little Spellcasters Made Of?

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

Colonel Sanders* #quote

When you draw conclusions be sure to use a number 2 pencil so the scanner can read your answer. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

What Are Little Spellcasters Made Of?

What are little wizards made of?

What are little wizards made of?

Ogres and goblins

And dragon's tails,

That's what little wizards are made of.

What are little witch's made of?

Curses and hexes

And everything evil,

That's what little witches are made of.

Today's #flashfiction Earth Invasion Plan

“Don't let others tell you what to do.”

Simon* #quote

Do the jokers in the deck of cards have an audience? I'm not sure if the Jack, Queen or King care for humor. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Earth Invasion Plan

Step 1: Arm spaceships

Step 2: Survey planet for landing point

Step 3: Enter atmosphere

Step 4: Land on surface.

Step 5: Deploy army.

Step 6: Deploy airforce.

Step 7: See human counterattack.

Step 8: Counter their counterattack.

Step 9: Fail, then send more support.

Step 10: Fail again, then um, send for backup?

Step 11: Receive word from home that no forces are available.

Step 12: Uh-oh, so, should I, no wait, they've got all those angles covered.

Step 13: Realize I'm way in over my head.

Step 14: Tactical retreat.

Step 15: They cut me off. Okay, I can salvage this. Maybe if I...deploy the, no that won't work...

Step 16: Get captured.

Step 17: Hey, the cell at this “Area 51” holding facility of theirs is surprisingly roomy!  

Today's #flashfiction How To Elect Leaders

“Make love, not war.”

Genghis Khan* #quote

If you learn how to talk backwards people will be forced to watch videos in rewind to understand you. I do believe I have found one of the most useless talents anyone could master. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

How To Elect Leaders

         The country of Diceland had a long standing belief in its culture that certain, important decisions should be left to the roll of a die. Specially made glass dice clearer than the purest of water to show that no weights interfered with its roll. Entire ceremonies revolved around certain die rolls. And sometimes someone's prison sentence was determined by the dice. A vandal could watch as three six-sided dice roll. The added sum would be the number months in prison he would serve.

         Dice did not write the laws. Numbers couldn't make regulations on imports and exports of sugar could it? But the dice did determine the lawmakers. People would be assigned numbers and like a lottery they would be rolled for. A twenty sided die would be rolled again and again until a full number was made a person identified. A random janitor could be a head Judge.

        Yet despite the randomness of those selections the country felt success. How? Well, it had some economic resources like any successful country would, but its leaders did have a special quality about them. The people had an obligation to lead because of their culture. They would spend every waking hour trying their best to be whatever they were elected to be. Sometimes they would fail. Badly. But compared to politicians who may have no qualifications to lead and no desire to serve the nation they were better. And fortunately the die were no Church. No organization. Just an obligation. And that is what the leaders needed.

         Eventually Diceland did fall, as the dice didn't always pick enough people statically competent enough for the job. Eventually the odds failed and the rolling selected too many wrong people too many years in a row and the country fell despite the power of the people's obligation to their position.

         Diceland lasted two and a half centuries. A good record for a nation. The next question is what records will be set by the nations in the present and the future from their governments?

Today's #flashfiction Is This Your Card

“404 Page Not Found.”

Tron* #quote

People ask you think outside the box, but what if there are neat things inside the box? Like bubble wrap. Bubble wrap is fun. Pop, pop, pop. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Is This Your Card?

         “Is this your card?” said Joseph Byman, the street magician. The impossible card trick made him famous. The person in the video was proven time and again to not be in on it. Magicians all over could not figure out what kind of slight of hand he used to figure out how he managed to pull the woman's card from the deck.

         She held the deck, picked the card, and showed it to the camera before shuffling the deck and giving it back to him. He faced away during the entire thing. The trick was filmed with a high quality camera so every person that watched it could go frame by frame and see if he did anything to the cards. He did nothing. He fanned out the deck, and plucked her card from a random spot.

         The truth was that Joseph Byman's first trick was his finest and could never be done again. It took five weeks of him wandering the streets to get the trick to happen. Because all he was doing was waiting for the card to emerge from the deck by chance. Byman's trick was no trick. Now that people knew his face he could no longer perform a trick based on failure. But for the first time, when nobody heard of him, Joseph simply walked away when he didn't pull the right card apologizing for his mistake.

        Joseph keeps the card from the impossible trick as a memento, and something to motivate him to try to find something else impossible to do. For now, the magician would first like you to think of a card...

Today's #flashfiction All Those Who Profit

“Rules were meant to be broken.”

Isaac Asimov* #quote

Had a movie day with my family today. It was quite fun!

All Those Who Profit

          Thousands were fed because of that one moment. They all gathered around for the feast, feeding in different places, feeding themselves and their children. So many profited from that moment. But one did not profit by feeding, but caused the feast for the others.

          The provider of the feast was a human and he dumped a corpse in the woods for the thousands of bugs and plants to eat. The provider benefited from the death of the man, his own father. Profited from inheritance of his vast fortune. That's what the bugs profited from the inheritance of his body. All who profited were consumers, but one much more disgusting than all the others.

Today's #flashfiction The Overambitious Bird

 “It has a nutty flavor.”

Sigmund Freud* #quote

Remember that one in ten numbers are numbers and so is the other one. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Overambitious Bird

         A duck flew over the polar bears in the Arctic circle surrounding the North Pole. The bears weren't exactly sure what to think of such an animal. They'd never see it before. Was it food or predator? Certainly small enough to be food. But there instinct couldn't tell them whether or not the new animal was poison. They figured that maybe seals would still be the safest bet. When the bird landed the alpha polar bear spoke to it.

       “Who are you and where did you come from?”

The duck quacked merrily and responded, “My name is Tuck the Duck! Everybody in my flock says           I'm the hardest worker. So this year when we flew south for the winter I flew as far south as I could!”

        The polar bears in the Arctic around the North Pole couldn't decide whether to commend the duck's ambition or insult his stupidity.  

Today's #flashfiction More Than Bird Brains

 “Don't jump to conclusions.”

Evel Knievel* #quote

Jessica is coming over tomorrow so that'll be funriffictastic. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

More Than Bird Brains

         Of the many lonely mad scientists one in particular surrounded himself with parrots. He didn't like the company of people. Felt they could steal his work. But after the parrots conversations grew too dull(only being able to mimic and have a few trained phrases grew tiresome and could only fill the void of social interaction so much) he decided to use his science to make the birds much smarter.

        It worked and soon the birds became massively intelligent. Even beyond what the scientist anticipated. They could talk with him about anything. Match his smarts in any subject and keep up with him. They could read all his books and learned quickly and from each other. The scientist would never find a conversation with the birds boring. Some became interested in mathematics, science, literature, or philosophy. They became feathered masters of so many things. Groups of the birds worked together to make music on the piano and make songs in human genres or whatever they pleased.

       After awhile though the birds began to find the scientist boring and they flew off to find more interesting people to speak with. The scientist was lonely again. He decided he needed to invent another thing to keep him company. Perhaps a super intelligent robot?

Today's #flashfiction The Mightiest Foe

 “Invest in Enron.”

Oracle Of Delphi* #quote

My friend Jessica should be arriving for the hanging of the out this weekend. It shall be a grand time indeed! Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Mightiest Foe

          The adventuring group “The Golden Guild” conquered mountains and the dragons atop them. They traveled through the deepest swamps and the ooze monsters within.The navigated the thickest of woods, infested with the most terrifying of trolls. They dived into the deepest of caves and killed the ogres inside. The raided the strongest, most fortified of overlord's castles, defeated their masters, and saved many lands.

          All these foes in all these territories fell to The Golden Guild.

But the three members of the guild, a wizard, warrior and master thief, faced their greatest foe within the territory of their own apartment. One day they bought a new couch. Employees from the furniture store helped them move it into The Golden Guild's mighty enchanted adventuring truck. But when they reached their apartment complex it became a difficult task.

          The wizard did not know levitation spells and the warrior, although a master of combat, fought not with the mere muscle mass of a barbarian, but elegant swordplay. So the warrior did not have the pure power to make moving the couch simple.

          The Golden Guild worked hard to move it to their apartment front door. The couch was one of the best, big, fully and massive. It weighed so much that carrying it took more out of them that fighting the Black Dragon of the Weeping Mountains. Fitting through the tiny door was a puzzle of strength and mind as they had to lift and turn it at a strange diagonal angle. Figuring out this angle taxed their brain more than the wicked psychic puzzles of the insane Overlord Darrlar. After getting it into their apartment the wizard had to use his strongest healing potions to restore their stamina.

         This cushioned foe tested The Golden Guild's unity as they put it in their front room where the TV and dining table lie. They couldn't agree on position yet they also didn't have much time to complete the task. They yelled at each other angrily as they kept moving the heavy couch and debated on its position. The more tired the foe made them, the harder they argued. Eventually they settled on a position, a random compromise. They weren't sure if it was aesthetically pleasing but they realized that the placing of the couch didn't matter as much as their friendship.

        Just as many of their previous adventures and foes did this one taught them a lesson as well when they conquered it.  

Today's #flashfiction The Aliens And The Pyramids

“What would you do for a Klondike Bar?”

The Fast And The Furious* #quote

 I wonder how many Larrys are mistaken for people named Barry. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Aliens And The Pyramids

        “And we can have your tomb done in a year.” The tall green alien said to The Pharaoh. The human looked at the alien from another world like he would any other foreigner, so the football shaped head and three eyes were just another variation on humanity he had to deal with.

       “What a short amount of time but you did show me your machinery and that massive statue you constructed in Ra's honor as a gift whether or not we employ your services. But still high promises. What is your price?”

        The alien handed The Pharaoh a contract. He read it over and became furious. “This is an insult! Do you really expect me to agree to this? You want to use materials from our land to build and then pay you by giving you a large mass of our land to live in forever? And then further materials afterward to build your homes and protection? And food?”

        The alien smiled. “But Your Highness, we will be giving you the best service in the known universe and we will only need food from you temporarily before we become independent. It is only the land we request to keep indefinitely.”

        The Pharaoh’s anger did not decrease. “No matter how well you can do the job I'm not giving you part of my kingdom. That's final. I'd rather have my people do the work themselves.”

          The alien groaned. Another lost client, another world they may not be able to enter because of their peace policy. Because of that policy they couldn't get in through conquest. This failure frustrated. However before leaving he decided to at least have last word with the human. “You'll regret it. I know that most of the time when people try 'do-it-yourself' instead of hiring professionals it can be much harder and take much longer. Good luck figuring it out though.” The wish of good luck was a sarcastic one.  

Today's #flashfiction Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Spaceship

“If the shoe fits, wear it.”

The Sasquatch* #quote

Remember, not all math problems are created equal. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Spaceship

Twinkle, twinkle, little spaceship

How we wonder what you're intentions are.

Armed and ready above the world so high,

Like a battleship in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little spaceship

How we wonder what you're intentions are.

How we wonder what you're intentions are.

Twinkle, twinkle little spaceship,

How you we wondered what you're intentions were.

Before you burned above the world so high,

Doused by our missiles in our sky.  

Today's The Three Wise Guys And Three Wise Men

“Fly the friendly skies.”

The Red Baron* #quote

I wonder what it would be like if Darth Vader sounded like Christopher Walken. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Three Wise Guys And Three Wise Men

        Three wise guys and three wise men met at a crossroads many, many years ago. Both kinds of people enjoyed talking with others and telling others what they know that the others don't. So the exchange began.

        The wise men told tales of their travels, the sciences, and the workings of faith and hope they learned over the years they had learned over the trials they lived.

        The wise guys told sarcastic remarks along with obnoxious, tasteless humor. They made out of date celebrity references and jokes and corrected the wise men when the wise men when they were both wrong and right.

        In the end neither learned from the other. The wise men did not listen to the wise guys scrutiny. Even when the wise guys were correct they dismissed them all together because of the way the wise guys behaved. The wise guys dismissed the wise men because they did not react kindly to their humor, and they seemed to know more than them.

        So at the crossroads where the wise men met the wise guys both listened but neither cared despite two types of wisdom were being shared. The three wise gals and the three wise women who met at the crossroads the next day didn't have much luck either.  

Today's #flashfiction The Treasure Chest Dilemma

 “Do you know The Muffin Man?”

The Pillsbury Dough Boy* #quote

Hung out with CJ. No MC Hammer clones attacked this time. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Treasure Chest Dilemma

         Sir Edward and Lady Hope were two knights of incredible strength and skill who after their service to the kingdom in the war against the dragons became adventurers. They traveled far and wide, saving many lands from disasters(for the right price), and raided ancient temples, caves and dungeons filled with monsters for loot. They now both stared at a massive treasure chest in one of these many dungeons they raided, the basement levels of a castle of a powerful sorcerer.

        “No, you open it,” said Lady Hope.

         “Please, ladies first, I insist.” Sir Edward bowed then smiled. The treasure chest stood on a pedestal and its massive size resembled a cow.

          She replied, “No, the strong manly man should open the large treasure chest.”

Edward pointed at the chest and said, “Hope, there is no way I am opening that for you.”

          The Lady Knight replied, “But I already used my magic bracelet to check for curses and we've looked everywhere for traps.”

          The Sir Knight countered, “Which is why we both know for a fact there is a trap! Why would a powerful sorcerer leave the largest treasure chest in his dungeon completely unguarded? There must be some protection beyond our comprehension on that box.”

          Hope the Troll Slayer told Edward, “So you, as the superior knight should open the chest.”

          Edward the Ogre Slayer countered, “You know we are both equally skilled!”

          Hope replied, “Yeah, well, sure. But you should still open it.”

          Sir Edward said, “No, you open it.”

         They kept bickering next to the chest for about thirty minutes.

          “We seem to have reached a bit of a problem,” They both spoke in unison. They hadn't adventured with each other for a decade without becoming linked on some mental level.

         “There is a simple solution.” Sir Edward smiled a wicked smile.

           “So you are thinking what I'm thinking.” Lady hope smiled just like her partner.

           They spoke in unison again, “We get someone else to open it!”

           Soon they hired a villager and took him into the dungeon and brought him to the chest. They paid him a handsome amount to open the chest claiming they simply couldn't lift it while wearing their armor. The villager was also the village numbskull. (The village idiot was too bright to fall for that.)

          He touched the chest and instantly burst into flames.

          Sir Edward took a glance at Hope and commented, “Yeah, not touching that chest.”

          “Then to the next dungeon!” The Lady Knight exclaimed.

Today's #flashfiction The Elven Elder

“Just remember to be yourself.”

Rich Little* #quote

CJ's coming over today so that's cool to the fun. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Elven Elder

         The great Elven Elder lived for over one thousand years and held a reputation for being the wisest of all elves. People of all kinds, elven and otherwise, sought his advice and often made long pilgrimages to meet the wise man.

         When someone entered his room they saw what would fit a man who saw so many years of life. A large beard, huge glasses, and lots of wine. Some joked that the wine served as a preservative, keeping the old fellow alive all those years. The Elven Elder had heard so many jokes about him over the thousand years of his life so whether the joke was said as a kind tease, or a insult due to jealousy of his fame it never damaged his feelings.

         The people who visited his room they didn't know the specifics about all the objects he kept around. So many different things. Some rusting to pieces. These were all antiques, with various stories behind them. The Elven Elder didn't put everything on display but he gathered many things. And those many things were new when he got them. The Elder's price for advice involved three different items. One a small monetary fee, second a story, and third a memento from that story. The Elven Elder never got tired of hearing stories, even if he knew some were just tall tales.

         One day a little elven boy came into to see the Elder. The sun was setting so he would be the last that the Elder would see for the day. The boy gave the Elder the monetary fee then gave the Elder a rock.

        “A rock?” The Elder looked at the boy.

         “Yup!” Without letting the great Elven Elder get another word in the boy started explaining how he skips rocks along the lake as a hobby. Though the way he elaborated on it made it sound incredible tense and serious. He described every ripple. He talked about the ways he skipped rocks and how he got better and better. And when he finally ended after twilight passed he said, “And that's the rock I skipped from one side of the lake to the other. I am the rock skipping master. Can I ask my question now?”

       “Alright young one,” This would not be the first child's question he would be answering.

       “Where do babies come from?” The boy asked.

The Elder refunded the money and the rock and sent the boy back to his parents.

Today's #flashfiction Cleaning Up After The Dragon

“Right over left, left over right makes a knot both tidy and tight.”

Alexander the Great* #quote

Remember life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes its moonshine and dizziness. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Cleaning Up After The Dragon

          Dumb dragon always doing its business in the castle. How's a wizard like me going to my work when I have to spend half the day teleporting baby dragon “surprises” out of the castle into some parallel universe then casting even more spells to get rid of the smell. My other wizard friends say,

“Oh Exolin, why can't you just clean them all up at the end of the day?”

          Well my dragon's leavings are as fiery as its breath. I can ignore it. Unless I want it to permeate through the entire castle. Cleaning it day in and day out. It needs to just take its business outside! Stupid dragon!

           But I can't be too mad at little ol' Scales. Not while he stretches out his neck and lays in head in my lap. He smiles with those sharp teeth while he holds some meat I've given him. He lets out gentle grunts that sound like a cross between a puppy's growl and a cat's purr. He's a smaller breed and even if I always have to clean up after him, I'm glad that he'll always be able to fit inside the castle no matter how old he gets. 

Today's #flashfiction The Stories Under The Sunsets

“The world will know that free men stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many, and before this battle was over, even a god-king can bleed.”

        March of the Penguins* #quote

  One of the problems in life that needs to be solved is what problems should be solved first. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Stories Under The Sunsets

         Everyday the Sun rises and sets. Over and over. Over and over. Real stories happen. Ones where people marry and live long happy lives. Ones with science and discovery. Ones with rebels and sins. Ones with heroes and danger. That's all the Earth holds under the sun rises and sunsets. It takes time for these stories to happen under the Sun. They are not all at the same time or in the same place, but they're there.

         Know that you're one of those stories under the Sun and that each day, some ways away someone else is a story. The important, or exciting part of your story may not be happening on that day, but it will.

         Though one last thing to remember: After your story is over, the Sun will keep going, so you may want to leave something behind, a happy family, monument, or discovery, or something else. That will make sure that your story has an epilogue after the sunset on the day you pass on.     

Today's #flashfiction Flipping The Rabbit Hole

“Sorry I'm late.”

Father Time* #quote

Went out to dinner with some relatives, it was quite fun. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Flipping The Rabbit Hole

        One day a white rabbit wandered about and saw a girl wandering about in Wonderland. Now these two individuals weren't the White Rabbit or Alice. This was a completely different white rabbit (Fred to friends, since he was so fredly. Wonderland lives on many puns.) And the girl was named Elizabeth.

        Elizabeth didn't take much interest in Wonderland, despite its...wonder, and left. Nothing besides horse riding and her studies caught her attention. But she caught the interest of this white rabbit. Fred followed her and went up the human hole, what the Alice of old called the rabbit hole.

        And the human world did amaze him so. As he followed Elizabeth, who realized that she was late for studies, he saw many strange things. Oh, so many strange things. Such tall buildings with such straight and narrow architecture. Nothing like the wiggly, wobbly things in Wonderland. Animals that wouldn't talk back to him and humans in so many different clothes and walking in huge crowds.

       But it did share one thing with Wonderland Fred traveled the human world far and wide but no matter how far he traveled he found many evil people in power. People who would shout “off with their head!” when it fit their whim. So he went back to Wonderland, because at least there was home to him.

Today's #flashfiction Hills And Those Who Go Up Them

“I didn't mean to barge in.”

The Kool-Aid Man* #quote

I know there are potatoes but are there potafingers? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Hills And Those Who Go Up Them

Arthur and Merlin went up the hill,

To fetch Excalibur.

Arthur fell down and broke his crown,

And Merlin came tumbling after.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down and broke his crown,

And Jill came tumbling after.

Jack and Jill were more fortunate,

Jill didn't have a wand to drop like Merlin did.

Jack went home normal, but Arthur a squid!

Today's #flashfiction The Lab Rat Always Wins

“I've just perfected an Electronic Hair Bat-Analyzer which may hold the key to this baffling question.”

Christian Bale* #quote

Do you think that Confucius and Aesop are good buddies in the afterlife? Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Lab Rat Always Wins

          “He won't be able to beat this one! I made the pattern totally random and it's huge!” Dr. Winston Hugh proclaimed with a smile on his face.

          “What do you mean?” Rebecca, the doctor's new intern asked, “Why did you put such work into a test maze for the lab rats. And who's he?”

          “'He is Lab Rat #47, or a rat I'm convinced must be some kind of genius or have some strange sense of smell or sense of geometric positioning. Or something. He defies all probability of speed of maze solving. He goes straight for the end unlike the other rats. He must be doing something, but I don't know what!”

          “Hmmm...” Rebecca wondered. “If what you said is true, then there must be some cause for it.”

Across the room Lab Rat #47 was talking with his fellow lab rats, all in little squeaks naturally.

          “How do you solve the mazes so quickly?” his buddy #49 asked.

#47 whipped his tail around in amusement. “See the window next to our cage? It looks into the room where he builds the mazes. I watch him make the mazes and memorize the layout. I'm not going to wander around forever to get those delicious treats. Not like I have anything better to do.”

          “I wonder how long it'll take them to figure that out.” #49 replied while looking at the scientists theorize together.

Today's #flashfiction Game Of Chairs

“Down the hall, first door on the left.”

M.C. Escher* #quote

Gamblers and statisticians must make great drinking buddies. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Game Of Chairs

           “Dinner is coming,” my father said. It was always the toughest time of the day.

           “Dinner is coming.” Whenever my father said this, fear and joy spread through my body.

           “Dinner is coming Ebert.” He smiled.

            Dinner itself wasn't the issue. It was the Game of Chairs. The daily battle of who gets the best seats in the house for dinner.

             “Dinner is coming,” my father would mumble while fixing the plumbing.

             Our family never actually ate at our dining room table or in the kitchen. We had an arrangement of chairs in front of the TV. But for the room to look nice the chairs forever had to be in specific spots. Moving them would ruin the fashion of the room.

            “Dinner is coming,” he announced while washing the cat.

             Who would get the best spot to see the TV? The glorious, big screen television we saved up so long to buy? So wide, so large. The sheer size of its images made it feel like the show came out and hugged your eyes. And in the better seats, it could be called bliss.

             “Dinner is coming,” my father said while juggling. Everybody needs a hobby.

              The Game of Chairs is surprisingly civil. Or at least it looks so. Bargains are made. Rock-paper-scissors for luck if you don't feel like going political or using trade. Contempt for losses is well hidden. Though my sister as been in a mood since she figured that her chore trade wasn't fair for the chair she got. Over time the chairs have been ranked, and if you can't bargain for the top it all trades down from there. The family size? Seven. Seven chairs, seven people. With all the crowded TV trays the value of chair is sacred. When the Game of Chairs is afoot “dibs” is as bad as a curse word.

              “Dinner is coming,” Dad said. I could smell dinner. The family gathered. Now I must begin fighting the Game of Chairs. Wish me luck and the greatest chair.

Today's #flashfiction The Two Brothers And Their Teleporters

“A little rain never hurt anybody.”

Noah* #quote

I wonder if vampires have their own special dentists. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Two Brothers And Their Teleporters

             In 2115 there lived two competitive brothers Bob and Rob that worked in a family business of operating teleporter booths. Normally their father told them where to set up their booths but one day their father said to them:

             “You two will inherit the family business someday. So I will have competition for one month where you will set up your own booths in one location. Whoever makes the most money will have the right to be first when listed on all documents. This will determine if its Rob and Bob or Bob and Rob.

The contest will be held in Las Vegas.”

              So the two selected their locations.

              Rob set up his location in Las Vegas at a major point where tourists would want him to teleport them to their desired hotels or other locations.

             Bob set up his location in a dark alleyway in Vegas.

             At the end of the contest Rob and Bob counted the profits as it was registered in the machine. Neither brother tampered with the machine or put in their own money. It was too secure for that. The father designed the machine well.

             Bob won with his machine parked in the dark alleyway.

             Rob said to Bob baffled, “How did you possibly get enough customers in your location?”

             Bob smiled and replied, “I got less customers but I increased my rates through the roof. People came to me so they could teleport away without being seen. They needed to make sure what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

Today's #flashfiction Last Second Lottery

“A fool and his money are soon parted.”

Mr. T* #quote

CJ is coming over this weekend so that'll be a nacho bowl of fun served alongside a hamburger of shenanigans. Anyway onto the flash fiction!

Last Second Lottery

          Fredrick won the lottery at a nice age of 85. He always bought ten tickets as a tradition ever since he could gamble and lost every year. His father was a gambling addict and Fredrick told him that if his Dad would stop gambling alone they would do this together every year. The father's compulsive want for the rush of gambling was satisfied by waiting every year for the lottery(to his addiction it didn't care if he won or lost, only the anticipation satisfied him.) After his father's death               Fredrick simply kept on the tradition as a sort of dedication to his old man.

And it paid off. But unfortunately at the time Fredrick already only had a year or two to live according to his doctors. So where would the money go. The first impulse would be to pass it down to family or send it off to charity.

           But he had no family left at that old age, he married, but no children, and his wife passed several years back. He thought about charities and where he would send it, but then it entered his mind as to what his dad would do with the money. He remembered a long time ago when he asked him,

          “What would you want to do with the money if we won?”

          “Why, I'd do something crazy or big with my share,” he told Fredrick. “I can make a living on my own. When you have that kind of money you have the opportunity to do something crazy or big to be remembered.”

           Fredrick thought about his father's words and came to a decision. He would do something crazy. Crazy enough for his father to appreciate. His money did go to charity... in a way. He contributed it all to N.A.S.A. to help fund the advancement of science. in exchange for one thing. That his ashes be sent into space. It didn't matter where they went or what mission they were on, as long as they didn't fall back to Earth. He preferred they be sent into the Sun, but if they decided they just wanted to release him to drift off somewhere that was fine too. He won a grand enough lottery that this was done and N.A.S.A. had money left over. In cosmic hindsight though, what Fredrick's father meant by “crazy” was blowing the money to buy some really fancy art like authentic Picasso and drawing mustaches on it.

Today's #flashfiction Mind Excavation

“No such thing as bad publicity.”

Genghis Khan*

 Have you ever wondered that if a Mexican standoff lasts too long everyone will get tired and it'll turn into a Mexican sitoff?

Mind Excavation

        There are those angels on your shoulder. There's the being that floats in the back of your head and gives you another perspective. There's the being that's is your internal voice. There are a great deal of beings in your head.

        The most unappreciated and never thought of is the memory gnome. The one that digs up what you forget. The reason it takes you different amounts of time to remember things? Some poor little guy has to dig it all up of course. There's tons of em' too. Working for hours on end while you remember things. They all have to work for minimum mind wage because your subconscious is cheap and they can't unionize because of brain laws. Their lives are filled with constant labor.

       So what did you eat for lunch yesterday?