Today's #flashfiction #TheZombieDanceContest

“Can't touch this.”

Howie Mandel*

      Hung out with CJ today. We may have or may have not done something to tamper with the fabric of the universe. Just remember if you start seeing ghosts in your house it should only be temporary. Usually this kinda thing just fixes itself. Usually.

      Anyway onto the flash fiction!

The Zombie Dance Contest

      The Gray Necromancer told me find my best pair of legs and sow them on. I needed to put my best feet forward for his dance contest. That's what his letter to me said. And he sent this same invitation to every zombie in the Shadow Land.

      The dance contest. I looked forward to it every month. One of the most important events in Shadow Land. The Gray Necromancer had chosen an interesting way to determine the healthiest zombies to take to the worlds of the living with him. When he was going to summon undead he didn't want to summon any zombie he wanted to make sure he summoned a healthy zombie. Necromancers in the past have had us zombies battle, but The Gray Necromancer simply had us dance. I suppose it was more peaceful.

     Compared to other possible necromancer masters The Gray Necromancer is very kind and even rewards those that work for him despite the fact a zombie must work for those that summon them. This is what made the dance contests so important. Proving yourself to The Gray Necromancer made him likely to summon you and since he rewarded you, you didn't feel like the immortal slave anymore you felt human again.

      I got on my best pair of legs and showed up for the dance contest. Thousands upon thousands of zombies showed up. The first part of the contest was to simply dance for twenty minutes straight. So many of the contestants fell into pieces from this task. Zombies by their nature weren't built well. This was the first part of the filtration process. 99.99% of the contestants were eliminated as they attempted to disco and their fragile zombie bodies fell apart. My own arms snapped in a few parts. I made sure to keep moving in ways that made it look like they were fine. I wanted to see the world of humans again. I needed to be employed by The Gray Necromancer.

      The next ordeal was crawling all over the various bodies over all the bodies to where The Gray  Necromancer waited. I had to flop my broken arms while pushing with my legs. Since I first died I never got past the first part of the dance contest, only breaking a fragile body at the first part. I've been dead for one hundred years and The Gray Necromancer has been holding the contest for much longer. I wonder how old he is. I wish he knew he managed to become immortal so I didn't die in the first place.

       Not beating the first part of the dance the contest gave me the will to push myself over all the collapsed zombies. Even with the fact most of nerves on my zombie body were dull the pain was horrible. But I wanted out of Shadow Land. After one hundred years if I win the dance contest I can finally be back in the human world. Maybe he'll even summon me in my hometown.

       I reached The Gray Necromancer. It had been the first time I had seen him in person. Gray eyes, gray beard, gray cloak, skin with a gray clammy color. I knew he would look like that. The tales told me enough about those features. One thing the tales neglected to mention was his smile, bright and kind looking. The Gray Necromancer sat on flying chair made of enchanted bones and when we finally all crawled up to him he pointed at a skull on the ground below him and began to speak. His voice was deep and soft.

      “For those who have reached this round for the first time I'm going to explain the rules. The skull I am pointing at is a speaking at is a Speaking Skull. Every time it says a style of dance you will start dancing that style of dance switching from whatever you were last dancing. The contest will go until all you have collapsed or have been disqualified for not switching fast enough or any combination. Good luck everyone.”

      As soon as The Gray Necromancer stopped talking the skull did. I almost missed the first dance command of the skull but I kept up. I missed a few dance contests and several important events just searching for the legs I was going to use for this one. The arms were the best I could find too. I spent months sowing the best dancing self I can.

      I managed to outlast so many of the others. I thought I had made a terrible body. Perhaps it was because of how dashed my confidence was by previous dance contests. But I was beating all the others. The fragility of zombies showed when it took ten minutes for everybody but me and two other contestant to completely fall apart. I wanted to just focus on dancing but I couldn't but look at the other participants. One of the other ones looked weak and shambling and ready to fall but the second one I knew I couldn't beat.

The second contestant was a murderer and that's what made him unstoppable. At least I thought he was. That body was too perfect. The zombie's head looked older than the body and body looked freshly dead.  Like it had been just killed and attached. I don't know how the contestant got such a fresh body to kill but was he so wanting to get out of the Shadow Land that he would find someone freshly alive and kill them for a perfectly healthy body.

      Well, no matter how my opponent got those limbs I couldn't beat him. He was practically living. My parts were breaking each moment. Maybe I should forfeit just to keep them intact. They were good parts. It might just be good to keep them in one piece for later.

     I tried anyway though. Even if it left me as a shambling torso later I had to try. I wanted to see the human world again. And beating this killer had special meaning to it too. If I delay him then his murdered corpse would rot and he wouldn't be able to take advantage of killing during a reentry. It would become just like any other body part.

     It became fruitless. He would get away with murder and go to the living world as well. Then I remembered the shambling the contestant. The other of us last three. I figured he would have dropped in the past minute but he held on stubbornly like me. It looked like half his body was dislocated though. I realized that if I could not win I could at least make the murderer lose. I leaped at the murdered and knocked him over. Since he and I were no longer dancing the shambling contestant won as his weak dancing counted despite the fact he was least healthy of the three of us.

     The Gray Necromancer looked at us all confused. “I've never seen a zombie waste his chance to take out another. I need to find out why.” He floated off his flying chair of bones and landed on the ground next to us. I expected the murderous zombie to attack me in rage because I took his chance but the zombie just lay silent as my disfigured arms wrapped in his legs. Upon his victory the shambling zombie fell to the ground in exhaustion. With a quick examination of our bodies The Gray Necromancer grew angry, “You think I'm stupid? You think a necromancer of my age and skill wouldn't notice you murdered for a body of that age contestant? I didn't notice from far away but up close it's obvious. And for your crime I'm going to bury your soul into the one of the deepest Nightmare Worlds in existence.”

      After The Gray Necromancer flicked his wrist smoke came out from the murdering contestant's eyes and from there I really didn't know what happened to him. I hadn't even heard of a Nightmare World before. I had heard of Nightmare Curses, some of the most horrible curses wizards could cast, I wondered if that's where they came. I didn't think I wanted to find out.

      The Gray Necromancer looked at me. “I like the fact that you chose to stop the murderer from winning than try to win the contest. I think I may summon you in the future. Sure you didn't win the contest but its my contest so I can make up whatever rules I feel like. There are two winners this time around.” The Necromancer laughed. “Though you are some of the weakest winners I have ever seen. Probably because you were forced to dance longer by competing against this one.” He pointed to the murderer's now soulless body. “You're will is what's useful I'll have to find you new parts.”

     I'd say I felt he cared for us zombies because he wanted to give us parts. But I turned to look at all the collapsed zombies from the contest. I realized that maybe I should watch my performance to make sure he still cared about me.