“Hygiene is two thirds of health.”
- Psycho* #quote
I went to a family gathering at my Aunt Linda's house today. With my bro's friend's wedding, the Celebration of Life yesterday the past few days have filled with activity I'm glad my seizures haven't spiked. Anyway onto the flash fiction!
Devils Don't Deal In Dibs
“Well, I call dibs!” One of the devils yelled. At least I considered them devils. They may just be mortals but my powers allowed me to see into their hearts and I found darkness.
The other devil grabbed his top hat whose deep black fabric was only a few shades blacker than his skin. “You cannot call dibs! That's ridiculous. Besides even if dibs were allowed I called dibs on this months ago when I announced to the world I'd steal it. Or do you live under some rock and haven't heard of the great thefts of the Great Phantom Thief Snags?” He took a bow in his elaborate costume. The thief wore a suit and long rippling cape. How he managed stealth escaped my magical powers.
The first devil replied, “That's your name? At least I put some thought into my villainous name. I'm the great Doctor Evilvile.” It seemed the two men contesting over me, their hearts full of ill intent, though their brains not necessarily full of wisdom, were a villains of two different breeds.
At these kinds of points I enjoyed being a magical crystal orb the least. My powers allowed me sight in many ways, into people's souls, the fabric of the universe and other things even television. I enjoyed the last one since it passed the time sitting on my cushion in the Magic Museum in the Crossroad City, a big dimensional port between realities. I learned most about the city by using my powers of far sight to read signs and tour pamphlets left in the museum lobby.
“It doesn't matter what you think of my name, or whether you entered the room at the same time as me. That crystal ball is mine and I'm going to sell it to the richest warlock in the universe for a fortune.” Phantom Thief Snags said to the supervillain. I saw the supervillain start to motion towards a pocket in his labcoat but he stopped since he noticed the Phantom Thief locked eyes on his hand. I used my powers to gaze through the coat pocket's first layer and saw the supervillain possessed some kind of ray gun.
Doctor Evilvile stared the other devil down through goggles, “You want the crystal ball for petty cash? I will use it for the most magnificent evil schemes!”
A strange purple hole opened up in the floor that shot out lightning then a woman riding on a broom. An old witch, she looked much older than the two men before her. Perhaps much older than both of them combined if the rumors about how witches extend their lives are true.
“Dibs!” She yelled. Another devil. I saw a darkness just like the others in her.
“No!” Both of the men yelled.
The witch landed on the ground and held her broom while the portal closed behind her. “Stupid kids. You wouldn't know what the true value of this thing is anyway. Could you possibly have talent to make use of this orb? I will spread nightmares like no other witch with it. I'll be the most popular gal at the Witches Club!”
A strange silver disc then passed through the wall with technology unknown to the devils. I used my powers to peer at the disc to discern what it was. A green, slimy creature exited the disc into the room and holding some tentacles up high it spoke through a translator/speaker and said, “Dibs!”
Another devil, from another world. The three devils already in the room shouted, “No!” at it.
“But I need this crystal ball for a war for my species!” The green devil left out details as its voice gurgled. Their race conquered and enslaved. I peered deep into the creature's mind with my powers to figure out these motives.
Another portal opened, this one a bright blue, definitely not magic like the witches. Or at least the same kind of magic. A woman in a suit emerged. When I used my powers to peer into the events around surrounding her circumstances I felt very strange sensations when getting the information. I saw impossibilities and things yet to be. A time traveler entered this room.
“Dibs!” The time traveler yelled. When I looked into her heart I saw darkness as well. “I'm Laura Hauythorn. I need that crystal ball to see more clearly as I travel through time so I can prevent the destruction of the future!” I peered deeper into her heart and saw a motive to predict the stock market and other financial institutions since her time jumps were apparently very limited in time she could stay and usage so she couldn't use them over and over to gather data and learn things. She only used them to affect things.
The time traveler, green creature, witch, Phantom Thief and supervillain argued. They nearly came to blows with their fists. When violence finally broke out they used everything they had. The devils caused utter chaos in my display room. All the nice tiles and walls were wrecked. The other items were destroyed. The roof half collapsed, opening up into the floor above. The fight ended in a draw, with everyone suffering broken bones all over the place and the alien with its slime body fried.
The police, when they arrived on the scene, didn't have difficulty arresting the devils.