“I would have
gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids!”
CSI:
Crime Scene Investigation*
While on the
Internet today I noticed one of Progressive Car insurance banners
where they have Sonic the Hedgehog. I thought it odd that they used
Sonic the Hedgehog for their ads but I never gave it deep thought
because I don't pay much attention to TV commercials or those
banners. But now I thought about it beyond the oddness of “What
demographic are they going for?” Here I began to think...
Why would
Sonic the Hedgehog want car insurance?
The “blue
blur” is an animal with super speed. He runs faster
than cars. The only time he's used cars was during one or two racing
games (But is still inefficient compared to him running, I guess he
was just being sporting?) If I had to go with a video game character
as mascot for my car insurance company I personally would have gotten
Mario. Wouldn't make more sense to have a middle-aged plumber
shopping for car insurance than an animal with super speed?
The Spirit
of Literature's Message
Greetings. I am
a Spirit of Literature. Bit of a pretentious sounding title isn't it?
How about you just call me Todd. It's much more pronounceable than my
real name anyway. I've come here from native realm beyond the pages
to deliver you a warning. Deliver all you readers a warning.
Distance
yourself from the written word.
My brothers and
sisters didn't want me to tell you this. They disagree with me. But I
believe that it is in your best interest to listen to me. My warning
is that stories are dangerous. You have been telling them for eons
but now that you are becoming more and more sophisticated as a
specifies you have been evolving your fiction and creating more of
it. My brothers and sisters are ecstatic that books are spreading.
However I understand their danger. I understand the danger of it all.
And it goes
beyond just a book. Even the littlest story can damage you or
anything like a news article. Words are a dangerous thing and now
they are being swapped at an alarming rate instead of just in your
isolated villages.
You may be
laughing now. Some of you even thinking “Yes I've heard this
'propaganda speech' before.” I don't speak of propaganda. I'm not
talking about some sort of political swaying by some corrupt
organization. I'm talking about the insanity of the word itself. A
Spirit of Literature such as myself is born within the world of words
beyond the pages. It is an unreal world that I am seeing you humans
dragging yourself more and more. It is the place where the insanity
of the word exists.
Imagine this scene: There's a nice, little house on a hill. It's
painted white. It's worn, yet still looks vibrant. At the bottom of
the hill is a tall fence and it keeps in all the puppies that belong
to the family. It's a fresh litter full of brown, happy, playful
dobermans. They almost look like their laughing when they pant and
play.
You've gone
insane. You've dragged yourself into a scene that doesn't exist. A
world that doesn't exist. You give these words life. Even if I lose
my life as a Spirit of Literature I wish you humans lost all language
so you wouldn't be exposed to words and dragged into images of things
that don't exist. Why can't you be like an animals? Why are you
pulling yourself into words? Into non-existence? Often into the
non-existence of just imagining characters that aren't real? You even
cry for them in your insanity. You analyze these stories. You bury
your minds deep in words. I was born into metaphysical plane beyond
these pages. I've seen your minds being buried into these stories
from my world. You even do it with your movies, video games, comic
books and art. Sometimes I wonder if those are even more twisted.
When I see a bird fly in the sky at least I know it lives in the real
world.
You humans
understand abstraction. You think your intelligence is a blessing?
You have been gifted with madness! The ability to send your minds
into the darkness of non-existence! I've warned you...distance
yourself from the words.
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