Joan Rivers*
Today I did mysterious things...dastardly things...I also had difficulty coming up with a good enough story for everyone so I pulled an old story out from way back when another backup. This is completely unaltered from it's original 2009 form.
Playing God
I came in my room
battered and beaten psychologically. A test in all my classes, one
right after the other, pulled my brain into knots. I placed my apple
shaped black backpack on the floor as I stumbled into bed. I picked
up the teddy bear my mother had given me when I was three, no matter
how old I became I would never throw him away.
“Do you think
Jake needs a brain break?” I asked my teddy.
“Of course Jake!”
I made the teddy say in a silly voice I had made up for him at the
age of five.
“Well, Teddy, how
about some videogames? Those are good for brain breaks aren’t
they?” I smiled as I addressed my worn toy.
“Yes they are!
What better way is there to relax? You gotta go play one now!” he
said to me with the same happy expression he always has.
“If you insist…”
I said, knowing how stubborn Teddy can be. But as always, I knew he
had my best interests at heart. He’s wiser then anyone I’ve ever
known. I set Teddy down on the bed facing the T.V. so he could watch.
I powered on the television and the game console one right after the
other. They both said hello to me in the hums and whirs they make as
they turn on. I grabbed my controller and became quite eager to play.
I laughed at myself when I noticed I had not put a game in the
console. I decided to play one of my most favorite games today, “God”
An image of Earth
appeared on the screen, the clouds wrapping around the Earth like a
jacket. The “Push Start” prompt appeared above the Earth flashing
with a steady rhythm. After taking a look at all the fine details of
the planet, I decided to start the game.
The game had been
designed quite brilliantly, I could zoom in to anything on the
planet, change anything and everything about it, with only a few
buttons. Even though it was only a game, I still felt a rush of power
flow from the controller through my body.
The Earth was a
clock, and all its gears moved naturally without my influence. The
animals grazed and hunted while the trees grew towards the clouds
grabbing for the falling water. People went to and from work, sighing
in unison hoping the hours ticked by a little faster for them.
Whether they wanted to go home to eat dinner with the family or fall
asleep on the couch, the workers of the world grew impatient of labor
eventually.
This cycle became
boring to me after watching it for only five minutes. And I was even
fast-forwarding through months at a time. I decided to stop waiting
for my entertainment something needed to be done. This mundane loop
would bore me no longer. I opened up the natural disaster menu and
created a few tornadoes and quakes to mix things up. The aftermath of
my mischief was quite entertaining.
I saw people cry as
friends and families died in the chaos. One man I zoomed in on was
standing next to his own crippled daughter who had been half
flattened by a falling building. Another man, much less pitiful,
cursed the Earth for destroying his entire lively hood in one fell
swoop, his house had collapsed upon itself, destroying everything he
owned in a seconds. On the flip side of all the sadness, an ecstatic
couple ran to each other thanking God that their loved one had
escaped intact. They kissed and hugged, relieved that they were now
in each other’s arms and could be forever afterwards. This kind of
sappy stuff annoyed me, so I selected one of them and made him die of
a heart attack.
Perhaps I was too
hard I them I thought. So after swallowing a good chunk of guilt, I
rewound my work a little, reviving him. That little good deed of mine
gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, so I decided to lay off the
chaos for a bit. Perhaps after I’m done being a saint I’d go back
to my shenanigans and start few nuclear wars.
I had the idea of
being more detail oriented this time. After all, it could be much
more fun to control one person’s life specifically rather than
doing something sweeping like solving world hunger. I took a glance
at Teddy on my bed, as usual he smiled, and I knew he must have been
enjoying the show.
The man I turned my
attention was perhaps the one of the most useless people on the
planet. Poor, stupid, ugly and without any talents or skills, the
only thing he really had was his kindness. He had no friends or
family left on this Earth, I wondered if I killed them in one of my
previous deeds.
I had a cute little
plan for him. I set up a mugging on his usual route home from his low
paying job. From afar he saw a woman being attacked by a man at least
three times her size and double his. I gave him courage he never had
so that he would spring in to save the day. I rigged the fight in his
advantage; I didn’t want my toy being killed. But I made sure my
hero got shot in the arm by the criminal. The girl called both the
police and the paramedics, the bad guy was caught and the good guy
came out alive.
The reason I had
made him get shot and live is because I needed to make him a noble
hero who took a bullet to help someone. I had made the girl come from
a very rich family, so she paid for all of his surgeries and his
prosthetic limb. His noble sacrifice made her fall in love with them
and it wasn’t long before they were married and lived happily ever
after.
I put down the
controller and picked up Teddy again, “So Teddy, what do you think
of what I’ve done this time around?”
I made Teddy speak
in his lovable voice again, “A large amount of chaos with a little
sweet story mixed in, the perfect recipe for a great game session!”
“Wait,” I
interrupted Teddy, “There’s something else I have to do.”
“What’s that?”
Teddy asked in a confused voice.
“I have to get a
high score.”
Ah, the high score.
Someone called the “God of all Gods” had set the unbeatable high
score. The Godlier the deeds you did, the higher score you got. That
God scored upwards the trillions. Most players would be dumbstruck
just by the very idea of someone honestly attempting to top that
score. I wondered what they’re reaction would be once I beat it.
I put the
controller down and popped my knuckles. Then I got a drink of water
and downed a sandwich. I had to be perfectly prepared for this. I
wiped some sweat off my brow and began my game once more.
I controlled every
aspect of human history and life. Everything acted according to my
will. I caused all war and death, as well as life and love. I got
bored with humans and wiped them out with another ice age, soon after
sculpting a new dominate race by messing around with evolution. Even
though I had given them bat wings and three heads, I got bored with
them too. A few thousand meteors took care of them. With all my Godly
deeds I became within only a hundred points under the current high
score.
But my heart sank
as I saw a new user log into my game. I saw the user name of the
player: superGoddude1224. That was the user name of the current
holder of the high score. Within moments he caught up to me then beat
his previous score by three times the original amount. I put the
controller down and gave up.
“Giving up that
easily?” a voice I never knew came from what seemed to be all
around me.
“Where are you?
Who are you?” I panicked and looked over at Teddy, hoping that he
could tell me who had invaded my home.
“I’m
superGoddude1224. Though really I’m just plain old God,” the
voice boomed through my body and soul.
“What?” I
didn’t quite understand what was going on.
“Don’t worry,
you’re not the first person I talked to who became flabbergasted
when I said hello. Sometimes you mortals are really cute, trying to
beat me in my own game. Why are you guys such control freaks? Well, I
won’t stop you from playing your games, so if you want to try doing
my job again, go ahead, but no mortal really has what it takes to be
God. You’re welcome to try again Jake, but don’t think for a
second you’re a better God than me.” The voice faded away,
leaving the room eerily quiet.
“Teddy, I don’t
think I should play this game again.” I then took the disc out of
the console and turned off the game. I threw the disc away because
now I knew my place in the universe.
---
Come up with your own quote a days? Email them to me at llkenne1@asu.edu and I may put them on the blog. If you want I will credit you for finding them!
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