“Been there, done that.”
Kilroy* #quote
Today I'm hanging out with CJ. What are we doing? I'm sorry, but
that's classified. Mostly in alphabetical order. Anyway onto the
flash fiction!
The Man And His Failure
Everything was rubble. All around me. I worked so hard. Day in and
day out. Like I always do. Everything I built. Gone. Collapsed. All
the machines I invented torn to bits and scattered along the ground.
I laid out what I thought was the perfect plan and it failed. In a
horrible humiliating way. A way that ended up with my face in the
dirt and everyone who worked for me with a few additional broken
bones and unconscious.
“I hope you've learned your lesson,” the superhero said to me
before kicking me another few feet. “And that's for even thinking
up such a vile scheme. It'll be prison for you and your minions
soon.” Before he kicked me he already burnt my skin and much of
black costume off with his fire breath. Dragon-Man belched smoke
while he stretched his dragon wings. His scale-patterned green
costume looked obnoxiously thematic.
“Just let the police come get me. I'll go quietly now.”
Dragon-Man roared before speaking again, “Oh now you go quietly
little man?” The superhero was correct, if I wasn't lying on the
ground I would stand at five foot eight and he stood at seven feet.
Compared to him I am short. “That's how you villains think. Evil
and wicked only playing nice when we've made that the only option.
Scum!” He breathed fire on me. It hurt. Like hot needles with coals
coming up behind them.
Did I deserve it? Probably. I'm the bad guy. I'm not stupid. I know
about morals. I just don't care. But he's the first hero to ever go
at me this hard. But certainly not the last. The heroes have been
coming at me harder and faster. And I've been losing every time. Back
when I started I even took control of the planet with an evil
artifact I got. But even that ended after a week.
“So you already thinking about how you're going to break out of
prison? Again?”
Not quite. But usually yeah, that's what I do at this point.
“Well think about this villain...is it worth it?”
“What?”
“What will happen when you break out of prison scum?”
“Why I'll make a new identity and become a harmless citizen.”
“Liar. You'll try to make a new evil plan and guess what? We'll
stop you again. One of us heroes. And oh boy, I hope it'll be me
because that gives me more reason to beat you harder.”
I looked at the rubble around me. I remembered the past ten years of
my life. And my double life. As one of the richest men in the world.
Pretty much letting stewing stocks and investments fund my evil
plans. Using some of my genius to make evil inventions and some to
make good inventions for profit to fund my evil ones in secret. A
life in a dark lab either way. The only climaxes being when I fight
heroes. All leading up to failures. Did I just enjoy the game of it
all? I already had a teleport set up to drag me away to another lair
whenever I wanted.
I looked into Dragon-Man's eyes. I saw a conviction much greater
than my own. I looked at the rubble again. I thought of the well
thought out evil plan that was laid to waste, and all the ones before
that were failed by various heroes, and all the many heroes in the
world against me. And all the villains beyond that who would fight
for power if I ever did win.
“I give up.”
Dragon-Man laughed. “You already lost.”
“No. Everything. All of super villainy. You won't ever by fighting
me again.” I used the teleporter to my other evil lair. I planned
to dismantle it and return to my good life and never lead a double
one again. Haha, or maybe a superhero one. I've got the gadgets.
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